


Loose Lips & Bucket Lists

by NikkiSage



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Coming Out, DCBB 2019, Dean Winchester Has Abandonment Issues, Demisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Dysfunctional Family, Garth and Benny are Dean's roommates, Holidays, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, M/M, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 01:11:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 114,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21262646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikkiSage/pseuds/NikkiSage
Summary: The only thing worse than Dean’s disastrous business trip was having fly back home afterwards. At least the airport stocked good whiskey, and by some fluke Dean got upgraded from claustro-hell to first class. The handsome, blue-eyed passenger next to him was also a perk, especially since he didn’t mind talking Dean through his flight anxiety when the plane hit turbulence. And it worked… until the plane plummeted from the sky. Positive that he’s a dead man, Dean found himself confessing his deepest secrets to Blue Eyes. Everything from his shady childhood to his closeted sexuality. But the real kicker is that they DIDN’T crash. Which meant Dean told a nameless stranger his greatest secrets.The last thing Dean expected was to run into Blue Eyes again, but a surprise inspection from the company’s CFO, Castiel Shurley, brought the man back into his life. Turned out the guy he spilled his guts to? That’s his boss. To Dean’s amazement, Castiel is interested in him despite his troubled past, and the more time they spend together, the more Dean realizes that they aren’t so different.Even though their plane landed, it feels like the two men are still falling.





	1. The Gamble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, to any of you guys who got any of the two phantom releases: I AM SO SORRY. Twice I messed up and accidentally published random chapters without meaning to. Oh well, this is what happens when one runs on no sleep and works full time. But this is the real version! 
> 
> Also sorry, the original note about the concept behind this fic was put in the first version but forgotten by the third re-upload. The concept is based off the book "Can you keep a secret" by Sophie Kinsella, but actual story and execution is very different. More about that in the end.
> 
> I'm so grateful and happy that I got to work with Unforth on this project, and I really suggest you check out her art up close if you haven't already. It's also a huge honor to say that one of her gorgeous pieces was a brand new style and it worked out so perfect.  
https://archiveofourown.org/works/21228485/chapters/50541500

Chapter 1: The Gamble

There were only three types of people who frequented airport bars for more than a quick drink: those who were bored and wanted to pass the time, those who were flirty and hoping to get in some last-minute action, and the utterly pathetic. Dean was usually part of the other two categories, but today he was definitely in the third.

A pathetic loser who just spent the past two hours going back and forth between guzzling cheap whiskey—not like he could afford the good stuff anymore—and rereading the same texts on his phone.

**Garth May 5 1:01 PM**

_Sooooo how did the presentation go??_

**Charlie May 5 1:22 PM**

_How far did you blow their socks off?!_

**Kevin May 5 1:59 PM**

_If you do get promoted, I call dibs on your old desk and computer_

**Aaron May 5 2:00 PM**

_Ignore the brat I deserve your shit_

**Benny May 5 2:48 PM**

_Hope that job is treating you to some good eats out there. Especially since they made you fly out last min_

**Mr. Adler May 5 3:00 PM**

_Please be at work promptly on Monday morning to discuss you poor performance earlier. I do not anticipate you’ll need to be in for the full day._

**Bitch May 5 5:00 PM**

_I’m sorry, Dean, but I can’t help you anymore._

The further Dean went down the list, the more infuriated he became, and he threw back another shot of whiskey in an attempt to calm himself down. The anger and shame was still there, but maybe if he tried hard enough, he could drink them into submission.

Dean tapped his empty glass on the table, so that the bartender could quickly get him another replacement. Dean was impressed that the bartender hadn’t cut him off yet, though that could be because she intermittently replaced his whiskey with a glass of water and some pretzels to snack on, until the stress from earlier came back.

Every stupid mistake, every fumbled word, and every time _he_ was there looking at Dean kept repeating itself over and over in his head until his skin crawled like there were cockroaches skittering around on it, and he had no choice but to chase the feeling and the memories away with the burn of alcohol.

Sammy would be so proud, he really was turning into their father. Then again, John had actually managed to make something out of his life, unlike Dean.

Thirty-seven years old and all Dean had to show for it was a GED, some college courses, a room he was renting in a house that he shared with two other guys, and his crowning achievement was being a secretary to a douchebag at a friggin’ bottled water company.

_Was_ being the key word there, as Dean would be out of a job come Monday morning.

“You look like you need some company,” a gentle voice spoke beside him before sliding into the empty barstool to his right.

Dean glanced over, but all he could really make out was the fiery red of the woman’s hair. “I’m not really good company for anybody right now.”

“The fact that you didn’t immediately hit on me already makes you better company than most of the men here,” the woman said with a laugh.

“Yeah well, I’m not exactly in the flirting mood,” Dean admitted.

“You do look more melancholy compared to the last time I saw you. Your name is Dean, right?”

That perked Dean’s interest and he finally took in the woman sitting next to him, as well as the air stewardess uniform she was wearing, “Anna, was it? Should you really be drinking on the job?”

Anna smiled at him,“You remembered?”

“Hard to forget the awesome stewardess who snuck me extra snacks during the flight.” Dean attempted to smirk, but it came out more like a grimace.

“What can I say, I have a soft spot for nervous flyers. I’ll also let you in on a secret: I don’t come here to drink alcohol. This bar has the best vanilla cream soda around; the old school kind in the glass bottles. That and their spinach dip is to die for,” Anna smirked again before turning over to the bartender. “Actually can I get two orders of that for me and this fine gentleman?”

“You don’t need to feed me,” he scoffed.

“Fine, then make sure to put those orders on his tab.”

At any other time, Dean would have been impressed by a girl with that kind of moxie, but now it only annoyed him further.

“What makes you think I want your crummy suggestions? Or to even pay for you?”

“What if I told you that I can make it worth your while?”

“Look, I’m not in the mood for—”

“Oh God no,” Anna laughed. “I didn’t mean _that_. It’s just that… You’re going back towards Minneapolis, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I happen to know that we have an extra seat in First class for the next flight, and I can give you that upgrade.”

“Yeah, and what’s the catch? I pay an extra hundred dollars?”

“Nope. All it will cost you is my snack.”

Dean looked at the stewardess like she was crazy, “That’s it?”

“Okay, that and you have to tell me a little bit about your bad day,” She wiggled in her barstool. “See, every now and then our flight gets our First class seats bought out by a… philanthropist, who then requests that we give out the tickets to someone who looks like they really need it. And no offense, but you look like you fit the bill.”

Dean wondered if it was because of the empty shot glasses in front of him, the defeated look in his eyes, or the fact that his pristine dress shirt, and green silk tie were now stained from a bright blue pigment.

“I’m pretty sure I just fucked up the work presentation that I flew all the way out here for. Oh and to top it off, I was an idiot and made a bet with my dickwad of a boss that I could easily get a contract out of said presentation, and if I did then I'd get my promotion. Lose it and I’d lose my job. And well,” Dean gestured to his glasses before he picked up the most recent addition. “Let’s just say these aren’t celebratory drinks.”

“That bad?”

“Not only did I lose a contract to an impressive hotel chain, but I pretty much handed it over to our competitor on a silver platter. The real kicker is that I probably wouldn’t have blown this so hard if I had just—”

Just blown Alastair like he had wanted.

Dean violently shook his head, dispelling thoughts of the creepy executive chef and his disturbing offer from his mind.

“One of the guys that was part of the decision making for the contract was actually an old boss of mine from back in the day. When I quit… It was pretty ugly, and those burned bridges came back to bite me in the ass.”

Anna pursed her lips in thought before gratefully accepting a plate of spinach dip and chips from the bartender, “Talk about bad luck, but all the more reason for why you should get the last ticket.”

Dean eyed her suspiciously, “Why do you want me to get the upgrade so bad?”

“In all honesty? First class is a little more cushy and better for nervous flyers. That and after seeing how much you’ve drank, I really don’t feel like having to clean up your vomit off of the plane’s interior. Especially when coach has so little space.”

Dean made a face, but accepted that as a decent explanation.

“So what do you say, Dean? Willing to make another gamble?”

What the hell, not like Dean had anything else to lose.


	2. First Class Treatment

Chapter 2: First Class Treatment

Despite Anna’s assurance that the ticket upgrade was legitimate, Dean was still shocked when he was directed through the curtain where First Class was separated from the rest of the plane. He paused in the middle of the aisle, taking in the luxurious seats and ample leg space that could properly hold his 6’2” stature without him having to contort himself into a pretzel. There were even miniature screens on the back of the other seats for watching movies during the flight. 

This was so much better than Coach already. 

“Come on man,” the man behind Dean complained. “You can gawk later. Just do it in your own seat.”

Embarrassed, Dean glanced around for his seat number, and darted to its location before he could hold the line up any longer. His seat was the one closer toward the aisle, which didn’t deter Dean. Last thing he needed was to look out the window and be reminded of how they were defying nature. The passenger who did get the window seat was already settled in, with his noise canceling headphones on his ears, and hyper focused on whatever he was typing on his bulky laptop. 

The man looked like he was in his forties, had unkempt hair like he had just rolled out of bed, a scraggly beard, and was sporting a cheap trench coat that billowed around him since it was too big. Based on the state of the man’s appearance, his ill fitting coat, and the age of his laptop, Dean assumed the man was also donated his spot in First class. His neighbor didn’t even bother to look up from his screen or acknowledge Dean when he put away his luggage and sat down next to him.

Dean shook his head before looking around the cabin to see if he could spot his favorite stewardess. When he saw her, he gave a big wave and smile, which she returned before making her way over to him.

“Everything to your liking?”

“Now I see why people pay so much money for this. The seats alone are worth the extra couple of bucks. Though if I have it my way, I’m never flying again after this.”

Anna smirked. “Just remember what we agreed on. No puking in my aisles. Now is there anything you need before I go?”

“How about some whisky?”

Anna rolled her eyes. “Okay, one order of Jack Daniels. But you only get this one round, and you have to wait when the cart comes around like everybody else.”

Dean wished he could have some of the liquid courage sooner, especially when the announcements went on to tell them to put on their seatbelts and to listen to the safety guidelines. Hearing the fact that his seat doubled as a floatation device did not put him at ease, especially since he paid to be on an _air_plane, not a boat. However, Dean counted it as a victory that he managed to survive take off this time without screaming in terror.

Baby steps.

With one of the worst parts of the plane ride over, Anna still gone, and his neighbor occupied, Dean decided to be productive himself and got out his own laptop and returned to updating his resume. At the rate he was going, he should win a Guinness World Record for the longest list of past employments. 

He was just at the part where he was trying to explain his job without using the words “monkey slave” or “male secretary” when the plane veered left, flinging Dean against the man in the adjacent seat.

“Are you alright?” The man asked, in an astonishingly low and husky voice. He removed his headphones so that he could hear Dean, and looked right at him with vibrant, blue eyes. 

Not that Dean had much of a voice right now, he was too busy biting his lip to prevent himself from screaming, so he nodded instead.

They heard a ding and the speakers above them crackled into life. _**“This is your captain speaking. There’s a storm approaching us faster than we anticipated, so please remain in your seats and stay buckled for the remainder of the ride as we will be going through some rough turbulence. We are also estimating an hour delay in landing time, to guarantee our safest route. Enjoy the rest of your flight.”**_

“Are you sure you are alright?” His neighbor asked again.

“Y-yeah,” Dean grumbled out. “Why?”

“Because your fingers are digging into my thigh.”

Dean flinched, quickly removing his offending hand from his neighbor’s thigh. Just when he thought he couldn’t be any more of an embarrassment, “Sorry about that, man. I… I’m not really a fan of flying.”

The plane veered right, causing Dean to yelp in manly terror and his neighbor to slam against him. 

“To be fair,” His neighbor huffed out, “I’m not the biggest fan of flying right now either.” 

Dean tried not to pay attention to the hand that was bracing itself against his chest, and he swore he did not feel any disappointment when his companion removed it a moment later. “Er, right, but I hate it even on calm days.”

“Then what brings you up here? Business or pleasure?”

It should be illegal for a voice that low to say the word "pleasure”. Especially when the owner of said voice was pressed up close against him—even if it was because their airplane refused to fly in a straight line.

“B-business. Or attempted business. My presentation pretty much crashed and burned.” Dean then recoiled at the poor choice of words. 

They were not going to crash and burn, the pilot said that everything was under control. 

Though would a pilot even admit that they were moments away from their deaths? 

Another rough shake of the plane had Dean’s hand back on his attractive companion’s leg, but at least it was on the man’s knee this time instead of his inner thighs.

To Dean’s surprise, the man reached down and grabbed Dean’s stray hand to hold. “Something tells me you’re going to need something to hold onto, and I much prefer to lend you a hand instead of risking you accidentally grabbing a lower extremity.”

Dean blushed so red he was pretty sure he created a new color for Crayola. “I swear I’m usually not this wimpy. Or clingy.”

“You’re in a highly stressful situation while battling one of your phobias. I personally think you are handling this very well.” Blue Eyes reassured. “Though perhaps a change in subject? Can you tell me more about this presentation of yours? Surely it couldn’t have been as awful as you say?”

“I think you’re supposed to choose a topic to make me feel better, not worse.” Dean complained.

“It really can’t be that—”

“I’m getting fired because of it, so yeah it is that bad!” Dean snapped, making Blue Eyes look at him in shock. 

Dean groaned and leaned his head back until it banged against the headrest. “I made a dumb deal with my boss that if I could land a big-time contract with this hotel chain by myself, then I could stop being his family’s indentured servant and get the promotion I deserved.”

“Indentured servant?”

“Okay, a bit of an exaggeration, but only a bit. I’m an Administrative Assistant under the Vice President of Marketing and Sales at my company, but I’m usually doing his job as well as catering to his three spoiled brats. They think that just because I work under their dad, then that means they can boss me around too. I can’t tell you how many times I had to fetch their dry cleaning, do a coffee run, or even made appointments for them to get massages because their lives are so _stressful_,” Dean bit out. “And when I actually get to do marketing work for them, they end up taking full credit for my work!”

Blue Eyes frowned. “That doesn’t sound fair, or like it is following corporate regulation.”

Dean laughed, “Well, I don’t know much about the corporate shit, but life’s never been fair to me before. It would be out of character for it to start being fair now.”

“Have you at least reported them for abusing work resources?”

“I tried but turns out when your dad is a VP and your mom is the head of HR, then you can get away with anything.”

“That… really isn’t fair.” Blue eyes murmured, looking downcast. “Though I suppose you’re right, things are rarely fair in life.”

“You got that right,” Dean agreed then clenched Blue’s hand tight as the plane suddenly dropped before righting itself. “Fuck, this ride is going to kill me.”

“I would hope not. Though there are morgues stationed on every aircraft in case there are any deaths aboard.”

“That… is really creepy, dude,” Dean wondered if maybe he shouldn’t hold Blue’s hand anymore.

“I apologize, I’m not really… I don’t really have good people skills,” Blue said nervously. “I usually prefer to communicate through emails and other forms of written word so that I can analyze them and make sure I don’t say anything too—”

“Odd?” Dean can’t help but guess. Blue seemed to shrink in his seat from Dean’s hasty remark.

“I was going to say peculiar, but odd sums it up as well.”

“I didn’t mean it as a bad thing,” Dean said. “I mean only an oddball would be willing to hold a stranger’s hand. I mean, I’m the bigger oddball out of the two of us!”

“I doubt that,” Blue said, self-loathing trickling into his words. “I’ve never really been good around other people. My family raised me with the mindset that academia came before socialization, and that friends were nothing but distractions. Didn’t help that I was also homeschooled, so I spent most of my adolescence with only my siblings for company.” He looked at Dean curiously, waiting to see Dean’s reaction to the tidbit. 

Dean shrugged with one shoulder, “I’m a high school dropout, I really have no room to judge how you got your education.” 

Dean braced himself for Blue to make some sort of remark about his own lack of education, or some other asinine comments. Instead, Blue just tightened his grip on Dean’s hand, as if lending him support. Or it could have been Dean as the plane decided to pull up fast, but Dean liked to think it was Blue who initiated.

“I guess neither one of us got to go to our senior prom? I heard it’s supposed to be a ‘big deal’.” Blue commented, making finger quotes with one hand while studying Dean’s face carefully.

Dean forced himself not to blush and instead shrugged, “Dude, did you just do a one-handed finger quote? Also, I wouldn’t have been able to afford it anyway. Or had the free time. I had two part time jobs back then, and someone had to look after Sammy.”

“Sammy?”

“My little brother. It was my responsibility to take care of him.”

“Am I processing this right? You were still a teenager, but you had two jobs, and you were taking care of a minor?” Dean nodded slowly in response, wondering what Blue was getting to. “It’s no surprise you had to drop out, you—”

“What? Wasn’t going to amount to anything anyway?” He scowled. He heard that lecture enough times from his guidance counselors.

“You were taking on more responsibility than most adults can handle. Though where were your parents?”

“My mom is in Lawrence Cemetery and my dad was probably with his secret second family at that point. Not that he told us anything about them until Sam was eighteen,” Dean drawled out, challenging Blue to judge him. Instead he was met with compassionate eyes.

“I’m so sorry. I… I know what it is like to have an untraditional family,” Blue admitted, his eyes holding the haunted look of someone that saw some of the darkest parts of humanity. “My _father_,” he said the title in disgust. “wanted heirs, not children, and one of his favorite things to do was to have us compete against each other. Compete for the best grades, the most skills… his affections. In the end, I didn’t have siblings, I had rivals.”

“I kinda feel like I’ve lost any competition with mine. I mean, one’s a big shot lawyer and the other is going to be a doctor. There’s really no comparison.”

Blue Eyes studied him carefully, “Was your younger brother responsible for taking care of the youngest?”

Dean laughed, “Hell no, Sam was already at Stanford by the time Dad broke the news about Adam.”

“So, you were the only one who had a dependent to take care of?”

“Yeah?” Dean narrowed his eyebrows at the other man. “What about it?”

“I’m just trying to gather more data. And did Sam have two part time jobs as well as school?”

“No, he didn’t have time because he had all those AP classes and extracurricular.”

“But you had to have two jobs?”

“Because someone had to pay the bills!” Dean protested angrily.

“Which is the point I was trying to make. You had a difficult burden at a young age that your brothers avoided. They are not better than you nor smarter than you; they were just luckier and more… privileged.”

Dean gave a hoarse chuckle, “Doesn’t make the results look any better just because you say it like that.”

“It also doesn’t make it any less true.” Blue Eyes said, squeezing Dean’s hand gently. Dean was secretly grateful for the contact because he was starting to think that this was all a dream.

A dream that was quickly turning into a nightmare as the plane both veered left again and ascended, making Dean’s stomach roll uncomfortably. He forced his eyes shut and braced himself against the nausea that was building. 

Where the hell did their pilot get his license?

“Tell me about your presentation? Why do you think you performed so poorly?”

“I don’t think, I _know_ that I messed up. They already told me that they weren’t going to accept my company’s contract and instead were going to buy from our rival instead.”

“That is unfortunate. Where do you work?”

“You mean before I get fired on Monday? I worked for marketing at _Angel’s Grace _mineral water,” He heard Blue take a deep inhale of breath, but that could have been because Dean was still death gripping his hand. “I was trying to get a new contract with the Prince of Hotels so they would only sell our brand of water on their premises, but… well I had a huge disadvantage to my competitor.”

“Like what?”

“Well for one thing, instead of a grunt, _Leviathan_ sent out their freaking owner to get this contract.”

“Dick Roman?” Blue sounded shocked. “That is a huge disadvantage.”

Dean wasn’t surprised that Blue knew who Dick was. The man was constantly doing ads for his own water bottle company, and it always included his too big and too white smile in it.

“Yeah, that and the executive chef for the _Prince _chain was pissed off that I wouldn’t give him any side action.” Dean grumbled, not realizing he said anything out loud until he felt his neighbor stiffen up next to him. “Shit, just… don’t read too far into that.”

“I won’t,” Blue replied coldly. “Though correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you missed out on a business deal because you refused to give one of the higher ups any sexual favors.”

“Can we not talk about that?” Dean demanded. He was already stressed out enough as it was, he didn’t need to remember Alastair White.

“My apologies. Honestly, I don’t have the best people skills, so I don’t always say the appropriate thing. But I can assure you that I’m not judging you, even if you had agreed to his advancements. I’m judging him, and anyone else who uses their power to manipulate others.”

Dean doubted that Blue would be treating him the same way if he knew that Dean had let Alastair touch him before, and let that slimy bastard use him. Worse, that Dean had enjoyed being his favorite at the time. Being his “star pupil” meant that Dean got the best shifts at _Hell’s Grill_, the place he worked at when he was seventeen. The best shifts meant he got the biggest tips in the shortest amount of time, and that he got to work his schedule around Sammy’s so that he never missed an event with him. The greatest perk was that since Hell’s Grill was a steakhouse attached to a hotel, Dean and Sam got to live at the hotel for dirt cheap. 

It was easily the finest place they ever lived since their mother passed; it was nice to sleep at a place that wasn’t falling apart or moldy, and where they didn’t have to worry about being evicted. Especially when John Winchester disappeared for weeks at a time and didn’t give them enough money to cover rent. For once they could live comfortably.

Sometimes Dean did regret leaving him. If he didn’t run off like a coward when Alastair demanded more, they could have stayed at that hotel for a couple of years. Hell, probably until Sam graduated so he didn’t have to keep transferring so frequently. Sam wouldn’t have been so angry at him, and John wouldn’t have been disappointed in him for skipping town without permission.

It wasn’t like it was the last time Dean had to debase himself either. At least he got more than a quick twenty bucks when it was Alastair as his customer.

Blue Eyes really shouldn’t be touching someone as tainted as him. 

As if he heard Dean’s thoughts, Blue removed his hand from Dean to fiddle with his laptop. Dean tried not to project the dejectedness he was feeling, but Blue must have sensed something since he looked back at Dean with worried eyes.

“Sorry, I realized that with all of this jostling around that I should put my laptop in a more secure place. That and make sure that all of my work saved properly before I shut down.”

“It’s no problem, man.” Dean said offhandedly, using his freed hand to clutch at the armrest. “You don’t need to babysit me.”

“What if I found it comforting myself?” Blue asked, glancing nervously up at him as he reached for a dusty laptop bag. It looked as old as the laptop itself, and the only interesting thing on it was a metal band on the front pocket that had the name _James Novak _engraved in it.

Huh, so Blue’s name was James? Yeah, Dean could see it. Wait, back up, did James just say he liked holding Dean’s hand? 

“Well in that case you can feel free to hold my hand whenever you want.” Dean half flirted-half blurted out. Shit, he'd been smoother when he was a friggin’ teenager.

James smiled shyly anyway, which Dean took as a victory, and leaned back into his seat, “I appreciate that. Oh! Did you still need something to drink? I think Anna was supposed to grab something for you?”

Dean didn’t realize James was even paying attention back then, and found it interesting that he knew Anna by name as well,“Yeah, doubt she’ll be able to get my Jack Daniels now.”

James looked at him confused.

“You know, the type of whiskey?”

“Oh, my apologies. I don’t really partake in consuming alcoholic beverages. I do have an unopened water bottle on me, if you’re thirsty.” James leaned down to grab said bottle out of the side of his case, and Dean barked out a laugh. Of course, it was _Angel’s Grace _brand.

“No thanks. I’ve already had enough bad experiences with _Angel’s Grace _for one day,” He even pulled back his jacket to show off the ugly stain on his shirt and his ruined tie. James looked at him quizzically, not making sense about how a stain could ruin his day. “Remember how I said I work for _Angel’s Grace_? Well it’s staining abilities was the final nail in the coffin for my presentation. They thought it was too messy. They also seemed to think that it wasn’t a ‘family friendly drink’, just a party drink. You know, since so many people use it as a way to prevent hangovers.”

“That’s preposterous! People use it because they know it fights dehydration quicker than other liquids,” James sounded personally offended. “_Angel’s Grace_ is one of the most nutritional drinks on the market, and one of the best tasting and cleanest waters. It’s also the leading—”

“Leading distributor of water during times of crisis thanks to the owners of the company, the Shurleys. And Castiel Shurley, the Chief Financial Officer, is at the forefront of those efforts. He even goes down there himself as a volunteer. Don’t get much more wholesome than that.”

James gave him a strange look, “I… wasn’t aware that was public knowledge.”

“Yeah, well I did a lot of hours of research before my presentation on every aspect of _A.G._, including some knowledge about the higher ups. Heck, I think I know more about the background of that stupid water company than my own boss does.”

James looked at him curiously, “You don’t say? Would you… mind telling me some of those things you looked up?”

“I guess,” The plane shook again, and Dean grabbed for James’ hand again. “Might as well put some use to all of that stupid info. Hey, do you know how they get the blue color for the water?”

James gave him a secretive smile, “Please don’t tell me it’s Blue #1?”

“No food dyes at all. It’s actually boiled red cabbage,” James looked at him in surprise. “Yeah I didn’t believe it at first either. One, how does _red_ cabbage make something _blue_? Two, how the hell does it not have a funky cabbage taste to it? But there’s a lot of recipes on how to do it to make a natural food dye for icing and shit. Even made some cupcakes out of it for my roommates to try out, and you really can’t taste the cabbage at all. And red cabbage is also packed full of vitamins and minerals, which also adds to the water’s nutrients.”

“You bake?” James asked, stuck on that piece of information.

“Yeah?” Dean shifted uncomfortably. “Cook as well. Someone had to learn how to do it, and someone had to bake Sammy his birthday cakes.”

James frowned, “Who made yours?”

Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “I didn’t really need to celebrate my birthday. Plus, I would make myself a birthday pie instead. That’s the better dessert anyway.”

“I’ll take you for your word. Now, are there any other interesting things you learned?”

Dean ended up giving James the rundown of his presentation, getting into all of the nitty-gritty facts that he didn’t have the opportunity to share before. James listened to his speech like it was the most riveting thing he ever heard, not once looking bored. He also wasn’t tired of hearing Dean talk once he was done his lecture, and instead asked Dean about his likes and interests. 

Which is how Dean got onto the topic of pies and how they ranked, how diners were the best places to eat when you are on the road; which of course led to the discussion about his Baby and how she was the greatest thing to ever grace the road. James even sounded upset on Dean’s behalf when he admitted that he didn’t have “custody” of her anymore. How he got into an accident five years ago and had to bring her to his Dad’s restoration garage, and how John didn’t let him bring her home.

“I mean I get it,” Dean said looking down. “It was no cheap fix getting all of those pieces and I did borrow a lot of money for a degree I didn’t finish. But I just hate how he uses Baby as leverage over me.”

“Especially when you have done so much for your family. Though what is this about an incomplete degree?”

Dean explained how he wanted to go back to school when he was twenty-six; he was a little envious of the education both his younger brothers were receiving; how his stepmother Kate was super supportive of the idea, and even talked his dad into paying some of his tuition. The plan had been for him to study engineering, since he always had a knack for mechanics and during his free time he would help his dad around his garage.

“I think Dad also wanted to brag about how he had all of the big brains in the family: a lawyer, a doctor and an engineer. But it didn’t work out that way.”

“What happened?”

“I was shitty at it. No seriously,” He noted James disbelieving look. “I was great at the hands-on stuff, but all the complex math just kept going over my head. Didn’t help that most of my classmates and teachers treated me like the GED grease monkey that I was. The only classes I enjoyed that year was my core English classes, but that was only because Dr. Singer was badass. Hell, his one literature class was about monsters and mythology, and we even got to watch some horror movies to discuss during class.”

“That sounds… fun?” James asked hesitantly, as if he was afraid that was the incorrect response.

“It was. I ended up taking a class with him each semester, so I had something to look forward to. I even thought about switching majors to English since I was taking so many credits of it, but… well Dad said he wouldn’t help me out if I switched, and my credit was too shitty for me to take out the full loan. Though I ended up dropping after my second year, so it was pointless anyway.”

James shifted, obviously wanting to know more but not knowing how to ask.

“Let’s just say I thought I found something more important at the time than college, so I packed up and moved. Dad was furious and demanded that I pay him back every penny he lent me. Then the accident happened, and everything fell apart. Dad, of course was ecstatic that he was right, and wouldn’t stop rubbing my dumbassery in my face. So, one day I snapped at him, and we got into this big blow out. He then decided that I was an ungrateful brat who didn’t deserve his classic car, especially when I already owed him thousands of dollars, so he took Baby from me as incentive.” 

Dean shrugged miserably, “Couldn’t really do much anyway, she was originally his and he never switched over the title to me, so she was never legally mine. Really, I should have known that he’d try to take her back eventually.”

James shook his head in disbelief, “I don’t think I like your father very much.”

“Yeah, most days I don’t like him either,” Dean admitted, and then clung desperately to James’ arm as they hit another rough patch of turbulence. “Oh, come on! I thought we were done with this shit!”

“It’s most likely not going to stop until we’re closer to landing.”

“Great,” Dean grumbled and fought the urge to bury his face into his neighbor’s arms. That would be crossing the line into creepy category.

“Perhaps you still need more of a distraction? You said you liked literature? What is your favorite book?”

“_Slaughterhouse Five_.” Dean answered immediately.

“Why is that?”

Dean went into an explanation about how his mom was a huge Vonnegut fan, and how she saw that movie in theater right before she met his dad, so it was partially responsible for his existence. He then explained how he thought the concept of freewill was interesting, which caused him and James to get into a big philosophical debate over freewill versus fate. Even though they were on opposing sides of the argument, Dean was having a great time bantering with the other man.

“It’s not that I don’t believe in freewill—everybody deserves to make their own choices—but I also believe that there is a stronger force that is guiding us to the pivotal moments that defy us. Take your parents for example,” James argued. “If your mother hadn’t decided to see that movie at that time and date, she might never have met your father, and you wouldn’t have been born.”

“Yeah, but she was the one who decided to go in the first place, and she was the one who decided to ask for his number and call him for a date. Fate didn’t make those choices, she did.”

“Is it so hard to accept that I believe in both? I don’t see Fate as any sort of path, but as a single, simple moment that can change everything. What if I didn’t go to Boston for a day trip? What if you didn’t make that wager to get sent down here today? What if—”

“What if we didn’t get upgraded to First class? Then I guess we wouldn’t have met.” Dean admitted. “So, what are you saying? Think we were fated to meet?”

“I think,” James said, placing a hand over Dean’s, not minding that Dean was still clutching at his arm. “That I’ve never had such an easy time talking to someone before, and it would have been a tragedy to miss out on this.”

“Yeesh, man, you sure know how to make someone blush,” Dean attempted to tease, ignoring how warm his cheeks were flushed. “But I’m really not that special.”

The plane tilted harshly to the right, causing James to once again be pressed up against him. He was so close that Dean could see himself reflected in those vivid blue eyes of his. Eyes that were so blue that Dean was surprised they were natural. Dean swallowed nervously, wondering if the other man knew how unfairly attractive he was.

“I disagree,” James proclaimed. “Trust me, I’ve met thousands of people; some of them big names, but none of them have stood out to me like you do. And do you know why?”

“I’m guessing they weren’t clinging to you in fear; while blubbering on about their life?”

“No, but that isn’t what makes you intriguing, either. It’s because you’ve let me see into your soul.”

“Come again?”

“You have been unafraid to be yourself. You haven’t hidden under any facades.”

“That’s because I’m too afraid of this plane to be afraid of anything else. Also, I have my friends Jack Daniels, Johnnie Walker and Jamieson to thank for being loose lipped.” 

When Dean saw the confusion in James’ face, he added on. “Whiskey, I’m talking about more whiskey.”

“You sure have a lot of them for friends.”

“That’s not even half of them. Umm not that I have a drinking problem,” Dean said hurriedly. “Yeah, I’m buzzed right now, and I might indulge in it a little more than the typical person. I mean—”

James chuckled, effectively cutting Dean off from fumbling his words worse. “I’m not judging you. Though I would like to hear more about your non-alcoholic friends.”

“Do burgers or pie count?” Dean asked cheekily, before laughing and telling him about his roommates. How they were both amazing, if slightly weird guys that he had been living with for almost five years. How Garth was charging them dirt cheap rent since he had inherited the fully paid off home from his grandmother, and that he would let them stay for free if Dean and Benny didn’t throw a hissy fit.

Dean even admitted how he was afraid that this would be their last year living together, and how much he was dreading it. 

Garth was planning on taking it to the next level with his girlfriend, Bess. Dean had even caught him looking up engagement rings on his laptop, and he knew it was only a matter of time before they’d want the house to themselves, so they could start their own family. 

He also knew that Benny was thinking about moving back to Louisiana, especially since his ex-wife and daughter were planning to return to New Orleans after spending the past six years in Greece. Although Benny was still bitter about how things ended with Andrea—the woman literally left him for his stepfather—he missed his daughter, Lizzie, fiercely, and the man deserved to be with his daughter. 

Dean had once asked Benny why he didn’t try to gain more custody rights, but his friend had explained that Andrea came from old money and was able to hire top notch lawyers, and he was afraid of her keeping Lizzie away from him altogether if he tried to fight back. It didn’t help that Benny had a sketchy past like Dean, and apparently didn’t have the greatest track record with the law.

The topic started to get Dean down, so he quickly changed it to his work friends, or as Charlie called them, The Misfits. There was Charlie, the IT guru, Aaron the auditor, and Kevin the seasonal intern. They were dubbed that because they were the mismatched group that didn’t really belong to a single department, so they were all crammed into one tiny corner, and they got the least amount of respect.

Dean begrudgingly admitted that during slow days the three of them would do a quick Dungeons and Dragons campaign, where the higher ups were monsters they had to vanquish. Dean’s favorite was when he got to kill the Zachariah monster—a fearsome beast with multiple faces—by stabbing it through its lion face.

He even told James about the secret codes they’d use to signal if they wanted to play a game by asking, “Does anyone want coffee from the cafeteria”? Which was a trick question because the coffee tasted like cat’s piss, and not even the desperate would drink that willingly. The answering responses were; “Can I have mine black”, meaning they were good to go now, “I’ll just grab some at lunch” to say they were too busy at the moment and would play at lunch, or “I heard they’re putting in a new filter” to warn others that someone was getting suspicious and that they needed to abort.

James seemed amused by their antics and admitted that when he was alone in his office, he would look up cat videos. “There’s just something about their whiskery faces that makes me feel at peace, especially during a stressful day. I also have been enjoying the memes about the grumpy cat.” 

Though he seemed disappointed when Dean told him that he was allergic to cats, so he didn’t have much interest in them.

From there they jumped between topics, talking about everything from favorite TV shows—which Dean sheepishly admitted was _Dr. Sexy, M.D., _while James admitted that his current fascination was with a documentary called _Flight of the Honey Bee_—to favorite childhood comfort food—tomato soup and grilled cheese for Dean, peanut butter and jelly for James—when the loud chime for the speakers sounded again.

**“This is… captain………. high winds… …descending… emergency… don’t… mask… now.” **The words the captain tried to say kept fizzling in and out, and moments later the oxygen masks fell from the compartments above, dangling precariously in front of Dean’s nose.

Dean froze in fear. This couldn’t be happening. This was just some sort of precaution, right? The plane couldn’t be in danger, right?

James immediately sprang into action, putting his own mask on and then turning towards Dean and carefully slipped the other mask around Dean’s nose and mouth, even going as far as cupping Dean’s face to make sure it was fitted properly. 

It was while James had his hands still gripping at Dean's face that the plane nosedived and everything turned to chaos.


	3. The Fall

Chapter 3: The Fall

Dean screamed, which was probably counterproductive to his oxygen mask, but he didn’t give a fuck. 

Hell, he couldn’t even hear himself scream because his ears had popped so bad he was afraid they had burst. 

He always knew that being on an airplane would lead to his fiery doom!

Suddenly faced with the realities of his impending death, Dean realized that no one ever fully knew who he was. That all the pieces he kept buried inside him would follow him to his grave, and for some reason that didn’t feel right to him.

Turning to James—who still hadn’t removed his hands from Dean’s face—he saw that the man was mouthing something at him, but he couldn’t make out what he was saying. Maybe he eardrums really had burst? Maybe… if Dean couldn’t hear him, then James couldn’t hear Dean. Maybe it was just the alcohol talking, or the desperation of a dead man, but he suddenly felt brave and reckless.

“I’m bisexual,” Dean practically shouted, relieved to finally say those dreaded words into the air. “Yeah, I love frisky women, but I also have a thing for frisky men. Not that I was ever actually with a man. Not one that I actually liked anyway. Everything else was just blowjobs and some heavy petting for money when I was younger.”

James didn’t give any outward appearance of hearing him, all he did was clench Dean’s face tighter and studied him more carefully. The man really must not be able to hear him.

Feeling braver, Dean continued, using this man as his final confessional, “I hated doing that, but there was no other way. Sammy needed food and clothes, rent needed to be paid, and Dad was fucking nowhere to be found. And it was hard for a high schooler to get a part time job when we were moving around the country multiple times a year.” 

Once he started, he couldn’t seem to stop, and it didn’t follow any specific path or reason.

“I don’t think Sammy realizes everything I had to go through to make sure he didn’t go to bed hungry, or to make sure that he stayed on top of his class. To him I’m just his loser brother. Hell, the kid didn’t even let me be his Best Man at his wedding, and his wife won’t let me anywhere near his family. I kinda hate her and I think she might be a demon in disguise.”

“I really hate my Dad sometimes. I hate that he managed to clean up his act for his new family, and now everyone thinks he’s the perfect family man. He’s got a successful business, a beautiful wife, two genius sons, and then he’s stuck with me. The reminder of his old life. You have no idea how much I just want to yell over Thanksgiving dinner about how I wished Dad could have stayed sober long enough to take care of me and Sammy. How he left us to starve while he drank away our only source of income. How many times I found him passed out on the floor and had to roll him over onto his side so he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit. How I had to give up everything just to keep us afloat, but I get no fucking respect for that. I was only five when I had to start taking care of the house. Five!”

“I thought I finally found my own family a couple of years ago, it’s why I dropped out of college. Girl’s name was Lisa, and she had a son named Ben who looked and acted just like me. His age even matched up to when we were last together. I really thought he was mine, but I didn’t care that he wasn’t. I tried so hard to be a good man for them, but Lisa decided I was a danger to their family and kicked me out of their life. I think she was right.”

He continued confessing everything; how he turned to drinking after losing Ben and Lisa; how his stepmom forced him to attend AA until he could get his drinking under control; how he met his future roommate Benny there, and how Benny was able to get him Garth’s extra room, and even passed along news when he heard that _Angel’s Grace_ was hiring. He admits that if he hadn’t met those men that night, he might have ended his life somewhere down the road because he was tired of being alone. He was also insanely grateful to Kate for being such a kind person, even though she did feel like his mom’s replacement.

Dean even admitted that at some points he had a crush on Benny, but knew that it would go nowhere so he never acted on it, especially since Benny was straight.

Hell, somewhere along the lines of his confession he got off topic and mentioned how sometimes he was jealous of girls because they could like anything and wear anything without being judged too much, whereas he could only be interested in macho stuff. At one point he even lamented about how it wasn’t fair that they could wear boy boxers, but he couldn’t wear panties, even if he did find them super comfortable the one time his ex-girlfriend made him wear them.

“You could always buy yourself a pair from the internet if you want? That way you don’t have to go into a store.” James suggested, his voice muffled by the oxygen mask, but Dean still heard him clearly.

And that’s about when Dean’s brain went back online and his heart felt like it imploded.

James heard what he said. James possibly heard _everything _he said!

Wait, shouldn’t they all be crashing to their doom?

A bell chimed again, and the speaker went back on, this time with perfect clarity. _**“This is your captain speaking. It is 2:46 AM and we have just landed at Minneapolis airport. We apologize for the bumpy ride and the delay, but we value your safety above all. We also apologize for the technical difficulties earlier and for needing to descend so suddenly. Please remember to take all of your personal items before exiting the plane.”**_

“We’re… we’re alive?” Dean breathed, barely daring to believe it.

“Yes.” James said, and then seemed to realize where his hands were and carefully removed them. He then removed his mask, so he could speak clearly, and Dean followed his example. “For a couple of moments there it did look like we were in danger, but it seems that the pilot had everything under control the whole time.”

“You heard everything, didn’t you?” Dean asked, not daring to look into the other’s blue eyes.

“I… yes. I tried to tune you out when I realized what you were doing, but you kept looking at me and I… I couldn’t help but get swept up in your truths.”

Dean closed his eyes and banged his head backwards against his chair. Multiple times, “Fuck. That was supposed to follow me to the grave.”

“Would it make you feel better if I swore I’d take those words to my own grave?”

Dean opened his eyes to squint at him, “Not really. Not when you haven’t even told me your own name, but you know everything about me.”

“That’s not true,” James smiled shyly. “You haven’t told me your name either.”

“You first, buddy. I spilt enough of my guts.”

“I guess that’s fair,” the man fidgeted in his seat while the other members of First Class got out of their seats and exited the plane. Once their area cleared out, James took a deep breath and turned over towards Dean. “My name is Castiel. Castiel Shurley.”

For a moment, Dean could swear they were still flying. It would explain the weightlessness he was feeling, as well as the odd roaring in his ears, and of course the way his stomach had dropped. But one glance back at the man with blue eyes reminded Dean exactly why he was feeling the way he was. He knew that he should be the mature adult and walk away from the asshole without giving him another backwards glance. In fact, when Dean got up from his seat, that was what he intended to do. Get up, grab his shit, and hightail it out of there. What he didn’t account for was for Mr. Not-James to put a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you alright?” The man even had the nerve to look concerned about Dean.

“Look,” Dean growled, as he swung his laptop bag over his shoulder. “maybe any other day I would play along with your little act, but this has been a complete crapfest and I’m not in the mood to humor you. So do you want to try that again?”

“Pardon?”

“You really think I’m dumb enough that I wouldn’t notice that you gave me the name of one of the owners of the company I work for,” Dean rolled his eyes. “Next time, if you want to use a fake name, do something that is more believable.”

The imposter frowned, “You think I’m lying about my identity?”

“I know you are,” Dean growled before yanking open the overhead bin so he could get out his carryon. “Why the hell would a millionaire be willing to comfort a nobody like me? Why the hell isn’t he on his own private jet? And why the hell would he wear a trench coat that cheap and ugly?” Dean said, gesturing at the JCPenny trench coat with disgust.

Fake-Castiel looked down at the coat in surprised, “This coat holds sentimental value to me. Believe it or not, it’s priceless to me.”

Dean couldn’t help giving him an inquisitive look before reaching under his seat to rescue his laptop case. Honestly, the guy wasn’t helping his argument.

“I don’t own a private jet because that actually draws more attention than someone flying business or first class. I like blending into the crowd. I’d ride coach, but it’s a little too claustrophobic back there for me.”

How could someone with messy hair like that and unbelievable blue eyes ever fade into the background? One look at those baby blues, and the media would go crazy.

“Finally, you aren’t a nobody. The fact that you are alive and living at this very moment proves that you _are _somebody. And I comforted you because—” Fake-Castiel looked down, puzzling out his next words, “—because every instinct was telling me to.”

Now if _that_ wasn’t the biggest load of crap Dean ever heard. He double checked to make sure he had all of his belongings, tightened his grip on his suitcase, and stormed out of his seat and down the aisle. It didn’t take long for a second pair of footsteps to come thundering behind him.

“Please, just let me explain!” the imposter in a trench coat begged.

Dean ignored him and kept up his fast pace. It was once they got off the plane and into the loading area that the weirdo grabbed ahold of Dean and pulled him aside. 

Dean did _not _like that. 

He angrily shoved the shorter man against the nearest wall and growled at him, “I don’t like anyone forcing me into a corner, you got that?” Dean hissed through clenched teeth, although he was tempted to scream in the other man’s face.

Dean also didn’t like the way the liar’s blue eyes widened in understanding. It made Dean’s skin crawl, realizing that this man knew so many intimate details about Dean’s life, when Dean didn’t even know the man’s real name.

“I’m sorry,” the man whispered. “I didn’t mean to… I wasn’t trying to overpower you! I just… I couldn’t let you leave.”

“That sounds a lot like trying to control me.”

“That wasn’t my intention! Please, you have to realize… I’m horrible at talking to people. I’m even worse at trying to connect with them. Sometimes I feel like I’m speaking a completely different language than the rest of the world, or perhaps at a different frequency that people can’t even hear. Other times, I feel like I am a completely different species. No matter how hard I try to fit in, I’m just an outsider. Nothing but an observer. But… but I didn’t feel that way with you.”

Dean raised his brow, but let the weirdo continued, “From the moment I saw you, I felt something. A spark of curiosity, where usually I feel boredom. I looked into your eyes and suddenly I wanted to know everything about you.”

“Well, guess what, asshat? Now you do,” Dean growled, wrenching himself away from the fake. “Hope it makes you feel better knowing you didn’t even have to try hard to get me to spill my guts.”

“That’s not—”

“So, what do you plan to do with what you know? Post about it on the internet? I can just see the title now: ‘Big scaredy cat tells all to random stranger.’ Sounds pretty pathetic, huh?”

“I would never—”

“Yeah, but I don’t know that. I don’t know a damn thing about you!” Dean retightened his grip on his suitcase and continued his brisk pace.

“Yes, you do,” the man called out desperately, still trying to follow him, but Dean only increased his speed. “I know I didn’t share as much, but if you ask me any question, I promise to answer it honestly.”

Dean spared him one last minute, “Okay, Mr. Honesty. What’s your real name?”

The man’s shoulders slumped in dejection. “I told you, my name is—” But whatever he said next was too low for Dean to hear.

“What was that?” Dean demanded.

“I don’t like saying it in public,” the man said, casting suspicious eyes to those around them. Which, considering it was 2:50 in the morning, there really wasn’t anyone in their immediate vicinity except for the worker behind the desk.

“There’s no one else around,” Dean grumpily pointed out.

The phony must have realized this too and took another breath, probably trying to figure out another lie. Dean really had no idea why he was trying so hard. “I told you, my name is—”

“CLARENCE!” a feminine voice shouted from out of nowhere, making both Dean and the phony jump in surprise. Moments later, a short woman with wavy auburn hair and wearing a leather coat swaggered over. She stopped right in front of mystery weirdo and crossed her arms. “I can’t believe you thought you could sneak across the country without me.”

“Meg,” Weirdo blinked, as if he thought that the woman before them was an apparition and would disappear at any moment. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be—”

“In Seattle with you? Yeah, funny thing about that, Clarence, is that I can’t exactly go home without you. Unlike you, I actually take my duties in this partnership seriously.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. His day just kept getting better and better. “So, your name is Clarence, is it? And let me guess, Scary Spice over there is your wife?” Dean shook his head. “Man, right when I thought you couldn’t get any scummier.”

“Please…” Clarence tried to explain but he seemed to be at a loss for words. Looked like he finally couldn’t dig himself out of his lies.

“Yeah well I gotta go. Monday’s going to be a big day, with me getting fired and all. You know, at the company you supposedly own part of? Anyway, I’d say it was nice meeting you, _Clarence_,” Dean spat the name out like a curse. “But it really ended on a shitty note.”

Dean turned forward yet again, but this time no one stopped him. He could vaguely hear the brunette murmuring to Clarence, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying and had no interest. Instead he kept his eyes focused on the signs that lead towards the exits, and only let his mind wander in the direction for how he was going to get the rest of the way home. 

Dean meandered towards the baggage claim section of the building, wondering how good his chances were at getting either an Uber or Lyft driver at this awkward time between night and morning. Knowing the only way to find out was to finally turn his phone back on, he slowly braced himself for a flood of questions from his room mates, as the only thing he had texted them was to let them know that he was coming back from his trip two days too early and would be home later that evening. 

He clearly didn’t brace himself hard enough as he almost choked when he saw the number of messages he had from his roommate group chat.

“How the hell do I have 58 messages?”

“It would be a lot less, brother, if you actually had answered your damn phone,” A familiar Cajun accent scolded him from behind.

Whirling around, Dean saw his roommates; Benny and Garth. Both of them looked exhausted, and Garth was heavily leaning against one of the baggage claim carts, as if he was moments away from falling asleep on top of it. Despite their haggard expressions, they were both smiling wide at Dean. 

His ganglier roommate playfully swatted at the Cajun, but missed, “Told you he would show up near baggage claim.”

“He had a carryon, I didn’t think he would need to pass by here,” Benny complained, before successfully swatting Garth back.

“All roads at the airport lead to the baggage claim,” Gangly Garth said mystically.

“Seriously guys? What the hell are you both doing here at the airport at three in the morning?” Dean demanded, trying to figure out if he reached the point of being drunk where he started hallucinating stuff.

Garth looked at him and frowned, playing with his hands nervously. “Gosh, Dean, when you sent us that text saying you were coming home already, and then wouldn’t answer us… I don’t know, I just got a real bad feeling. Benny did too.” He said, gesturing at the bigger man who nodded solemnly. “So, I looked up available flights and saw that your plane wasn’t coming in until 2:30 in the morning!”

“No offense, brother, but neither one of us were that comfortable with you taking public transportation into the city that late.”

Dean scoffed and crossed his arms, “Really guys? I’m not a big boy.”

“No, but you are someone terrified of flying, who had to get on a plane for the first time and you’re running on no sleep.” Benny growled. “This isn’t about us thinking you’re a wimp, this is us being concerned about your wellbeing.”

“Especially when I saw the notification that you guys got caught in some bad turbulence early on in your flight.” Garth added, making Dean falter with his next complaint.

“Wait, how the fuck did you know that?”

“Oh, I downloaded this cool app that tracks planes. It gives you all sorts of alerts; like if they got rerouted, or are experiencing difficult weather, and even gives an exact time for when you’ll land. Plus, I got to see where you were flying over! Did you know you were stuck above Ontario for a while?”

Part of Dean was surprised that they were technically over Canada for part of the flight, but quickly shook his head. He was still annoyed that his roommates had tracked him like some sort of lost pet. He opened his mouth to complain, but once again Benny cut him off.

“Dean,” Benny said, causing Dean to freeze in his tracks, since his burly roommate rarely referred to him by his given name. “We were worried about you because we care about you. Are you really going to tell me that if this was reversed, that you wouldn’t be right here where we are now?”

Dean couldn’t deny that. He would take a bullet for these men; they had taken him in when he was at one of his lowest points in life, and gave him a family when he felt like he no longer had one. “Fine, but it’s still friggin’ too late for you to be all the way out here.”

“You’d do the same,” Benny assured. “And it’s not late for me. I’m usually up this late studying anyway.”

“Okay, you got me there. I forgot you were a regular vampire.”

“More like nursing student by day, bartender by night. With bits of volunteering for the Red Cross in between,” Benny teased.

“Shit man, how are you not dead on your feet all the time?”

“Lot’s of practice from the army. If you want to worry about someone, worry about the guy who’s past his bedtime.” Benny retorted, nodding over at a yawning Garth.

“Hey,” Garth pouted for a millisecond before returning to his usual grin. “I can stay up late too! In fact, I’m up for doing this more often! Plus, it was such a nice night out that Bess and I had a little midnight picnic under the moon as a way for us to stay awake. She wanted to come here for you as well, but when we found out your plane was delayed for another hour, she decided to go home to sleep around one. But it was still a really nice experience, and I wouldn’t have had that if we didn’t stay up with you! So, thank you, Dean!”

“You’re welcome?” Dean said unsure, before looking back at Benny.

“He’s getting a little slap happy from being up so long. So, how about we hit the road and get this little bugger all tucked up in bed?”

“A bed does sound nice.” Garth agreed with another yawn. 

Dean shot Benny a concerned look.

“Don’t worry, brother, he gave me the keys to his jeep. I’ll be the one driving both of you sleepy heads.”

“I’m not tired,” Dean complained. Seeing Benny’s incredulous look, he continued. “Just with everything that happened, I have too much adrenaline going on and I don’t think I’ll be falling asleep anytime soon.”

To Dean’s relief, neither roommate pushed him for more details. Benny just shrugged, “Up for a movie night then? I’m in the mood for some mindless gore.”

“All Saint’s Day?” Dean suggested, and Benny and Garth voiced their agreement, which was strange because Garth hated scary movies. Or at least, he really should, since he’d scream from every jump scare and then have nightmares for weeks. “Not you, Garth. You need to get your ass into bed.”

“Yeah but I wanna hang out with you two.” Garth complained before letting out his biggest yawn yet. 

Dean couldn’t help but snicker at that. After the shitty day he had, he really needed to have the support of his best friends.

“I swear, we’ll watch something tomorrow if you’re still game. You can even pick,” Dean promised.

“Okie-dokie. There’s this new western comedy that I’ve been meaning to check out anyway!”

Dean and Benny shared a quick glance, both knowing that the movie was either going to be surprisingly good or painfully awful. Garth’s taste seemed to run that way. 

“Can’t wait,” Dean lied with a smile.

Benny shepherded the two other men towards the jeep, all the while trying to keep Dean’s spirits up. Dean was struck yet again by how lucky he was to have at least two good things still in his life.

“Hey guys,” Dean broached, once he was seat belted into the front passenger seat. He really didn’t want to talk about this, but they deserved to know. “I think I just lost my job.”

Both men were silent for a while before Garth spoke up, “Don’t worry about it. We’ve got your back.”

“No matter what happens,” Benny promised,“we’re a team.”

“The three amigos!” Garth laughed.

Dean started to smile but it slowly turned into a frown. Yeah, they were the three amigos, but soon they would all be going their separate ways. Garth was about to start a new family, and Benny was so close to reclaiming his own. And Dean? Nobody ever wanted Dean once they were far enough away.


	4. Nothing But the Tooth

Chapter 4: Nothing But the Tooth

To Dean’s surprise, the rest of the weekend flew by easily. Yeah, he and the roommates had to hammer out a plan for if/when he got fired, and Dean spent a good portion of his free time looking up Want Ads. Benny even put in a word to the owner of the bar for him, so he might at least have some pocket change coming his way from that. Another thing Dean wasn’t expecting was to have a talk with Garth the morning of his termination. Or to come downstairs and find a stack of blueberry pancakes, a giant mug of black coffee, and strangely a notepad and miniature pen waiting for him on the kitchen table.

“What’s all of this?” He asked curiously, slowly putting together the final knot to his tie.

“I just wanted you to start your morning off well,” Garth smiled, before taking a seat and grabbing his own tower of pancakes.

“I don’t really think I have time to eat this and still catch my train.”

“Don’t worry about that. I cleared up my morning appointment, so I could give you a lift to work.”

Dean paused in front of the kitchen chair, hands resting stiffly against the back, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know I didn’t. I didn’t need to make you breakfast either, but it’s what I wanted to do. Mind humoring me?”

Dean gave him a quizzical look before sitting down. He looked down at the notebook and sniggered at the cover, which read _I swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth -the Dentist pledge_. 

He picked the notebook up and showed it to Garth, “What’s this?”

“That’s for you. It’s actually one of the other reasons I wanted to make you breakfast and give you a lift. I wanted you to have some free time, so you can really think about what you want in life. And when you do, I want you to write it down in that notebook.”

Dean sniggered, “You can’t be serious? Do you really want me to write all of my hopes and dreams onto paper like some preteen girl with a diary?” Dean took a sip of his black coffee. It was good, but sometimes he craved it with sugar.

“I was hoping you’d put down the things you’re really after in life. What are the things that make you happy, what is it that you like to do? Things you hate? Maybe when you add all of those things up, you’ll figure out what it is you want to do with your life.”

Dean angrily stabbed at his pancake, “Is this the speech about how I’m getting too old to keep job hopping, and I need to do something with my life?” He didn’t mention the parts about how he was a thirty-seven-year-old loser and knew it.

Garth was thirty-three, and he already was a dentist with his own practice, owned a house, and was about to be engaged to a beautiful woman. Heck, Benny was pushing forty and even though he was renting from Garth as well, it was because he was going back to school to be a nurse, after a successful career in the army, and was at the top of all his classes.

“No, but I do want you to be happy with the one you have,” Garth said, looking him in the eye until Dean shifted nervously and was forced to look down.

“I don’t need you to play shrink on me,” He really hated Garth’s minor in childhood psychology. Especially since he wasn’t a fucking child.

“Okay, I’ll back off if you can answer one question honestly. Are you happy?”

“I was much happier before you pulled this crap,” Dean said, mouth full of pancakes. Just because he was pissed off at Garth didn’t mean he’d turn down free food. Too many nights going hungry taught him never to waste something so precious.

“I’m being serious.”

“So am I,” Dean swallowed. “I’m tired of being your charity case.”

“Dean,” Garth looked at him with heartbroken puppy eyes. Yeesh, and here he thought only Sammy knew how to pull off that look. “I don’t see you like that. You’re my best friend and I just want you to see yourself the way the rest of us see you.” Garth must have guessed what Dean would say in response and cut him off before Dean got the chance. “At least how me and Benny see you.”

“Sure you guys don’t need to get your vision checked?” Dean was shocked to see the glare directed at him. “Fine, okay, I’ll fill out your stupid book. Are you planning on looking it over later to make sure that I completed my assignment, Doc?”

“Only if you want to share it with me. It really is just a learning tool for you to figure out what path you want to take in life and what paths you want to avoid.”

“Oh goodie. I can’t wait to get started.” Dean snarked as he grabbed the bottle of maple syrup and added a more generous slathering than Garth had given him.

“Maybe that’s the problem,” Garth said, cutting up his own pancakes into smaller pieces.

“What? That your pancakes are a little dry?”

“No. You keep thinking of the notebook as a chore, instead of something inspiring. Maybe instead of thinking of it as homework you can think of it as… as a bucket list!” Garth said excitedly.

“A bucket list? So instead of a preteen girl, I’m dying now?”

“Don’t even joke about that.” Garth said seriously, his brows furrowed angrily.

“Sorry.” Dean said sincerely. 

Garth was always so happy go lucky, that Dean often forgot why Garth ended up in such a big house by himself. His parents died in a boating accident when he was a boy, and he was raised with his grandmother who passed away six years ago.

“If you really mean it, take the bucket list idea seriously. Who knows, maybe you’ll be able to knock some of the things off of your list when… ugh you know?”

“When I get canned?” Dean grumbled before taking another sip of coffee. “Fine, I’ll make a friggin’ list.”

“Great!” Garth said, perking up as he offered Dean a pencil. “Just jot down three quick things once you’re done eating and then we can hit the road.”

Dean loudly groaned but complied, knowing that Garth wouldn’t let it rest until he saw some writing action going on. “It can be anything, right? Not just career oriented?”

“Right-o, Dean-o.” Garth sang.

“Yeah, don’t ever do that again.” Dean complained before he started to write some of the things he would really love to do right now.

_1._ _ Tell the Adlers to fuck off_

_2._ _Get Baby back_

_3._ _Buy a vinyl record player_

Dean looked over the list and frowned, “Yeah, this means jack shit for me finding a job. Though it does make me look like a badass.”

“Which you are,” Garth agreed, finishing up his breakfast and dropping the dishes off into the sink and rinsing them with water. “But I think there’s a lot of things you want in life that you won’t realize until you put it down into writing. No offence, Dean, but you’re the type of person who likes to keep everything buried down deep. So deep that I don’t think even you know what’s in there.”

But not deep enough, or else he wouldn’t have told that fraud some of his darkest secrets.

“Yeah, yeah. I told you not to shrink me. Just stick with teeth okay?”

“Well in that case, you’re three years overdue for your dental.” 

“And I told you that if you put your fingers in my mouth again, then I would bite them off!”

Luckily, Garth didn’t push the issue of the stupid bucket list again, and the conversation during their car ride drifted over to the safe topic of what the greatest westerns of all time were. That was until they started to debate over which movie deserved the number one spot. Garth believed it was _Once Upon A Time In The West_, while Dean refused to believe that anything could beat _The Searchers_.

“Come on, Dean,” Garth argued as he pulled up alongside Dean’s building. “Most critics agree that _Once_ is the best Western.”

“I got three words for you, Garth. John. Fucking. Wayne,” Dean enunciated, unbuckling himself from his seatbelt. “I don’t care what you say, it ain’t a true Western if there’s no John Wayne in it.” 

“Then I guess that means that anything after 1979 can’t be a real western?” Garth scoffed.

“Exactly,” Dean smirked before opening the passenger door and sliding out. “Just because I appreciate the ride doesn’t mean I’m going to let you say anything, but _The Searchers _deserves the title of best western.”

With a cocky smile, Dean shut the door of the jeep and waved Garth off. The man had originally offered to linger around the parking lot for him, but Dean decided he rather mosey around the city, scope out at any help wanted signs from places that weren’t listed online, and try to figure out what exactly he’d do if he didn’t land a job right away. Without really thinking it through, Dean pulled out the notebook he had hastily tucked away into his jacket pocket earlier that morning, and added another item on the list:

_4._ _Go back to college and get that major in literature_

Dean scoffed at the new bullet point; wondering if being around his dentist friend too much was causing him to breathe in residual laughing gas, because there was no other explanation for Dean to add in a harebrained goal like that. The college ship had long since sailed, and he was the one who purposely missing loading time for all passengers. At thirty-seven, he was too old to go back to school, especially to start all over with a new major. Not to mention he was already in enough debt, he couldn’t afford to get into anymore. Stuffing both the idea and the notebook away, Dean braced himself for the confrontation with his boss.

He wasn’t expecting the building to be a madhouse when he stepped in. Every staff member; from security, to the janitorial staff, to the lowest intern, to upper management seemed to be running around like chickens with their heads cut off. At one point he saw Aaron running down the hall with a pile of folders in his hands cursing up a storm. Curious, Dean set his bag down at his desk and looked over at Kevin, who was nervously tugging at his hair before patting it smooth again.

“You okay there, bud?” Dean asked. Shouldn’t he be the only one freaking out today? He was the one moments of way from getting fired.

“I’m so nervous, I think I’m going to puke,” The younger boy confessed.

“If you do, remember to aim away from the computers. I don’t think Charlie would appreciate having to fix that.”

“Don’t even joke about that, Winchester!” Charlie’s voice squawked indignantly, but Dean couldn’t see the red head until she popped out from underneath her desk a moment later, a coil of cables wrapped around her shoulders. “I have enough on my plate without needing to add pukey electronics to the mix.”

“Yeah, about that? What the hell is going on?” Dean asked, but Charlie just dove back under her desk to fiddle with whatever was wrong with her computer. He turned to Kevin for more details.

“A Shurley is coming by for an inspection.” Kevin squeaked. “Rumor is that it’s the CFO and he discovered something in our branch that he was not too happy about, but no one knows which department is in hot water.”

The Chief Financial Officer was coming over? That couldn’t be good. Despite the Shurley brothers being the joint owners of the cooperation, they had too much on their plate to check into all their headquarters, and instead put faith that the upper management could handle their own locations. Though after the huge embezzlement scandal seven years ago, when the last CFO stole millions of dollars right from everyone’s noses, the other Shurley brothers started to pay closer attention to the proceeding of their business, especially Michael and Castiel. 

Dean personally didn’t know why they thought they could trust someone named Lucifer with easy access to the companies’ funds, but then again, family was supposed to be trusted above all. 

But ever since the scandal, the new CFO was doing everything in his power to find and destroy any other corruption that was going on within the business. If he was coming down here, he must have discovered something big and nasty.

Dean tried not to think about how the CFO was Castiel Shurley, the very man that Not-James had claimed to be.

“I still don’t get why everyone is freaking out. Shouldn’t it just be the upper crust who are facing the guillotine?”

“You’d think,” Charlie said, still fiddling around underneath her desk. “all we know is that the CFO stated that he needs to have a meeting with _all_ members of a specific department. But none of us know _which_ department is the problem child, so we all have to give it our best. We also don’t know how long Mr. Shurley is going to be hanging around. It could be for 30 minutes, it could be for 30 days.”

Dean let out a low whistle. “That sucks. Well at least I’ll be dodging that bullet soon enough.”

Dean felt the table jostle underneath him, accompanied by an “Ouch” before he saw Charlie make a reappearance. “What do you mean you dodged a bullet? Have you been holding out on us with vacation time?”

“I wish,” Dean chuckled darkly. “Nope, Junkless told me to come in today for the sole purpose of firing me. I think he wants to make a big theatrical performance of it.”

“What?” Charlie and Kevin yelped simultaneously in horror.

“But you just went all the way to Boston for that conference!” Kevin pointed out.

“Which blew up spectacularly,” Dean grumbled. “Look guys, I knew what I was risking when I begged to take the deal. If I got a contract, I got the promotion. If I lost it, I’d get the boot.”

“That’s not fair,” Charlie complained. “People lose deals all of the time, but you don’t see them getting fired. You know, unless they can’t do their job. But you can! Hell, you’re one of the best workers in Marketing, despite not having the name or the title.”

“Or the paycheck. But I guess I wasn’t as good as we all thought.” Dean pointed out bitterly, before taking a look at his clock. Zachariah told him to get to work at his usual time but hadn’t told him when they would have their final meeting. Well if that asshat thought that Dean was going to do some work while waiting to get canned then he could go to hell. “So, when is the top guy supposed to get here?”

“Actually, he’s here now.” A feminine voice said behind him. Turning around Dean spotted the familiar blonde head of Rachel Adler. She was the least obnoxious of the Adler spawn, probably because she was the middle child, but she still disliked Dean for some unknown reason. Didn’t even care that Dean personally fetched her ridiculous coffee order every morning. 

“And?” Dean pressed, curious as to why she was at his desk. Hopefully Zachairah hadn’t decided to turn firing Dean into a whole family fun affair.

“He wants to speak to some of the members of the Marketing department. He specifically mentioned wanting you to be in attendance.”

Dean felt his pulse skyrocket. Why the fuck did the CFO need to talk to a secretary? Especially one who was about to be terminated? The only time Dean ever handled company money was when he had to use the department credit card to either get them office supplies, or to arrange business trips with their members, but he always made sure that he had all the official forms approved before making a purchase and made duplicates of the receipts. Unless… shit, Dean really hoped that one of the Adler bastards didn’t decided to blame him for any sort of money laundering or embezzlement. He could see them being the type to do either.

“Did he say why?” Dean asked cautiously.

“No,” Rachel snapped impatiently, but he could tell by the quick tremble that went through her that she was just as nervous as he was. “But if you get a move on, we might be able to find out before the turn of the century.”

“Alright, alright. Don’t want you to get any more wrinkles in that face of yours.” Dean smirked maliciously, enjoying Rachels huff of outrage as she whirled around and stamped out of the room. If he was going to get in trouble for their bullshit, then he wasn’t going to play nice anymore.

Dean shot Charlie and Kevin one last glance and gave them a quick smile. “Coffee break at _The Beanstalk_? I’ll let you guys know how it went.” 

He tried to ignore their concerned looks before following Rachel, but it only fueled his own apprehension. Seriously, what could someone as powerful as a Shurley want with Dean?

Rachel led him to one of the nicer conference rooms upstairs and gestured for him to take a seat at the table. Before doing so, he did a quick scope around the room, to see who else was gathered there. He wasn’t too surprised to see all the Adlers. The patriarchs were towards the front of the room, Zachariah whispering low in his wife’s ears, while Naomi pursed her lips and fiddled with the stack of papers in her hands. Hester was sitting next to her brother, Bartholomew, who was glaring daggers at his arch nemesis, Stephen Malachi. Bart and Malachi hated each other, and the only reason they still worked in the same department was because their competition caused them both to get great sales numbers. Next to Malachi, was his right hand man, Thaddeus, followed by Duma, and her secretary. At least Dean wasn’t the only secretary around and took his chance by sitting next to her.

“Amber, right?”

“A-actually it’s Ambriel,” The woman squeaked.

“My bad. So, do you know what’s going on?”

Ambriel shook her head, “All I know is that we were waiting for you and then—”

“Then I could finally pass out these nondisclosure statements,” Naomi broke in. “Nice for you to finally join us, Mr. Winchester.”

Dean double checked his watch, “It’s only five minutes into my shift? If you wanted me to be here earlier, someone should have contacted me beforehand.”

Naomi pursed her lips, and Dean had to refrain from commenting that if she kept doing that her face might freeze like that. Then again, it really wouldn’t be too different since her default face looked like she took a large bite out of a lemon. 

“Let us proceed, then.” She said, before passing out the piles of paper she had been holding. The stack she put in front of Dean made a particularly loud thud.

Jeeze, Sam had law books with less pages than this. Dean carefully started to leaf through the pamphlet and wished, not for the first time, that his brother was there beside him to help him out. It looked like most of the pamphlets were filled with legal jargon about how if anyone went against any of these conditions then they would find themselves unemployed and with a hefty lawsuit on their hands. 

Dean did know one trick from his brother, though. Never sign anything before fully understanding what was going on, and what the consequences were of not signing.

“So what this is all about?” Dean demanded, crossing his arms. Some of the other workers looked at Dean in shock for his disrespect, but Dean didn’t really feel like playing nice when he was already going to get tossed later today. Probably in a very public and humiliating manner, knowing the Adlers.

“As you might have heard, Mr. Castiel Shurley, wants to have a meeting with our department to discuss some of the findings and concerns he has with our specific branch. However, before he can speak with us, he’d like us to fill out some privacy and non disclosure forms.”

“Why?” Dean demanded.

Naomi’s eye twitched, “Castiel is a very private person and would like to keep his anonymity, thus he does everything in his power to make sure that he stays out of the public eye. This means that you are not allowed to share on your Twittergrams, Snapbooks, and Facetubes that you saw Castiel here, and more importantly, you are not allowed to take any photos of him. Anyone caught doing so would be terminated immediately.”

Dean was tempted to point out that he was getting fired anyway so they’d have to threaten him with something scarier. Then he remembered how much money the lawsuits could sue for and decided that they had already made their point about how scary they could be. Instead he continued to skim through the nondisclosures, and only signed them once he was certain that it was only about keeping Castiel an enigma. Not like Dean really cared about social media, or rich snoots anyway.

Naomi collected pamphlets as everyone finished signing them. Once she was done, Zachariah shuffled over towards one of the doors in the back, one that led to a private office that visitors liked to use in between meetings. “Now it’s my great pleasure to introduce you all to Mr. Castiel Shurley.”

Like many people, Dean had speculated what Castiel might look like. Since all of the Shurleys were adopted—only Michael and Lucifer being blood relatives since they were twins—he really could look like anyone or be any ethnicity. Hell, with a name like Castiel, he could even be a woman. However, there was one thing he was sure of, and that was what Castiel _wouldn’t_ look like. 

But as he looked up, he felt those expectations crumble down as his eyes widen in horror as he took in the familiar mop of dark hair, the cheap trench coat, and bright blue eyes. The only differences were that the scraggly beard was now a five-o-clock shadow, those vivid eyes were watching him warily, and he wore a bittersweet and hesitant smile on his face.

“Hello everyone,” he said in that familiar, husky voice. Despite addressing the crowd, his eyes were only on Dean. “If you weren’t aware, I really am Castiel Shurley.”

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

Fake-Castiel was actually… Real Castiel?

Dean practically snapped his pen in half as his brain continued the line of thought.

He tried to flirt with Castiel. Not only that but he told some of his biggest secrets to THE Castiel Shurley. He told one of the richest men of America that he used to sell his body to feed himself and his brother.

Holy shit, he told the owner of his company that he liked wearing panties! 

Dean knew he should have been paying attention, or at the very least be pretending to take notes. The last thing he should have been doing was staring open mouth at friggin’ Castiel Shurley, the owner of his company, and keeper of some of his darkest secrets. Somehow the bastard was more handsome than he remembered, but there was something about him that seemed strange. Was he really that thrown off because the guy got rid of the beard?

“Do you know the answer, Mr. Winchester?” The husky voice of his obsession asked, making Dean jolt upright in his chair.

Shit!

“Umm, can you repeat the question?” Dean asked sheepishly. Great, like he really needed to give this guy more reasons to think he was a buffoon.

“What food coloring do we use for _Angel’s Grace_? Mr. Malachi already suggested that it’s FD&C Blue No. 1, while Mr. Adler the younger guessed that it’s FD&C Blue No. 1 mixed with FD&C Green No. 3.”

Bartholomew smirked from his seat, “Mixing the two colors together would really make it pop, and we are known for our water’s beautiful shade of cerulean.”

Dean wasn’t surprised that Bart was the type of guy who knew that cerulean was a color.

“Do you want to make your own guess on what food coloring we use to get our specific shade of color?” Castiel repeated, surprisingly patient for someone who had asked Dean the same thing multiple times now.

“That’s a trick question, buddy,” Dean said, before his brain could filter his knee jerk response. “_Angel’s Grace _doesn’t believe in artificial anything. Everything in it is all natural.”

“That’s correct,” Castiel smiled, not minding Dean’s rude outburst, but frowned by the time he turned back towards Malachi and Bart. “We don’t use anything artificial in our products. As part of Marketing, you two should know better. You can’t sell a product if you don’t know understand the basic principles behind it.”

Castiel then turned towards Hester, “What is your guess?”

Hester sat up straighter in her seat, looking confident, “It’s all natural, so we must use blueberries for that color.”

“Interesting answer,” Castiel smiled, and Hester looked smug. “But that’s still incorrect. If we used blueberries, our water would actually look more purple, and it would also be sweeter.”

Hester’s smile froze and her face glowed red before she quickly ducked her head down. Castiel then turned his attention towards Amber—Ambriel, who Dean could hear gulp nervously. “I know you aren’t in Marketing, per se, but do you have an idea?”

“M-most,” Ambriel coughed to clear her throat. “Most blue fruits turn purple in water and will increase the sugar content, so it would have to be a vegetable or fungi. Perhaps… perhaps Indigo Milk Cap?"

A what’cha ma cap?

Castiel clapped, “Well thought out answer, and good reasoning behind it. For those of you who don’t know; Indigo Milk Cap is a type of fungus renown for its blue pigment. The color is so prominent that people have been able to paint with it. Sadly, our founder didn’t know of its existence when this company was created, so that’s not what we use. However, it was an excellent guess and you should feel proud.”

Ambriel gave Castiel a hesitant smile, and she stopped curling into herself in her chair. Dean wondered if Mr. Shurley brought her in just to give her a confidence boost. She ended up being the closest guess, and once Castiel asked everyone else in the room he turned back to Dean.

“It’s made by boiling red cabbage,” He heard Rachel snicker, assuming the answer was wrong.

“Correct yet again, D—Mr. Winchester.” 

Castiel turned his attention back towards the Adler siblings and the other Marketing reps, “So far it’s been the administrative assistants who have been getting these answers right. I’m very disappointed in all of you. How do you expect to sell a product that you know nothing about?”

Chastised, everyone looked down towards their desks—except Dean who couldn’t stop staring at Castiel’s face. Were there always dark bags under his eyes? Despite the man’s outward energy, there seemed to be a heaviness to his shoulders that Dean couldn’t remember being there before. 

Despite the weariness that surrounded the man, he continued to ask the staff various questions about _Angel’s Grace _and its properties, usually going back to Dean so he could answer it correctly. 

Once, Dean looked over at Zachariah, and notice the guy was turning an interesting shade of red. Whether it was from anger that Dean kept upstaging his kids, or embarrassment that his kids were all imbeciles, he didn’t know.

“Now, Rachel, I was looking over your proposal for a new product and I’m very impressed. Care to explain it?”

Rachel cleared her throat, “The idea is to turn our water into a gelatin-based product. Something that we can target towards children as a healthy snack alternative.”

“As well as?” Castiel pressed on, but Rachel looked confused. “The product proposal had much more information on it than what you just provided.”

“I wouldn’t want to bore everyone with the details,” Rachel laughed nervously, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

“But I insist.”

Dean couldn’t help but chuckle softly. He didn’t think the Castiel had it in him to be so ruthless.

“The details,” Rachel struggled to word her next sentence. “Are a little cloudy. It’s been awhile since I last looked over the details.”

“That’s concerning since you are overseeing this project. Quite a lot of money is going into researching and making this product as we speak.”

“You see, I wasn’t the only one who came up with the idea for the project,” Rachel said, practically falling out of her seat. “that’s why I don’t know all of the details yet.”

“That’s peculiar, your name is the only one listed on the proposal. You gave yourself full credit for the idea.”

Rachel flinched, realizing that she had just walked herself into a trap.

“You know what it’s called when you take full credit for something that isn’t yours? Plagiarism. Which is a serious offence according to company policy,” Castiel was no longer smiling. His eyes were narrowed and if looks could kill, Rachel would be ashes by now. “Now I suggest you confess who really came up with the idea, or else I will see to your immediate termination.”

“It was Dean,” Rachel practically whimpered. “Dean Winchester, he came up with the idea, not me!”

Castiel nodded, not caring that Rachel was moments away from crying, and turned back to Dean, “Care to explain _your _project idea?” He asked, making sure to enunciate that it was Dean’s project.

Dean shifted awkwardly, knowing that all eyes were on him. This was really not how he expected the day to go, “The idea is less of us making a Jell-O knock off and instead creating something that can be packed with hydration and withstand the worst heats without evaporating.”

“Interesting, and that’s why you would need the gelatin?”

“That and it’s a good way to get extra nutrients in. Not that _Angel’s Grace _doesn’t already have a ton of healthy sh—stuff in it.”

“Intriguing. Now, what gave you this idea and how do you hope to market it?”

Dean blushed and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Heh, weird story. My roommate, Garth, decided that he wanted a rabbit, and accidentally ended up with a pregnant rabbit from the pet store—"

“Is story time really necessary?” Hester loudly whispered to her brother.

“Considering that I asked for it, I would say so,” Castiel responded coolly, but his eyes practically glowed with rage. “I would also appreciate no further interruptions.”

“Umm, anyway, the mom ended up dying right before the kits were old enough to be weaned so we had to take them to the vet. They were old enough to not need milk, but the vet was concerned that they wouldn’t know how to properly drink out of a water bottle, so she gave us these neat little gel packets. It was pretty much gelatin water, jam-packed with all the nutrients that the babies needed so that they could grow big and strong. It was also awesome because the stuff didn’t need to be refrigerated or anything. Which got me thinking, what if we could do that with our own water? Especially since _Angel’s Grace _is one of the healthiest mineral waters on the market, and we donate a lot to emergency reliefs,” Dean shrugged. “Just thought it might be a cool, new thing to try that no one else was offering. At least, not with humans.”

“It is a fascinating idea, and I can see why it’s gotten corporate approval. Though there is one alteration I’d suggest,” Castiel said, pausing until everyone looked at him. “From this day on, Ms. Rachel Adler will be stepping down from project lead, and Mr. Winchester will be taking over. Also, he will no longer be an Administrative Assistant, but a full-time member of the Marketing and Development Team.”

“That’s absurd,” Zachariah bellowed. Dean was wondering how much the man could stand his precious children being insulted. “Are you really going to take the word of a _secretary _over a dedicated member of this staff who’s been in this position for years?”

“Ms. Adler couldn’t answer a single one of my simple questions, yet Mr. Winchester could answer them all. He knows our water better than most of our employees do, and we’re doing no one any favors by keeping him in his current position.”

“I wouldn’t say we’re keeping him in his current position,” Zachariah muttered, and Dean slumped down in his seat. 

“You wouldn’t? Excellent, then I don’t see any reason for why you would be opposed to a promotion?”

“You see, Mr. Winchester and I already made an arrangement about his promotion. He would get it if he managed to secure a contract with one of the hotel chains, but he failed to do so.”

“Yes, I do recall hearing about that. _Prince of Hotels_, was it? Were you aware that _Leviathan_ was after the same contract and Dick Roman himself showed up?”

Zachariah started to sweat, “I might have heard rumors about that.”

“I can assure you those were no rumors. Do you know what cost us the contract?”

“I assumed it could have been a number of reasons. His lack of discipline, his uncouth mannerisms, his inability to—”

Castiel held up his hands, cutting off the next flimsy excuse Zachariah was going to offer, “Dean, care to enlighten us?”

“They… didn’t like how _Angel’s Grace_ stains, sir.” Dean admitted softly.

“Sounds like they had an issue with the product, not the messenger,” Castiel stated before turning his ire back on Zachariah. “If you really think your daughter deserves to be in charge of a project, then she can help out with finding ways to make our product less colorfast.”

Before Zachariah could open his mouth and make things worse, Rachel quickly chimed in. “It would be a great honor, Mr. Shurley, sir.”

“I appreciate you stepping up, Ms. Adler, but I hope you don’t think that this will excuse your previous actions. There will still be serious consequences for your plagiarism, as there will be for anyone else if it turns out that they didn’t fully credit someone for their contributions.”

Dean could pinpoint the moment that both Bart and Hester realized that they had many reports that Dean had helped them out with, or even done himself, that they took full credit for. He also saw the moment that Castiel picked up the same thing.

“Fortunately, I’m not unreasonable. If you email me the projects with the proper credits of everyone who contributed, then you will not be investigated. However, if anyone is discovered to have purposely hidden another’s involvement, then I will personally see to your job termination. We don’t accept that type of work ethic at _Angel’s Grace_.”

Dean really shouldn’t be thinking about how attractive Castiel was when he was angry. There was something about the way he stood up taller, and how his already bright eyes burned with righteous fury. 

It was pretty hot. 


	5. For What It's Worth

Chapter 5: For What It’s Worth

Even though checking out his boss was really something Dean shouldn’t be doing, especially at work, he couldn’t seem to stop. He must have been ogling Castiel longer than he realized, because the next thing he knew everyone was bolting out of their chairs and heading for the door as quickly as possible. Not wanting to be the odd one out, he tried to gather his things and follow suit, but before he could he found himself nose to nose with Castiel.

“Jesus,” Dean cursed, relieved he didn’t drop anything from shock. “Don’t you know anything about personal space?”

Belatedly, Dean realized that this was not the most appropriate thing to say to someone in Castiel’s power.

“I apologize,” Castiel said sincerely. “I was just afraid that you would leave like the rest, and I really wanted us to talk. Privately.”

Dean felt the familiar shivers crawl up his arms. Of course, someone in Castiel’s position wouldn’t have stood up for Dean like that for nothing, let alone turn his job termination around into a job promotion. He would be stupid to think that Castiel wouldn’t expect anything in return.

“Look, buddy, I appreciate what you did, but I’m not interested in returning those kinds of favors. You got me? Those days are long over.”

Castiel’s brows furrowed in confusion, before his eyes widen comically and he turned red as a tomato, “N-no that’s—I didn’t mean—I wasn’t trying to imply—” He had to take a deep breath to calm himself down. “I only meant that I want to talk to you away from prying ears. I swear, all I want to do is talk.”

Dean eyed him suspiciously, “Okay, but if you try any funny moves, I won’t hesitate to break your fingers”

“I would not blame you for doing so,” Castiel said seriously. “But I have no intention of touching you without your consent.”

That was an interesting way to phrase that.

“So where is it that you want to talk?”

Castiel jumped, as if remembering that he was orchestrating the whole thing. “Oh yes, just step right on through to my temporary office. Don’t worry, it’s soundproofed so that you don’t have to worry about anyone eavesdropping.”

“You sure know how to make a guy feel safe,” Dean grumbled. “Seriously, can you sound anymore date rapey?”

Castiel looked horrified and accidentally shoved the door open too hard, causing a loud thud to reverberate off of the walls, “I didn’t mean for it to sound—”

“Just do yourself a favor and don't dig the hole any deeper,” Dean walked into the small office, but refused to sit down in a seat first. He preferred to be the taller, more imposing figure in a small space, and having easy access to a door. Habits he could never fully get rid of from his youth. “You go make yourself comfortable. I rather stand for now.”

Castiel gave him a curious glance, but instead of arguing with him, he just nodded his head and sat down behind his desk. Dean waited for him to start the important conversation, or whatever he'd asked Dean in there for but instead he just sat quiet and waited patiently for Dean.

“Sooooo,” Dean drawled. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yes, I…” Castiel floundered for words, which was interesting. During the meeting, he'd been confident and had used his words with the deadly precision of a weapon. In private he seemed to be more tongue tied than a school boy with his first crush. Castiel closed his eyes and took a deep breath before trying to speak again. “You were so angry when I gave you my name.”

Dean shifted uncomfortably, remembering how poorly he handled the situation, “I mean, it was a lot to take in, and I still stood by with what I said before. Why would a millionaire—”

“Billionaire.” Castiel corrected, making Dean roll his eyes.

“Millionaire, Billionaire, Gazillionarie. All of them are a bunch of zeroes I’m never going to see in my lifetime. So tell me, why would a _billionaire _ever want to talk to a low life like me? Especially after everything I shared? I still don’t even know why you even want to be in the same room as me.”

“Maybe because I’m mesmerized by you? You’ve worked for everything you have, you've seen seen some of the ugliest sides of humanity, but you still see the good things in life”

Dean blushed and carefully studied the wood paneling on the desk, “I’m nothing special, Cas.” 

“I’d have to disagree with you there. I wasn’t lying, back then, when I told you that I feel like I can never connect with people. There’s something about you that makes me want to get to know you. Maybe it’s your smile, or the way your eyes gleam with mischievous joy,” Castiel chuckled softly. “Maybe it’s even your… what did Zachariah call it? Your blatant disrespect? You just seem so comfortable with being yourself. I’m actually envious.”

“Envious,” Dean parroted, before finally deciding to take the seat across from him. “Did you not hear my embarrassing confessions? And I’m not exactly comfortable with myself. Most of this awesomeness is just a mask.”

“You seemed comfortable enough around me.”

“That’s because I thought I was going to die, and I… look, I just didn’t want to go down without _someone_ knowing those things about me. I wanted to get some of those things off my chest at least once in my lifetime.”

“Yet we survived in one piece. What do you want to do now?”

Dean couldn’t help but chuckle, “Why does everyone keep asking me that? Are you going to ask me to create a bucket list next too?”

“What is a bucket list?” Castiel asked, sounding genuinely baffled.

“You’re kidding, right? People talk about having them all the time.”

“If you recall, I don’t normally talk to people.”

Still hard to believe after witnessing him own the meeting room,“Really? Okay, a bucket list is a… you know, a list of—”

“I hope you aren’t going to say of buckets.”

“Man, I don’t even know if there’s more than one kind of bucket. And don’t you know it’s rude to interrupt someone while they're talking,” Castiel at least had the grace to look embarrassed by that. “As I was saying it’s a list people make of things they want to do before they die. Or… or even redo some things but experience it differently. I guess”

He didn’t know why he added that last bit in, but he had the sudden desire to add something to his own list, and without fully processing it, he took out his notebook and scrawled in a new item.

_5\. Drive through all of the continental states. In Baby_

Dean was so absorbed in jotting down his newest wish that he didn’t notice Castiel get up and leaned across the table.

“Is Baby your Impala?”

Dean almost fell out of his seat in surprise, “Dude, don’t make me say it again! Personal space. Also, it’s friggin’ rude to read something over someone’s shoulder.”

“But I wasn’t reading over your shoulder, I was—”

“Army crawling your way along your desk, so you could get a better angle? Yeah that doesn’t make it any better, pal.”

Castiel blushed, “I didn’t crawl, I just bent over so I could read it.”

Yeah, Dean really didn’t need to hear Cas talk about being bent over his nice, very solid desk. He also had to make sure to keep his eyes leveled to his shoes so that he wouldn’t get any other ideas about Castiel’s current position. He only relaxed when he finally heard the sound of Castiel’s chair being pushed back into the desk.

“Like I said, rude. Didn’t your parents teach you manners?”

“That would involve my father raising us, and he wasn’t really interested in child rearing. He was only interested in us once we were legally allowed to work. But I suppose the matrons would have disapproved.”

“Plural?”

“Well there are ten of us, and we were quite the handful. Gabriel and Luc—” Castiel’s voice cracked on that name, and Dean noticed the flash of anger and something akin to remorse before Cas was able to recompose.

It must have been a huge shock and betrayal to have his own brother steal money right from under his nose. It also must’ve felt weird knowing that said brother was now stuck in jail for at least the next twenty years.

“Those two,” Castiel restarted. “Were notorious for pranking the matrons and driving them crazy until they quit. We lost…I don't know, fifteen or sixteen matrons that way? Fortunately, my father paid his staff generously or else no one would have replaced them.”

“I guess there wasn’t much that his money couldn’t solve,” Dean said, trying and failing not to sound bitter. 

Yeah, it sounded like Cas’ childhood stunk, but at least he had an easy road paved with gold. 

Meanwhile, Dean felt like he had been dropped in the middle of the ocean, and his feet still hadn’t touched a solid surface yet.

“He and my brothers seemed to think so. I personally knew that it could never buy happiness. Or a sense of belonging.”

Dean snorted, “Don’t know how you can be so bad with people if you grew up with ten siblings.”

“Ten brothers. My father didn’t want any female children, he didn’t think he could mold them to be just like him,” Castiel corrected. “Though the term brother is also used loosely. We were all adopted, and we were unable to forget that fact. See, they were always competition. Our father didn’t believe in giving equal shares of his company, he believed in making us earn our inheritance, so he would use our achievements in life to decide our rankings. For every 4.0 GPA, trophy, or award earned, we gained more points. Getting just a B, or third place, caused us to lose points. Eventually, the older ones realized that they could remain in the lead if they sabotaged the others; thus it wasn’t unusual to find my school books missing, an alarm clock set too late, or a vital instrument broken before an important recital. My childhood home was more of a chessboard than anything else.”

“That’s pretty messed up.”

“Yes, and I acknowledge that. But you can’t deny that no matter how… unconventional our childhoods might have been, they did shape our experiences and lead us to become who we are today. Though, you didn’t answer my original query. Is Baby the Impala you were talking about before? She’s the one your father is currently… withholding from you?”

Who even used the word query? Or half the vocabulary Cas came up with? 

Also, how the hell did Cas remember all of that useless shit about Dean's past?

“Yeah, that’s her. I know it’s a pipe dream, but I would love to get her back and be able to travel the countryside with her again.”

“Again? Also, wouldn’t the gas prices for maintaining a car that large and powerful be cost prohibitive on a trip of that scale?”

“You’re lucky you called her powerful,” Dean grouched, before remembering that this was someone who just saved his ass from getting fired. He could easily send Dean back on the road of unemployment if he decided. “She’s made the trip from the East to West Coast a couple of times already, but there was always this shadow following us. Figured it was about time to redo the trip without my Dad’s hang ups. But like you said, it would be pretty pricey, even in one of those fruity eco-friendly cars. But it’s not like I’m ever going to get that chance.”

“Because of the costs?” Castiel.

“The costs, the lack of said car, and there’s no way that I’m going to get that length of vacation time off in the near future. Or ever. Look, can we just change the topic?”

Castiel fidgeted with the watch on his wrist, a watch that Dean bet cost more than his rent. After a couple of moments, he looked back at Dean, his eyes big and imploring, “How much money do you still owe on your car?”

Dean felt his heart swoop into his stomach and he felt sick. “No.”

Castiel seemed taken aback. “Pardon? I don’t think that—”

“You know, you really had me stumped back there. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what you were after. Because it sounded like you came to the only _Angel’s Grace_ distributor in this state, looked me up in the employee database, scheduled a surprise visit, and set up a meeting at time I was supposed to get fired. Or are you saying that it's all just a coincidence?”

“No,” Castiel shook his head, still looking bewildered. “I admit, I was worried about how our last conversation ended and I was worried about you.”

“So, you orchestrated this big thing where you not only saved my job, but you also got me the promotion I was gunning for. _And_ you gave me the reins to Rachel’s project,” Dean continued, his voice getting louder with each word.

“Those ideas were yours, Rachel didn’t have the right to claim your ideas as her own, so that she could make her own climb to success easier, while you were unable to progress. You earned that position, she didn’t.” Castiel’s voice stayed leveled, but the angry glow in his eyes returned.

“People like her do that all the time.”

"That doesn’t make it right.”

“No, but it's still true. Those with power will always use it to step on those below them. Always,” Dean glared at him, daring to provoke the boss. “So, what do you get out of this?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Castiel shifted in his seat, the only admission of guilt that Dean needed. “I was only trying to fix the wrongs that my own company was doing to you. You deserve—”

“Deserve? I was going to get fired, and yeah it sucked but I was the one dumb enough to make the wager with Zachariah. If I wasn’t so big in my britches and so sure that I could get that hotel contract, I never would have been in the position to get fired.”

“I don’t know what your pant size has to do with this conversation, but I will say that your lack of talent wasn’t the reason you lost the deal. If anything, I had hoped that the earlier meeting would prove to everyone just how knowledgeable and innovative you are in this industry. I didn’t realize I should have spent just as much time proving it to yourself. Nevertheless, the point is that under normal circumstances, you would have easily walked away with the deal. What you faced was a nightmare scenario.”

“Because I had to compete alongside a bigshot owner?” Dean ventured, crossing his arms.

“Because you fell right into the hands of your past abuser. The likelihood of both him and Dick Roman being there that day is as probable as me being here for a routine, surprise inspection.”

“So, you do admit that you’re only here because of me?”

“Yes! Because you didn't deserve to be punished for refusing your abuser. What you did deserve was to have that promotion without having to jump through all those hoops. You deserve—”

“What? Next you’re going to say that I deserve the world?” Dean mocked.

“No, you deserve… you deserve someone to take care of you for once.”

Dean tensed, “Oh? Someone like you? So how did you think this would play out? You help me out of a big jam—even make my life better for it—so that I’m thankful? Then you move on to buying me nice things, slowly getting more and more expensive stuff for me? You could pay off Baby in full without it even making a dent in your bank account. Meanwhile, I start trusting you more and more. And then once I trust you enough, you turn around and start demanding favors for the ‘services’ you’ve done for me.”

“I would never,” Castiel said, looking horrified at Dean's accusation. “I didn’t mean—”

“Yeah, you don’t mean it right now, but I’m sure one day you will. And let me tell you, Cas, I’m no one’s rent boy. I’m also not some pet project or charity case. So, you can just keep your money and your_ influence_,” Dean spat the latter word, rising angrily to his feet, “and shove it up your ass!”

“Dean, don’t!” Castiel begged, throwing himself over the table in a mad dash effort to grab Dean by the sleeve and prevent him from leaving. 

Dean stiffened, fist clenched; ready to punch the other man, job be damned, but before he could do anything Castiel realized what he'd done and released him, muttering, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please, just don’t go. I can’t watch you storm out of my life for a second time.”

Dean studied the shorter man carefully, surprised to see him trembling slightly, “What do you want from me?”

“I just want you—” Cas must have sensed Dean bristle and quickly amended. “I don’t want you sexually! I just want your presence. There’s something about you that quiets the buzzing in my head. You give me a reprieve from the guilt and self-hatred that I feel daily, and you look at me and you treat me like a real person. Even now, even knowing who I am, you don’t treat me like I’m some sort of god or care about how much I’m worth.”

“That’s because I don’t want anything to do with your frig—”

“I know. You’re also easy to talk to. Despite us fighting, despite me constantly facing your wrath, I can still find the voice to speak back to you,” Castiel let out a half-sob, half-laugh. “You know what the pathetic thing is? I also thought we were going to crash on that plane ride. Any moment, I expected our craft to be nothing more than a crater in the ground, but listening to you speak made me not care about anything else. Being next to you, holding you, made me feel brave.”

“So, what? You got some sort of savior complex?”

Castiel shook his head, “I don’t think you understand. I’ve spent the last seven years being afraid of every second of my life, but with you—despite facing the possibility of death—I felt at peace. For once, I wasn’t afraid.”

“I don’t know what to say, Cas. I’m not some sort of security blanket that you can just carry around to make yourself feel better.”

“That’s not what I had in mind. Also,” Castiel’s lip twitched slightly. “You’re a bit too prickly to be a good blanket.”

Dean couldn’t help but give a small chuckle, despite being on guard, “Then spell it out for me. What is it you want from me?”

“Is it so weird that I just want you in my life? As a friend? To have someone to talk to and confide in with no fear of judgement.”

“No, but we aren’t exactly cut from the same cloth. Why would you even want to associate with someone like me?”

“Because,” Cas said softly, his blue eyes once again looking deeply into Dean’s own, as if he could learn more of Dean’s secrets that way. “You are the first person I’ve ever met who is truly selfless. You gave all that you had to your family, and to this day you still don’t get the recognition you deserve. I have never met a selfless person in my life; everyone acts with the motivation of getting something in return. Even my most trusted companions are loyal primarily because they feel like they owe me and don’t want to be indebted to me.”

Dean shifted uncomfortably, “Look, I’m no saint. I’ve done plenty of selfish things and gotten plenty of people hurt over the years, some—”

“Did you ever hurt them to feel more powerful? Or because they were an obstacle in your way?”

“Fuck, of course not. Who the hell would do that?”

“My family. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said my family was forced to compete with each other and that dirty methods were used to stay in the lead. When I was sixteen, I was on the track and field team, and I was one of the best, despite my age. My team made it to the State Finals that year, and I was gaining a lot of points in my father’s merit systems because of it. I would have gained 100 more points if I won, which I was likely. On the day before my race my older brothers made sure I wouldn’t be able to compete,” Castiel had to take in a deep breath before continuing his tale. “Michael lured me out of my bedroom to talk; he was the eldest and head of the household while father was taking care of the business, so it wasn’t unusual for him to pull us younger ones aside for something.”

Castiel paused again and fidgeted with the sleeve of Dean’s shirt, reminding Dean that the man hadn’t let go of him yet. Dean was tempted to remove the fabric from the strange man, but decided that this might be karma for clinging to said man for a six-hour plane ride. 

Castiel must have realized it too, but since Dean didn’t make a fuss, he didn’t let go. “Michael stopped me in front of the main staircase, one of those ostentatious types that was made from marble and seemed to go on forever. He was talking to me about my grades and when was I planning to take my SATs. Preventing me from noticing that Raphael had snuck up behind me. I remember being mid sentence about how I was already studying the vocab sections of the test, when suddenly I was gripped around the shoulders and thrown down the steps. As stated before, it was a very steep, and solid staircase. By the time I landed at the bottom, I had a giant knot on the back of my head, and my leg felt like it was on fire.”

“Jesus.” Dean muttered, but didn’t say anything else as it looked like there was still more to the tale.

“That’s when Lucifer showed up. He made a big show of saying how my leg was crooked and how he was going to set it for me, but instead he twisted it worse. By the time they finally took me to the ER, my femur and kneecap were so damaged that it would take three months just to get out of the cast, and later corrective knee surgery so I wouldn’t walk with a limp—father couldn’t afford to have one of his sons look like a cripple.”

Dean recoiled at that.

“Despite the surgery and years of physical therapy, I was never able to run competitively again. I also got a concussion from the fall, and as a result my grades suffered; lowering me from a 4.0 to a 3.0 student. It took about two years for me to earn points again.”

“That’s really fucked up, Cas. Didn’t your father do anything about them pushing you?”

“What do you mean,” Castiel asked innocently, but Dean could pick out the angry furrow of his brows. “Apparently, I wasn’t looking where I was going—daydreaming like usual—when I tripped and fell down the stairs. Lucifer heard the noise and had quickly set my leg, and Michael drove me to the hospital. The two oldest even got merit points from Father for quick thinking and responsibility.”

“Fuck, that’s… that’s just fucked up,” Dean could never imagine hurting his brothers like that, hell, even though he didn’t have the best relationship with Adam, he would never do something that would hurt the poor kid.

“Now don’t you see why you are so extraordinary to me? You are someone who would rather bleed for someone else than risk them getting hurt.”

“A lot of people are like that,” Dean pointed out, thinking about Garth and Benny who have always had his back. “I think you’ve just had shitty luck in finding them.”

“You are my first,” Cas slowly relinquished his hold on Dean’s sleeve, but after a moment of hesitation he placed it carefully on top of Dean’s hand. 

Dean had forgotten how nice it felt to have this man’s hand on top of him, How it grounded him and made him feel safe. After so many decades of being the protector, it felt nice to be someone worth protecting for once. Why did Dean think that he couldn’t really trust Cas? 

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, before it was swung open, and a familiar brunette swaggered in. “Sorry to interrupt, lover boy, but we really need to hit the road.”

Dean had forgotten about the brunette from the airport. Cas’ girlfriend, or wife, or whatever. No wonder the guy only wanted friendship from him. And Dean, with his pathetic not-crush, was still holding Cas’ hand. He slowly tried to extract said limb, hoping the woman wouldn’t notice, but stopped when he felt Cas carefully stroke Dean’s wrist. The shock of the gentle touch made Dean halt.

“Before you do anything rash, or jump to conclusions again,” Cas whisper softly. “I want you to meet my Head of Security, Meg.”

What?

Turning his head, Dean finally took in Meg’s appearance. At first glance he only noticed that she was wearing a black leather jacket—despite the summer heat—with matching black pants, and a purple shirt. Pretty normal wear, but attached to her pants was the familiar shield badge of a security officer, and opposite that was a dark bulge which looked like where her holster and gun were attached. Meg noticed his gaze, curled her lips into a small, crooked smirk, and lightly grazed her fingers over the bulge and let them linger. Yeah, definitely looked like there was a gun in there.

Wait.

“So, you’re not married to her? Or dating?”

Meg guffawed, “Wow, Clarence, you sure picked a brainiac over there.”

“Megara,” Cas scolded, then must have realized he wasn’t imposing in his current position because a second later he removed his hand and properly sat in his seat. He then returned his attention to Dean. “No, I’m not nor have I ever been married.”

“Yeah, Clarence here is painfully single. Stuck in a drought longer than California too; the state's only gone through seven years worth.”

“Meg!” Cas yelped, his face turning bright red, making Meg laugh harder.

“Not that I wouldn’t mind taking a bite out of that. The money wouldn’t be so bad either.” She teased, but her eyes scrutinized Dean. Dean returned her harsh gaze with one of his own.

“Isn’t there something you needed to inform me of?” Cas broke in, stopping the staring showdown.

“Yeah. We need to get a move on if you want to make it to Portland before nightfall. Don’t forget that we have that big charity auction to attend there.”

Castiel’s shoulders slumped in defeat, while Dean grew more confused.

“Wait, she said before that you're from Seattle?” Dean asked, and Castiel tentatively nodded his head. “Then why did you go all the way out to the Midwest for a couple of hours if you needed to be back in the Pacific Northwest?”

This time Castiel couldn’t meet his eyes, his face still a deep red, “You said you were getting fired this morning. I didn’t want to get here too late.”

That’s when it hit Dean: this man had a near death experience in the last plane he took, and yet he'd gone out of his way and willingly got back on another plane just to make sure that one man didn’t lose his job. He even made sure to get said man a promotion.

No one had ever gone so far out of their way to help Dean before.

“Hey, Cas? Thank you. I really mean it, man.”

Castiel gave him a sad smile before rifling in his drawers and pulling out a post-it note and pen. After a moment of deliberation, he quickly scrawled a number onto it, and handed it to Dean, “I usually don’t do this, but I think I would regret not having some way to reach you again. So please, text me, or give me a call. I… I would like to hear your voice again.”

Dean ignored Meg’s “aww” in the background, and carefully took the offered piece of paper, “I still don’t know why you would go through all of this trouble.”

“I told you Dean, you’re special,” Castiel smiled sweetly. “I’ve met many people in my life, and I’ve never been drawn to someone as easily as you.”

“So sweet,” Meg cooed, pressing her hands to her cheeks. “I think I actually just threw up in my mouth.”

“Listen, you harpy—” Dean started, rising from his seat, but Cas had already beaten him to it as he was already out of his own and standing over Dean, and rested a gentle hand on his shoulder to keep him seated.

“Try not to let Meg bother you. She enjoys getting under people’s skin,” Castiel said, but shot Meg a warning glance to keep her mouth shut. “But I am serious about you contacting me whenever you want, to talk about anything. If memory serves right, I did promise to answer any questions you have honestly. As long as it's not legally confidential, of course.”

“Okay,” Dean said, looking down at the sticky note again, choosing to study the slopes and slants of Cas’ handwriting instead of studying the man like he wanted. As he stared at the numbers, he couldn’t help but think of a question. One humiliating enough to make Cas think twice about his vow of honesty. 

Looking up, Dean studied Cas’ face carefully. “So, man, you know one of my preferences, so I got to know yours. Boxers or briefs?”

Castiel still retained his former blush, but his eyes glittered with humor. “I don’t really have a preference. However, I only wear the color orange.”

Dean was so shocked at Castiel's blatant honesty, that he barely noticed Cas' farewell and his departure alongside Meg. When Dean finally snapped back to reality, he was alone in the room, with the note crumpled tight in his hand. He slowly uncurled the note and studied the numbers one last time before plugging the numbers into his phone. Taking a deep breath, he typed and sent out a quick text.

May 8 10:00 AM

_ **** _ _ **Hey this is dean** _

He wasn’t expecting an immediate reply back.

**Cas May 8 10:00 AM**

** __ ** _Hello, Dean._


	6. Spill The Beans

Chapter 6: Spill the Beans

“Okay, but can you explain to me how someone goes into a meeting to be fired, but comes out of it with both a promotion _and _as a project lead?” Kevin asked incredulously, staring at Dean like he was some sort of holy idol.

Dean shrugged and took a deep sip out of his coffee, which was the perfect level of sweetness while still being the right amount of black bitterness. The barista at _The Beanstalk_ knew exactly what he wanted when he said he just wanted a black coffee; an Americano with two and a half scoops of sugar. She also knew how to blend it just right so that every sip was pleasantly sweet, instead of it being weak at the top and just pure sugar at the bottom.

“Seriously, Winchester, how did you pull that off? Because I can use some of that mojo myself,” Aaron complained. “I swear, Metadick is getting on my last damn nerves. Apparently, he has made five discrepancies in his calculations for corporate spending in the past year, and he needs me to find and redo all of them. We both thought that he was the one that Shurley was coming after. He even swore that if he went down, he was taking me with him.”

“What a douche,” Charlie complained, playing with the straw of her frozen coffee-latte-chino-whatever. “Though I’m really surprised that the Fifth Shurley was in a meeting with Marketing. The CFO really should only be dealing with finances.”

“Yeah, but ever since the embezzlement scandal all of the Shurleys are taking active interests in all fields of the business. Just to make sure they don’t find any more corruption,” Kevin pointed out.

“I think it’s because none of the brothers trust each other,” Aaron confided.

“I guess that makes sense. Man, to have your own brother not only steal millions of dollars from your company, but to also steal money from your private assets? That’s just low,” Charlie shook her head in disgust.

“Probably doesn’t help that the brothers aren’t even blood related,” Aaron pointed out.

“Blood doesn’t determine family,” Dean grumbled, thinking of how his professor Bobby treated him better than John ever did, or how Garth and Benny felt more like his brothers than Sam and Adam did lately.

“That and Michael is Lucifer’s _twin_, and he still screwed him over,” Kevin reminded.

“Okay, okay, the adopted brothers angle was a low blow,” Aaron admitted.

“Though let’s go back to our previous discussion,” Kevin said before pointing a finger at Dean. Dean was very tempted to bite said finger just to make a statement. “How did you get a meeting with not only a _Shurley_, but the most elusive one, and walk away with it that much richer?”

Richer. Yeah, his salary did jump pretty high. He was now making an extra $45,000 a year. Hell, he could actually pay off Baby by the end of the year.

“Dean?” Charlie asked, prodding Dean out of his daydreams of cruising down the highway with his sexy muscle car. “Come on, Winchester, we need the deets.”

Dean didn’t know how to explain to them that he had pretty much cried into the shoulders of_ Angel’s Grace_’s very own CFO and had become the philanthropist's newest charity case. Not only did the real story make him sound like a wimp, but he wasn’t sure how much information he was allowed to reveal about Cas without getting in trouble with the non-disclosure agreement. Better to tell the partial truth.

At least Dean was much better at lying than honesty.

“Funny story. You know how I was on that airplane ride from hell on Friday night? Well to pass the time, me and the passenger next to me started swapping stories about ourselves. Then the blue stain on my shirt came up, and I ended up explaining about the disaster that was my presentation—”

“I still can’t believe that Dick Roman of all people was there,” Charlie complained, cutting him off.

“I know, and let me tell you that guy is skeevy. Anyway, turns out the passenger I was sitting next to is a close friend to C—Mr. Shurley. I guess the two of them chatted over the weekend and the conversation popped up, and Mr. Shurley got mad about the… plagiarism that was going on? I guess he also liked my idea and didn’t want Rachel screwing it up?”

“Man, I would have paid good money to see Rachel thrown off her high horse,” Charlie sighs.

“It wasn’t just Rachel. Adler senior and all the Alder juniors got verbally slapped,” Dean said with a grin.

“Okay, I would have paid even more good money to watch that,” Charlie brow furrowed in concentration. “I wonder if there are any security cameras in there that I can hack into?”

“I doubt it. Mr. Shurley was super paranoid about anyone knowing his face. We all had to sign non-disclosures that we wouldn’t try to take pictures or even tell people what he looked like.”

“That’s a bit obsessive,” Aaron muttered, taking a drink.

Yeah, it was. It didn’t really fit with the rest of Castiel’s personality, and how he seemed so open with Dean. Then again, Mr. Shurley in the meeting room was a completely different person than Cas in his office. Speaking of, he could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket, and he had a feeling he knew who it was.

**Cas May 8 1:30 PM**

** __ ** _The dress code for this function is black tie. Do you think this could count?_

Attached was a picture of a black tie with golden bees embroidered on it.

Dean couldn’t help but snicker before replying_. _

** May 8 1:31 PM**

** __ ** ** _it IS a black tie_ **

** _go for it_ **

Dean ignored the odd glances he was getting from his coworkers and returned to his cronut. It wasn’t pie, but damn was it good. “So, Aaron, what’s going on with that turtle you inherited?”

“For the last time, Dean, Golem is a tortoise, not a turtle. Turtles are aquatic, and tortoises can’t swim.” Aaron complained, before going into a big tirade of how he didn’t know why his grandfather thought it was a good idea to entrust him with an eighty-year-old tortoise.

“I mean, if Golem survived this long, you probably can’t kill him?” Charlie helpfully inputted.

“Though I wouldn’t put it past Aaron to find a way.” Kevin teased, before ducking at the napkin ball tossed at his head.

Dean laughed before feeling his phone vibrate again.

**Cas May 8 1:35 PM**

_Balthazar wouldn’t let me leave the house with it on._

**Cas May 8 1:36 PM**

_Gadreel thought it looked fetching, though._

Dean couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. The way Cas had talked before led Dean to think that he really was a recluse with no friends, but apparently he did have fancy friends with fancy names whose opinions mattered to Cas. 

** May 8 1:40 PM**

_ **** _ _ **Guess ur stuck with a boring black tie** _

**Cas May 8 1:40 PM**

** __ ** _Unfortunately. But they didn’t manage to take everything fun away…_

A moment later Dean got a picture of Cas’ foot, where he was proudly showing off black socks with yellow bumblebees scattered around. Dean couldn’t help but smile at the picture.

** May 8 1:42 PM**

_ **** _ _ **U rebel** _

**Cas May 8 1:42 PM**

** __ ** _It’ll be our little secret._

“Okay, Winchester, spill. You keep glancing at your phone and looking all twitterpated,” Charlie said, waving a cookie menacingly at him. This time, Dean did bite the offending object pointed at him. “Hey!”

“Pwtig is rwd.” He replied.

“So is talking with your mouth full,” Kevin said, repulsed.

“Please, Dean? I’ll even give you the rest of my cookie,” Charlie bribed.

“Fine. But I need to be paid in full before I tell you anything,” Dean bartered. Once the cookie was in his hand, he took miniscule bites, and deliberately chewed slowly, so that he didn’t have to answer right away. While doing so, he contemplated on what to tell the group. Obviously, he couldn’t tell them the whole truth—for both legal reasons and for the sake of his already abused ego—but he could tell them enough. After all, the best lies were really half truths.

“If you chew that cookie any slower, we’ll all be older than Golem before you spill the beans!” Aaron complained.

Dean took another micro-sized bite, loudly smacking his lips together like he was some sort of cookie connoisseur. Annoyed, Charlie snatched his phone off of the table and ducked behind Kevin before Dean processed what just happened.

“Really, Winchester? Your password is the same year as your car? Can you get anymore basic?” Charlie complained, slowly scrolling through his phone. “Ooooh, who’s this Cas girl you’re talking to?”

Kevin peered over his shoulder to glimpse at the phone and snickered. “I like her bumblebee socks.”

“Bumblebee socks? That’s adorable.” Aaron chuckled.

Dean’s face turned red, hoping that they wouldn’t scroll further and find out who exactly Cas was. “Give me my phone, Charlie,”. He growled.

“Oh come on, I’m just—”

“It’s an invasion of privacy,” Dean snapped. “I was going to tell you when I was ready and you should respect that.”

Properly chastised, Charlie turned off the phone and handed it back to Dean. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was something you were uncomfortable with.”

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable I’m… look this thing with Cas is complicated, and I don’t want anyone—myself included—to read too deep into things.”

“Can I… can I ask who Cas is?” Charlie asked shyly.

“Cas is… Cas is the passenger I was sitting next to on disaster-plane. And the reason why I didn’t lose my job.”

“Cas as in Mr. Shurley’s friend?” Kevin asked suspiciously.

“Umm, yeah.”

“Weird that they have similar sounding names.” Kevin pressed on.

“I mean, I was best friends with one guy for ten years all because his name was Aaron too,” Aaron helpfully pointed out. “Plus, do you really picture someone like Castiel going by the name Cas? It’s sounds a bit girly for him.”

“Hey!” Charlie squawked.

“I think the more unbelievable thing is thinking that I could be on texting and nickname terms with someone like Castiel,” Dean pointed out. 

Honestly it still didn’t sound believable to him.

“True, though who knows. If you keep getting buddy-buddy to other-Cas, you might end up rubbing elbows with the big honcho more often.” Aaron smirked at him.

“Look, guys, can we not get into this?”

“I just don’t understand why you think this is something you need to keep to yourself,” Charlie said, softly. “This girl really seems to make you happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen your face light up like that before.”

“Because,” Dean growled, before taking a steadying breath and starting over. “Because this thing with Cas is new, and it’s complicated. I feel like we’re connected or something? I mean I know we’re practically strangers, but we also went through something terrifying together.”

He absentmindedly stirred his coffee, trying to push aside the lingering fear he still felt from being on that plane. He wanted to push it deep down, but part of him was curious to see what would happen if he shared the burden with his nosy coworkers. 

“At first, it was just a bumpy ride. No big deal, everyone was calm, but annoyed. Then it got worse. But what was really horrifying was having the Captain make an announcement that no one could make out, followed by the airplane just plummeting towards the ground, while oxygen masks rained down from above us. Honestly, Cas and I both thought we were going to die, and there was no one else we could turn to for comfort. Hell, I was such a nervous wreck that I couldn’t even put my own oxygen mask on, and Cas just… just held my face that entire time. I really thought I would die and that was going to be the last thing I ever saw. I—” 

But Dean couldn’t say anymore. There was a lump in his throat telling him that he had already shared too much and that it was time for him to shut up. Dean tried to drown out the lump with some lukewarm coffee, but the lingering feeling of disgust remained.

How did he become so pathetic?

“I’m so sorry, Dean,” Charlie whispered again, only something sounded off about her voice. 

Looking up, Dean noticed that there were now tears streaming down her face. 

She caught his stare and gave a wet laugh, “Sorry, I’m like an empath. When the emotion is so strong, I just feel it myself. That and—” Charlie’s lip trembled. “I guess it didn’t really dawn on me, how close we came to losing you.”

Dean shifted awkwardly in his seat, eyes focused on his drink since he couldn’t bring himself to look back up at his co-workers and see their morose faces, “Look, I didn’t tell you guys that for pity—”

“It’s not pity,” Charlie snapped, and then sniffled. “If it’s anything it’s me being scared. Terrified because I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”

“I’m just a coworker.”

“You shut your face!” Charlie barked, surprising Dean. She opened her mouth to say more, but her lip trembled too much, and she had to grab a napkin off the table to use as a tissue.

“I think what Charlie is trying to say, is that you’re not just a co-worker to us. You’re our friend,” Aaron explained, while Charlie nodded enthusiastically. “Getting fired is one thing, because we could figure something out. Maybe still meet up for coffee during our free time? But you dying… it would be like this empty space. There’s no chance for us to grow distant over time, you would just be gone without any of us having a chance to say goodbye.”

“Man, my last words to you would’ve been ‘remember, don’t choke and fuck this up for yourself’ or something like that,” Kevin remarked, shaking his head slowly.

Dean decided not to point out the kid’s text or how Kevin had also told him he was crazy for taking on such a stupid wager. Even if the kid was right.

“Okay, I get it. Though can we hold back on the water works now?” Dean pleaded.

Charlie snickered, “Right, sorry I forgot that too many tears could cause you to melt like the Wicked Witch of the West.”

“I think you mean, make his ice-cold heart melt,” Aaron teased.

“Though seriously,” Charlie said, finally returning to her seat next to Dean, so that she could put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “If this Cas makes you happy, you should keep talking to her.”

Dean stiffened, ashamed that he didn’t point out Cas was a he, but was too much of a coward to do anything about it, “For now. Let’s face it, Charl, we don’t exactly run in the same circles. Honestly, if that plane didn’t almost go down, we probably never would’ve spoken to each other. And yeah, we’re talking now, but eventually the terrors of that night will go away and then what? Who wants to keep speaking to someone that reminds you of an awful experience.”

“Maybe someone who sees meeting you as one of their _best _experiences.”

Dean chuckled, humorlessly. No, once time moved on, things would go back to the way they'd been before. Hell, Castiel might even block Dean’s number at that point. The guy was dodgy enough to do something like that. “I highly doubt that.”

“Want to bet on it?” Aaron said, leaning closer to the table.

John would probably call him foolish for taking a bet with someone who worked with numbers for a living, but Dean figured he had the more realistic odds, “How much you thinking?”

“I’m feeling a bit adventurous. How’s fifty sound to you?” Aaron smirked.

“Sure. I might have gotten a raise, but I can still enjoy taking money away from a sucker.” Dean retorted.

“Cocky. So I bet that you and this Cas end up being friends for years.” Aaron proclaimed.

“Right, and I give it a month max before I stop getting text messages.”

Aaron grinned, “That’s just the type of cynicism I expected from you.”

“Can I put in a bet?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t know, think you’ll have enough milk money if you do?” Dean joked.

“Harhar. You know what, I give it a year before Dean does something stupid and messes it up.” Kevin grumbled.

“Why do we even let you sit at the adult table?” Dean grumbled.

“Probably for the same reason we let you sit here, Dean.” Charlie deadpanned. “And put me on the list for this never ending, because I think Dean will marry Cas.”

Dean almost snorted out his coffee. “Sure, Red. I think you’ve been watching too many RomComs lately.”

“Whatever, Winchester. Mark my words, you’re going to fall in love.”

“Is anyone else concerned about the fact that Charlie just made this betting pool potentially last for a decade?” Kevin pointed out.

“Meh, we’ll have Winchester’s $50 to blow on drinks in the meantime. It’s really only his money I was after anyway.” Aaron smirked before taking a sip of him coffee.

“Haha, so funny,” Dean rolled his eyes as he leaned further back into his chair. “Well, you’re all going to look pretty dumb once Cas forgets I exist and I win $150 in one shot.”


	7. In Any Direction

Chapter 7: In Any Direction

In hindsight, maybe Dean shouldn’t have been so cocky or aimed so low in his bet, especially now that two months had almost passed and Cas was still sending him messages. 

**Cas July 4 11:22 AM**

_I don’t know why I agree to this every year._

** July 4 11:23 AM**

_ **** _ _ **I cant believe u hate the 4 of July** _

** _pretty unamerican there_ **

**Cas July 4 11:25 AM**

_This holiday is merely an excuse to get drunk, eat greasy foods, and make lots of loud noises._

** July 4 11:28 AM **

_ **** _ _ **I know awesome right** _

**Cas July 4 11:29 AM**

** __ ** _You and I have vastly different opinions on what is fun._

Dean felt his heart sink to his stomach after reading the text.

** July 4 11:29 AM**

_ **** _ _ **yet your still talking to me** _

Dean immediately regretted sending the grammatically incorrect text, and watched with growing unease as the little bubbles appeared on his phone screen. He didn’t realize how much worse it was when the bubbles disappeared and failed to reappear again. He feared that he might have pushed Castiel too far this time, after all, why did he feel the need to remind the other man that Dean was below him and not worth the extravagant attention? Especially since Cas had never asked for any sort of favors, or even risqué photos of Dean. He legitimately seemed to want Dean for companionship, not lust. 

But how could Dean be interesting to a billionaire? To someone who’s been to Paris and Tokyo, and a ton of other places that Dean could only dream of? To someone who could just walk into any store he wanted, and would never have to worry about things being too expensive or out of budget? There were hundreds of reasons for Cas to not be interested in him, and Dean had known that from the beginning. However, it didn’t stop him from desperately staring at the screen, silently begging the bubbles to return.

They didn’t.

Instead, his ears were blasted by the intro to Led Zeppelin’s _Kashmir_. Castiel was calling him!

“Hello?” Dean asked hesitantly, wondering if this was a butt dial or something. 

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel’s deep voice rasped, and Dean hated how quickly he relax at just hearing that familiar phrase again. “I was going to text you my reply, but I was concerned that you might accidentally misconstrue my meaning. Usually I find it easier to communicate with people through texts, but with you I feel like it’s… harder.”

“Sorry if I—”

“Don’t apologize, Dean. It’s harder to write to you because I miss hearing the inflection of your voice. I don’t like not knowing whether you are saying things with that dry wit of yours, or if you are being self-loathing. I didn’t want to decide this was just your humor and risk hurting you.”

“Look, Cas, I’m not some delicate little flower that you need to protect.” Dean growled, his face flushing red. Whether it was from anger or embarrassment, he didn’t know.

“No. You are a remarkable man, and the strongest person I’ve ever met. That’s also why I worry, as you are your own adversary,” Castiel said, and there was something about his tone that told Dean that he wasn’t just trying to placate him. “I also… I also think you still don’t believe my intentions towards you.”

It seemed like the balance was shifting in favor of the embarrassment side.

“Still sounds pretty far fetched to me. Why would a billionaire want to be my friend? Hell, I might understand it more if you wanted a fling, but you haven’t even asked me for any sort of sexy pictures,” Castiel immediately started coughing on the other line, clearly taken by surprise over Dean’s outburst. “I mean, I get it that everybody doesn’t swing that way, but you’re giving me some confusing signals here, pal. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me projecting, or being stupid, but you act like you’re attracted to me.”

It took a few more minutes for Castiel to regain his composure, “It’s not that I don’t swing that way. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I don’t swing in any direction. No one ever really drew my attention before I met you, and I apologize if that’s been confusing for you. However, I’m not a fan of how you expect me to treat you. Being attracted to you doesn’t mean that I view you only as a sexual instrument.”

Dean flinched, feeling chastised even though Cas never raised his voice, “I guess they’ve just always been synonymous to me.”

“Or maybe you’re not used to attraction that isn’t based on lust?”

Dean laughed, self-depreciative. He knew he was mostly a pretty face, and that all of his relationships were because of lust first, “That’s possible?”

“Yes. When I say I’m attracted to you, Dean, I don’t just mean that I find you aesthetically pleasing. I’m attracted to your personality. Every time you speak, I can feel myself being drawn more towards you. Almost like a magnet—”

“Drawn to its polar opposite,” Dean predicted, boredly.

“Maybe on a superficial level we look that way, but deep down we are similar. What I was going to say was ‘like a magnet always pointing north’. It seems like no matter what I do, you’re always on my mind. Even when I’m at my busiest moments, I can’t help but sneak a glance at my phone in hopes that you’ve messaged me, or wish for you to call me. Your ringtone has actually become one of my favorite sounds.”

“Hope you picked a good tune,” Dean said with a weak chuckle.

“I found it fitting. But there is an issue that we should address.”

Dean braced himself, “Yeah?”

“You need to figure out where I stand with you. I know that you still have your concerns. Doubts you can’t completely get rid of just yet, and I’m alright with that. All that I ask is that you continue to keep yourself open to the possibility that maybe we aren’t as different as you think. Maybe I won’t turn into the villain you’re afraid I’ll be.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “No offense, dude, but you talk like you’re some sort of literature protagonist.”

“Then I suppose it’s a good thing that we both are fans of the subject.”

Cas got him there.

“Look, Cas, it’s not like I’m expecting you to turn Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde on me. I’m just… waiting for the other shoe to drop. You seem too good to be true, and things never work out this well for me.”

“Me neither. Perhaps both of our bad lucks cancel the other out?”

“Maybe,” Dean chuckled. “Hey, Cas? You’ve never really answered me before. What is it that you want from me?” 

“Your happiness,” Castiel answered, like it was as easy as saying that 2+2=4 or that the earth was round.

“Come on, man. The truth. No one is that selfless.”

“Oh, I can assure you, I’m completely selfish in my actions. What I want the most is to be the one primarily responsible for your happiness. I hope to one day look over at you when you don’t notice and see your face relaxed, see a small smile on your lips and see that those shoulders are no longer weighed down by the weight of the world. I want you to catch me staring, and I want to see pure joy and amazement reflected in those green eyes of yours. Above all, I want to go to bed every night knowing that it was me who brought out that gleam. Me.”

Dean was stunned and struggled to string together a sentence that didn’t sound like garble. Of course that meant that he defaulted to snark, “You sure know how to make a guy’s heart go all a flutter.” 

“One of these days you will take my words seriously,” Castiel said confidently.

“Oh yeah, you really think that you can woo me?” Dean teased. 

“Wooing you sounds more like using deception or bribery. I don’t want to woo you. However, I would gladly jump through whatever hoops you needed me to so that I could prove my dedication to you.”

“Fine, you want to jump through some hoops? Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows.”

“I’m demisexual.” Castiel responded immediately.

“You’re what?”

“Demisexual. It means that… I’m not usually attracted to other people. I have to feel a deep… almost spiritual connection with them before I can see them in any other sort of light.”

“Oh,” Despite being a closeted bi guy himself, and having a friend who was an out and proud lesbian, Dean knew very little about the LGBT-how-many-other-letters community. He kinda had this deep rooted fear that if he dug too deep, that suddenly he would become more recognizable to the rest of the community and be outed for the freak he was.

“I really wish you would stop using language like that. You’re not a freak.” Castiel reprimanded. 

Shit, did Dean really just say all of that out loud?

“In fact, bisexuality could very well be the default sexuality, as it seems that many animals in nature are happy with either gender. Statistically speaking, I’m the bigger oddity out of the two of us, as there’s roughly 1% of people that fall under the asexuality umbrella.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not typically interested in sex.”

“Typically? What, does that mean you do want to get in my pants?”

“Much more interested than I thought possible for me. Usually I’m averse to the very idea of it. However, just because I’m more receptive to the idea of it with you, doesn’t mean that I’m ready or willing to jump the gun yet. There’s still so much left for us both to learn about the other. For us to prove.”

“Oh, and what do you think that I need to prove to you?” Dean goaded.

“To me? Nothing. However, I think that you do need to prove to yourself that you are not worthless, and that you did not deserve any of the awful things that happened to you.”

Dean was once again grateful that Cas could not see him blush through the phone, “I don’t think that way.”

“Maybe not in those terms exactly, but for some reason you seem to accept the stigma that your family has for you, just because you had to get a GED.”

“I was a high school dropout, I didn’t get my GED until I was twenty-two. They have room to judge.”

“Not when you were the sole provider for them since you were a teenager. The fact that you didn’t burn out before your senior year is a miracle in itself.”

“I think that demisexuality of yours makes you see me through rose colored glasses.”

“As your own self hatred makes you also see a distorted image of yourself,” Castiel counters. “Additionally, my demisexuality doesn’t ‘work’ like that either. No more than your bisexuality makes you want to have sexual encounters with every attractive person you meet.”

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind having some… night time fun with the main cast of _Dr. Sexy_. Now those are some attractive people.”

Dean could practically hear the eye roll going on the other line, “Though, I don’t mind talking about it with you. My sexuality with you, that is.”

Dean laughed, “You really want to talk to me about your sex life.”

“If you wanted to? Though there isn’t much data for that, at the moment.”

Dean ignored how he tacked on the last part, “But there’s some? So how many people have been able to break through that umbrella shield of yours?”

He wondered if Meg, or Balthazar, or even Gadreel were one of those people.

“That’s not how an umbrella works? I… you know, never mind. There was technically someone, but it wasn’t that good of an experience.”

“Listen, buddy, no one lasts that long their first time.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Castiel said, abashed. “Though… considering my vow of honesty with you, I won’t deny that the results were not what I had hoped to achieve. However, the bigger problem with the encounter was my partner, April.”

April. He hated her already. With such a fruity name like that he could just picture her. Some sweet little thing that came from a good family name, a respectable education and could make beautiful babies with Castiel. She probably came with no baggage either.

“Yeah, what happened?”

“I found out that the reason she had pursued me for long and so vigilantly was because my older brothers had paid her off to do so.”

Dean choked at that, “Wait, she was a hooker?”

“Oh, heavens no, though wouldn’t be surprised if that was Gabriel’s next idea. No, Michael and Lucifer wanted me to end up with someone that could strengthen the family name. They also were concerned that my disinterests in the opposite gender made me gay and they wanted to… I supposed they thought they could ‘cure me’ by ensuring I ended up with who they wanted. Someone who could keep me in line, but also respected their authority above all.” 

“That sounds… pretty weird. I’m actually surprised you fell for it.”

“Honestly, so I am I, but she was persistent, and she did have information on me. She knew my favorite things, and she pretended to have the same interests. She even used to make me my favorite sandwiches every lunch since she knew that I was discouraged from eating it at home.”

“PB&J, right?”

“Mmhmm,” Castiel hummed in agreement, and Dean felt himself warm at the sound, a little too pleased to have made Cas sound happy. “Mainly what we did was help out with charities; spending time in soup kitchens and volunteering at hospitals. I thought she was a gentle, kind hearted person, and that we were both humanitarians at heart, but after we… you know…”

“Did the deed?” Dean supplied.

“Yes, after that, she started to show her true colors. Which was a spoiled brat who just wanted to live off of her inheritance, and thought that poor people were diseased. I’m honestly impressed that she was able to keep up her charade of the charitable persona for five years considering how selfish she was.”

“Ouch, what happened after you figured out her game?”

“Told her I never wanted to see her again and then I joined the Peace Corps so I had about six years without seeing or hearing from her or my brothers. Eventually, April forgot about me and moved onto someone else. Last I heard, she’s married to a… much older gentleman, who likes to buy her love and affection.”

“How lucky of her. Though can we back up to the part about how you were a part of the Peace Corps? I mean, I knew you were a philanthropist, but I didn’t realize it went that deep.”

“I always felt lucky about the wealth I was adopted into. I was an orphan so I really could have ended up in any lot in life, instead of becoming part of the 1%. I always felt like I should use that wealth to help others who couldn’t escape the same fate, since most of them simply have the misfortune of being born poor or in a Third World country.”

“So umm, what did you do during your time in the Corps?” Dean asked, and Castiel explained. 

Dean listened in fascination as Cas told him tales of all the places he's been and the people he saw. He explained how he both donated and helped build an orphanage in Haiti that was not just a roof over the orphans’ heads but was also a structure that was so safe that a semi-truck could be on the roof during an earthquake and the building would still be whole. Neither man knew why there ever would be semi-truck on top of a building, but hey, at least the orphans had a secure place. Cas had just moved onto how he’s last trip was to Laos, Vietnam and how he spent his time helping to clear out mines that were left behind from the Vietnam War, when Dean heard a loud alarm in the background and Cas cursed.

“I forgot that I was in the middle of getting ready before I called you.”

“Right, you have to do that big company Fourth of July thing right?”

“Yes. Have to show the company that the rest of the family is a united front that supports and loves each other. You know, after the whole Lucifer fiasco.”

“But isn’t that a lie? I thought you hated them all?”

“Hate is a strong word, and I do love Inais and Samandriel. They’re younger, and they took more after my example, so they weren’t ruthless in our competition. I also really love Gabriel, but he is someone that I can only handle in small doses. He can be a little too much, but he does mean well. Deep down. Or at least that’s what I like to tell myself.”

“What are you going to do about the other six siblings?”

“Smile, nod, and hide where they can't find me,” Castiel said seriously, making Dean laugh.

“I think I’m going to be doing the same thing. Family gatherings always go the same way. Dad brags about Sam and Adam, Adam and my stepmom talk shop about medical things, and then Sam shows up with his kiddos and his family is the center of attention. Which I get, especially since little Maggie and Jesse are adorable. What I don’t like is that Ruby doesn’t let me anywhere near them.”

“That is really odd. Why hasn’t your brother said anything about it?”

“Because she’s real crafty about how she does it. Usually she just always calls the kid over, to either fix their hair or remind them of manners. And if she notices that I’m coming over, she’ll herd the kids to another room.”

“Why does your sister-in-law despise you so much?” Castiel asked, concerned.

Dean let out a weak laugh, “God only knows? I think she still holds a grudge over the fact that I told Sam he could do better when he first started dating her. See, I really liked his two previous girlfriends. His first, Jess, was this awesome nurse in California, but she… she died in a home robbery gone wrong. Sam just… wasn’t the same when he lost her. Then there was Sarah, and she was amazing because she made Sam smile again, and she was super smart too. They were dating for a couple of months before he met Ruby and he immediately jumped ship. At that time, Ruby was a big party girl, and didn’t really seem smart enough for Sam. I told him that, and she must’ve found out, because the very next time I saw them, she let me have it about how Sam didn’t need my approval for dating. She also told me a drop out didn’t have the right to judge others intelligence. Which, yeah, I shouldn’t, but I was more concerned about how she would take him out late drinking every night, even when he had an exam the next day.”

“I could see why you would be concerned about that.”

“Yeah, and his grades were starting to slip and I was afraid he might lose that scholarship of his. But then Ruby turned her life around, encouraged Sam to hit the books, and now here they are.”

“At least she was able to turn her life around?”

“Yeah, seems like a lot of people can turn their lives around on a flip of a dime when they want to,” Dean grumbled angrily.

“I’m assuming that you are referring to your father?” Castiel inquired.

“...Yeah. Sometimes it just really pisses me off that he could be an alcoholic for seventeen years, despite us begging him not to drink, but he can quit just because he has another son and a new blonde chick in his life?”

“Do you dislike your stepmother?”

“Yes—No? Honestly, Kate is great. She’s really helped us all out. She got Dad clean, she encouraged Sam to apply to Harvard Law instead of just dropping out after Jess died, and she even helped me with my application so that I could get into the University of Sioux Falls. She’s great.”

“I feel like there is a ‘but’ attached to that.”

Dean snickered immaturely before growing serious again. “But… I wish she came into our lives sooner. Shit, Adam was eleven when she finally told Dad he existed. All I can think of, is what would have happened if she contacted him right away? Hell, I would have only been eleven myself at the time, and Sammy was seven. We could have grown up with a mom. I wouldn’t have had to—I could have—”

“You could have had a childhood,” Castiel whispers softly. “I’m so sorry, Dean.”

Dean shrugged, despite Cas not being able to see it, “It’s stupid. It’s not like Dad was the best guy. Hell, he never even told her he had kids. She probably thought she was doing the best thing for Adam by keeping him away from Dad.”

“You are allowed to feel angry, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah. But Kate doesn’t really deserve it. Anyway, aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for your barbecue?”

“I wish it was a barbecue. I’d give anything for a decent burger. Instead it will probably be lobster and caviar.”

“I’m pretty sure that is a felony on this holiday.”

Castiel laughed. “It very well could be.”

“Shame, you aren’t in my neck of the woods. I do make a pretty mean burger. I think it might even be the best in the Midwest.”

“Best in the Midwest? Makes quite an interesting slogan. One of these days I will have to try it out and see if it can live up to those expectations.” 

“Well I hope that you are prepared to have your mind blown.”

“I’ll mark it in my calendar,” Castiel teased. “Though in all seriousness, would you want me to join you up there?”

“The truth? ...Yeah. Part of me is just tempted to ditch and do our own thing. Away from our shitty families. Maybe just find a spot on the roof and we watch the fireworks together. Just the two of us.” 

Dean didn’t hear any response from Cas’ side, though he did hear some banging around and Cas uttering a soft curse. After a couple of minutes, Cas returned to the phone, “Alright, I did it.”

“Did what?” Dean had no idea what Cas had been banging around for.

“I just cancelled on my brothers and booked a plane to Minneapolis.” 


	8. Change of Plans

Chapter 8: Change of Plans

“Do you want to repeat yourself, because it sounded like you were cancelling on spending time with your family. Last minute. On a federal holiday.” John Winchester’s voice was caught between a growl and disbelief.

Dean forced himself to stay calm, knowing very well that his father was like an apex predator. Any sign of fear or weakness, and he would pounce for the kill, “You heard all of that right. I’m not coming.”

“You’re not coming, and you decide to tell us now? Dammit, Dean, do you know how much money I spent on all of that meat?”

Dean clenched his jaw, annoyed but not surprised that his dad’s biggest complaint was on food wastage, “It’s just one less person. I’m sure you can just freeze what doesn’t get eaten.”

“I still raised you to be more considerate than that.”

Dean bit back the response that John would have had to have been sober long enough to really be a parent back then, “Look, something came up with work. One of the head honchos decided that he needed to speak with me today, and is flying over here as we speak. I couldn’t exactly tell him no.”

“See this is what happens when you’re some other man’s bitch,” John complained. “If you stayed in school or didn’t have such a shitty job record, you could be your own boss by now. Hell, you could even be a mechanic under me. Lord knows that I would give you enough freedom to do what you want.”

As well as bitch about every little thing that went wrong? No thanks. 

Also he really hoped his dad never discovered exactly how much he was growing to like the idea of having said boss throwing him against a wall and kissing him like crazy. Actually, Cas wouldn’t throw him so much as gently guide him to the flat surface, gently cradling him to support him, not to cage him. Cas wouldn’t steal kisses either, he’d make sure that Dean was sure and wanted it. He wouldn't treat Dean like some sort of delicate flower, but he wouldn’t be rough either, instead he’d kiss him with some sense of wonder. As if Dean was the special one.

Nipping that thought process before it got any further, Dean made a noncommittal noise to his dad. “At least I got that promotion and pay raise. Who knows, maybe I won’t be at the bottom of the totem pole much longer. I am in charge of my own project now.”

“Right. Fine, just make sure you don’t fuck this up, Dean. You’re getting a little too old to keep job hopping.”

“I know, Dad,” Dean growls, but instead of replying back, John hang up on him. “Yeah, love you too.” Dean muttered darkly before angrily tucking away his own phone. 

Dean lingered in his room for a moment, debating on what to do next, before deciding that the best course of action would be alerting his roommates about his change of plans. That and inform them of the fact that he might have a guest staying the night. Which might lead to the awkwardness of them figuring out just how much he liked a certain male friend.

As nerve wracking as the thought of his two closest friends finding out about his sexuality made him, Dean realized that the idea of claiming Cas as just a friend made him feel worse. 

Perhaps the best thing for him to do then, was neither say nor deny anything? If they assumed they were just friends then he should just let them assume, and if they thought they were something more then so be it. Afterall, whatever this thing was between him and Cas, it was nothing that needed the opinions of others.

Still, despite his decision, Dean still felt nervous as he climbed down the steps to the living room. There he found Garth cuddled up with his girlfriend, Bess, and Benny in festive scrubs, tying his shoelaces.

“I thought you didn’t have a hospital shift tonight?” Dean asked Benny. 

Now that the man was entering his last year of nursing school, he was also taking on more hospital shifts instead of just being in the classroom.

“Wasn’t supposed to, _cher_, but someone called in ‘sick’ and no one else was willing to cover,” Benny explained, straightening up and fixing his pants. “And Lord knows that the hospital is going to need all hands on deck for tonight. Between the idiots blowing off their fingers, burns, and heart attacks from the loud noises; I’ll barely have enough time to breathe.”

“As a doctor, I highly recommend breathing,” Garth said, smiling wide.

“You’re a dentist.” Dean pointed out.

“A doctor of dentistry! The doctor is still in my name!”

“That’s right, Dr. Fitzgerald,” Bess cooed, and Dean had to roll his eyes. Garth was an unbearable ball of sunshine on a good day. With Bess, he was even worse.

“Before you two start making out on the couch, I got something to ask you,” Dean interjected. 

Both Garth and Bess looked up at him curiously, and Bess even slide away from Garth so that the man could fully turn towards Dean.

“Is everything all right?” Garth asked, eyeing Dean expectedly. He probably also noted Dean’s lack of luggage, despite the fact that he was supposed to be catching a train soon so that he could spend the holidays with his family.

“Yeah, but there’s been a change in plans. I get it if you were planning to have the house to yourself tonight, but a friend decided to come up last minute to visit. He’s… He decided he would rather spend the holiday with me then with his own folks. Honestly so would I,” Dean admitted, slowly turning red. “So would it be alright if he spent the weekend here?” 

“Of course it’s alright with me, Dean. This is your home too,” Garth said with a wide smile, before his face turned serious. “But there is one condition.”

There’s always a condition.

“Okay, what is it?”

“You and your friend,” Garth pointed and then all serious was lost as he smiled wide again. “Need to join us for dinner tonight!”

Bess squealed in excitement, “Oh that sounds perfect, sweetie! We were just talking earlier about how the community picnic would go so much smoother if we had some famous Dean burgers. Ooh and his pie if there is time.”

“I can’t make any promises on a pie, but I can definitely do burgers. But can I head out after a while? Cas isn’t the biggest fan of being in crowds for too long.”

Garth and Benny exchanged looks and smiles, before Benny turned back to Dean, “Is this _the _Cas?”

“Huh?”

“You know,” Garth jumped in. “The one you are always talking to on the phone.”

“And smiling about?” Benny continued.

“Oooh, is that the girlfriend you two thought Dean was keeping from you,” Bess asked, making Dean wonder about how much his roommates had been gossiping about him. 

Then he realized what she said. _Girl_friend. Apparently she didn’t catch the part about Cas being a he. Maybe none of them did? Did he even say the proper pronoun for once, or just thought he did? What if they were being so understanding because they all thought that Cas was still a girl? What if they were disgusted when they found out the truth? What if his roommates were too uncomfortable with the idea of living with a _queer_?

“Actually,” Dean squeaked. “Cas… Cas is a guy.”

“I’m sorry, I thought I misheard the first time,” Bess said, sincerely, no visible look of disgust on her face. “So is Cas your boyfriend then?”

Considering how Bess grew up in a religious family, he was also concerned how Bess would take it. Even if Garth was miraculously okay with it, would Bess try to talk him into kicking Dean out? 

“No,” Dean quickly denied. He wanted to leave it at that, but he had made a promise to himself to not lie about this. “But… I kinda wanna be?”

To Dean’s shock, Bess simply squealed, “I’m so happy for you, Dean!”

“Now I really wish I didn’t take this shift,” Benny lamented. “I want to be around to meet Cas.”

“I’m so excited to meet him! So how did you two meet? What he’s like? Does he know about us?” Garth demanded.

Dean… didn’t know how to respond. He really didn’t think his friends would handle this so well. Benny must have noticed something was off. 

“Cher, did you really think we would have cared?” Benny asked.

Dean couldn’t form words at this point and just nodded. 

“Dean… we’ve lived with you for five years, and you’ve become one of our closest friends. We don’t care who you bring home, as long as they make you happy.” Benny assured.

“Annnnnd we’ve kinda known for a while that you’re bisexual.” Garth admitted.

“What?” Dean practically jumped back in horror. All this time he thought he had hid his sexuality well, but his friends already know. Was it really written on his face that he was different than the rest of them?

“I mean, we’ve lived together for a long time. It’s not too hard to pick up that you check out both the female and male characters on TV,” Garth pointed out. “But you never outright said it, and we never asked because it wasn’t our place.”

“We just hoped that someday you would trust us enough to admit it,” Benny said.

“Honestly, I just don’t judge,” Bess said with a shrug. “Love is love as far as I care.”

“But you’re a church girl.” Dean blurted out.

“Yeah? And my dad’s church is very accepting about everything, and is community focused. We believe the cardinal rule is that you treat everyone with kindness and love, and that judgement should never be cast on someone for something they cannot help.”

Garth smiled proudly at Bess, “See, this is why I always invite you two to the community events their church hosts. The congregation there is really nice and they even know how to throw a fun party.”

Benny and Dean shot each other questioning glances, neither positive if it really would be as fun as excitable Garth seemed to think.

“Maybe someday.” Dean said noncommittally.

“Anyway, as fun as this is, I really need to leave so I’m not late for my shift,” Benny said, grabbing his hospital ID off of the key rack, as well as his keys. “Can someone do me a favor and take plenty of pictures tonight? I want to know what this Cas fellow looks like.”

“I’ll be sure to sneak in as many pictures as possible,” Garth promised and Bess nodded in agreement.

“Like hell you are,” Dean threatened.


	9. Chrysanthemum

Chapter 9: Chrysanthemum

“Son of a bitch.” Dean complained later, as a flash from a camera blinded him yet again, making him pause from taking another bite of his burger. “Garth, if I see you or your girlfriend come within a hundred feet of me again, I am chucking both of your phones onto the grill.”

“Oh come on, Dean,” Garth pouted. “I promised Benny I’d take plenty of pictures for him.”

“I think he got the point an hour ago. Now scram before I turn that Samsung phone of yours into a Sams-well-done brick,” Dean threaten, shaking his beer can threateningly. It was luckily empty, and he wasn’t afraid to use it as a projectile weapon to prove his point.

Garth held his hands up in the air in surrender, his phone clutched tightly in his right hand, “Okay, okay. Point made. We’ll leave you two alone.”

“`Bout time,” Dean declared, not putting his can down until Garth was no longer in throwing distance. Which considering Dean made an awesome pitcher, that meant that Garth was pretty much out of sight. Just how Dean wanted it, considering he had purposely chosen the picnic table that was furthest away from the rest of the congregation at the neighborhood park.

Castiel chuckled over Dean’s antics and used his napkin to wipe away the ketchup stain on the side of his mouth. “At least they didn’t catch us midbite this time.”

“Yeah, but I thought they would have grown tired of snapping pictures by the hundredth one,” Dean growled. Castiel just chuckled again before gesturing at Dean to bring his face closer so that he could wipe off the mess on Dean’s own face. It embarrassed Dean how easily he complied, but it also filled him with a sense of joy of how easy it was just to be around Cas, and how much the other man wanted to take care of him.

No one ever really took care of Dean, and it was nice to indulge in it for once.

“So what do you think about my burgers?”

Castiel raised his hand back to his own cheek, and hummed in thought, “Well it was really good, but can I really claim it was the best in the Midwest without it being false? Hmm… well, I can say that it’s the best I ever had, but I’m afraid I haven’t really had any other burgers out in the Midwest.”

“Really? I thought you did all sorts of traveling?”

“Yes and no. I’m usually on the West or the East Coast. Sometimes I’m abroad, since I’m the only one of my brothers that’s multilingual,” Castiel paused to take another bite of his burger. “Actually, besides layovers, this is only the fourth time I’ve ever been to the Midwest, and I’ve only seen two areas.”

“Huh. And two of those times…” Dean paused but couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Yes, both times were to seek you out,” Castiel said, shifting uncomfortably. “Which now that I’m thinking it over, makes me realize that I sound obsessive and a bit…”

“Stalker-y?” Dean supplied.

“A bit stalker-y,” Cas agreed, gently nudging Dean with his elbow. “Even though that isn’t a real word. But I don’t want to be that person that makes you feel uncomfortable, or unsafe, and I apologize if I made you feel so.”

Dean couldn't meet Cas’ eyes, but he did shift closer to the man so that they were now pressed up against each other, “It _is_ weird, and sometimes a little freaky. I won’t deny that. I mean, we’ve only seen each other in person three times, and sometimes you look at me like… like I’m the most important person in your world. It can be a bit much.”

Cas stiffened, “I understand. That is a lot.” He slowly tried to edge away from Dean, but the other man quickly reached out and grabbed him by the bicep, preventing him from moving further.

“It is, but… shit, I feel just as drawn to you. No one knows the things you know. Things I thought I was going to take to the grave. Things I thought that nobody would understand or… or…” Dean took a deep breath and changed tactics. “But you know those things and you never treated me like either some broken and pathetic thing, or a dumb whore who--”

“Don’t ever call yourself that.” Castiel growled. “You are many things, Dean. Brave, righteous, loud, caring, and so loyal that it turns into self-sacrificing. You are a son, a brother, a hard worker, and an intelligent student, especially when given the proper environment to learn. What you aren’t and will never be is a whore.”

Dean shifted uncomfortably, doing a quick glance just to make sure that no one was still in hearing distance, “You know the definition of a whore, right? I used my body for money and favors.”

“You sold your body for survival, and that blame falls on your father for putting you in that position, as well as the scum who took advantage of such a young boy. The blame was never on you,” Castiel argues, his voice steadily growing louder.

Dean did another quick glance around, and saw that Garth and Bess were now busy being hosts for the Fireworks at the Park event. No one was paying attention to them, but he still felt like people were watching and judging, “Hey, want to know where the best spot is to see fireworks?”

“Outside?” Castiel guessed, narrowing his eyes and tilting his head in thought, which Dean tried to deny was adorable.

“Close but no cigar. The best place to see fireworks is up on the roof,” Dean said, pointing towards one of the park buildings, it contained supplies from gardening to sport supplies for the kids. It was only about two stories high, but had some sturdy siding that would be easy to scale up.

Castiel glance back and forth between Dean’s finger and to Dean’s face, “You can’t be serious.”

“Completely serious.”

“It doesn’t look safe!”

“Oh come on, I climb up it at least once a year.”

“The roof could collapse while we are on top of it,” Castiel argued.

“Not likely. Garth and I check it out every fall and do any necessary repairs.”

“But I don’t see any ladders, Dean,” Castiel offered one last, weak complaint.

“Cas, do you trust me?” Dean asked, and Castiel nodded. “Good, then follow me.”

Finishing up the last bite of his burger, Cas ruefully got up from their spot at the picnic table and followed Dean over. Once there, Dean carefully explained to Cas where to grab onto and where to put his feet so he could scale the siding. Dean even made him go first, so that Dean could direct him, and could keep a steady hand on him in case Cas started to lose his balance. It took them longer than it would’ve if Dean had just gone up himself, but they did make it to the roof, and neither were injured.

“How is it that you’re afraid of flying, but you aren’t afraid of scaling roofs?” Cas asked incredulously, staring down at the ground below.

Dean shrugged before finding the most comfortable spot on the roof to sit, and herded Cas over to the location, “I guess it’s because I have control over myself here. I know what to look out for, and how to avoid danger. And if all else fails, I know how to break my fall from this kind of height. With flying, I’m completely dependent on another’s skill for my survival.”

“So it’s a lack of control issue? Does that mean you have similar issues taking public transportation?”

“I’m not afraid of taking public transportation, which is good since I have to take the train everywhere until I can get Baby back. I just prefer driving myself. I think the bigger issue is being so far off of the ground.”

“Even though planes are statistically the safest mode of travel?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Still doesn’t mean I have to trust them. Especially not after the last one almost killed me,” Dean reminded.

“Yes…” Castiel shifted uncomfortably. “Is it bad that I’m still grateful that the plane hit such bad turbulence?”

Dean was about to tease him, or argue how Castiel really shouldn’t feel that way, but instead he told him how he really felt, “As much as it fucking sucked, and I never want to relive it… I’m glad it happened too.”

He didn’t point out this time about how they were from two different worlds and really shouldn’t be friends, or whatever this thing was between them. Maybe it was paranoia or superstition, but Dean was afraid that if he pointed it out again, Castiel would finally wake up from his fantasies, and realize how little Dean was worth keeping in his life. Even though they had only known each other for a couple of months, Dean knew he couldn’t lose Cas. Not yet, at least.

Castiel smiled at Dean, and hesitantly reached out to grab Dean’s hand, almost as if he was afraid that Dean would slap him if he did. Admittedly, Dean really wasn’t much of a hand holding guy, especially with other men, but this was different because this was Cas. Dean even twisted his hand around so that their fingers could interlock because that was what felt the most natural, despite being more intimate. Castiel looked over at Dean in part shock and part amusement, but didn’t say anything. All he did was smile brighter, as if the simple action made him the happiest man in the world.

“I think I made the right decision by coming here,” Castiel said, looking down at their intertwined fingers with affection.

“Yeah, but how much trouble will you get into for bailing last second?”

“With my brothers? I’m sure I can expect an ‘I’m disappointed in your behavior’ email from Michael any second. I can just ignore that. Meg, however, is a different story.”

It took Dean a couple of seconds to process the last part, and he almost choked when he did. “Wait, you ditched your security again? Why do you have a bodyguard if you keep dodging her?”

“She is important to my safety, but I don’t really need her when I’m not in the public eye. I’ve also only ditched her twice. The first was so that I could… talk to an associate in Boston that Meg disapproved of. The second is, well now.”

“Let me guess, she doesn’t approve of me either?”

“She… doesn’t know what to make of you,” Castiel sighed. “She’s known me for years and she knows that I don’t really get attached to people, let alone fall for them. She’s just a bit worried.”

“Is it because of the whole… Demisexuality thing?”

“Mostly. She wasn’t there for the April fiasco, but she heard stories. She’s afraid that I’m lonely and projecting so that I think you can be The One.”

Dean almost choked but covered it with a cough. He wasn’t really the type to be anyone’s The One. Lisa had proven that to him. “Ugh, why does she think that?”

“Mainly because of my age,” Cas sighed again. “Dean, I’m turning 41 in September. It’s not too surprising for her and others to presume that I just want to settle down with someone. Anyone. And I can admit that it does get lonely, seeing other couples, especially my siblings, all be paired off and having kids of their own. To know that they can share every part of their life with someone else, and that they—in theory—have someone that they can confide everything to. However, I don’t want to just end up with anyone. I do need to have that special connection.”

“Like you think you have with me,” Dean stated, refusing to meet Cas’ eyes, and instead kept looking at their hands. He always thought that two guys holding hands must look ridiculous, since both hands would be so large, and no delicate counter. But now he could see that they were just hands, it didn’t matter the gender.

“Like I know I have. You can’t deny that you don’t feel it too. That desire to hear the other’s voice, wanting to know everything that is on their mind, and wishing to see them. To hope that they are feeling content and cared for,” Castiel responded, using his other hand to gently massage Dean’s.

Dean refused to melt into his ministrations just yet, “But what if you are? Projecting, I mean.”

“I suppose that is a possibility,” Cas admitted, slowly tracing a finger down the veins stretched out across the back Dean’s hand. “However, it doesn’t explain the reciprocation I feel from you. Unless that is also in my mind?” At that he looked at Dean in concern, as if he was the problem.

“It’s not in your head,” Dean reassured, watching Cas’ face wash over with relief as the man returned to play with Dean’s hand.

“Believe it or not, I’m not lonely. I make it a habit to not be. Loneliness is for idle minds and bodies who have time to process that they are alone. Instead I fill my time with activities, and surround myself with those who need my help. It’s hard to be self-pitying after spending hours with the poor and downtrodden. Helping them gives me a sense of purpose.”

“Are you sure you aren’t just latching onto me because I’m another person to help? Because it really sounds like it,” Dean couldn’t help but voice.

Castiel snickered, “No, I’m sure of it. For one, I have boundless patience with those I help out. You… well to be blunt, you know how to press my buttons and there are often times that I just want to literally shake sense into you.”

“Yet you still like me?”

Before Castiel could answer, a loud BOOM interrupted them. Looking up in the sky, Dean saw a giant blue and yellow explosion scatter across the sky.

“Chrysanthemum.” Dean said, pointing at the sky with his free hand.

“Pardon?” Cas asked, with a head tilt.

“Chrysanthemum. It’s the type of firework. They all have a different name based on their shape. Chrysanthemum are big and bright, and make a shape sorta like a flower.”

“Do you know all of the different kinds?”

“Not every one, but I know a few. I’ll point them out as I see them,” Dean promised.

Which lead him to pointing out spirals, comets, snowflakes, and willows to name a few. With each new shape, Dean would take their entangled fingers, and trace the fading shapes of the fireworks across the sky so that Castiel would have a better understanding of knowing the difference. Soon Cas was guessing the shapes alongside him, only stumbling on the fireworks that had similar patterns like the willow and the spider. Eventually, the men repositioned themselves so that Cas was in between Dean’s legs, back pressed firmly against Dean’s chest, while Dean’s free hand rested against Cas’ shoulder. They still held hands, but they had to switch from opposite hands to the same side to accommodate their new position. Dean wasn’t completely sure how they even ended up in their current arrangementment, except that it was a gradual thing, and that the new placement had made the most sense at the time. Probably so Dean could properly trace the shapes without Cas complaining that he was pointing too far to the left or the right.

What Dean did know was that he was happy and content in this position.

“How do you know so much about fireworks?” Cas asked, snuggling further into Dean so that the taller man could lend him body heat.

“Use to live in some backwood areas where there was no one around and nothing to do. Meant that Sammy didn’t get to see a lot of fireworks growing up as a kid. Once I was old enough… or at least looked old enough to buy fireworks, I started hoarding them for a year and would set them all off on the Fourth, so that Sammy could finally enjoy the experience. Picked up a lot of tricks when I learnt how to set them off without blowing myself up.”

“Yet again, you found a way to surprise and astound me,” Cas said, and Dean could hear the smile in his voice.

“Why’s that? Because I learned how to set off fireworks when I was still a teen?”

“That, but more so the fact that you went out of your way to ensure your brother had a good holiday.”

“Well,” Dean coughed awkwardly. “Not like I wasn’t enjoying it myself. Admittedly, some of those nights were the best of my life.”

“I’m glad you were able to have those,” Cas said, before shifting around until he could look at Dean’s face again. “I also hope that tonight can be memorable as well.”

Dean laughed, and didn’t refrain from doing what felt natural, which was to press his forehead against Cas’ and just breathe in with the man. “Trust me, Cas. This night is one for the books.”

“Books?” Castiel questioned breathlessly, and it wasn’t really fair for him to sound so winded when Dean hadn’t even given him a reason to be breathless. “Is that like your bucket note thing?”

“Bucket list,” Dean corrected. “and not necessarily what I had in mind, but I guess this is something I’d be glad to do before dying.”

“Is there anything else you’d want?” Cas asked, so tauntingly close but so far away.

“There’s a lot of things that I want, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I can have them.”

“Do these wants hurt anyone by having them?” Cas asked curiously.

“Not really,” Dean said, taken aback. “It would just be selfish.”

“I think that if anyone has the right to be selfish about something, it would be you.” Cas said, shifting position yet again so that he was cupping Dean’s head. Exactly the way he had when the plane had be plummeting, and just like then Dean wanted to tell him everything.

“I wouldn't make a good boyfriend. I don’t even think I want a boyfriend. The word itself just makes my skin crawl,” Dean blurted out.

Castiel flinched, but didn’t let go of Dean’s face, “I’m not the type that can do one night stands or casual sex.”

“No,” Dean practically shouted, horrified. “Yeah, I won’t lie. I’ve done those types of arrangements in the past, but I don’t want that from you. You deserve so much more than that.”

“Then what is it you think I deserve?”

“I don’t know. Fancy restaurant dinners? Expensive, romantic getaways? Things that I could never afford, and never be comfortable with.”

“I have my own French trained chef at home, I don’t need to go out to a fancy restaurant. I’ve also seen most of the world already, what I haven’t seen is the world through your eyes,” Cas argued. “I’ve seen fireworks before, but I never knew their names and never seen them from a rooftop before. You taught me how to see it differently.”

Dean was grateful that it was too dark for Castiel to see him blush, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Cas could feel his cheeks warm in the other’s hands.

“This might be me overstepping,” Cas continued. “but perhaps you are afraid of the traditional relationship? Perhaps it’s because they’ve never worked for you before? Perhaps it’s because you’ve had such an untraditional lifestyle growing up that it feels phony to you?”

“I guess?” Dean breathed, not sure what Cas was getting at.

“Yet this thing between us has never been traditional. However, that doesn’t make it a bad thing. Maybe we can do things our own way?”

Dean let out a weak laugh. “Are you saying fuck the rules?”

Castiel gently stroked around the ridge of Dean’s nose, tracing strange symbols across his cheek and towards his forehead. It took Dean a couple of moments to realize that Cas was tracing his freckles, “Not exactly how I would have phrased it, but yeah. Fuck the rules. All I want is moments like these. Moments with you.”

“I won’t make a good boyfriend,” Dean repeated, weakly.

“I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want Dean. Just like how I can just be Cas around you.”

“You really think it can be that simple?”

“I think we can make it less complicated by not overthinking things. All I ask is that you give us a year. A year to figure things out and just learn how to live in these moments together. And once that year is up you are free to decide whether or not you still want me in your life, and you can also decide in what capacity you want me there. If you want me to leave, I’ll leave, but if you want me to stay then I’ll stay.”

“You… umm, you sound pretty convinced there that you won’t be the one to change your mind,” Dean pointed out.

“That’s because I know I won’t,” Cas said, confidently.

“You also live across the country. Long distance for a year is a no go.”

“I’ll move. Luckily, there is an _Angel’s Grace _department in this area,” Castiel teased.

“If we don’t date, then what do you suggest we do to pass the time? We can’t just watch fireworks every night. And you aren’t exactly the Netflix and Chill type.”

“I’m not really sure what that last thing is,” Cas admitted. “But I do have some idea of what we can do to pass the time.”

“Oh really? What?”

“It’s going to involve that ridiculous tooth notebook of yours.” Cas said, smiling brightly.


	10. Wake Up Call

Chapter 10: Wake Up Call

Dean fell asleep that night with Cas wrapped around him like a giant octopus; limbs encircling him so snugly that if he wanted to shift at all he had to tap Cas awake so he could loosen his hold enough for Dean to reposition himself, and then immediately re-clung to Dean. It was a bit odd for Dean to be in such an intimate embrace with someone he didn’t have… well sexual relations with, let alone be cuddled by a man, as well as be the little spoon for once. But Dean loved every second of it. 

Sometimes, Dean wondered if the reasons why he used to sleep around so much was because he enjoyed having another warm body to sleep next to. Especially after so many years of sharing a motel bed, or the backseat of the Impala with Sammy because John couldn’t afford to get two separate rooms, and couldn’t hold a job long enough to afford a place of their own. He couldn’t sleep for a week the first time he had a bed to himself, and didn’t hear the familiar snores of his little brother in his ear.

It was also nice just to cuddle and be cuddled, without feeling like it was owed. Even with Lisa, it didn’t feel as natural, since he felt like he had something to prove to her so that she wouldn’t leave him. Prove that he could be a good husband to her, and a wonderful father to her son. That he could provide for all of their needs, and wasn’t just a freeloader at her house. It wasn’t much of a surprise for Dean when she eventually kicked him out once he proved to her that he wasn’t what was best for her family.

The other difference was how much Castiel and him had just talked. 

They stayed up late into the night going through Dean’s puny bucket list and adding to it. The list now also included things that Dean wanted to do specifically with Cas, and also focused on things that Cas had never had a chance to experience. It all started when Dean added number eight to his list, which was to go camping again, as it was something he really did enjoy, even if the reasons for camping in the first place was so John didn’t have to pay for a motel for a couple of weeks. But Dean had genuinely enjoyed the chance to be out in nature, to fish for his own food, stargaze at night, and most importantly to roast s'mores over an open fire. 

Dean actually gasped in horror when Cas asked Dean what exactly a s’more was as he never had one before. This lead to Dean giving Cas a poetic description about the chocolatey-marshmallowy treat from the campfire gods, but Castiel remained unimpressed by the depictions. Which finally lead to Dean declaring that roasting s’mores was bucket list worthy, and added to the list.

_8\. Show Cas what he’s been missing and show him how to make a badass s’more_

The more the two men talked, the more Dean realized how much stuff Castiel missed out on and he started adding things to his bucket list, despite Cas’ weird comments.

_11\. Rake leaves so Cas can jump into a giant leaf pile_.

“Isn’t that counterproductive to cleaning up the leaves?” Cas had remarked.

“Yeah, but it’s like a tradition. It’s not fall until you do it.”

“I suppose it’s a good thing I refer to it as autumn then,” Cas teased, which led to Dean throwing his pillow at the man.

Soon Castiel started adding to the list as well.

_12\. Go apple picking to make fresh apple pie and cider_

_13\. Pick out and carve pumpkins. And make pumpkin pie._

_14\. Wear badass costumes on Halloween_

“You seem to have a penchant for using the word badass,” Cas noted.

“Because it’s an awesome word.”

“You also use 'awesome' excessively too.” 

Castiel spent the next fifteen minutes with Dean’s pillow over his face. At first, Cas tried to remove said article of Dean’s bedding, but gave up after Dean kept throwing it back on him. This didn’t stop Cas to adding to the list.

_15\. Go ice skating_

“Only pansies ice skate,” Dean complained.

“I dare you to call a hockey player a pansy.” Cas challenged. Thus ice skating stayed on the list, but Dean amended it by adding they play a game of ice hockey as well.

_16\. Chop down and decorate a Christmas tree_

Castiel’s family Christmas tree was always bought and decorated by professionals, while Dean’s childhood Christmas “trees” were whatever was available during that time frame. They had Christmas bushes, Christmas cacti, and his personal favorite, the Christmas lamp. True, John and Kate now always had a Christmas tree in their house for the holiday, but it was their family Christmas tree, and he didn’t really fit into that. Even the tree Garth and Bess put up at the house was theirs, not his. So it would be nice to have a tree of his own.

Castiel agreed, however, he also amended the list by adding that they would plant two new Christmas trees in its place.

“Really? Why two?”

“Because you should always give more than you take. Also, it takes ten years for a Christmas tree to grow, Dean. A whole decade for barely a month in your living room.”

“Fine, Captain Planet, we’ll replant some Christmas trees! No need to guilt trip me.”

Eventually they got sidetracked from actually writing things down for the bucket list, in favor of just talking. Dean had never enjoyed listening to another speak as much as he did when Castiel did it. Maybe is was because Cas spoke like a poet, or the fact that he had such a deep voice that it gave Dean the best kind of tingles. Or maybe it was because everything Cas said was sincere, and that he seemed to equally love listening to Dean speak. 

When they did fall asleep, it was with whispered promises that Cas was going to look into Minneapolis properties the following day.

Dean knew he should not have too many expectations about the morning, especially when soft promises were easy to make late at night while you’re wrapped around another. However, he at least expected to wake up with Castiel still in his bed, and was crushingly disappointed when he woke up alone, and the side where Cas had slept was cold, meaning the man had left it a while ago.

Groaning, Dean reluctantly rolled out of bed, unwilling to face the day and happy faces. Happy faces that seemed so excited last night to finally meet Cas, and were optimistic that things would work out between the two. If they only knew that his friend Cas was actually _the_ Castiel Shurley. Then they`d know how stacked the odds really were.

As he headed downstairs, he caught a whiff of brewing coffee and bacon. Welp, at least if he had to face the day alone, he got to face it with his two favorite morning pairs. That and his roommates. 

Chances were the breakfast maker was either Benny, getting back from his hospital shift, or Garth making breakfast for Benny since he was getting off said shift. Bess was definitely still asleep, as the woman refused to get up before the afternoon. When he got downstairs, he saw that his guesses were both correct and very wrong.

Yes, Benny and Garth were downstairs in the kitchen; Garth near the coffee maker, and Benny near the stove, scrambling some eggs, but it was Cas that was actively frying up the bacon. The dark haired man was concentrating hard on the pan, like the state of the fatty pork would determine his ultimate fate.

“Uh, good morning everyone?” Dean said hesitantly.

Cas looked up from the frying pan, his eyes softening and his smile spreading wide and easily, “Good morning, Dean.” 

“Mornin’, brother,” Benny smirked. “Cas here wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed, but you got up earlier than we expected.”

“I warned you all that the combination of making bacon and coffee could wake Dean from even the deepest slumber,” Garth teased as he grabbed a coffee cup, poured in some of the freshly brewed pot, and passed the cup along to Benny.

“Thanks, _cher_.” Benny said appreciatively before gulping down the coffee as quickly as he could without scalding his mouth.

“Rough shift at the hospital?” Dean guessed, still trying to process the fact that Cas wanted to make him breakfast in bed. Didn’t only married couples do that on special occasions?

Benny nodded, “The Fourth brings out all sorts of idiots.”

“Please tell me you don’t have another full day ahead of you,” Garth sighed.

“Nah, I already cancelled on work yesterday, and thankfully it’s the weekend so no classes.”

“You take summer courses?” Cas asked, intrigued.

“Yep, the only way I could pull off graduating on time.”

“You’re looking into being a Phlebotomist, correct?” Cas asked. 

Dean was impressed that he remembered that much about his roommates and even knew the word Phlebotomist. Dean had just said that Benny was like a good vampire, he enjoyed working around blood and wanted to specialize in it. 

Benny seemed equally impressed, “Yep. At first I was just happy finally getting my nursing license, but then after volunteering at the Red Cross, I realized that I actually enjoy working in that kind of environment.”

“Like I said, Cas. Benny is a regular ol’ vampire.”

Benny grinned, “Usually have the schedule of one too.”

“Well I’m quite impressed. It’s a noble profession, and one that more people should know about and look into,” Castiel declared. 

Dean wondered if that might have been a snide comment on the fact that Dean didn’t even know how to spell Phlebotomist, let alone realize that’s what Benny was studying.

“Thank you, Cas. Now what was it that you said you do again?”

Dean swallowed so hard in surprise that he choked on his own spit. Fuck, don’t let Cas answer that he was the CFO and heir of a multibillion dollar company. One that Dean happened to work and get a promotion at. 

“You okay there, brother?” Benny asked in concern.

“Y-yeah. Just swallowed wrong,” Dean said, waving Benny off. Which only made Benny return his attention back to Cas. 

Shit.

“I do some accounting at my family’s business,” Cas said with a sheepish grin. “Though my past passion was in humanitarian work. I was in the Peace Corps for ten years before I came back stateside.”

“Really?” Garth asked excitedly, before gently handing Dean his own cup of coffee. “What did you do over there?”

Cas regalled them with some of the stories about what he did as he finished cooking up the bacon. Dean wasn’t sure what felt more surreal; that his roommates were joking around with the guy he was pretty much dating, that Dean was actually _dating a guy_, or that said guy was insanely rich and making him bacon. Correction, making him bacon wearing a ridiculous apron.

“What the hell are you even wearing, Cas?” Dean asked, taking in the strange apparel. On it was a giant wolf’s head with a freaking rose in its mouth.

Cas looked down and patted the material affectionately. “Garth let me borrow it. He said that bacon is real greasy and splatters, and that it would stain my shirt.”

Looking closer, Dean saw that Cas was in his usual business wear; a starch white button down shirt, a striped tie. and black business slacks, “Dude, don’t you know how to dress casual?”

“Not really. However, in my defense, I was originally packed for a family outing. One that would require me to dress professionally.”

“Man, just when I thought your family couldn’t get anymore uptight,” Dean said, shaking his head as he placed his coffee down on the kitchen island before going over to the cabinet to take out plates to set the kitchen table with. Only fair since Benny and Garth were already getting breakfast started. “Though I gotta know, man; can they even sit when they have those long sticks shoved up their asses?”

Garth looked horrified at Dean’s vulgarity, but Benny guffawed, and Cas just shrugged, “To be honest, it is pretty rare to see them sitting.”

Dean laughed as he set down the plates, and then doubled back to grab some utensils. “Well this isn’t exactly business, or even business casual attire here. If you want, you can go borrow some of my clothes.”

“I would appreciate that,” Cas responded, and Dean saw the way Cas’ eyes swept across Dean, taking in his well fitted pajamas.

Dean couldn’t help but wink at Cas in return, before he rescued his coffee from the island and took a deep sip. Damn it, one of these days he was going to have to admit to Garth that he actually preferred having some sweetness to offset the bitterness of his black coffee. 

Cas rolled his eyes at Dean’s antics and pointed a spatula over towards the sugar, “Just go add sugar like you want to.”

“Oh, Dean takes his coffee completely black,” Garth explained.

Cas gave Dean a pointed look and Dean sighed. His roommates didn’t question his manhood when he admitted he wanted to date another guy. Liking sweet coffee really couldn’t change their opinion that much, “Actually, I do kinda like it sweet.”

Garth looked at Dean in shock, like he didn’t even recognize Dean anymore, “But you’ve always said you liked your coffee black. All this time you were drinking coffee you didn’t like?”

“It’s not that I don’t drink my coffee black, I just… really love it with a teaspoon and a half of sugar.”

Garth just shook his head in disbelief, as Cas slide past him to put some fresh bacon on Dean’s plate. 

“Sorry, Dean,” Cas apologized. “I think I might have broken Garth with that development.”

“I should’ve seen it coming,” Garth said sadly into his own coffee. “No man who loves that much pie could really enjoy something as bitter as pure black coffee.”

Dean glanced over at Garth, “He’ll be fine. The guy has the memory of a puppy. By his first bite of Benny’s scrambled eggs, he’ll be back to his usual chipper self.”

“That is a relief,” Cas said, with a smile. “Now go sit down so I can continue to serve you.”

Damn, why did every little thing that Cas said always translate into something sexual into Dean’s mind? Because there was definitely some non-family friendly ways that Dean could think of Cas serving him while Dean was seated. 

Bad, little Dean! 

Shaking his head, Dean sat like Cas requested, and waited patiently for Cas to bring over the eggs. It was as Cas carefully arranged Dean’s plate, making it look nicer than any diner ever did, that Dean was hit again with the feeling of surrealism. 

“You know, you’re kinda perfect.” Dean blurted out.

Cas beamed at Dean as if he just received the best compliment in the world, “Thank you, Dean. I think you’re ‘kinda perfect’ too.” 

Dean’s face flushed, quickly looked down at his plate, and stabbed his fork through his eggs so that he didn’t have to keep on looking at Cas. He did his best to ignore the awwing and cooing that his roommates were doing in the background.

“Never thought I’d see the day that Dean here would get flustered,” Benny ragged. “How did you two meet anyway?”

Dean could hear as Cas shifted from foot to foot, before he headed back over to the kitchenette, and grabbed his own plate of food. Guess that meant that Cas was leaving him to tell the story. 

Once Dean was done with his bite of food, he answered. “We, uh, met on that disaster plane from Boston. Cas was actually the passenger next to me. Kinda kept me calm the whole way.”

Garth cooed again, but Benny’s eyes hardened as he remembered something else that happened that night. 

Garth had been asleep at that time, and Benny and Dean were already on their second slasher movie, when Dean admitted a little bit about how crappy his day was. Well, the edited version. Instead of Alastair being… well the slimy bastard that gave teenage Dean job perks and extra pay in exchange for sexual favors, he was the crappy boss that overworked and bullied teenage Dean into quitting during a busy workday. In that version, Alastair simply recognized Dean’s name and still held a grudge after all of these years, so he purposely ruined the presentation. There was no propositioning. Then, Dean explained what else happened, and how he ended up sitting next to someone special on the plane, but they had turned out to be a big phony.

“Really,” Benny drawled, no longer sounding as friendly. “You know, now that I think of it, I coulda swore that Dean mentioned something about the person sitting next to him being a fraud. Mind elaborating?”

Cas froze as he approached the table, glanced back and forth between Benny and Dean, before he slowly lowered himself into the seat next to Dean, “There was a big misunderstanding when we landed.”

“Yeah? What happened?” Benny demanded, and Dean suddenly felt mortified to be the one on the other end of the protective older brother chats.

“My… secretary showed up at the airport to pick me up and to discuss business,” Dean could hear the nervousness in Cas’ voice when he called Meg a secretary, which made sense since a normal person wouldn’t need a bodyguard. Though Dean would hate for Meg to have been around for Cas to call her that. He heard enough tales to know that the girl was scary. “She called me by my nickname, Clarence, and was overly familiar with me and… I suppose Dean inferred that we were a couple and lied about my identity.”

Dean nodded slowly before adding to the tale, “Y-yeah. Probably would’ve still thought the worst if Cas hadn’t given me his number and reached out. I didn’t believe him at first, but over time I realized that he was for real.”

Benny nodded at Dean before returning his glower to Cas, “Have you ever been married?”

Dean choked on his bite of bacon. Fucking Benny! Who did he think he was? Not to mention that was a waste of a good piece of bacon.

“Never, although people have said that I’m married to my career before.”

“Have you ever—” 

“Benny,” Dean growled, cutting off the burly man, “Cas isn’t here to be interrogated. So either shut your mouth, or stuff it with some food.”

Benny opened his mouth, but decided against whatever he wanted to say. Instead, he reluctantly sat down across from Dean and began to nibble on his own piece of bacon.

There was an awkward silence for a couple of minutes, before wonderful Garth decided to break it, “Hey, Cas, have you gotten the chance to see much of the sights of Minneapolis?”

“Not really. I haven’t seen much besides the park where you had the barbecue, and the airport terminal,” Cas admitted, slowly shredding his own bacon into little tiny pieces to mix into his eggs. Dean couldn’t decide if the man was a genius or blasphemous. 

“Oh, Dean, you know what you should do? You should take him to Minnehaha Park!” Garth exclaimed.

“Mini haha?” Cas asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“Minnehaha Park. It’s one of the greatest must sees in our city! You know, besides the Mall of America,” Garth explained.

Dean shuddered, “Yeah, and there’s no way I’m taking you into that tourist trap. I respect you too much as a person, Cas.”

“Thanks?”

“Hey, I think the Mall of America is fun,” Garth disagreed. 

Of course Garth did. A mall with an amusement park inside sounded just like something he’d love.

“Despite Garth’s usual bad taste,” Dean ignore Garth’s noise of complaint. “Minnehaha is a nice place to visit during this time of year. Even if it still is touristy.”

“Yeah, it has this awesome bridge and this beautiful waterfall. Ooh, it’s the perfect place to have a picnic,” Garth said, getting excited again.

Picnic at the park? That sounded like something he and Lisa would do back in the day. Something cute, peaceful and perfect for the traditional couple. But did Dean really want to be one of _those guys_ that had a picnic with another dude? Even if he was really into Cas? All he could think about was how gay that sounded, and how much John would disapprove. It was one thing to sorta date a guy, but another thing to turn completely fruity. 

Noticing Dean’s panic, Cas stepped in. “I think I have a better idea. Is fishing allowed in Minnehaha?”

“Yeah,” Benny said, eyeing the two of them curiously. “Pretty large catfish, crappies, and stripers over there, since part of the Mississippi River flows into the creek there. But it’s catch and release only.”

“That’s fine by me. I personally would feel guilty to catch and kill the poor creature anyway,” Cas turned to Dean and smiled shyly. “That is, if that’s what you’d like to do?”

Dean would really like to kiss him right now. Dean had only mentioned once last night how much he enjoyed fishing, how even if nothing took his bait he was happy to just relax by the water. Sometimes when he was stressed, he'd pictured himself out on a dock in front of lake, with his pole dangling in the water, and Dean tucked up in a nice lounge chair. 

“That sounds perfect, Cas,” Dean finally said, but he was really thinking about how perfect Cas was again.


	11. Keeping That In Mind

Chapter 11: Keep that in Mind

Castiel and Dean spent about five hours at the park, Dean caught and released about twelve fish by the end of the day, though he was pretty sure that he caught the same striper fish at least seven of those times. Castiel managed to nab four fish; he would have hooked in more, but the man was so afraid of accidentally hurting the creatures that many of them got away. Cas was so proud of the fact that he caught four fish that Dean didn’t have the heart to mention that Cas had caught that same exact striper three times.

That friggin’ striper feasted like a king today. No wonder the sucker was so big—which admittedly was the only reason Dean figured out that it was the same fish, because the odds of catching multiple 60 lb striper bass in one sitting was too unrealistic. 

Still, despite catching the same fish over and over again; Dean had an awesome time with Cas, and both men were smiling wide as they walked up the steps of Dean’s home. What Dean wasn’t expecting was to see two strange men and a familiar woman sitting on their couch. Garth was fidgeting in the armchair to the side, while Benny remained standing with his arms crossed. 

“What’s going on here?” Dean asked, not needing to look at Cas to know that the man had stiffened up beside him.

“What’s going on is that Clarence here went AWOL. Again,” The woman, Meg declared haughty. 

“How did you even find me?” Cas asked, sounding shell-shocked.

“It wasn’t too hard to figure out,” a man in a low V neck said with an interesting accent. Dean couldn’t figure out if it was British or French. Maybe a combination of the two? “You’ve been prattling on about Dean Winchester for months.”

Dean glance over towards Cas, who ducked his head sheepishly. Interesting, so the billionaire could get embarrassed.

“We also have GPS tracker on your cell phone,” The tall, gruffer looking man said flatly. 

British-French guy—Brench?—elbowed Gruff Guy in the stomach. “We weren’t supposed to tell him about that part.”

“You bugged my phone? For how long?” Cas demanded.

“Relax, Clarence, we didn’t bug anything. It’s a safety feature all phones have,” Meg said, her voice sickenly placating to Dean’s ears.

“Yeah! A lot of parents use it to keep track of their kids,” Garth unhelpfully added.

“So now you’re tracking my like I’m some sort of child?” Cas growled.

“To be fair, Clarence, I wouldn’t have to track you like a brat if you hadn’t started behaving like one,” Meg hissed.

“You are my employee, Meg, not my babysitter,” Cas snapped.

“No, I’m the person in charge of protecting you, and right now I’m the only one that has common sense.”

“Hurtful,” Brench guy complained. “We’re here too you know.”

“As I said, the only one with common sense—”

“Hey, we’re just as concerned as you are, Meggie. It’s just so unlike our dear Cassie to act out in such a way,” Brench guy turned towards Dean and raised his nose snootily in the air. “That Dean fellow seems to be a bad influence on him.”

“Hey, wait a minute—” Dean started but Cas cut him off.

“I’m the one who decided to come here. And need I remind you, I’m your employer and I could easily fire you all?”

“You could, but you wouldn’t. You need us too much and you don’t trust anyone as much,” Brench guy taunted. 

“We’re just worried about you Cast—” Gruff guy cut himself off from saying Castiel. “You’re behavior has been erratic ever since that flight in May and… we’re not sure how to deal with it.”

Dean looked between the two men and started to put together the missing puzzle pieces, “Are you guys… Balthazar and Gadreel?”

Both men looked at Dean in surprise, and then the Brench guy gave him a wicked smirk, “Ooh, looks like there are some brains in that pretty head of yours.”

“Balthazar,” Castiel growled, enough anger reflected in his voice that it sent shivers down Dean’s spine. He really hated to be Balthazar right now. “You have no _right_ to speak to Dean in such a belittling manner, especially in his own home when you are an uninvited guest. Apologize to him at once.”

Balthazar sneered and crossed his arms. Dean knew from just one glance that Balthazar had already formed his opinion on Dean and there was nothing that was going to change his mind. 

“I don’t need any forced apologies,” Dean snapped.

"Then Balthazar can leave. All of them can leave," Cas said adamantly.

"Not without you, we aren't," Meg hissed.

"Maybe I can offer a suggestion," Garth piped up. "It sounds like you all have some pretty touchy stuff to go over, but maybe you can go downstairs to the basement and chat? That way you can have some privacy. Oh and it's a nice finished basement too, so you'll still be comfy down there."

"Thank you, Dr. Fitzgerald," The gruff guy who was probably Gadreel said. "That sounds like a generous offer. Once again, sorry for encroaching on your private property."

"Oh the name's Garth, and it's no problem. Although," at this point, Garth's perpetual smile turned into a threatening scowl. "If anyone else speaks ill of my roommate again, then there will be a problem. And I'm not above throwing you all off my property and alerting the proper authorities."

Damn, since when did Garth do scary?

Benny, though, could pull off scary well and he took quick advantage of it; standing up to his full height and glowering heatedly at all the outsiders in the room.

"Understandable," Cas stated, looking embarrassed by his companion. "Thank you again for your hospitality and I'm sorry about any inconvenience this has brought to you."

Garth simply nodded and got up from his seat, "If you follow me, I'll lead you to the basement." 

Castiel’s groupies got up and followed after Garth, sidestepped around Benny cautiously like he was a wild animal—which was probably a smart move on their part as Benny looked like he would bite them if given the chance—and cast one last calculating look towards Dean before they disappeared around the hall. 

Dean knew they were trying to figure out what could possibly be so special about him that he would capture the attention and loyalty of someone like Castiel. Dean wished them luck in trying to figure that out, because he still had no clue. 

Castiel gave Dean a comforting squeeze on the shoulder and another whispered apology before following after him. Benny remained in his rigid pose, eyes trailing after the rich man even once he was out of seeing range. Dean watched Benny slowly bob his head, and realized that the man was following the thumps of Cas’ footsteps, and was waiting for the man to go down towards the basement. It was only once they heard the distinct creak of the door opening and closing that Benny returned his attention back to Dean. And boy, did he look pissed.

“Mind telling me who exactly it is you’re dating?” Benny growled. 

Dean stiffened, “What do you mean? You’ve already met Cas.”

“Don’t treat me like an idiot, Dean,” Benny barked. “You don’t survive twenty years in the army and don’t pick up who else has combat training. Or more importantly; who has a concealed weapon on their person. Now, please explain to me why your boyfriend has three armed lackeys in our home?”

Dean froze, trying desperately to think of some sort of excuse.

“What! I just let people with guns into my basement?” Garth gasped in horror, appearing by Benny’s side. Dean was so lost in his own thoughts that he never heard Garth approach and jumped when he heard him speak.

“Umm?” Dean said, unhelpfully.

“What exactly does Cas do for a living, again?” Benny probed.

“Umm, he does financials? For his family business?” Dean hated that he said each statement like it was a question, making it sound even less believable.

Benny and Garth share concern looks.

“Dean… what’s Cas’ last name?” Garth asked carefully.

“Umm,” Damn, why was he having such a hard time talking? He didn’t even have this much trouble when he was a kid and coming up for lies for why John wasn’t around. “Of course I know his last name, but I really don’t know why that’s so important.”

Garth started to turn pale and then a shade of green, “Dean… is there any chance that Cas… or his family… don’t exactly come from the cleanest type of income?”

“Huh?”

“Damn it, is your boyfriend in the mob or something?” Benny bellowed. 

Dean almost tripped over his feet in shocked, “What the hell, Benny!”

“You won’t tell us his last name, he works with financials in the family business, has enough money to take a plane ride on a fucking whim, and has three armed and highly trained lackeys. That sound normal to you?”

Touche.

“Okay, yeah it doesn’t sound normal, but Cas is the furthest thing from being in the mob. He was in the Peace Corps for Pete’s sake!”

“The perfect cover up!” Garth gasped.

“No. Just no, Garth,” Dean rubbed his head, debating on what to tell his roommates. He knew that Cas was paranoid about people knowing who he was—a weird quirk that Dean really needed Cas to elaborate on someday—and wasn’t sure how betrayed the man would feel if Dean spilled the beans to his roommates without his approval. “Look, just give me a couple of minutes to talk to Cas and I promise that it is all just a big misunderstanding.”

“Dean—” Benny started to say, but Dean quickly took off before he could hear anymore. Always better to beg for forgiveness than permission.

Dean opened the basement door and was about to call out to Cas but was interrupted by a shrill yell.

“For fuck’s sake, Clarence, have you even checked his background? He’s a loser! He couldn’t even—”

“Meg, do I have to remind you where you were before I found you,” Cas said calmly, but his voice was as cold and sharp as a new blade. 

One of the men downstairs laughed, “Ouch, did you need some burn ointment, Meg? Because Cassie just roasted you.”

“Shut up, Balthie. It's not like I was headed towards jail like you were.”

“Which the courts decided was self defense anyway, so weak rebuttal. Plus, now you made Ol' Gadreel sad.”

“I'm not sad just… pensive,” Gadreel remarked.

“I reiterate, you made Gadreel sad.”

“What you should all take away from this,” Cas started. “Is that we all have parts of our lives that we aren't proud of; whether we had to do it for either survival, or because we didn't know better at the time. Don't judge Dean for things you don't understand, especially when you only have pieces of the story.”

“Why do you care so much about Freckles anyway, Cassie? You're going above and beyond for him,” Balthazar asked.

Cas paused and Dean realized just how wrong it was to be eavesdropping like this. Yes, Cas knew embarrassing and intimate details of his life, but that was information that Dean had freely given him without prompting. He decided he couldn't keep creeping around, so he knocked loudly on the door and called out to Cas.

“Dean? Is everything alright?” Cas called back up, sounding concerned.

“We have a bit of a situation upstairs, bud. Benny noticed your guys were packing and now he's concerned that I'm dating some sort of drug lord or something.”

“Packing?” Dean could just imagine the confused head tilt going on downstairs. 

“He means that the roommate noticed our concealed guns. I thought he didn't look like a typical civilian.” Balthazar explained.

“What do you want to do, Castiel?” Gadreel asked.

“There's really no other choice,” Cas said with a resigned complaint. “They have been very hospitable to us, and accommodating to our needs. That, and it feels wrong to outright lie to people that are so important to Dean.”

Dean could swear he heard Meg grumble, “It's always about Dean now. Dean this. Dean that. Dean Dean Dean Dean Dean!”

“Meg,” Cas warned one last time before finally appearing into view at the bottom of the staircase. When he caught sight of Dean, his body visibly relaxed. 

“So, ready to tell my roommates I'm dating a very rich man,” Dean started to tease but then groaned. “Shit, that just makes you sound like you're my sugar daddy.”

“I can assure you, Dean, that I have no intention of taking on a fatherly role in this relationship.”

“... you know I can't even tell if you're fucking with me or not.”

Cas got a mischievous glint in his eyes before he leaned over to whisper into Dean's ear. “Trust me, you'll know when I'm 'fucking with' you. But first, we need to let your roommates know that I'm not some shady character.”

With that said, Cas smoothly moved around Dean and walked ahead to the living room.

Holy shit, when did Cas start getting coy? Was he always like this or was Dean a really bad influence on him?

He was suddenly jarred from his thoughts by a shrill yelp that can only belong to Garth.

“WHAT?! Do you know how rich you are?”

“Considering I handle the financials, yes I am very much aware of my monetary status.” Cas answered, amusement in his voice.

Dean groaned, deciding he should start moving again and go protect said billionaire boyfriend from an overly excitable Garth and overprotective Benny, when he heard footsteps behind him. 

Looked like the goons finally caught up.

Balthazar and Gadreel breezed on past him, but Meg stopped right in front of him, blocking his path. Dean stared her down.

“You want something, sweetcheeks?” Dean drawled.

“Just to give you a warning,” She said, her mouth lifted in a half smirk, but her eyes narrowed in disgust.

“What? Is this the part where you tell me I'm not good enough for him?”

Meg laughed, “I would, but we both already know that.”

Dean wished she wasn't right.

“No, I'm here to warn you not to get too comfortable or feel too special,” Meg said, slowly glancing at her nails. Yeesh did she sharpen them like weapons on purpose? “Castiel has a habit of collecting strays and broken things. Right now, you're his favorite project.”

Dean opened his mouth for a retort but no sound came out. Meg smirked in victory.

“Unlike his brothers, Castiel is an actual angel. He will go out of his way to make others happy. Even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness,” Meg said, turning around on her heels and giving Dean a perfect view of her stupid but visually flattering backside. “Just keep that in mind when you're up late at night and wondering just how you ended up with someone in such an astronomically higher league than you.”

Dean really hated her.


	12. Spicing Things Up

Chapter 12: Spicing it Up

Dean stared down at his creation with pride. It had taken him much longer than he had planned, and he even had to look up online for an idea on how to pull it off, but he had done it. Staring right back at him, his crowning achievement, was a sinister looking face carved perfectly into the side of a large pumpkin.

“Hey, Caaaaas,” Dean called out, practically singing his sorta boyfriend’s name. Castiel lifted his eyes away from his own carving just as Dean picked up his jack-o-lantern and rotated the ghoulish face towards him. “Boo!”

“That is quite a grotesque carving,” Castiel said, amused, before returning to his project.

“I know, right? Man, I’ve been wanting to do this design for months, ever since we first decided to have pumpkin carving on the list.”

It was both hard and easy to believe that three months had passed since the first night Cas spent the night at his place. Since then they added even more things to the bucket list, though most of the new items had focused on different seasonal activities they could do together. Though there had been some bumps in the road to their relationship, like how Dean’s roommates needed time to be convinced that Castiel was trustworthy. It also took some time for his roommates to act normally around Cas again, as suddenly nothing in the house could be good enough for someone of Castiel’s standings. 

Eventually they realized that one of the _Shurleys_ was still just Cas and were able to strike up a close friendship with the man. Now it wasn’t unusual to have Cas around the house during roommate game night or movie night; and despite having a fancy schmancy chef, Cas ended up spending most of his meals eating with all of them. It ended up being a relief to Dean to know that he didn’t have to choose between dating Cas or being friends with his roommates.

One of the things that was surprisingly easy, was Cas finding a place to live on short notice. He purchased a condominium in one of the high end parts of the city, which had a great water view from his living room and bedroom window. Dean thought it was expensive, but Cas explained that he wanted to be somewhere close enough to _Angel’s Grace_ to save on commute time, and so that Dean could crash there when he had to stay late because of the _Angel Gel _project. He also needed a place where his guards could stay nearby, and purchased two additional units for his staff; one bedroom across the hall for Meg—much to Dean’s disappointment. He tried to convince Cas to make her get a place on the other side of the neighborhood—and a large two bedroom for Balthazar and Gadreel in the floor below since that was the only other vacancy available. Dean felt bad that Gadreel had to share with the Brench guy.

Most of Castiel’s lackeys still hated Dean though.

Well, except for Gadreel, who Dean liked to call Zeke since that was the guy’s first name. Gadreel liked Dean because he made Castiel happy, and he appreciated that Dean was making sure that Cas got to experience many of the things he missed out on early in life. 

Dean almost had heart complications when Gadreel admitted that besides a bodyguard, he also was a chauffeur to Cas since the man had never learned how to drive. Apparently, his family always had limousine drivers to take them wherever they wanted, so the forty year old never had the opportunity to learn. Dean ended up adding a twentieth item on the list, and quickly turned it into a high priority.

_20\. Teach Cas to friggin’ drive_

Castiel was amused by Dean’s concern over his lack of a licence, but agreed to it easily enough. After Cas got the permit, he and Dean went shopping for a car in a used car lot; which Dean thought was strange for someone with his finances, until Cas pointed out that he wasn’t foolish enough to get a brand new car when he had no experience, and that an expensive car wouldn’t help the inconspicuous identity he was aiming for. 

Castiel picked out a gold, 1978 Lincoln Continental as his first car, which Dean affectionately dubbed the Pimpmobile. Cas even gave Dean his own set of keys and put Dean under as a driver on his insurance so that Dean could drive the Continental whenever he wanted. Dean took advantage of that more than he liked to admit, but it was nice to be run errands without needing to take public transportation, or rely on his roommates for a ride. He missed the feeling of being out on the open road, in a large car, and hearing the mighty purr that only older model cars could pull off. 

Man, he really missed Baby. 

But having the Pimpmobile made getting things done on the bucket list significantly easier. Heck, there’s no way Dean would have gotten the massive carving pumpkin he did—a monstrous gourd that was triple the size of the average pumpkin—if he didn’t have a big, spacious trunk to put it in. Cas didn’t get a 3XL pumpkin, but he still got a decently large one as well as a small one. They also had to buy baking pumpkins as well, which though smaller, were heavier since they weren’t as hollow as a carving pumpkin. Though Cas had been shocked to learn that carving pumpkins could not be used for making pie.

“How’s yours coming along?” Dean asked, looking over to see Cas’ face in deep concentration as he carved his miniature pumpkin.

“It’s coming,” Cas said and then glared when Dean let out a juvenile chuckle. “I should be done momentarily. But I am done with the pumpkin… goop if you want.” 

Castiel still seemed unsure as to why Dean even wanted the slimy orange stuff that was inside carving pumpkins, but Dean assured him it was the seeds he wanted out of the goop; and that they made the perfect fall treat. It’s the other reason he got a ginormous pumpkin, bigger pumpkin, more seeds. Didn’t help that Bess begged for Dean to bring some snacks over for her church’s Halloween party, since this was her first year as the host. 

Apparently Halloween was just as sacred to them as Christmas… Yeah, Dean still had no idea what religion Bess actually belonged to, and he kinda doubted it existed anywhere outside of their city. Though it probably should, since their church did sound pretty cool, and he did appreciate that they didn’t judge him for bringing his boyfriend to their community events.

“Thanks, bud.” Dean said, as he went over to the goop, carefully separated the fibrous material from the seeds, and placed the seeds on a baking sheet. Then he grabbed the salt, onion powder and garlic powder and graciously sprinkled the seeds with them. Once he was done, he put them into the already pre-heated oven, and set the timer for forty-five minutes. When he turned around, he saw Cas eyeing the oven suspiciously.

“What?”

“I always thought pumpkin seeds were just salted and baked. I didn’t realize they required more seasoning than that.”

“Most people don’t, but that’s my secret for why mine are better than everyone else’s. Gotta… _spice_ things up,” Dean couldn’t help but give a goofy grin and wink to Cas after delivering such an awful pun. Cas just shook his head in mock annoyance.

“Just go and make some pie. You promised to make me a pumpkin and honey pie.”

“I promised I was making pie for the whole group, not just you,” Dean teased, before going towards the sink to wash his hands. “You’re just lucky that I’m altering my recipe so I could use that all natural honey of yours.”

Going apple picking last month had been one of the ideas on the list that Dean had been dreading—it was just too cutesy and domestic—but it ended up being a lot of fun. It was nice to walk around the giant orchard with Cas by his side, seeing apples of all different shades, picking up the crispest looking apples, and sneakily eating the smaller ones before Cas could catch and scold him. Dean ended up with so many apples that he ended up making an apple theme dish every other day for weeks just to get rid of them all. His coworkers at least appreciated all of the apple bake goods. Well except for Kevin, who said that Dean was trying to kill them all with diabetes.

Freaking Kevin.

The other good thing that came out of that orchard trip was that Cas discovered they had a local farmer’s market in the area that sold raw honey. Castiel didn’t just love bee apparel, he was obsessed with all things bee related, and raw honey was his personal drug. The poor guy at the register almost had a heart attack when Cas bought over two hundred dollars worth of honey and bee wax products in one trip. Needless to say, Cas was now the favorite customer of _Cain’s Beesness _and Dean had to start using honey to replace sugar just so they wouldn’t get buried alive by all of the jars of honey that Cas kept bringing back.

Which is why he was making a pumpkin pie with honey. Actually, now that Dean thought about it, that apple picking trip ended up bringing Dean nothing but trouble.

“You’re adorable when you get lost in thought like that,” Cas said, breaking Dean from his musings. 

“Take that back, I’m not adorable. Ruggedly handsome, yes. Charming, yes. Devilishly dashing, hell yes. But not adorable.”

“You have your words for it, and I have mine,” Cas said with a shrug, before taking his mini pumpkin and shoving it into the larger one. “Done.”

“What the hell did you do to it?” Dean questioned, maneuvering around the kitchen chairs so he could get a good look. The larger pumpkin was carved with angry eyes and sharp fangs, and dangling inside its mouth was the smaller pumpkin, its face frozen in horror. Dean couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the scene.

“There’s nothing funny about cannibalism, Dean,” Cas deadpanned, but Dean saw the amusement his eyes. “Much scarier than a fictional character from a horror movie.”

“Hey, don’t mess with David Yaegar.” Dean complained, glancing back over to his jack-o-lantern, which was modelled after the Hatchet Man from _All Saint’s Day._

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Cas said with one of his secretive smiles, before getting up to wash his own hands. “What do you need me to do?”

Dean bit back a sexual innuendo and instead directed Cas towards the fridge, “You can get me the milk and eggs in there. Think you can handle cracking the eggs as well?”

“Yes, Dean,” Cas said with a sigh. “I’ve learned the error of my ways and now know the proper technique to crack an egg without getting shell into the mixture.”

“Thatta boy. Then you get cracking, and I’ll deal with the dry ingredients first.” 

With a game plan made, the men settled into a comfortable silence as both went about getting the pie ready. Dean still couldn’t believe he was allowed to have this kind of domestic bliss with someone, let alone his not-boyfriend. 

More confusing was exactly how to define his relationship with Cas. They had both agreed not to call themselves boyfriends—though Dean was pretty sure he was the only one who had an issue with the term—and they never outright defined anything as a date. Everyday that they were together, no matter what they were doing, was just simply them being themselves. Dean was also increasingly spending his nights at Cas’ place, as it really was a convenient walk from work, and sometimes it was nice being able to have some privacy with Cas.

Not that anything ever happened between the two of them. And Dean meant anything. Despite being “together” for over three months, Dean and Castiel had yet to even kiss. Honestly, Dean wasn’t sure if Cas didn’t want to kiss Dean because of his demisexuality, or because he was afraid that Dean still thought Cas only wanted him for his body. During his darker moments, Dean even wondered if Meg was right and he was only with Dean because of charity, but kissing the whore was crossing the line. Not that Cas didn’t enjoy spending the night wrapped up around Dean. 

Though Cas was never in bed with Dean when the other man woke up. He was always either making breakfast, or practicing yoga, or out for a jog, or a million other excuses. All Dean wanted was to just wake up once with Cas still curled up beside him. Was that too much to ask? Then again, did Dean deserve any of this?

“Hey,” Cas whispered softly, gently placing a hand against Dean’s cheek, yanking Dean out of that rabbit hole of dark thoughts he was tumbling through.

Dean hated how Cas had the power to snap him out of his thoughts so easily, and he also hated how he immediately leaned into Cas’ hand like a lifeline.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking about, but those thoughts are not true,” Cas promised, drawing Dean closer to him. “Whatever whispers are floating around in there; they are only saying the things you fear the most. They’re not true, Dean. Don’t let them convince you otherwise.”

Dean took a deep, steadying breath before burying his face further into Cas’ hand, “Why do you put up with me?”

“I don’t,” Cas said, moving closer so he could wrap his free arm around Dean’s waist and pull him closer. “Putting up with you would mean that I only tolerate you, whereas I care deeply for you. You might not believe it, but you cause me more joy than I ever thought possible. You might not see it, but you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.”

Dean could only nod, a lump in his throat prevented him from saying anything more, and he was a little afraid that if he would push past the lump then he would break into ugly sobs. He didn’t know why he let his thoughts wander they way they did and he didn’t know why he was upset. A couple of months ago he wanted to keep Cas at arm’s length away, and know he was bemoaning the fact that Cas didn’t want to wake up with him or kiss him? At this rate, Dean would soon be turning to _Cosmo girl_ or some other girly magazine for tips on “How to know if he likes you back” or some other bullshit. But did he really have the right to complain while in Cas’ embrace. He should just appreciate what he had and live in the moment, and he really did want to enjoy every second of it. 

They reluctantly pulled apart when the oven timer dinged for them to take out the pumpkin seeds.

“Let me go deal with that, and then we can put in the pie crust,” Dean said. Though what he meant was _“I don’t really want to talk about what just set me off. It was stupid and I feel dumb.”_

“Okay, then I’ll deal with the crust,” Cas said, but it could have easily meant _“It’s okay. Take your time, I won’t push.”_

Cas was swift as he retrieved the pie crusts, like he hoped that the sooner he got it in the oven, the sooner he could return to holding Dean. Then again, that might just be Dean projecting.

Dean forced himself not to let his eyes linger on Cas’ back while Cas bent down in front of the oven, or trail lower than that, and went back to the pie batter. Dean was absorbed in mixing the honey into the pumpkin, cinnamon, and nutmeg concoction that he didn’t notice Cas sidled up behind him until Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. It was pure luck that Dean didn’t jolt up or knock the batter flying. Instead he stiffened until he recognized the smell and touch of Cas, and then he let himself relax in his embrace.

Cas had a pretty distinctive scent, mainly because he used this weird body wash that smelled like honey and sandalwood. A fresh clean smell, with a bit of sweetness to it that Dean just loved. Cas also felt different. Not just because Dean wasn’t used to masculine hands wrapping around him so intimately… at least not ones that were gentle. 

Cas’ touches were a bit of an oxymoron, both hesitant to touch him, like he always needed Dean’s consent on the matter, but then confidently mapping pathways across his skin. His fingers were tender, but strong enough to grip Dean securely and keep him anchored. Even his hands were an oxymoron; as they were soft from the moisturizers he liked to use, but had roughness from the hardened calluses that Dean would not expect to find on someone so high up on the business food chain. Probably from all of that time in the Peace Corps, building houses, helping on farms, and whatnot. 

Dean let himself melt against the shorter man, and held back a chuckle when he felt Cas’ scruff tickle against his chin, “Starting to get a little scraggly again, huh?”

“A bit,” Cas admitted, turning his neck so that his lips brushed over Dean’s neck with each word he said. Dean was very lucky he didn’t accidentally knock the mixing bowl to the ground. “I need to remember to shave it tonight so it doesn’t contrast with my costume.”

Dean forced himself to stay steady and appear unaffected by Cas, “You’re shaving it all away? Does this mean you are matching my costume?”

Dean felt Cas smile against his neck, and that brought on a whole new wave of butterflies. Seriously, when would this whole “new relationship” thing or whatever feelings pass already? He thought it faded after the third date? Or was he thinking of something else?

“As much as I’d enjoy being a matching ensemble, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to pull that costume off.”

“Nonsense, you definitely have the legs and the hips for it,” Dean teased, and was both ecstatic and regretful that he made Cas laughed, as it sent even more vibrations through Dean. 

“I’ll keep that in mind for another year,” Dean’s traitorous heart almost skipped a beat when it heard next year, especially since Dean was half convinced this would be his only Halloween with Cas. “But I already bought my costume for tonight and I would be pretty disappointed if I didn’t get the opportunity to wear it. I got it especially for you.”

Dean was convinced that Cas was trying to kill him. 

“You know, you could just tell me what you’re going to be,” Dean grouched, and Cas laughed in response. It seemed like Dean’s grumpiness always amused the other man. 

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Cas promised, nuzzling his nose into the corner of Dean’s jaw before he stepped away. Dean immediately missed his warmth. “But we should get back to pie.”

For the first time ever, Dean was tempted to say screw the pie. What he really wanted to do right now was clear the counters, grab Cas and put him on said counter, and kiss the hell out of him. Finally. 

But Dean held himself back, since Cas never seemed to be interested in doing more than just cuddling and nuzzling, and Dean has been the reluctant recipient of “affection” too many times that Dean never liked being the one making the first move unless he was completely positive that it was what his partner wanted. Despite how much he wanted Cas, he still wasn't sure if Cas only stayed with him because of a warped sense of friendship and obligation. 

“Yeah, we should get back to pie,” Dean agreed, softly.

It didn’t take long for the pie filling to make its way into the oven with the crust, and then they had an extra forty minutes to wait; this time with nothing to do but clean up. Cas decided to start on the dishes, while Dean tidied up the kitchen area. It was during cleanup that he stumbled across a giant envelope set aside with the letters Louisiana State University stamped across it and a neon color sticky note on it, written in Garth’s excitable scroll.

** _This is too big of a letter to be a rejection! Congrats!!!_ **


	13. Is It Enough

Chapter 13: Did You Know 

“Awesome,” Dean said sarcastically.

“Find something interesting?” Cas asked, turning his head slightly to look at Dean.

“Benny got into LSU’s Phlebotomy program.” Dean said, trying to keep his voice emotionless.

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“What?” Dean was actually taken aback by that.

“Well of course to Benny I will be saying congratulations, but I know how much you hoped he wouldn’t move so far away. It’s alright to feel disappointed and afraid.”

“I’m almost forty, I don’t get to be a baby just because my best friend is moving away and leaving me behind. Or that Garth is going to get married soon and leave me too.”

“Dean—”

“Did you know Garth already bought a ring? It’s beautiful and Bess is going to love it. It’s only a tiny diamond, but the sides of the ring are engraved with these realistic wolves, and Bess has always been crazy obsessed with wolves. And Garth’s going to propose to her tonight, because Halloween is her favorite holiday and he wants to make it extra special for her.” Dean said, angrily tossing aside Benny’s acceptance letter.

“I get it, Cas, I really do. Everyone is moving on with their lives, and doing what is going to make them happy. And don’t get me wrong, I am super happy for them both, but I just… I feel like…” Dean couldn’t get the last words out.

“You feel like they’re leaving you behind, and you don’t like the fact that they are doing it simultaneously,” Cas filled in for him. 

“Yeah. That,” Dean groaned and rubbed his hand tiredly through his hair, which was longer than he was used to since he skipped his last haircut. “I guess, I just keep wondering what’s going to happen to me? Which is stupid since I’ve been taking care of myself and a kid since I was still a child. It shouldn’t be this scary when I’m going on 38.” 

“It’s only scary because you think you’ll be all alone again, and despite everything you went through, you always had someone to go home to at the end of the day,” Cas calmly explained, turning off the water in the sink so that he could walk over towards Dean. “But you aren’t alone. Even if Garth suggests you move once he and Bess are settled down and trying for kids, he won’t kick you out onto the streets if you don’t find anything in time. He’d make sure that you found somewhere where you are happy first. He’d also make sure to still invite you over for family functions as well. You and Benny are his brothers after all, the only family he has left.”

“I… didn’t really think of it that way,” Dean always forgot that Garth was an orphan, and that he was just as lost and lonely as Dean was at times.

“Also, Benny is going to be homesick as well, and you’d be mistaken if you think that he wouldn’t keep in close contact with the both of you. You’re his family as well, and it’s probably why the three of you bonded so close,” Cas pointed out.

“Yeah, I guess. The guy’s probably going to get lonely down there, especially the first couple of months,” Dean acknowledged.

“There’s also one other oversight that you have. You keep forgetting that you have me as well,” Cas said, slowly inching his way closer to Dean until he could grab Dean’s hands and nestle them against his chest. “I know I’m not your roommates, but I will do anything to keep you happy and to make sure you don’t feel alone.”

“That’s because you’re a good person, Cas.”

“Am I? Because a part of me is elated to hear that Benny and Garth are going onto new life paths so soon and that you will need a new place to live. Overjoyed at the thought that I can finally have you all to myself, and daydreaming about you moving in with me instead.”

“Wait, you want me to move in with you?” Dean practically squawked, but he was caught so off guard by that announcement that he didn't care what he sounded like. “But we’ve only been not-dating for a couple of months!”

“I know,” Cas said, his smile quickly replaced with a frown, and the happy gleam in his eyes preceded by melancholy before he shifted his gaze down. “I know I’m probably jumping ahead, but I miss you when you aren’t there”

“Dean… The place is too empty and quiet without you. I miss the television blaring because you want us to watch some movie classics or binge watch a new Netflix series. I miss your loud music with you singing loudly, and purposely off key just to be obnoxious. I miss hearing you hum or sing softly because you’re happy and relaxed. I miss cooking food in my kitchen with you, especially since it actually gets used by me when you are around, and when you are gone I just make Balthazar do the cooking for me—”

“I still can’t believe that he’s both a trained chef and an assassin.” Dean interrupted. 

Dean was shocked to find out that Cas' bodyguards also took on additional roles for Cas. Meg acting like his right hand woman at the company, Gadreel was his chauffeur, and Balthazar was his chef. It was also easier for Dean to get distracted by thinking of Cas’ lackeys then it was to think of Cas’ words about himself.

“I hate it when you do that,” Cas sighed, moving one hand off of Dean’s chest and cupping his cheek. “How you change the subject around so that it’s no longer on you. Especially when it’s about viewing you in a more positive fashion.”

“It just… feels weird. Like I don’t really deserve it,” Dean admitted.

“You deserve so much more than you receive. I miss you when you’re gone, Dean. Believe it or not, but I rather spend my every waking moment with you then be with anyone else in the world.”

“Then why haven’t you kissed me,” Dean snapped, pulling himself away from Cas and forcing himself to only look at the top of Cas’ head so that he didn’t have to see his facial expressions. “Why do I always wake up alone in the mornings? Because that doesn’t sound like someone who wants me.”

“Dean,” Cas said, sounding dejected. “That was never my intention. I want you more than I wanted anything in my life, and it scares me sometimes. I’m always afraid that one day I’m going to push too far, want too much, and you will take off in the other direction. You almost have a couple of times. If I could, I would beg so that I can spend every night with you, because I hate sleeping alone. I don’t stay in bed with you, because I know that there’s a good chance that I’d never want to get out of it. As for why I haven’t kissed you…” Cas trailed off.

“Is it because of how many people I’ve been with? The things I’ve done?” Dean asked, feeling paranoid. “Because I got tested and I swear that I’m disease free—”

“No!” Cas snapped angrily, and within seconds Dean found his back pressed up against the wall and was forced to meet the fury in his eyes. “It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I’m not afraid of you being diseased, although it does concern me that sometimes you only expect me to want you for your body, and that it throws you off because I don’t. But the issue of me not wanting to kiss you is because I am damn right petrified. Petrified that there might be something wrong with _me_, not you.”

“Why?”

“Dean,” Cas sighed. “I’m practically a forty-one year old virgin. I only had one sexual encounter and only kissed four people in my life and I hated every moment of it. I just never saw the appeal before. Now, I am tempted, because it’s with you, but I’m also terrified to find out that it will be the same. That despite me wanting you and needing you, my cursed body won’t feel the same way. I’m afraid of the moment when you realize that _I’m_ the broken person then you will be the one that walks away.”

“Cas—”

“Did you know, attraction never made sense to me before? Growing up, I would hear people talk about crushes but never really felt that way. People in general were hard to figure out. I liked helping people out, but if I wasn’t actively doing something with someone then I didn’t know what to do with them. Conversations never came easily to me, and I would much rather lose myself in a book then chat about frivolous things. When people my age started dating, I still had no interest, and focused only on my studies. I even turned down people who asked me out because I didn’t see the appeal of it, and because I was disgusted at the prospect that they might want to kiss me at the end of it. Swapping saliva or other bodily fluids just never had an appeal to me. Even when I was with April, I only kissed her because she kissed me first. Only went further because she initiated it, and she told me that this was what we were supposed to do if we really cared about each other. She told me that it was the only way to be normal, and at that point I was tired of being a freak.”

“You’re not a freak, Cas.” 

“It feels like it sometimes. I’m one of a miniscule population that just doesn’t feel things or view things the rest of the world does. After the disaster that was April, Gabriel actually confronted me and asked me if I thought I was gay. I decided to look into it, and realized that I didn’t really fit into that bracket, but as I explored deeper I realized I was asexual. It was both relieving and terrifying to now have a name for my oddity. It was also disconcerting to realize that I could either be asexual, and have no sexual feelings for another, or demisexual and… well be 'normal' once I met the right person.”

“Your sexuality doesn’t make you normal or abnormal,” Dean argued again.

“I know, but for a while it felt like that. Eventually though, I gave up looking for a significant other because I just wasn’t interested. I even debated if maybe I was aromantic as well, and then I met you. At first, my humanitarian instincts had kicked in, and I just wanted to make you feel more comfortable during your anxiety, but then you started opening up to me. You started to talk about yourself and it felt like you were baring your soul to me and I was mesmerized. It was a beautiful soul, one filled with so much light despite all of the darkness it was surrounded by. It was scarred and bruised, but it refused to shatter. It was incredible and so were you, and I desperately wanted to get to know you. When you left, I couldn’t get you out of my mind, and I just wanted to be near you again. For the first time, I thought that maybe I was in the gray asexuality bracket.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Deas asked softly.

“What if I’m not? What if I am genuinely interested in you, but I’m still sexually repulsed? What if I can’t give you what you need and deserve?” 

“What I need or deserve, Cas? Weren’t you the one who said I deserved to feel loved and cherished? For someone to take care of me? To not feel like someone only wants me for sex? So, what, does that suddenly change now? Or do those values not apply to you as well? That you are only important to me if I get sex out of this?” Dean challenged. 

“No! I just… I’m afraid about not being enough for you.” Cas admitted.

The idea of someone as kind and gentle as Castiel not being good enough for anyone was a sickening thought. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“You just did,” Cas pointed out, with a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “But go ahead and ask me anything you want.”

“Do you actually like this? You know, when we are cuddled up together? Do you enjoy touching me?” Dean asked, gesturing to the way Cas’ body was pressed against his own.

“Yes?” Cas said quizzically.

“And you aren’t just doing it because you feel obligated?” Dean double checked.

“Of course not, I actually really enjoy it.”

“Okay, then that will be enough for me,” Dean assured.

“You… Do you know what you’re saying? If I’m completely sex averse, I won’t want to have any sexual encounter with you. I might not even be able to help you achieve your own orgasm.” 

“Um, interesting way to phrase it but I think I got it covered. I’ve still got both hands, you know,” Dean said, giving Cas a lewd wink, before getting more somber. “But seriously, after Lisa, I thought I would never get something like this. The domestic bliss; having someone to curl up against and the gentle affections. Honestly, if I had to pick between everything we have right now, or a relationship where I could get sex out of it, then I will pick this every damn time. I’ve been around the block enough times, and I’m getting old. I just want someone to spend my life with, not someone who can get me off whenever we’re both in the mood.” 

Cas looked at him suspiciously, “Just so you are aware, I’m not into polyamory or affairs.”

“And I’m not interested. Like I said there’s plenty of ways I can get myself off. Not like I haven’t been doing it for years,” Dean smirked at the sight of Cas’ cheeks glowing pink. “Though I have to say, it’s a big relief to know what’s been going on in your head. I felt like there’s been this small rift between us, and for the longest time I thought it was something I did that caused it. That you didn’t want me—”

“That’s the furthest thing from the truth,” Cas disagreed, but didn’t let out another outburst.

“Yeah, but I was still worried. It’s actually reassuring to know that your just as afraid as I am. Maybe it’s fucked up, but that fear is good sign to me. It means that we both found something we don’t ever want to lose.”

“I really don’t want to lose this,” Cas confessed. 

“Neither do I, so let’s not worry about the future or any expectations. We’ll just go at the pace you’re most comfortable with, and if you decide you don’t like something then we can backtrack. Plus, I’m not a young stud anymore, and I can admit that my engine is slowing down.” 

“You just mixed two different metaphors,” Cas pointed out, his lips twitching to a real smile.

Dean returned the smile, and carefully wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist to pull him into a snugger embrace. Now that he was reassured that Castiel enjoyed some physical affection, Dean had every intention of keeping the man in his arms as long as possible, “Shut up, we can’t all talk like we’re poets.”

“Yet you're the one who wants to pursue a degree in literature,”

“Just because I want to teach it doesn’t mean I want to write it,” Dean countered, not really noticing what he said, but Cas’ eyes went round and he smiled wider.

“You want to teach literature?” 

Dean looked down, but realized that because of their entwined position that he was only staring into Cas’ chest instead of at his feet like he wanted to, “Not like I can. I don’t have the degree for it or really the money. I’m too old to be taking out that much in loans.”

“I could pay for it,” Cas offered and Dean made a face.

“I told you, Cas, I don’t want you to have to pay for me.”

“What about a compromise? You’ll never make the amount of money that_ Angel’s Grace_ will profit from your _Angel Gel_ idea. What if I keep track of how much additional revenue your invention creates and pay that towards your college? It would rightfully be your money at that point.”

“Fine, but when it doesn’t rake in the big cash like you think it will, you’ll stop bringing up this college thing. I mean, at least I have a decent job now. Who knows, maybe I can finally start climbing up the ranks on my own?”

“I have no doubt that you’ll be able to pull that off, Dean. The company is very fortunate to have you. As am I.”

“Yeah, well…” Dean trailed off, not knowing what else to say. He could feel his cheeks go red and his range of motion was so limited that Dean could only move his head to the sides.

“Is it bad that I want to try to kiss you right now?” Cas whispered slowly.

Dean’s eyes widen, and he tried to play off his shock at Cas’ latest confession with a flirtatious smirk, “Why’s that Cas? Like having me pinned to a wall with you on top?”

“Surprisingly, I do. I also like seeing you like this. Vulnerable, but completely trusting in me.” 

“Well, you know what they said. If you really want something, go for it.”

“Not the best motto when it involves someone else’s consent.”

“You know what I meant, Cas. But if you need it, you should also know that I want this too. I just don’t want it to be something you don’t want to do or feel like you owe to me.”

“I know, and that’s part of why I want to at least need to try.” Cas admitted, and moved closer over towards Dean. 

Dean closed his eyes and braced himself for the brush of lips that would follow the warm air that was already caressing Dean’s cheeks. He could feel Cas lean in closer, could hear him open his mouth and—

“Hey, how are those pies coming a—oh my gosh!” The excitable energy that was Garth proclaimed, effectively killing any chance of Dean getting kissed.

“Damn it, Garth!” Dean cursed.

“I’m sorry, I thought I was walking into you guys baking! I didn’t know I was interrupting a moment!”

Dean wanted to glare daggers at Garth, and complain about the fact that Garth had cost him his first kiss with Cas, but then he realized how teenage girl that sounded, so instead he kept his eyes closed and held it back.

“It’s alright, Garth,” Cas assured, slowly unwinding himself from Dean and put a respectable amount of distance between them. “We had enough baking pumpkin… goop for two pies, and they should be done momentarily. Give it another five or ten minutes.”

“That’s great! Sorry again about interrupting and all.”

“Let’s just not talk about this again, alright?” Dean begged, as he rubbed a hand over his aching eyes. He didn’t want to open them just yet, as part of him secretly hoped that if he kept them closed long enough, then Garth would leave them be and then Cas would finally kiss him. In his fantasy, Cas also really enjoyed said kiss.

“That’s also an… interesting take on the couple costume. I know you said you were going to go as Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf with Bess, but I didn’t imagine that you would… take such a creative interpretation,” Cas said, gently. 

What now? Dean opened his eyes and finally took in his roommate’s appearance. “What the hell are you dressed as?”

Not the best question considering Dean knew exactly what Garth was dressed as. The better question would be, why and how. Standing in front of him was his roommate dressed in a large red cloak that flowed to the ground, the hood already up on his head, and in his arm was a little woven basket filled with all sorts of Hershey candies. Probably to pass out to kids at the party later on. What threw Dean off though was the white dress and red corset underneath, as well as the the lacey stockings, and the red chucks.

Actually the shoes were fine, but the crossdressing was really throwing Dean through a loop.

Fuck it, after tonight he really was going to go buy himself panties. Not like anyone else could judge.

“Like it? Bess and I worked on the cloak together and we tried to see if any of her dresses would fit me. Luckily we’re about the same size,” Garth chuckled, swooshing the cape around like a happy child. “But it looked like I was missing something so we ordered a red corset off of Amazon.”

Amazon, huh? Maybe that’s where he should turn to next.

“So does this mean Bess is going to be the Big Bad Bess?” Dean joked.

“Yep, she’s so excited! She’s been working on her tail and paw boots for months, and it really turned out great! Luckily she already had a pair of wolf ears, so she didn’t have to make that too.”

“Was she a wolf or dog last year?” Cas asked curiously.

Garth smirked, “Something like that.”

Cas was making his “mulling things over” face, but Dean’s went as red as Garth’s cloak. He did not need to think about what sort of games his roommate and future wife got into in their bedroom. No thanks.

Luckily they were saved by the beeping of the oven, announcing the two pies were finally done. As Dean placed them on a cooling rack, Cas bothered Garth by asking him how he made his cloak and what material he used. Cas actually crocheted and was tempted to learn how to make clothes as well, especially when Dean admitted that he enjoyed LARPing with Charlie the one time, and had really wanted to go back and make his own costume this time especially since he knew how. Once the pies were cooled enough to put away, Cas started getting ready to leave, much to Dean’s disappointment. 

“I wish I didn’t have to go, but I still have to make some preparations for my own costume,” Cas said sadly, raising a hand to stroke Dean from the top of his forehead, behind his ear and down his chin. “But I’ll be there tonight, I promise.”

“Okay. Still not going to tell me what your costume is?” Dean questioned even though he knew the answer.

“Wouldn’t that ruin the whole point of a surprise costume?” Cas teased.

“Yeah, but I wanna know now.”

“You’re so impudent,” Cas scolded, but it was ruined by the smile on his face. He leaned up and kissed Dean on the cheek. Not the kiss he’d been hoping for, but Dean would take it. “I’ll see you tonight, and I promise I won’t keep you waiting long.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Dean said, gruffly, but he couldn’t stop a stray hand from delicately tracing the area where Cas had kissed.

Maybe, just maybe it wasn’t so scary to fall in love. 


	14. Dean Solo

Chapter 14: Dean Solo

Dean felt awfully proud of his Halloween costume—even if Charlie would argue that it was more cosplay than a costume, especially since Dean had made it himself. All those years of patching clothes for Sam and himself, made him a pretty decent tailor. Dean had learned early on that clothes with too many noticeable patches brought unwanted attention from teachers, and if he didn’t want child services sneaking around then he had to make sure that all of their clothes looked new. Now, he could use those skills for the rare chances when he decided he wanted to dress up.

Still, he made a devilishly handsome Han Solo, if he did say so himself. Hell, he was so proud of how it came out, he even took out his phone and took a picture of himself in the mirror to send to Sam. 

** Oct 31 5:13 PM**

_ **** _ _ **better than storemade** _

It was only after the second text went through that Dean remember that he and Sam had not spoken to each other since Dean tried to call Sam back when he was in Boston. Well, except for the long winded text from Sam that night after the Fourth, complaining about how Dean shouldn’t have cancelled last minute, especially for a “work thing” when it was a federal holiday and he should have off. Sam then went on a tirade about how he had to take a plane and drive up to Dad and Kate’s, whereas Dean was only a couple of cities over from them, and how he was able to still take off with his high end cases so he could spend time with the family. 

Dean had been so annoyed at Sam that he deleted the messages and refused to reply back to him. It was rich for Sam to give him a lecture about family when Sam was the one who ran away from home the day he turned eighteen. Leaving Dean all alone despite everything he did for the younger.

It was bullshit for him to get so high and mighty now.

Dean was trying to figure out if there was a way to undo sent text messages, and was even debating about asking Charlie if she might be able to hack Sam’s cellphone to delete said messages, when he got a reply back

**Sam Oct 31 5:14 PM**

_That looks awesome. Did you make it?_

** Oct 31 5:14 PM**

_ **** _ _ **Yep** _

** _All the years of adding extra layers to ur jeans were good for something_ **

**Bitch Oct 31 5:17 PM**

** __ ** _Did a good job. Now I’m wishing that I didn’t buy the family costumes this year._

** Oct 31 5:18 PM**

__ _/What did u do/_

**Bitch Oct 31 5:20 PM**

_Promise you won’t laugh?_

** Oct 31 5:21 PM**

_ **** _ _ **I promise u wont hear it** _

**Bitch Oct 31 5:22 PM**

** __ ** _Just remember that we do family costumes and Maggie really wanted to do Ariel from the Little Mermaid._

Attached was a picture of Sam’s family. Dean’s five year old niece, Maggie, was dressed in a little mermaid style dress with a giant purple bow covering the bodice area, creating the illusion of the infamous purple clam bra-shells. Next to her was her two year old brother, Jesse, who was dressed as her sidekick Flounder, the yellow fish costume. Ruby was dressed up as Urusla, which Dean found pretty fitting for her personality. However, the greatest costume was Sam’s, who was dressed as King Triton.

** Oct 31 5:23 PM**

_ **** _ _ **man those kids really gave u white hair** _

** _you look older than me now_ **

** Oct 31 5:24 PM **

** __ ** ** _how long did it take you to grow that beard_ **

** _hair looks the same length though_ **

Dean couldn’t help the rapid replies he was sending out. The image of his little brother as an older merman was too much to pass up.

**Bitch Oct 31 5:30 PM**

_harhar. Just wait until you have to do couple’s costumes_

** Oct 31 5:34 PM **

_ **** _ _ **Yeah, guess I’m lucky that Cas already had a costume** _

Dean realized his mistake a second too late.

**Bitch Oct 31 5:35 PM**

** __ ** _Cas?! Are you dating someone?!_

** Oct 31 5:35 PM **

_ **** _ _ **Kinda** _

** Oct 31 5:36 PM **

_ **** _ _ **its complicated** _

**Bitch Oct 31 5:42 PM**

_How long?_

Dean couldn’t lie to his brother.

** Oct 31 5:43 PM **

_ **** _ _ **Since the 4th** _

** _Cas was at the meeting with me_ **

**Bitch Oct 31 5:45 PM**

** __ ** _Oh now I’m starting to see why you cancelled on us_

_Next time, at least admit that you want to hang out with your girlfriend. We won’t mind_

**Bitch Oct 31 5:46 PM**

_Though at least Kate might stop setting you up with her friends. She still wants you to meet Carmen._

** Oct 31 5:47 PM**

** __ ** ** _never again_ **

** Oct 31 5:48 PM**

** __ ** ** _remember when she set me up with bela_ **

** _that girl stole $50 from my wallet_ **

**Bitch Oct 31 5:50 PM**

** __ ** _Thank God I’m already married._

Dean refrained from pointing out that he had married a soulless demon. Probably not the best thing to tell the brother he hadn’t talked to in months. 

**Bitch Oct 31 5:54 PM**

_By the way, you should invite Cas over for Thanksgiving. Even Adam is bringing a date this time around._

Dean wasn’t sure how to respond to that. On the one hand, he would love to introduce Cas to his family. On the other hand, he dreaded introducing his family to his boyfriend. Especially since said family didn’t even know he liked both genders. It was easier to try to redirect the focus.

** Oct 31 5:58 PM**

_ **** _ _ **Wait adam???** _

**Bitch Oct 31 6:00 PM**

** __ ** _Yeah. Guess he got tired of Kate trying to set him up as well._

** Oct 31 6:01 PM**

_ **** _ _ **Well, good for him i guess** _

**Bitch Oct 31 6:10 PM**

** __ ** _What are you doing tonight anyway? Tell me you’re not trick or treating :P _

Dean was a little shocked to see that Sam had used an emoticon.

** Oct 31 6:11 PM**

_ **** _ _ **Nope, helping out garth and his future wife with their churchs halloween thing** _

** _benny, cas and i are running the snack stands_ **

**Bitch Oct 31 6:12 PM**

** __ ** _Huh, so your roommates know Cas?_

Shit… Dean shouldn’t have reminded Sam of Cas. But he also couldn’t help but brag about him. Dean was so whipped already.

** Oct 31 6:15 PM**

_ **** _ _ **Yeah they really like cas too** _

** Oct 31 6:16 PM**

_ **** _ _ **was a rocky start but now they like cas better than me some days** _

**Bitch Oct 31 6:20 PM**

** __ ** _Okay now you really have to bring Cas along._

** Oct 31 6:30 PM**

** __ ** ** _ill ask Cas and see how the work schedule is for both of us_ **

** _might be busy_ **

**Bitch Oct 31 6:31 PM**

** __ ** _You can’t skip on Thanksgiving. I never get to see you anymore!_

Dean was tempted to say that they had plenty of times to hang out before, especially in May when Dean was Boston, not too far away from Sam, and Sam had given him a scathing reply in return. But he didn’t want to remind Sam of that. He missed talking to his brother too much to try to pick a fight. 

** Oct 31 6:36 PM**

_ **** _ _ **just tough because of new project** _

** _just wanna double check_ **

**Bitch Oct 31 6:40 PM**

** __ ** _Oh right. How is that new project going?_

He ended up spending another twenty minutes texting Sam, both discussing their jobs, what else was new for them, and finally had to tell Sam good night when Benny showed up at his door to usher him out of the house. 

Dean laughed when he saw his costume.

“I should’ve expected this, considering how many vampire jokes we make,” Dean teased, gesturing at Benny’s vampire attire. 

It wasn’t the cheap Dracula costume that you could find at any random store, and it was more elegant looking. Instead of a cheesy cloak, Benny had a nice Victorian style jacket, but with the collar popped up in stereotypical vampire fashion. He also had on a stylish waistcoat and had on a distracting top hat. Made quite the dapper looking fellow, though.

“What can I say? I make a handsome vampire,” Benny smiled, showing off the fancy fang prosthetics. 

“Dude, really?”

“Our roommate is a dentist. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to have the best looking fangs around.” 

“Fine, just don’t accidentally swallow them,” Dean cautioned, before following Benny out to his old Ford Explorer. Benny was just lucky that Dean knew how to fix cars, since the damn thing kept breaking down every other week. One of these days he was going to have to listen to Dean and just give up on the thing. 

“I promise I won’t. Now did you see Garth in his costume yet?” Benny asked, and they both started laughing. 

They kept to easy conversations at first, mostly talking about the party and curious to see how Garth and Bess managed to pull it off, and to complain about how pumpkin spice was ruining everything. Bess had even asked Benny if he could make some pumpkin spice beignets before the man turned her away for blasphemy. For that he didn’t even make regular beignets, which was a sick and twisted punishment for all of them. However, there was something serious that Dean wanted to talk to Benny about. 

“Hey, Benny? Can we have some real talk for a moment?”

Benny glanced over at him curiously before returning his eyes back onto the road, “You know ya can tell me anything, brother. What’s bothering ya?”

“So I was texting Sam earlier—”

“Wow, he actually responds now?” Benny grumbled sarcastically.

“Huh?”

“Nothing, Dean. What were you saying?”

Dean always had the feeling that Benny wasn’t a big fan of Sam. Not that Sam and him had been particularly close since Benny’s known him.

“I was talking to Sam and mentioned Cas—”

“Did you mention your _boyfriend_ Cas or did you mention Cas and left his gender ambiguous?” Benny asked.

“Errr, just mentioned Cas. I might have purposely avoided using pronouns,” Dean admitted, and tried not to grimace as he caught Benny shake his head in disappointment. “Anyway, Sam told me that I should invite Cas up to Thanksgiving, and part of me would like to do it and the other part of me is—”

“Scared witless?”

“Maybe would’ve gone with the less child friendly version, but yeah. I mean, my family still has no idea that I’m bi,” Actually, now that he thought of it, neither did his roommates. They just accepted Cas as his kinda boyfriend, and didn’t ask any further questions. “And I’m not sure if I should break the news like that.”

“Would be quite the eye opening experience,” Benny ragged. 

“Not funny, Benny. Can you picture how John would handle the news? He’s either going to blow his shit, or be passive aggressive the whole time. Cas doesn’t deserve that, especially not when he’s giving up steak and lobster dinner, for Costco’s turkey.”

“You gotta let Cas make that decision himself. You know, he doesn’t really seemed to be the type to love luxury. He did give up his fancy Fourth of July party in favor of eating greasy burgers with you.”

“Yeah, but those burgers are pretty awesome.”

“Can’t deny that,” Benny conceded. “But you should talk to him. Meeting the family is a huge step and you should both be on board for it. Especially when… well when you have to jump through some extra hoops.”

“Yeah, more of a reason why Cas doesn’t deserve to be dragged along.”

“Still, he should be the one to decide whether he wants to be dragged through the mud or hidden like a dirty secret.”

Dean sighed, not thinking of it that way, “Yeah you’re right.”

“I usually am.” Benny said, with mock humility.

“Sure. Hey, can I ask you something else?”

“Hit me?”

“Your ex is from old money, right? Do you ever think…. Is that why…” Dean trailed off, but Benny nodded in understanding.

“Is that why it fell through? I don’t know, maybe. But then again, she’s married to my stepdad now, so not like she ended up with anyone any richer. Honestly, I think the issue is that she had an image of what I am, and I wasn’t it. She liked it when I was a simple fisherman, she was impressed when I was a soldier, but she couldn’t handle the man who came back from war. I changed, and in my opinion I changed for the better, but she didn’t recognize me anymore and that scared her. And with each time I was deployed, she got closer to my stepdad.”

“Still fucking messed up, what she did.”

“No arguments there. I mean, he wasn’t my flesh and blood, but it still hurts that she left for someone that was family. Hurts even more that neither one of them cared.”

“Isn’t he like thirty years older than her?”

“Twenty six years older, but that’s what she wants.”

Dean shook his head in disgust, “Do you regret it?”

“No, I could never regret it. I had many happy memories with Andrea, and because we were together I got my little Lizzie, which is something I thank my lucky stars for everyday. I’d go to hell and back to make sure I had that little girl in my life.”

Dean felt a little jealous of that, “I just don’t know why Cas sticks around me.”

“Ever think that was a good thing?” Benny asked, as he made the turn onto the street where the party was being held.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just sayin’, if you know exactly what he’s staying for, that means that it's a pretty superficial reason. It also means that when that thing's no longer around, then he’ll be gone.”

“Are you saying that my good looks aren't going to last forever?” Dean teased, trying to make the atmosphere lighter, especially since they were moments away from being surrounded by cheery people in costume.

“Hate to break the news to you, Dean, but you're gonna get old, bald, fat and wrinkled.”

“You take that back! I'll never go bald or get fat.”

“If you keep drinking beer and eating desserts like you do, you will.”

“I guess it's a good thing I've been cutting back,” Dean laughed, but then paused when Benny gave him a weird look. “What?”

“You have cut back a lot, especially with the drinking. Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen you touch the heavy stuff in months, and even beer you drink rarely.”

Dean shrugged feeling a little self-conscious, “Haven’t really felt like it I guess.”

“Been more active too.”

“What can I say? I’m dating someone that’s really into hiking and nature walks,” Dean was grateful that Benny didn’t call him out on saying dating for once instead of just sorta-dating like he usually did.

“He really has been good for you. I won’t lie, I was concerned at first—”

“Really? I never would have guessed.” Dean snarked.

“Can you blame me? He’s an incredibly wealthy man, and has the power to fire you or get you a promotion. I thought he was just trying to use you.”

“So glad to know that I’m a defenseless girl in your mind. Would it make you feel better if I told you my virtue was still intact?”

“The last thing I wanna know about is the state of your ‘virtue’. All I’m saying is you don’t really hear a story like yours working out in anything other than a fairytale. But I can admit that I was wrong. You and Cas sure are happy together and… well I’m happy for you, brother. No one deserves happiness more than you do.”

Dean ran a hand through his slightly shaggy hair nervously. Seriously, his hair was only an extra inch long and he already couldn’t stop touching it. Was this what it felt like to be Sam? “What do you mean by that?”

Benny turned to look him straight in the eye, unflinching, before returning his eyes back to the road, “You don’t spend two decades in the army and not learn how to spot the look of a man who’s faced down hell. I saw that look in your eyes the first time I saw you. It’s one of the reasons why I decided to mosey on over and give you a holler.”

“You… saw it?” Dean asked, not meeting Benny’s eyes but instead focusing on an interesting stain on Benny’s mat.

“Yeah, but I don’t know what you’ve been through and it’s not in my place to ask. Maybe someday you’ll trust me enough to tell it to me willingly, but until then I’m not gonna pry. I got my own demons, and I know it does no one any favors by poking them.” 

Dean slowly looked up to meet Benny’s eyes, “Thanks, Benny.”

“Don’t mention it. But just know that if he breaks your heart, I have every right to break his pretty face.”

Dean laughed, “Glad you can agree with me that it’s a pretty face, but I’m pretty sure you have to go through Cas’ bodyguards to actually hurt him.”

“Just makes it a more exhilarating challenge.” Benny shrugged before pulling the car into park and unbuckling himself. Dean chuckled before following suit.


	15. Holy Batman

Chapter 15: Holy Batman!

It was still early enough in the night that there were only a few stragglers, mostly parents with little kids who would be leaving the party by the time it reached nine-o-clock. To Dean’s pride, most of the little kids knew who he was, and he even ran into some little kids who were dressed up as Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Darth Vader who wanted to take pictures with Dean. Definitely gave him some hope for the future generation. Eventually the crowds started to trickle in—Dean even spotted the Misfits from work—but no Cas. Though after seeing some of the masked characters Dean realized that he might not recognize Cas right away.

Dean ended up manning the popcorn booth—apparently he was the only one who knew how to work the old, finicky machine without making burnt popcorn—while Benny went to man the bobbing for apples table. Dean was positive that Benny only got the gig because of his friggin’ fangs. Though before the night was over, he was going to make Benny try to catch an apple himself.

Hopefully he wouldn’t swallow a tooth doing it.

As Dean made popcorn, he couldn’t help but keep darting his head around, curious to see if he could find his date. So far he’d seen werewolves, vampires, witches, and other monsters of all shapes and sizes, but none of them seemed to be Cas. He almost jumped when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder.

“Jeeze,” Dean growled, whirling around to see Charlie, dressed as some sort of paladin—most likely one of her various LARP characters—and following behind her was Kevin dressed as the 11th doctor, and Aaron dressed as… Aaron in a hoodie. “What, couldn’t find a costume?”

“Unlike the rest of you, I can’t sew up an awesome costume using fabric scraps. I also don’t like Halloween enough to waste forty bucks on polyester shit,” Aaron complained, crossing his arms.

“You didn’t even try to dress festive,” Kevin complain.

“Shut up. Shouldn’t you be hanging out in the kid’s section of the party?” Aaron bickered back.

Ignoring Kevin and Aaron, Dean returned his attention to Charlie, “I’m surprised you got these two guys to come along.”

“Well at first no one was interested when we heard it was sponsored by a church, but then we looked into it more and realized that the church sounded absolutely insane! Like in the best way. Did you know their religion is an offshoot of old Norse mythology?” Charlie asked.

“Uh, actually I didn’t,” Dean really should look into what exactly Bess’ religion was, especially if he continued helping out. “So what did you do to get Pinky and the Brain over here?”

“Not much,” Aaron broke in, finally getting tired of poking fun at Kevin. “You did let it slip earlier that Cas was going to be here today, and we really wanted to meet them.”

Dean wasn’t sure if he should be impressed or uncomfortable over the fact that his coworkers now started to refer to Cas as a them/their instead of a she/her. Did Charlie’s gaydar finally pick up on Dean, and she shared the news? Dean tried not to let it bother him, especially since he was proud to be with someone as amazing as Cas, no matter his gender.

“Well, good luck finding him. I don’t even know what he’s supposed to be dressed up as,” Dean admitted, before turning back to the crowd to people watch.

“Huh, Cas is a boyfriend, not a girlfriend. Pay up Kevin.” Aaron declared, holding out his hand for Kevin to fork over some cash.

“Hey, I thought Dean had at least another two years before he was willing to come out of the closet,” Kevin complained, but willingly handed over what looked like a ten dollar bill. “Hey, wait, shouldn’t Charlie pay up too? She thought Cas was nonbinary.”

“Can I really be wrong if I didn’t guess an exact gender?” Charlie asked innocently.

“Yes!” both Aaron and Kevin squawked, and Charlie reluctantly relinquished her cash.

“I can’t believe you guys were betting on my love life. Again!” Dean complained as he went to salt and butter the popcorn.

“You’re just bitter because you’re the only one who lost out on fifty bucks.” Kevin pointed out.

“I hate you all.” Dean declared, wondering what had possessed him to invite his coworkers in the first place. Clearly a lapse of judgement on his part.

“Awww, don’t be mad at us. What if we got you some hot apple cider and an apple spiced cronut to make up for it?” Charlie placated.

Luckily for her, Dean wasn’t allowed to leave his station unattended, and he knew that the apple products would be gone by the time he could trade shifts.

“You get excused this one time. But it better be a fresh batch of both. And don’t squish my cronut or else!” Dean threatened.

“Yes, sir, Dean Solo.” Charlie teased, before dragging Aaron and Kevin away with her.

Alone again, Dean went back to people watching. Seriously, Cas should be here by now. Dean was about ready to text the other man about his current location, when he caught the sudden whiff of honey and sandalwood coming from behind him. Cas.

“Looking for someone?” Cas whispered into Dean’s ear, and Dean gently leaned into the older man.

“Yeah. You see, someone really important to me is supposed to show up here soon, but I have no idea what they even look like right now.”

“Isn’t that the purpose of Halloween? To disguise oneself?”

“Oh it definitely is. And you know, to engorge yourself on ridiculous amounts of sweets. But you see, I kinda miss him.”

“You do,” Cas asked, partially surprised and partially purring with pleasure. “And what would you do when you see him?”

“Well the first thing on my mind is to give him a big ol' hug. And then…” Dean trailed off.

“Then?” Cas asked, almost breathlessly.

“Then I yelled at him for being such a tease with his costume,” Dean joked and was rewarded with a chuckle from Cas.

“I guess I deserve that,” Cas admitted, slowly disentageling himself from Dean’s backside so that Dean could finally get a good luck at him. Dean was not disappointed.

“Hey, Dean, they were out of apple spice so we got you—Holy Batman, it’s Batman!” Charlie exclaimed, almost dropping the apple cider and cronut that she had grabbed for Dean.

Dean would be more upset, if he didn’t fully understand the reasoning behind her moment of clumsiness. Because Cas really did look like Batman.

His costume looked like it had been made by a high quality cosplayer, because it was a perfect replica of the costume in the_ Dark Knight_, and boy did it show off all of the best aspects of Castiel. Dean knew that Cas was fit, especially since the man enjoyed hiking and running marathons, and even though Dean thought Cas was crazy for doing that to himself all of the time, he could at least admire the man for his dedication.

But Dean had all ever seen Cas’ in his business attire, or wearing Dean’s own clothes—though Dean did enjoy that lovely sight**—**which were also layered. He never got to see Cas in such form fitting clothes before, and they clearly highlighted the muscle in his biceps, his six pack, and his legs.

Without thinking, Dean placed a hand on one of Cas’ well defined pecs, “Is this actually a costume or is it just really good body paint?"

“No, it’s real. Why? Do you not like it?” Cas asked concerned, as if Dean could ever not like something Cas did.

“You look amazing,” Dean affirmed, and then realized something. “Hey you actually did shave!”

Despite the audience, Dean reached out and gently stroked Cas’ smooth chin. It was strange for it to be so soft. It felt nice, but part of Dean did miss the constant stubble that was usually there.

“I did say I had to shave for the costume,” Cas pointed out, but he had his eyes closed and his chin pointed up to the ceiling, giving Dean perfect access to continue stroking his jaw.

Cas was a lot like Dean pictured a cat would be like.

“Awwww, you two are so precious,” Charlie proclaimed, looking like she wanted to take a picture of the two of them, but didn't have the free hand available to do so.

Dean realized there was another perk to Cas being dressed up like Batman; no one from his work would be able to recognize him. Not that Cas was able to socialize amongst the regular workers, he usually spent most of his required work day in his fancy office which he stole from Metadick. In fact, Castiel used the discrepancies in Metatron’s files as an excuse for why he had to relocate to Minneapolis in the first place. Surprisingly, Metatron wasn’t sacked for his mistake, but he was demoted for covering it up, and for not properly utilizing his auditor to oversee his numbers. But because Cas had an office on the same floor as Dean, he did have a habit of running into the man, and so did Charlie and the others.

For some reason, Castiel didn’t want others to know that he and Dean were sorta-dating, which was fine with Dean because he didn’t want to look like the stereotypical secretary that had slept their way to power. It was also likely that Cas was a little afraid of his brothers finding out that he was dating a man, considering how the reacted the first time they thought their brother might be gay.

Then again, maybe Cas’ issue was the same issue he had about being seen in the media and being unable to blend in the masses, which made sense. The youngest Shurley brothers were practically background characters—an unfortunate result of being one of ten children—but the oldest four brothers were pretty much celebrities. It was hard to go anywhere without hearing about them, since they were known to use their wealth lavishly, and expanded to different markets. Michael was even looking into politics. Of course, Lucifer's popularity was from infamy now. Castiel was also the brother of intrigue, but had managed to hide in the shadows so that people could only know of him but not exactly know who he was.

Hmm, hiding in shadows? Keeping his good works secret? A billionaire orphan? Holy shit, Dean was practically dating a real life Batman.

Though there was also the possibility that Cas didn’t want Dean’s coworkers to find out was because they weren’t as trustworthy as Garth and Benny were. Not that he didn’t love his work crew, but he wasn’t completely convinced that they would be able to keep Cas a secret. Or whether or not they would treat Dean the same if they knew. Though it did feel weird to keep such a big part of himself secret from his squad of misfits.

“What I want to know is how does Dean always attract people who look like models?” Aaron complained bitterly, eyeing Cas up and down with interest.

Wait, since when did Aaron swing that way?

Dean was even more grateful that no one else around could see how attractive Cas was under the cowl.

“Because Dean has an almost perfectly symmetrical face, and society has placed symmetry as the highest standard of beauty. Thus he attracts others of that nature,” Kevin explained, boredly playing with his bow tie as he delivered his speech. “Though technically we don't know what Cas actually looks like under the cowl. He could be hideous.”

“He's not!” Dean exclaimed, hand slipping from Cas’ face, and was surprised that his cry was echoed by Charlie. He shot her a surprised look and she shrugged.

“What, I'm gay, not blind,” Charlie explained. “And from where I'm standing he's pretty proportionate.”

“Thank you?” Castiel said hesitantly, before gently reaching for Dean’s hand again to return it to his jaw.

Cas was such a weird sap.

Charlie sighed, “Dean, can you please take your crap so that I can take a picture of you and Batman. You two are too precious, and now I’m really curious to see if I can find any Batman/Han Solo crossover ships.”

“Huh?” Cas asked confused and looked at Dean for clarification. Dean had other concerns.

“Why is Han Solo’s name last? Are you suggesting I—I mean Han Solo is the bottom of that relationship? Hello, Han Solo is kickass.”

“Yeah, but Batman! Do you really think he’d be a happy bottom for long?” Charlie countered.

“This is why I’m Team Switch all the way.” Aaron said with a crude grin, which Kevin quickly slapped him on the shoulder.

“Dude, there are children around. Mind your manners.” Kevin hissed.

“Ouch. You know for a tiny guy, you sure are strong.” Aaron complained, rubbing the sore spot.

“What’s Team Switch mean?” Cas asked, curiously. His coworkers minus Kevin all snickered like the adolescents they still were.

“Just, don’t worry about that now. If you’re still interested in it, I’ll explain later tonight,” Dean promised, knowing that he wasn’t about to get into that topic in public.

“Anyway,” Kevin said, reaching out his hand to offer Cas a handshake. Despite being the youngest one of the group, he was also the most mature. Go figure. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Cas. We've actually been debating on whether or not you were real.”

Castiel shook Kevin’s hand and chuckled, “My fault entirely, I’m sure. I travel a lot for work and hobby, and when I’m local I like to steal all of Dean’s time.”

“That does explain why our hours of playing D&D have dramatically decreased.” Charlie said with an equally dramatic sigh.

Dean stared at Charlie in betrayal. Luckily Cas already knew about Dean’s geekier hobbies or else he might’ve thought Dean was a loser. Charlie should know better than to throw him under the proverbial bus like that.

“Awww don’t give me that look, Dean. The first real test of a relationship is to see how they react to your geekdom,” Charlie said, before nodding down at her full hands. “Also, take your crap. I want to give Cas a welcoming hug and I can’t give an optimal hug if I’m weighed down by these.”

“Fine, but if Cas sidesteps you, then you have to abort the hug attempt,” Dean warned, before reluctantly removing his hand from Cas in order to get his snacks. “What did you get me instead of apple spice?”

“Pumpkin spice.”

Dean felt the urge to hiss at it, “Really, Charlie? Just because I have a boyfriend now, doesn’t mean that I’m frou-frou enough to start liking pumpkin spice everything like the stereotypical white girl.”

“Hey, you leave my love for pumpkin spice out of this!” Charlie argued, and it didn’t take long for them to get into a banter between pumpkin spice and whether or not it was the true taste of autumn.

Dean only stopped when he realized he hadn’t heard Cas talk in a while. He glanced over at the man and saw that he was staring intently at Dean, “What?”

“You called me your boyfriend.” Cas said, sounding awed.

Dean shifted awkwardly and took the excuse to bite into his cronut—he would never admit to Charlie that it was actually pretty good, “Yeah, well you are.”

Castiel smiled up shyly at him, “You’ve never said it that way before.”

Charlie cooed again, while Kevin and Aaron laughed at him.

“That’s not nice, Dean. You should treat your boyfriend better,” Aaron teased.

“You know, that’s a great idea, Aaron. Heck, I’ll just take your advice now and go shower Cas with attention. You can take over the popcorn station until I get back.”

“What?”

Dean laughed, “Don’t worry, Aaron. It just finished making a batch. You’re good for the next ten people to show up. After that just call me and I’ll be back,” Dean promised, before gently grabbing Cas by the hand and tugging him across the room.

He led Cas pass the dance floor, dodged around the haunted hallway that Bess was managing, and finally led Cas outside onto a beautiful wooden deck that was surrounded by glowing purple string lights.

“Dean, this is beautiful,” Cas breathed out, mesmerized by the simple beauty of the area.

“Thanks. Benny and I helped Garth set this up yesterday. We wanted to make sure that it would look perfect at night, since this is where he plans to propose to Bess. But, uh, you didn’t hear that from me okay?” Dean said, putting his finger to his lips.

Cas chuckled, “Your secrets are always safe with me. Though is it alright for us to be here?”

“Yeah, Garth isn’t planning on popping the question until the moon is in this certain position, and it won’t be like that until 11 o’clock,” He saw Cas’ puzzled expression and shrugged. “I don’t know. Something to do with Bess’ strange religion.”

“The more I hear about her faith, the more questions I have.” Cas said.

“I think they're werewolves. They have too many things associated with the full moon and with wolves.”

“You also think that Benny is a vampire,” Cas drawled.

“And yet he’s dressed up as one tonight. And Bess is a wolf. Coincidences? I think not!” Dean spouted dramatically.

Cas laughed at his absurd theories, “If Benny is a vampire and Bess is a werewolf,what would that make me?”

“An angel,” Dean blurted out, then felt his face grow warm.

“An angel? Is it because of my name?” Cas asked, sounding almost bored. He must get the comparison often. Then again, his adopted father did have an obsession with angels.

“That, but mostly because you are a great person. You’d do anything to help someone out, without wanting anything back in return. And you are also a scary, righteous force to deal with, especially when you are standing up for someone else.”

“Really?”

“Cas, I’m pretty sure you made the young Adlers almost piss themselves when you called them out on their bullshit.”

Castiel smirked, “They wouldn't have had to be so afraid if they just did their own work, or cited their help appropriately.”

“Still you’re pretty badass. And aren’t angels supposed to be warriors of God?”

“They are. They’re supposedly the most powerful entities after God Himself,” Cas agreed, but seemed lost in thought. “If you think of me as an angel, then how do you see yourself as?”

“I don’t know,” Dean said, stretching his neck uncomfortably and looking towards the sky. They were luckily far enough away from the main metropolitan area that he could still see some stars, but nowhere near the amount he was used to when growing up on the road. “I guess if you are an angel, then I must be a demon.”

“I strongly disagree,” Cas growled, and before Dean knew it, Cas had Dean’s head cradled in his hands and was making the taller man look into his eyes. “You are a strong, brave man. Perhaps you were lost in Hell at one point in time, but you were never a demon.”

It was interesting to watch as Cas’ face contorted angrily under the cowl, when all he could make out was the angry line of his frown, and the fury that was burning in those blue eyes.

“Sometimes I think I never really got out of there until you found me. My own angel, rescuing me from my personal hell,” Dean chuckled weakly, once again reminded of when their plane was plummeting from the sky, and how Cas held his face just like he was now. “You were the one who gripped me tight.”

“I think we both gripped each other tight,” Cas corrected, before moving Dean’s face closer down.

Dean was confused as to what the other man was doing at first until he felt the man’s soft lips on him, and felt the pleasant tingle travel through his sensitive nerve endings. Man, it had been way too long since he last kissed someone. Or at least kissed someone he had a deep interest in. Probably the last was Lisa. But it was a skill he could never fully forget as he let his lips relax against Cas’. He enjoyed the warmth and the easy pace that Cas was setting, but something didn’t feel right.

It took him a second before he realized what the issue was. It wasn’t that Cas was a bad or inexperienced kisser, the man actually had an amazing technique, almost like he studied how to be a professional kisser. He moved his lips like a dancer moved their feet, almost like he was keeping time or something. Like he was going through the motions.

Dean’s stomach started to plummet as he realized what was going on. Castiel wasn’t interested in kissing him, he was going through the practiced movements because he thought it was what he was supposed to be doing. The man wasn’t getting any sort of pleasure in this. This was only for Dean’s pleasure, not his. Dean felt disgusted with his selfishness, even though he wasn’t the one who forced a kiss on Cas, it still felt like he did. He started to pull back, apologetically, when something changed.

Suddenly, Cas was chasing after his lips and was breaking patterns. His kissing suddenly turned wild and pressed his lips harder against Dean’s and sealed their lips tighter together; as if he thought that his lips had the power to keep Dean with him always. Dean had wanted to be the bigger person, and stop this before it got too far, but he was soon lost in the feeling of Cas. One of Cas’ fingers was now woven into his hair, yanking him down closer, while the other had trailed down possessively over Dean’s bicep.

Usually Dean hated being trapped, but this didn’t feel like being cornered. This felt like Cas was trying to encompass him with nothing but love and promises to never leave. Like each kiss was a declaration for his dedication to all things Dean Winchester, and Dean was loving every moment of it.

It was only when Dean noticed he was trying to gain entry inside of Cas’ mouth that he remembered that he should slow it down and check to see how Cas was doing.

“Hey, Cas,” he asked breathlessly, trying not to shiver at Cas’ eyes, which were more black than he ever saw before. “You okay, there?”

“Don’t asked stupid questions,” The other man growled in a voice that shouldn’t sound as wrecked as it did from simple kissing. Then Cas pulled Dean back in for a deeper kiss, and Dean didn’t hold back from exploring his mouth.

They only broke away kissing when Dean’s phone went off. “Guess this means that it's time for me to go back to the popcorn machine.”

Though corn really was the last thing he wanted to pop right now. Then again maybe it was for the best that they stopped now before Dean’s form fitting pants no longer became family friendly.

“Fine, but promise me one thing? Promise me we will get to do this again,” Cas begged.

“Well I can’t promise you that we will have this setting or these costumes on,” Dean teased, before looking at Cas nervously. “But I can still be there. But promise me something? Promise me that you only kissed me because you like it?”

Cas smiled, and it was the most beautiful thing Dean had ever seen, “I very much enjoyed kissing you, Dean. I think now I can understand why some people find it so pleasurable.”

Dean heard the message loud and clear and couldn’t help smiling like a fool. “Awesome!”

Who was Dean kidding? He was dating and falling in love with Castiel. There was no way he couldn’t bring him over for Thanksgiving now. It wouldn't be fair to either one of them if he didn't at least ask.


	16. Focus On Me

Chapter 16: Focus On Me

Dean wondered for the thousandth time that day on what the hell he was thinking to have agreed to bring Cas to Thanksgiving dinner. 

Yeah his stepmother was overjoyed over the fact that Dean was bringing a date with him this year, though slightly disappointed because she really thought that Carmen could’ve been something special. True, Dean should’ve been honest about Cas’ gender, but he ended up dancing around the details like usual. 

It didn’t help that in a weird way, Dean had always wanted to please Kate. Maybe because she was the new matriarch of the family, or maybe because everyone else loved her so much. Still, sometimes Dean felt like he had to vie for her attention, in hopes that she could love him like her own son instead of just John’s. 

Kate had sounded so overjoyed when he told her about Cas, how they met on a rocky flight and how they talked the whole time during the five hour commute, and how it turned out that they worked for the same company, but in different branches. Kate even squealed happily when Dean told her that Cas had switched department locations to be closer to Dean, and then chided him for not mentioning his _girl_friend before. 

Since it was Kate, Dean couldn’t help but want to confide more in her, and admitted that he was scared to jinx anything, especially after how things turned out with Lisa. He was with the woman for three years before she ended things with him. He only knew Cas for six months and he was already terrified of getting too attached, let alone having the rest of his family get attached too.

To Dean’s surprise, Kate told him she never liked Lisa anyway, and how it was her policy to never trust a woman whose nose could touch her own ass. Dean had laughed so hard in response that he ended up coughing. Which of course led him to talking more about Cas, especially since he “warned” Kate that Cas did yoga as well. Which also led to him gushing about Cas for thirty minutes before Kate had to hang up to get started on dinner. By the time he hung up on her, he already booked himself a solid a weekend at their place for the holiday and there was no way he was going to get himself out of it.

Hopefully she felt the same way when he showed up with his boyfriend.

Fuck, John Winchester was not going to be a happy man. He had tried so hard to make sure that his sons were manly-men that he might just have a heart attack if he knew that Dean enjoyed being the little spoon with another man. 

Convincing Cas to go had been easy. All Dean had to do was ask and Cas immediately jumped at the opportunity to cancel plans with his brothers. Again. Thanksgiving was another one of those publicity holidays for the family. 

Cas’ only condition was that they’d have Gadreel drive them to the Winchester home, which was strange because Dean could have easily driven them in the Pimpmobile, but he couldn’t really complain since he was about to lead Cas to the lions den. 

Maybe the point of having a driver take them to the family home was so that Cas was free to curl himself around Dean while he was having a panic attack? 

Dean thought that since he had come out of the closet to six people now that it would be easier, that he would have gotten used to the drill.

Apparently, not. 

Apparently Dean’s mind decided that this was the perfect time to have a full on freak ou-t, as he was flooded with images of how the day was going to turn out. Everything from his family being coldly indifferent towards Dean and Cas during the meal, but then telling them they couldn’t stay the night, and then never reaching out to Dean again; or his dad being so outraged that he’d start a fight on the front lawn, and have Dean and Cas taken away in a police car, and Cas would finally see reason, and decide that Dean just wasn’t worth the hassle anymore, and then--

“Dean,” Cas said calmly, gently cupping his face and making Dean focus on him. “Pay attention to me. Just focus on me and nothing else. Can you hear my voice? Blink if you can hear me.”

Dean blinked.

“Good. Focus on the sound of my voice. Notice how it vibrates. Listen to its inflection. Focus on that instead of the sound of your erratic heartbeat. Don’t pay attention to that, only pay attention to me,” Dean followed the sound of Cas’ voice like he was his own personal concert. “Good. Now can you also feel my hands? Blink again.”

Dean blinked again.

“Perfect. Now notice how they feel? Feel how solid they are? These hands are holding you in place, they are here in this very moment. Let them be your anchor so that you don’t go floating away again. Do you understand?”

Dean blinked. 

“Wonderful. Now I need you to breathe with me, Dean. Can you do that?” Dean blinked. “Good. Good. I need you to breathe in through your nose for four seconds. One. Two. Three. Four. Good. Now hold your breath for seven seconds. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. You’re doing so good, Dean. Okay now I want you to loudly exhale for eight seconds. Let out a big whoosh when you do. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Good job. Okay now let’s repeat it. Ready? In for four seconds…”

Cas continued to coach Dean until finally Dean got a handle over himself, “Sorry about that, Cas.”

Castiel shrugged Dean’s words off, but continued cradling his head. Dean had a feeling it was one of Cas’ favorite things to do with him, “You can’t help it when a panic attack hits. I know I’ve had plenty of them myself. It doesn’t help that you are being put in a situation that is unfamiliar to you, and you’re terrified of the results.”

“I’m just… what if they don’t accept it? What if they don’t accept you or me?”

“If they can’t accept love for what it is then they don’t deserve to have you in their life in the first place,” Cas adamantently declared.

Dean wasn’t sure if Cas meant love as in the “love is love” movement, or if he meant that he loved Dean. Dean hoped for the latter, but knew better than to wish for the impossible. Just having Cas by his side was enough for now. 

“You’re right,” Dean conceded.

“Furthermore, if your family does turn out to be bigots, or we find ourselves in unenjoyable company, I have already taken the liberties of booking a back up room at a hotel nearby,” Cas nonchalantly pointed out.

“Wait, what?”

“Don’t worry, it’s not one of the _Prince of Hotels_,” Cas said cheekily, reminding Dean of his disastrous presentation all of those months ago. 

Then again, if he didn’t have such a bad experience there, then he might not have never been on the plane that day and would have never met Cas.

Now that was a really horrifying thought.

“I just can’t believe you booked a hotel already. Doesn’t that cost you money?” 

“It’s a small holding fee of $300. If I don’t check in by morning of the next day, it gets returned to me.” Cas flippantly remarked.

“That’s still a $300 hold.” 

“Dean,” Cas sighed. “I don’t want to sound conceited or vain, but every day I make hundreds of dollars an hour. A temporary $300 hold for me is like someone holding onto a dollar for you. Something you can find good use for, but not something you will be devastated over if you lose.”

Dean didn’t know how to respond to that. 

“Don’t overthink this, Dean,” Cas pleaded. “You know I’m rich, and you know I am very much devoted to you and only you. I got lucky and was adopted by a rich man. My fortunate circumstances do not make me better than you.”

“Just hard to wrap my head around sometimes.” Dean admitted softly.

“I know. If it makes you feel better, you are also hard for me to wrap myself around sometimes?”

“Yeah,” Dean gave him a weak smile, for once letting the innuendo slide. “Really? Why’s that?”

“Because,” Cas said, looking deeply into Dean’s eyes before slowly tilting Dean’s head back, which Dean complied to easily. It didn’t take long before Cas’ lips melded against Dean’s, making Dean’s heart swoon like he was some poor damsel. 

He really shouldn’t be so caught up in such an innocent kiss. 

“I can do that to you without feeling sick to my stomach. I can kiss you and instead of feeling nauseous, I feel elated. Instead of the anxiety of being so close to another person, I feel nothing but peace and the desire to get even closer to you. With you, Dean, I want everything you have to offer, and want to offer you everything in return.”

“Do you ever think of what would’ve happened if we didn’t get on that plane together?” Dean whispered, even though he didn’t want to think about that.

“I would have still been lonely and miserable,” Cas admitted, his voice just as soft as Dean’s own. It was like they both knew that if they spoke too loud or harshly, it could ruin all that developed between them, and everything they worked for could be whisked away by the wind. “I wasn’t in a good place back then. Not bad enough that I contemplated taking my own life, or hurting myself, but bad enough that I felt like I didn’t deserve to exist. That I didn’t deserve the life I was given. That my only penance for this life was to be unhappy and alone.”

“That sounds messed up man,” Dean admitted, gently carding a hand through Cas’ soft locks. Dean usually teased Cas that his honey based hair products were either going to make him bald or his hair sticky, but so far it has proven him wrong and has continuously made Cas' hair soft and silky. Dean was sure even Sam would be jealous of his locks. “Why did you feel that way?”

“Because it is a fluke that I had ended up in the hospital that was at. That my father had decided on that day that he wanted an additional son for his company. He could have chosen any hospital, or taken any baby. Maybe even multiple. But he chose me and only me,” Cas breathed. “Makes me wonder if this was all part of some Divine plan, or if it is more like a Divine Comedy.”

“I’m personally a fan of ol’ Dante’s works myself,” Dean said cheekily, before kissing at the scoff of Cas’s brow. “But I still like to think that we make our own fate.”

“But what if it is Fate that brought us together?” Cas asked, voice still serious.

“Hmm, I guess I owe her a bottle of wine or some chocolates in that case. Though you better not be saying that you’re only dating me because you think this is fate, or some bullcrap.”

Cas chuckled softly, “Of course not. If Fate is real and decided we shouldn’t be together, than I would fight tooth and nail against her. For you. For us.”

Dean couldn’t help but smile like the lovesick fool he knew he was, “For us. I really like the sound of that.” 

“I really like the sound of ‘us’ in general.” Cas admitted.

“I’d just like to point out that you never put down the divider and I can hear everything you two are saying,” Gadreel’s ominous voice sounded from the front of the car.

Dean refused to be embarrassed, but instead turned to face the back of Gadreel’s head, “There’s also a button on your end if we are so distracting.”

Dean watched as Gadreel’s shoulders went up and down into a shrug, “There’s nothing on any of the stations. You two are much more interesting.”

“Boundaries, Zeke. Boundaries,” Dean chided, before turning back to Cas. “Is everyone in your staff so nosy?”

“Gadreel is usually the least intrusive,” Cas admitted. 

“I also interrupted to let you both know that we are one turn and five minutes away from John and Kate Winchester’s home. I suggest you get out… whatever you need to get out of your system now.” Gadreel said before putting up the divider.

Dean didn’t realize that Gadreel was a bit of a perv.

Dean looked at Cas questioningly. Cas narrowed his eyes in thought and Dean waited for him to voice what he was on his mind.

“Can you promise me something, Dean?” 

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?” Dean asked concerned.

“If things… if you feel at all uncomfortable or unwanted in your parents’ home, please let me know. I will gladly stay by your side no matter what, but I don’t want you to feel like you are trapped somewhere that you don’t want to be. Promise me you’ll let me know and we can go?”

“I promise, Cas,” Dean swore, and sighed in contentment when he felt Cas rest his forehead against his own. Honestly, knowing he had Cas by his side made him feel more confident. But there was still one small concern. “Hey, Cas?”

“Yes?” 

“Can you promise me something as well?”

“Of course, Dean,” Cas said seriously. “It’s only fair since I made you give me your word.”

“Promise me that… no matter what happens, and what they might say to me or about me; that you won’t look at me or treat me differently?”

Cas’ eyes always seemed bluer when he was sad, and right now they were a bright cerulean, “Nothing can ever change my opinion of you. To me, you’ll always be the righteous man with a beautiful soul.”

“You’re so cheesy,” Dean teased, but he felt grateful for the words all of the same.

“Hmm, well I suppose if I’m already cheesy, I don’t have much else to lose.” Cas sighed resoundly, before smirking and pulling Dean into another kiss, nipping playfully at his lips until Dean laughed.

“Okay, okay. I won’t call you cheesy anymore,” Dean surrendered, chuckling. but Cas refused to relent, nibbling on Dean’s ears and across his jawline before finding the sensitive spot in the junction between Dean’s neck and his jaw.

“You sure,” Cas asked, nuzzling the spot with his nose. “Because I can be pretty cheesy.”

“What about if I want one more real kiss because we face the `rents?” Dean asked, somewhat petulantly.

“Well, I suppose I can stop being cheesy long enough for that,” Cas agreed with a grin, before slowly kissing his way up Dean’s neck before finally slotting their lips together. It was a closed mouth kiss, not heated since they both knew they wouldn’t have enough time to calm down quick enough for respectable company, but it was still nice. 

Still, as simple as it was, Dean loved his kisses from Cas.

“Alright,” Cas said, softly, slowly breaking away from Dean. “I think we’re here.”

“Oh goody,” Dean said with as much fake enthusiasm as he could muster. 

It was now or never, though. Either he got out of the car and faced his parents like a man, or he’d run like a coward.

“Hey, Zeke,” Dean asked, hitting the button to pull down the divider. “What are the chances that you can hightail it out of here before anyone sees us?”

“Unlikely. Firstly, I have a passenger to pick up in five minutes—”

“You have another passenger?” Dean exclaimed.

“Yes, I uber on the side when Castiel doesn’t need me,” Gadreel turned around to stare at Dean, curiously. “Why else did you think I have the Uber sticker on my windshield?”

“I don’t know, just thought it was you going incognito or something,” Dean admitted, before whirling around to Cas. “You make hundreds an hour and your chauffeur still has to uber on the side?”

“I can assure you, he does if for his own merit, and he gets paid handsomely by me. He does it to pass the time when he’s bored,” Cas defended with a laugh. “Though there are additional benefits for myself as well, I’ll admit. Does make it more inconspicuous for me to travel by a registered uber. Now, what was the second reason why you can’t take off?”

“Because it seems that Mrs. Winchester is already outside of the door,” Gadreel said, moments before Dean heard a knock on his window. 

Damn, Kate was impatient. 

He was also grateful that Cas had tinted windows.

“We don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready,” Cas assured. “Or if you want to spend time with your family, but aren’t ready to introduce me to them yet, then I understand. You can just say that you had an uber-pool and I’ll have Gadreel drop me off at the hotel.”

“No!” Dean practically shouted, his heart given an unhappy thump at the thought of Cas not being by his side. “No, angel, no. I won’t lie and say that I’m not scared shitless, but I know I would rather have you with me. No matter what.”

Cas smiled gently at Dean, his sapphire eyes shining with pride, and he carefully clasped his hand into Dean’s, “Okay, then we do this together. No matter what.”

“Yeah, together.”

Taking a deep breath, Dean opened the door. And hit his stepmother with it.


	17. When You Assume

Chapter 17: When You Assume

“God, Kate, are you okay?” Dean asked, jumping out of the back seat to check on her.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Just got a little too excited there and it looked like you were taking your sweet time getting out,” Kate said, gently rubbing at her elbow where Dean got her with his door. “But I was just so excited to see you and finally meet Cas. Where is she?” Kate asked, looking towards the still open back seat of the car, searching for the female figure that was not there. 

It's now or never.

“Actually, Kate,” Dean said, swallowing before slowly reaching back for Cas’ hands and helping him out of the car. “This is Cas. Castiel. My… my boyfriend.”

“Oh,” Kate said, her face first going pale and then brightening pink. “Well how embarrassing. Well, you know what they say. When you assume you make an ass out of you and me.”

“That’s an interesting colloquial,” Cas said, tilting his head like he does when he’s trying to figure something out. In this case solve the little puzzle. “Oh, I see. Ass. U. Me. That is quite clever.”

“Thanks,” Kate said, awkwardly fiddling with her wedding ring. “But I’m afraid I can’t take credit for the saying. Only for remembering it.”

“Well even repetition is commendable,” Castiel said before offering his hand. “I know Dean said this before, but let me properly introduce myself. My name is Castiel.”

“Kate Milligan-Winchester. Sorry again for assuming,” Kate said, politely shaking his hand, but shot Dean a glance. Yeah, Dean knew he wasn’t getting out of this so easily. “Now let’s not keep your uber driver held up for too long. Just grab your suitcases and follow me.” 

It always shocked Dean to look at the new Winchester home. The two story home looked like something out of a storybook that he would read to Sam when they were young. The type of home that the two of them would dream about. 

It had a beautiful two door garage, the perfect place for a classy girl like Baby to rest in. There was plenty of natural lighting, and plenty of books for Sam to read. A fireplace to keep them warm in the winter, and a giant kitchen that was always packed with food. A pool in the back yard with an attached hot tub, and a deck overlooking it. The basement was finished and was a bachelor pad’s dream come true with a huge flatscreen TV, comfy chairs, a pool table, and a fully stocked bar that John didn’t go through in one night.

It also pissed Dean off that John got to live here, when he used to drag his sons all over creation. Making them sleep in undesirable places like the backseat of a car, pinching it in a tent, or living in a cheap motel that was so outdated and gross that it really should’ve been condemned. But here John was now, living in the lap of luxury. Not only able to hold down a job, but be the owner of his own restoration garage and detailing shop. One that was pretty well off too.

Dean didn’t realize he was shaking in anger until Cas placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“You have such a beautiful home,” Cas said politely, but Dean could pick up the indignant undertones he was hiding. 

Cas knew how Dean grew up, and it seemed that he was just as pissed that John had been able to turn his life around so late in life, but couldn’t when his sons needed him.

“Thank you,” Kate said. “We’re lucky that we got it for such a steal of a price. The old owners wanted to retire to Florida, and the house was worth so much more than what they originally paid for it, so they weren’t picky about the price. They just told us to make sure to use this place for as many family functions as possible, which we try our best to do.”

“Where is Dad anyway?” Dean asked, his hands clenching tighter to his suitcase handle.

“My guess? Probably stocking the bar. He had some new fancy whiskey he wanted to show off to Sam.”

Sure, show it to Sam. Not like Dean was the one with an appreciation for whiskey. Or maybe John thought Dean had too much of an appreciation for whiskey? 

“Cool, I guess we should head down and greet him?” 

Kate made a face, “How about you two worry about getting your room set up? I need to talk to John, myself anyway.”

In other words, Kate wanted to break down the news slowly to John that his oldest son had a boyfriend. Part of Dean hated that Kate had to be the go between, but the other part of him was so relieved that he just nodded his head in thanks.

“Hey, Kate? When’s everyone else supposed to show up?”

“Adam is about fifteen minutes away and Sam’s flight landed about twenty minutes ago, so he and the kiddos should be here any moment now.”

“Cool, cool,” Dean said, shifting awkwardly. “I guess we’ll go get ready? And then…” 

Dean was at a loss for what to do next. Luckily, he was dating a genius.

“And then we can get a head start on the pies. Dean said you wanted three pies this year?”

“Oh, yes! Each Winchester man can put away half a pie by themselves, so figured they get their two pies, and the rest of us normal folks can get a pie to ourselves.” Kate said with a smile.

“So the classics then? One pumpkin, one pecan, and one apple?”

“Please and thank you, Dean,” Kate said. “Now, let me go bother your father about that thing before I forget.” And with a final wave, she left the boys in the hallway while she darted downstairs.

Dean sighed before tugging at Cas’ hideous, but familiar trench coat. “Come on, Cas. We probably don’t want to be in hearing range when she breaks the news.”

Dean led Cas upstairs and towards the fourth room on the right that was covered in childish scrawls. “That’s my niece, Maggie’s artwork. This is usually the room she stays in,” Dean explained before opening the door and bringing Cas into a bright yellow room with even more drawings posted on the walls. 

Dean was at least grateful that the bed was a queen size bed with respectable blue sheets, instead of the Barbie sheets like he had to deal with the last time he came over. It was the smallest bedroom in the house, so it went mostly to Maggie, and someday Jesse too. 

Cas carefully placed his luggage on the bed, “Where do you usually stay then?”

Dean plopped down his own suitcase on the ground and kicked it under the bed. Part of him was still convinced that they might need to hightail it out of there before nightfall, and if that happened, then he wanted to be able to pick up his bag and go. Seeing, Dean’s cue, Cas did the same.

“Dean?” Cas asked, and Dean realized he didn’t answer.

“There’s a really nice den downstairs. A mancave of the highest caliber. Nice comfy couches that opens into a luxurious sofa bed, a big flatscreen TV, pool table, and an open bar. I usually camp out there,” Dean said with an easy smirk, hoping that Cas couldn’t read into it like he usually did. 

That even though Dean like staying in the den, he was genuinely hurt that he didn’t have a room of his own. As awesome as the man den was, it was John’s, not his. Both Adam and Sam had a place they could always return to. Maggie too. But Dean was just the additional tagalong. 

Cas frowned, but luckily didn’t call Dean out on his bullshit. Instead he flopped on the bed, shoes and trench coat still on, and gestured for Dean to join him. Dean rolled his eyes but complied. No sooner did his back touch the surface, did Cas immediately curl himself around Dean. Dean made a grumpy noise of protest, pretending that he didn’t enjoy cuddling so much, but easily bundled himself closer to Cas.

“Tell me more about your family, and tell me what is the best way to approach them in conversation?”

“Look at you, trying to use business strategy. Well, the hardest is going to be my father. Pretty conservative, but not religious. Ex marine and served in Vietnam, had a successful mechanic garage before he upgraded to a car restoration and detailing shop,” He noticed Cas’ vacant stare. “Means that he fixes up classics and really expensive muscle cars. A lot of his clients use him before presenting their cars to auto shows, so he’s a pretty big deal in the automotive world. Helps that he knows how to rebuild most of them from scratch.”

“Haven’t you done that before with Baby?”

Dean was proud that his boyfriend that he called the Impala by her honorific, when none of his girlfriends ever bothered. Yeah, Cas was definitely a keeper,“I mean, yeah, but she’s the only model I can do that with. Dad can do it with any model, hell, probably with his eyes closed as well.”

“Yes, but cars are his passion while literature is yours.”

Dean blushed, burying his face into Cas’ chest so he couldn’t see how red Dean’s face was getting, “I wouldn’t call it a passion, and I wouldn’t say I’m that good at it. I pretty much failed all of my English assignments in high school.”

“Yes, but how frequently were you able to attend those classes? How often were you unable to complete an assignment because you had to go back and forth between your jobs? How much time did you sacrifice your study time to help Sam with his own? How many times did you have to leave in the middle of one lecture, only to be deposited in another curriculum the next time your father made you move?” Cas asked, and Dean shifted. “How many classes did you have to skip so that you can provide money for the family, or make sure that Sam was taken care of?”

“Okay, I get your point. It happened frequently enough. Still, not like I’m Shakespeare or Vonnegut. I’m no brilliant writer, I’m just an appreciator of good storytelling. Whether it’s in a book, a song, a comic, or on a flatscreen.”

“That’s one of the things I find amazing about you,” Cas said, gently smoothing down Dean’s short hair.. “You can find the complexity of something that on the surface seems rather simple.”

“Or maybe it is really simple and I’m just making it seem like a bigger deal than it actually is,” Dean countered.

“If an argument can be made for it, I’m of the opinion that it’s not simply one dimensional.”

“You’re not one dimensional,” Dean said back, not fully processing what he was saying, but felt the need to say something to stop Cas from complimenting him.

Dean was grateful that he still couldn’t see Cas’ face like this, and instead buried himself deeper into Cas’ shirt.

“While you are both utterly adorable and ridiculous, I’ll let you get away with it this once. Luckily, I enjoy having you in this position,” Cas said, continuing to stroke Dean.

“Oh yeah, why’s that?”

“Because you have willing sought me out for comfort,” Cas admitted, resting his hand down on the back of Dean’s neck. “It’s something that I never thought I would get to have.”

“Well you do make it pretty easy. Being an awesome boyfriend and all,” Dean mumbled into Cas’ button up shirt. He was really, really grateful Cas couldn’t see his face.

“It helps that I have an equally ‘awesome’ boyfriend.” 

“Did you just do finger quotes again?”

“... No?”

Dean chuckled, “You are an awful liar.” 

“Hmm, which might not be a good thing considering how this night might progress. Now continue telling me about the rest of your family?”

Dean explained about how Kate was an ER nurse, and how she met his dad in the most bizarre situation. Kate was getting off a late night shift from the hospital, but needed to stop for gas because her car was running on empty, so she had to stop at the first gas station she could find which ended up being a pretty seedy looking place. Kate tried to get in and out before anyone could bother her, but before she had a chance someone came up behind her with a knife and tried to mug her. 

Luckily, John had been at the same gas station, picking up a six pack and some smokes. He had looked up right in time to notice the mugging in progress, and he let his Marine skills take over. He had the cashier show him a side door to use, and managed to get a jump on the mugger before he had a chance to do any damage to Kate, but he got a nasty slice across his palm from where he grabbed the knife to pull it away from Kate. 

Kate had been so grateful to John, and when she found out the man didn’t have health insurance she offered to take him back to her place to patch him up.

“She was awfully trusting of a complete stranger, despite what just happened to her,” Cas noted. 

“Well, we can speak from experience that sometimes you connect with someone you share an adrenaline rush with,” Dean pointed out. “Anyway, she helped him out, Dad stayed the night, and one thing led to another and it resulted in Adam.”

“What was going on with you and Sam at the time. You must’ve been—”

“About ten and six. Luckily, I was already used to Dad not coming home every night. We didn’t even notice a difference, until he came home with a giant bandage on his hand,” Dean tried to say factually, but he couldn’t prevent the tremble of anger in his voice.

“Anyway, Sammy was always a great kid. Easy for the most part to watch after. He’s a big shot attorney now in Boston. Got his undergraduate at Stanford, and got his law degree at Harvard. Always knew the kid was a genius.” 

“That is impressive, but it sounds like he had a good, older brother to help him out along the way.”

Dean blushed again, before continuing to gush about his little brother. Everything from his favorite book, to his crazy obsession with salad, and his dedication to running multiple marathons in a year. 

“Anyway, he’s been married to Ruby for… seven years now? Yeah, because Maggie is only five and Jesse is turning two. Ruby was a bartender at one of the bars near his campus and they hit it off well. Though since her college party days she stopped being blonde, and she got a job as a pharmaceutical rep. So at least she knew how to clean herself up.”

“Despite her holding a childish grudge over you?”

“Hey, I said she cleaned herself up from the vapid party girl she used to be. Didn’t say she’s actually mature or logical. Anyway, their youngest sadly takes a lot after Ruby. He was a pretty colicy baby, and during his teething phase he drew blood before. I once made a joke about him being the Antichrist, and Ruby refused to let me hold him for almost a year.”

“The more you talk about your sister-in-law, the less I look forward to meeting her.”

“Can’t blame you there. Anyway, luckily Maggie takes after Sam. They both have that puppy dog face that you can’t say no to. Poor thing is pretty shy though. Has a bad stuttering habit as well, but the doctors think she’ll grow out of it.” 

“My brother, Samandriel had a similar problem growing up. It didn’t help that some of the older brothers like destroying his confidence and would make fun of him for it. He didn’t really stop until the oldest four left the house when he was seventeen,” Dean could sense Cas’ frown. “I always wished I could’ve helped with that.”

“Remind me again why you were going to spend the holiday with your brothers?”

“Because at the time you didn’t seem open to the idea of us sharing a major holiday together, and I had nothing better to do. That and I do feel bad that I left Samandriel and Inais to their own devices last holiday. At least I was able to give the two an early enough warning, and now they are both enjoying the holiday in Paris right now.”

“Paris? Fancy.” 

“Once you get used to it, it’s just another city. Just one of the ones that speaks French.”

“...Your rich ass is showing.” 

Cas flicked him on the ear, and he grunted in betrayal. Dean was supposed to be safe in this cuddle pile! 

“Don’t you have another brother to talk about?”

“Oh, yeah. Adam. He’s… well… he’s going to med school. And… honestly that’s all I got on him.” Dean admitted.

“Dean… you knew Sam’s favorite soundtrack from Celione Dion, and you can’t even tell me anything about Adam?”

“What can I say?” Dean asked angrily, pushing away from Cas. “I didn’t even find out about the kid until I was twenty-two, and at that point I was already alone because Sam ran away from home and Dad didn’t feel like dealing with me anymore. The last thing I wanted to do was be around the son that Dad wanted more!”

“Dean…” Cas sighed, reaching out a hand for Dean, but Dean ducked around it.

“I know it isn’t fair, but everytime I look at that kid… all I can see is the son that Dad always wanted. Someone tough and strong, a genius like Sam, but obedient like me. Someone that would never give him lip and always makes him proud.”

Dean laughed, a broken sound. It was either laugh, or punch something or cry. “You know what fucking sucks? That Dad actually stopped by for Adam's birthday for the two years he kept him secret from us? Every year he would stop by to give him a gift. Do you know the last time I got a gift from dad? I was eleven and he gave me a knife and a _Busty Asians_ skin mag that he got from the gas station. You know what he got Adam? A fucking bike and a trip to a fucking baseball game. A fucking baseball game? The fucker couldn’t even play one damn game of catch with me!”

Dean didn’t realize he was practically screaming the last bit, and didn’t realize he was shaking until he felt Cas gently reach for his shoulder. Dean turned to him and looked at him with wide, lost eyes, “I just don’t get it, Cas. I did everything for that man. I sacrifice my own childhood, and I never got any thanks for it. It’s like Dad looks at me and all he sees is every awful thing that ever happened to him.” 

“Dean… Did John ever hurt you?” Cas asked cautiously.

“It was the 80s and 90s. A smack across the face was thought to be good for morale back then,” Dean said, dancing around the issue.

“Dean—”

“Please, Cas. Can we not get into this now? Not when we are under his roof.”

Cas looked back at him with dejected eyes before nodding his head, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pried.”

Dean wanted to tell him that yeah, he shouldn’t have. But even despite the angry haze, Dean knew that Cas was only trying to help, “Can we please just forget about it?” He begged.

Castiel nodded slowly, “It’s forgotten.”

“Good… so, ugh—” Before Dean could think of an adequate topic change, he heard the bell downstairs ring and the joyous greeting of Kate followed by John. Looks like more of the cavalry finally showed up.

“Ready to meet the rest of my crazy family?” Dean asked, flashing Cas an empty smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’ll follow your lead, no matter where you go,” Cas promised, and Dean knew that he meant more than just the whole meeting the family ordeal.

“Seriously,” Dean sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly with his hands. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“Did you ever think,” Cas started, slowly removing Dean’s hands from his head so that they could interlock with Cas' own. “That maybe you aren’t the only one that feels unworthy in this relationship?”

Dean met Cas’ blue eyes, which were filled with more love and promise than he could handle, “I just don’t wanna mess up what we have between us.”

“The only way either one of us can do that is by walking away from the other. I swear to you, Dean, I won’t abandon you like everybody else has.” Cas swore, but Dean wasn’t ready to accept it. 

He laid a kiss on each one of Cas’ hands before slowly retracting his own hands away, “Come on, Cas. It’s time to face the music.”


	18. Dean's Boyfriend

Chapter 18: Dean's Boyfriend

“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Sam. I’m Castiel. Castiel Shurley.” Castiel greeted, reaching his hand out for Sam to shake.

Meanwhile, Sam was doing his best interpretation of an open mouth moose. It had been that way since Sam had turned around and noticed that the person Dean has been dating had a different anatomy than what he was expecting. However, the sight of Cas’ hand slowly shook Sam out of his dazed state. 

“Sorry,” Sam said sheepishly, before taking Cas’ offered limb and giving it a proper handshake. “I just didn’t realize that—I was expecting—um it’s really nice to meet you?”

Sam was never the smoothest talker.

“That’s alright. I’m aware that Dean left out some of the finer details about me,” Cas answered with a shrug.

“Yeah, your gender being the leading one. What, was he ashamed of you?” Ruby scoffed as she readjusted the toddler hanging on her hip. 

It was no big surprise that her bitchiness was already showing this early into the day. Even if she did have a point that Dean was a pretty shitty boyfriend.

“I don’t think Dean was ashamed as much as nervous as to what you all would think,” Cas replied smoothly. 

Dean risked glancing at his face, but instead of seeing any annoyance, anger or even hurt over the whole affair, Dean only saw understanding and acceptance. 

Ruby pursed her lips in disagreement, “What did you say your name was again?”

“Castiel Shurley.”

Dean wondered why Cas was willing to share his real name with his family, especially when he tried so hard not to let others know who he really was. Dean knew for a fact that he had multiple alias, everything from Clarence, Emmanuel, and even to Steve. Heck, Dean’s coworkers thought Cas’ true name was Steve Casanova, and preferred the nickname over Steve.

An overly excited part of Dean wondered if it was because Cas didn’t want to lie to his future in-laws, but Dean quickly squashed that thought down and buried it deep. Even filled it over with cement for good measure. He had no idea where that thought came from and there was no way Dean was the type to get this sentimental and think Cas really was The One he was going to be with forever. 

He thought that before and clearly he was wrong.

Ruby’s eyes glittered dangerously as she mulled over his response, “That’s an interesting name. But at the same time it sounds familiar.”

“Maybe you’ve heard of me in passing before,” Cas answered non committedly before turning his attention down towards the little girl huddled behind her giant of a father. “And you must be Maggie.”

Maggie squeaked and hid her face in her dad’s kneecaps.

“Sorry,” Sam apologized yet again as he gently stroke the top of Maggie’s head. “She’s really shy around strangers.”

“It doesn’t help that you encourage it,” Ruby complained, readjusting her squiggly son before raising her voice at her daughter. “Maggie, enough! We've had this conversation before. Now tell me, what are you supposed to do when someone says hello to you?” 

“S-say h-hello back?” Maggie stuttered out her words, her face still pressed into Sam’s knees.

“Again and this time pick up your face and say it without stuttering.” Ruby instructed.

“Ruby,” Sam started, hesitantly, as he looked down at his quivering daughter. “Maybe we should just—”

“No,” Ruby snapped. “Did you forget what her teacher told us at the last conference? If Maggie doesn’t get a control on her stuttering they are going to hold her back a year. Do you really want our child to be held back in Kindergarten?” 

“No, but—”

“But? Do you know the statistics of people who do well when the get held back so young? What’s to stop her from repeating more grades in the future? Or from dropping out from school? It doesn’t help that you already have,” Ruby casted a sharp glance at Dean’s direction. “a family history of dropouts.”

Both Sam and Dean recoiled at the reminder, but Cas seemed to coil up in anger instead. Like a rattlesnake ready to spring into action. 

“I wasn’t aware that the inability to finish schooling had any correlation with being genetic, however, there is one in regards to social standings,” Cas replied, coolly, and Dean suddenly was afraid of what he would say next. “Considering you and your husband are upper middle class, I doubt you will have to worry about Maggie holding down two jobs to pay for housing, taking care of Jesse. She also won’t have to worry about transferring schools up to five times in a single year.”

“What?” Kate asked, sounding horrified.

“Cas,” Dean growled. “Not the time.”

Luckily for Dean—which was a rare thing in itself—everyone got distracted by an additional ring of the doorbell. Kate casted Dean one last concerned look before she opened the door. 

“Adam!” She exclaimed excitedly, as if she didn’t know that Adam was the only one they were left waiting on.

Adam didn’t even have a chance to step inside the house before his mother launched herself at him and engulfed him in a warm hug. Dean refused to admit that he was jealous of the interaction. 

Standing behind him was a young woman, with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, and a face that reminded him a bit of a weasel. Though that might have been because her eyes were bugging out, and she was taking in the nice house with a gaping mouth. Her eyes then roamed from the interior of the house to the occupants, and Dean felt his skin crawl as he watched her beady eyes look Cas and him up and down like a piece of meat. Dean felt tempted to step in front of Cas and growl that this man was his and off limits, but then decide that might be a bit too possessive. The woman’s eyes eventually passed over the two, before settling on Sam, and that’s were her gaze remained, until Adam was released from his mom’s hug and placed a gentle arm around his date’s shoulder. 

“Everyone, this is my… erm this is Becky Rosen.” Adam said, blushing. 

“Hello, everyone! And what I think Adam-darling is trying to say is that I’m his girlfriend.” Becky proclaimed in a shrill voice, wrapping her own hand tight around Adam’s hips and yanking him closer to her.

Yikes. 

Kate shot Adam a confused look, probably disapproving of him for being too chicken shit to call Becky his girlfriend. Dean personally didn’t blame the guy, but didn’t know why he’d bring her to Thanksgiving dinner in the first place. 

Then again, Kate was known to find some interesting characters when trying to set up her boys.

It didn’t take long for Dean to hear the thundering of John’s footsteps as he finally came up from his mancave downstairs.

“Welcome home, Adam,” John greeted, before yanking Adam in for a man hug. One of those quick three second hugs where bodies aren’t fully touching, and there’s a loud resounding clap on the back to signal that the hug is over.

Dean and Sam shared a look, neither one of them surprised that John had only decided to come out of hiding now that Adam was here, and had immediately greeted Adam first even though he and Sam had been there earlier. They both knew that Adam was the favorite son, but it didn’t mean the knowledge didn’t hurt any less. 

“How are those clinicals going?” John asked curiously. 

“They're good. I’m about to start my emergency room shift once the holiday is over, and I’m really looking forward to that.” Adam said, sharing a smile with his mom, the ER nurse.

“At least you didn’t have to do it around the Fourth of July. Benny had to fill in to do a round at the hospital and told me horror stories about the dumbasses that ended up there,” Dean shared, since he too lived with someone in the medical field. Hell, Dean and Garth took turns quizzing Benny whenever he had a test. 

“Yeah, but Benny’s only a nurse,” John scoffed dismissively, missing the angry scowl on Kate’s face. “Isn’t he a little too old to be in nursing school anyway? Hanging around all of those younger women. Just ain’t right.”

“Benny served twenty years in the Army,” Dean growled, defensive of his best friend. “While there he served as a field medic, but once he was honorably discharged, he decided he wanted to stay in the medical field, and for that he had to start over.”

“Still, you'd think he'd want to be a doctor instead.” 

“The GI Bill from the army wouldn’t pay for all of his undergrad and medical school, whereas it could pay off his nursing school. He still has a daughter to support, and didn’t want to be taking out too many loans. Also, Benny doesn’t creep on the ‘younger women’ in his class. They’re his classmates and equals. He treats them with respect.”

John chuckled darkly. “I guess he wouldn’t be the type to be interested in them anyway. Makes more sense seeing your,” John shot a glance at Cas, “current tastes in company.”

Dean wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch John in the face, or if he wanted to puke his guts out. Why the hell after all of the years and all of the crap that John put him through, did Dean still have that desperate need to make John proud of him?

He really should learn by now that John would never give him the approval or affection that Dean needed.

Castiel also looked miffed and looked ready to say something to John but his dad decided to speak again,“Well boys, I got the game set up downstairs and a couple of cold ones waiting for us. It’s about time that we left the women to do the cooking,” 

John gave Castiel and Dean a curious but disgusted glance. “Which one of you is the one wearing the apron?”

Dean felt his stomach do another uncomfortable whirl, making him wonder if he really was going to puke. Fuck, this was one of the things he always feared about coming out to anyone. To suddenly be seen as less of a man. To potentially be the “woman” of the relationship.

“Well neither one of us has an apron so unless one is provided for us, then no one will be wearing an apron. However, if you are trying to infer that one of us is the ‘woman’ in this relationship, then I'm afraid that you are mistaken. Considering how Dean and I both have male genitalia and neither one of us identifies as a female, I would say that we are men.”

John made a face at Cas’ lengthy statement, further encouraging his rage.

“We did agree to help your wife out with making pies. Though I have to say, I’m shocked that cooking is considered a female only task. But then again, most men can’t handle the rigorous knife dexterity or working so close to a dangerous flame that is entailed in the kitchen work. Does explain the saying ‘if you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen'. It would be much safer for you all in the den.” 

John turned red and for a second he looked like he was going to punch Castiel for being a smartass. 

Or at least he was until Adam blurted out, “Who are you?”

In which case, Cas smiled politely and offered his hand to Adam. Dean wondered if Cas had been raised to be a professional handshaker because he sure did it a lot, “My name is Castiel. I’m Dean’s boyfriend.” It could’ve been Dean’s imagination, but he could’ve sworn that Cas gave a proud smile over that fact.

Adam didn’t take Cas’ hand, instead stared straight at Cas’ very masculine face. “Dean’s boyfriend? But Dean’s not gay.”

“No, he’s not,” Cas agreed. “The correct term you’re looking for is bisexual.”

Adam switched to looking back and forth between Castiel and Dean, probably trying to figure out what stood out about them that would make them gay. Dean felt his skin crawl more than when Adam’s girlfriend was checking him out. 

“You heard what John said,” Kate broke in. “The game’s ready for you all downstairs. Plus you know what they say about too many cooks in the kitchen, right? Becky, Ruby, are you planning on helping?” 

Ruby shook her head, and reached down to grab Jesse’s hand out of his mouth, “You know, I’d love to help, Kate, but I’m not really much of a cook. I’m just going to put on a movie for the kids so that they stay entertained and I can get some work emails sorted out.”

“Oh, Ruby, you work so hard.” Kate said, though she looked relieved that Ruby wouldn’t be in the kitchen with them. Probably because she knew that Dean and Ruby didn’t get along well, and that Dean was the more useful ally in the kitchen. “What about you, Becky?”

“Oh I’m absolutely helpless in the kitchen. Though I’m the ultimate master at getting good pick-up food,” Becky said happily. “Plus, I wouldn’t mind spending more time with my Snookums.” Though her eyes were directed at Sam, not Adam. 

“Oh, well in that case I guess I’ll get started on the turkey, the boys can get started on the pie, and then once those are in the oven we can get started on the sides,” Kate said, and both Dean and Cas nodded in agreement.

Ruby started to usher her kids into the living room, when Maggie stopped her, “C-can I s-stay? U-uncle D-dean said h-he’d show m-me how to m-make pie l-last year.”

Dean was surprised the little girl remembered. 

“You’ll just be in the way—” Ruby started but Sam broke in.

“As long as it’s fine with Uncle Dean and… Uncle Cas,” Sam said, shooting Cas a curious glance. 

Dean really liked the way Uncle Cas sounded too. Like someone who was already a permanent fixture of the family. But then he realized that he should probably answer the little squirt.

“Hey, a promise is a promise. Plus, I’m going to need someone pretty special to be my crust maker, and I think Mags here might just be the perfect candidate.”

Maggie finally lifted her face from the ground and beamed up at Dean. Man, it was just like seeing a little Sammy all over again.

“Then it’s settled! I’ll come check to see how you’re doing during the commercials. Okay, sweetie?” Sam asked, and Maggie gave an energetic nod. Sam laughed at her antics, before giving the little girl a quick kiss on her forehead. 

It really warmed Dean’s heart to see Sam be such an awesome father, especially when John wasn’t the best role model when growing up. He just wished Sam had married a nicer woman, and that Dean was able to share in it a little more. 

Sam looked like he wanted to say something else to Dean, but then John cleared his throat loudly and gestured downstairs. Clearly, John was getting too impatient. With a resigned huff, Sam followed his father and younger brother downstairs. 

Poor Sammy never was interested in the football game part of the tradition, but he was so horrendous at cooking that Kate had banned him from trying to help ever again, especially after the disaster that was the Christmas pudding fiasco four years ago.

Those poor figs. They never deserved that fate. Neither did Kate’s oven. Or sink. 

Ruby glared at Dean and Castiel. “Just don’t let her get hurt.”

“Because I was clearly planning on letting her handle the knives or go near the hot oven unsupervised.” Dean bit back. 

Ruby glared at him one last time before leaving with Jesse. 

“So kiddo, want to learn the secret to making the best crusts ever?” Dean asked, slowly guiding Maggie to the table so she could kneel on the kitchen chair. 

“Yes!” She happily proclaimed, and Dean was so proud of her for not stuttering that he gave her an affectionate hair rub. He was even prouder when she swatted his hand away in mock annoyance. 

Dean knew the kid would be just fine. 


	19. Disrespect

Chapter 19: Disrespect

The next couple of hours passed by peacefully. Kate chatted cheerfully while Dean taught Maggie his secrets to making a kickass pie. Every now and again he would catch Cas over by Maggie, as he helped her roll the dough out, or made the lattice crust for the apple pie, or taught her how to fold her crusts just right so that the pie filling wouldn’t spill over. Dean was proud to see Maggie overcome her shyness around Cas, and he couldn’t help but admire Cas more. A part of him was pleased to see him be a natural around his niece. Even Sam—when he had come upstairs during the commercial breaks—had admitted that Cas seemed like a good guy.

It wasn’t until the turkey was ready, and the dining room area was set, that Dean began to panic. Everything had been calm when the dinner was being prepped, but now Dean was going to be back in eyesight of John.

As if he sensed Dean’s apprehension, Cas moved to his side and gently held his hand, “Remember, if you feel uncomfortable at all we can leave.”

“I know,” Dean admitted, but didn’t dare say more. He already heard the clamoring of three large men climbing up the stairs. 

“I told you, Sammy. The Vikings are looking good this year. Knew Tennessee didn’t stand a chance,” his dad’s boisterous voice proclaimed, before either man could see him.

“Yeah, that was a pretty good game. After a while there, it looked like the Vikings weren’t even trying,” Sam admitted. “Still doesn’t mean I’m watching football anymore that I have to.”

“Not even for the Superbowl?” Adam teased.

“Maybe if a team I really like was playing,” Sam decided, before rounding the corner to the dining room. With his enormous limbs, he was able to beat the others to the room. “Mmm, but I think the real MVPs tonight are our cooks. This smells and looks delicious.”

“Thanks,” Kate said proudly, bringing over an open bottle of wine to the table. “But really you have Dean and Castiel to thank for most of the spread. That turkey ended up taking longer than I thought, so I only had time to whip together the stuffing and mashed potatoes. Dean and Castiel handled the rest.”

“Don’t forget our lovely assistant,” Dean reminded Kate, before he scooped Maggie up in his arms to swing her around. 

Maggie squealed and laughed loudly, bringing the attention of her mother to the room.

“Put her down, Dean. The last thing we need you to do is either drop her or accidentally bruise her.” Ruby grouched. Ironic, since her own hold on Jesse seemed pretty precarious. 

Not wanting to cause a fight, Dean slowly put Maggie down on her feet. 

“But, Mom, we were just having f-fun.” Maggie said, her words slowly stumbled over themselves the longer she looked at her mother.

“What did I say about talking, young lady?” Ruby demanded, and Maggie immediately flinched.

“Hey,” Sam said, stepping in. “How about we calm down and just take a seat, okay?”

Dean watched Ruby’s viperous face change into a docile smile, “You’re right. Let’s just go enjoy dinner.”

Ruby placed Jesse in his high chair at the “kiddie” table before she took her usual seat across from Sam who sat at the middle of the table, while Sam got Maggie settled into her own seat across from Jesse. John and Kate sat at their respective heads of the table, while Adam sat at John’s right hand. Dean usually had the seat to John’s left, but felt like Adam should be close to his date instead, just like Dean should be near his. 

He tried to tell himself it had nothing to do with the fact that he was still terrified of looking his father in the eye, and that he was lowkey afraid that Cas was going to deck John one if they remained in close contact for too long. Instead, Dean took the available seat on Kate’s right hand, so that he could still sit next to Sam and be across from Cas. 

Of course that meant that Cas was now sitting next to the she-demon. 

“So, Castiel,” Ruby started, looking at him with fake curiosity after John carved the turkey. “Can you tell us more about your job?”

“Oh, well, I work with finances and statistics. Not really interesting topics, I’m afraid,” Cas stated. 

“You know what I find interesting,” Ruby asked, as she spooned herself a small serving of green bean casserole. “Is that you have the same name as the Chief Financial Officer at _Angel’s Grace_. Interestingly, he recently transferred to the Minneapolis branch too.”

Dean accidentally stabbed himself in the face with his fork, so caught off guard by Ruby's random interrogation that he completely missed his mouth. He quickly redirected his piece of turkey into the correct orifice, and hoped that no one noticed the blunder.

“I’m surprised the news outlets didn’t have anything better to report,” Cas replied, calmly. Clearly not as jarred by her questioning as Dean was. Castiel even managed to get his own bite of turkey in his mouth with no problem. “Considering they are just reporting on someone showing up to work.”

“Yes, but you do have to admit that it is suspicious that he would suddenly up and move to a city thousands of miles away.”

“What are you trying to say here, Ruby?” John grumbled, stabbing at his stuffing pretty angrily. John was the only person besides Dean who outwardly disliked Ruby. John thought she was too high maintenance and only wanted to be with Sam because she knew the kid was going places. 

“That either Dean’s boytoy is an imposter, or Dean’s been sleeping with his boss.” Ruby said cooly, taking a sip of her wine like she hadn’t just dropped a bombshell at the kitchen table. “Though that could explain his random promotion.” 

If Dean thought he was going to puke before, it was nothing compared to the way he was feeling now. The way everyone’s eyes were looking at him. Judging him. Ruby’s malicious glee, Sam’s baffled look, Adam’s calculating expression, Becky’s wild excitement at the drama unfolding, Kate’s embarrassment, but worst of all was John’s look of pure disgust. Dean couldn’t bear to face Cas’ eyes, but he could feel the comforting weight of Cas’ knee brushing up against his own.

A reminder that they were in this together.

“There was nothing random about his promotion,” Castiel growled. “Dean received that from his own hard work and dedication. He should have been awarded that position earlier if his higher ups had not taken the credit for his ideas.”

“He wouldn’t have been stuck so far down the totem pole of that corporate crap if he just stayed and worked for me,” John grumbled, his fork clicking loud against the china. “Not like Dean’s built for the brainsy stuff anyway. He’s a brawns man, needs to be using his hands for a living. Not being a pencil pusher or worse.”

Dean didn’t want to know what was worse in John’s mind. Dean also didn’t want John to know that sometimes he did the most debasing things just to keep Sam and himself afloat. 

“I can agree with you on one point and one point alone; Dean is not a pencil pusher. He has a brilliant mind, which for some reason people seem to overlook, especially since he doesn't have the confidence to show it off. Too many years of being told he's not smart enough, I believe." Castiel accused, glaring at John.

“I don't think we're talking about the same guy. My Dean couldn't even finish high school.” 

“Because he was too busy taking care of your other son and keeping a roof over their heads while you were too busy either drowning your sorrows at a pub or off gallivanting with your second family!”

Dean had heard the cliche of "being so quiet that you could hear a pin drop" but he never given it much credence before. Now, however, Dean was positive that it was so quiet that he could hear his dad's knuckles pop from across the table as the man angrily gripped his fork. Dean wouldn’t be surprised if the man decided to throw it like a javelin at Cas’ face. 

John rose angrily to his feet and banged his hands hard on the table. So hard that most of the china shook, and even some wine glasses spilled over. Kate cried out in distress as her pristine tablecloth was now coated in red wine. 

“Get. Out. I won’t take any disrespect from some spineless punk insulting me in my own home, in front of my family!” John bellowed so loud that Jesse started to cry, not used to his grandfather sounding so scary. 

“Damn it, Dad,” Sam whined, jumping out of his own seat to console Jesse before the toddler could scream any louder. The kid was moments away from reaching decibels that could break glass.

Castiel also rose out of his seat, not willing to be bullied by John, “It’s hard for me to show respect to a man who treats his eldest son so poorly.”

“Now you’re questioning my parenting?”

“Well I’m certainly question if there was ever any parenting done by you.”

There was no mistaking what John was planning to do when he grabbed his wine glass and raised it, but luckily Kate caught the action. 

“John Winchester, what the hell do you think you’re doing with my glassware set? You sit your ass down, right now. Both of you,” She swiveled around and directed her cold gaze from John to Castiel. “And we are all going to have a civil meal together, you got that?”

“My apologies, Mrs. Milligan-Winchester,” Castiel apologized before returning to his seat. He even picked up Ruby’s spilt wine glass and dabbed his napkin over the stain, because he was polite like that.

John remained standing, but he no longer clutch his glass like a projectile weapon, “Are you really just going to let him—”

“Sit down, John. I’m not going to say it again.” Kate barked.

Dean was shocked to watch his ex-Marine father sit back down in his seat, properly whipped by the small blonde. Dean had always wondered how John had managed to turn his life around, but now he was starting to see that Kate was someone who wouldn’t tolerate anyone’s shit. Least of all John’s. 

She really was a good fit for him. 

Kate took a long swallow of her own wine before speaking again, “Look, there’s been enough secrets floating around this house. Can you at least answer this honestly, Castiel? Are you Dean’s boss?”

Dean was surprised that Kate out of everyone wanted to know.

Castiel shifted uncomfortably, “It depends on how you define the term ‘boss’. I’m not saying that to be evasive,” Cas quickly clarified as he saw Kate narrow her eyes. “However, it really isn’t an easy question. I am in a much higher position of power than Dean is, as I am one of the majority stockholders of _Angel’s Grace_ and am indeed their CFO—”

Sam made a strangled noise in the back at this, probably realizing that he just shook hands with a billionaire. Luckily, his dying moose sounds didn’t spur on the toddler from crying out again.

“So I do have power and influence. However, I do not have direct power in the Department of Marketing and Development. At least not in the way where I can solely fire or promote Dean. I am able to point out potential shortcomings that I can see that can have a dire impact on our finances, such as letting an important new product be under the control of someone who didn’t come up with the idea, and was incompetent in progressing it. That’s the reason why I was able to save Dean’s job.”

“Save Dean’s job?” Sam broke in. “Why would you need to save Dean’s job?”

Castiel realized that he accidentally revealed more than he was supposed to. Dean groaned, rubbing his aching temples before speaking up before Cas could get them into any more trouble.

“Look, you know how I was in Boston to do a business thing?”

Sam’s eyes widen in shock, “You were in Boston? I’m surprised you didn’t stop by or mention it sooner.”

Dean shot Sam a weird look, “I texted you and you pretty much told me not to show up. Anyway my presentation tanked—” 

“Only because the presentation was rigged from the start. Dean was forced to give a side by side presentation with the owner of _Leviathan_. Although, their company is much smaller than A.G., it doesn’t change the fact that there were different power dynamics at play.” Castiel broke in before Dean could regain his train of thought.

“Thanks, Cas, but I got this. Anyway, before I did the presentation, I made a stupid deal with my boss. If my presentation got us the contract with the Boston chain of _Prince of Hotels_, then I would be able to get promoted to Marketing instead of… well, being a secretary.”

Dean wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or if John actually mumbled that only women were secretaries. He tried to tell himself it was just in his head.

“But since I didn’t get the deal, Zachariah threatened to fire me. He was going to, if Cas didn’t intervene. See, Kate, I wasn’t lying when I said how we met. And I had a bit too many whiskeys in me to try to ease some of the plane anxiety, and had looser lips than usual.”

Both Kate and Castiel frowned. Kate had always disliked Dean’s drinking, it was why she forced his ass into AA all of those years ago. Castiel looked upset, recognizing that Dean probably wouldn’t have said so much if he hadn’t been buzzed by the time they met.

“So I ended up bitching about my job and how I deserved the promotion, and how the company was stealing my ideas and my projects as their own. I didn’t know who Cas was,” or believed him when Cas had tried to tell him. “But he showed up to work on Monday to prove that Rachel had plagiarized my report and proved to the Vice President that I was the better fit for overseeing the project.”

“Sounds to me like Castiel still got you your promotion.” Ruby interjected. 

“No, I simply made sure that a hard working employee got the position that they deserve.” Cas said, forcing an even tone. 

“I’m sure you were focused on a_ hard working _member.” Ruby whispered slowly and suggestively, too low for anyone but Dean and Cas to hear.

“Oh, for the love of—Cas doesn’t want me for sex!” Dean yelled.

Sam belatedly put hands over Maggie’s ears, “Dean! Language.” 

“It’s not a curse word if it’s on every single piece of important paperwork that you have to fill out,” Dean grumbled defensively before turning his ire back on Ruby. “Stop suggesting that Cas is only after me for sex. That’s not really his style anyway.”

“How’s sex not any man’s style?” John grumbled.

“John,” Kate hissed. “And Dean, while sex is synomonous with gender, that is not the way you are using that term, so please refrain. How about we all just go back to having a civil meal and talk about only dinner appropriate topics? That means no talk of politics, religion, or anybody’s sex life. Good? Good.” 

With that, she grabbed a bowl of mashed potatoes and scooped herself a hearty helping before passing it to Dean to pass around the table. Dean actually had enough mashed potatoes on his plate, but he was a little afraid of what Kate might do to him if he didn’t grab an additional serving, so he scooped up some more of the side dish before he passed it over to Sam, who just returned to his seat now that his children had calmed back down. 

“So, Adam. How did you and Becky meet?” Kate asked innocently. “Now that we know how Dean met Cas.”

“Huh?” Adam asked, shaking his head dumbly. It looked like he had been staring at Cas, watching him in strange fascination. Though nowhere as bad as his girlfriend, who was getting mooney eye while staring at Sam. 

Dean was honestly surprised Ruby didn’t stab the younger girl with a fork, considering how territorial the bitch got over his brother.

“How’d you meet Becky, son?” John asked, nudging Adam with the biscuit basket. 

Adam took a biscuit, slowly ripped it in half and searched out the butter to slather lovingly on. Looked like the guy was stalling, “Well, Becky is two years older than me, and was actually my tutor in neurology last year.”

“I just find the human mind so fascinating,” Becky said breathlessly. “I mean when you think about it; all we are is a bunch of bundles of gray jelly, encased in a giant meatsuit.” 

Everyone at the table**—**including Adam**—**gave Becky a strange look. Ruby even scooted her chair a little further away from her. 

“That’s… interesting. So are you going to specialize in neurology then?” Kate asked politely.

“Neurology or psychiatry. I found there’s so many interesting things about the human brain and social behavior. Especially when it comes to… taboo subjects.” Becky said, and for some reason her gaze swept back over to not only Sam but to Dean as well.

Dean wasn’t sure what the girl was thinking about, but decided he’d rather not know.

Kate and John continued to ask the youngest couple questions, and for some reason Adam grew more uncomfortable with each one. He was also starting to look guilty. 

Actually, Dean recognized that guilty look.

Mr. Perfect was lying about Becky being his girlfriend! Which was a bit of a relief since it looked like Becky was much more interested in Sam than she was Adam, but Dean couldn’t figure out why he would have to go to such extremes just to appease the parents. Was Kate’s matchmaking really that bad?

Then again, there was the whole Bela mishap.

During the dinner, Sam was eerily silent, to the point that even John noticed. 

“Looks like something’s eating away at you instead of you eating dinner,” John pointed out, as Sam slowly built a giant mountain out of his mashed potatoes. 

“I’m just…” Sam put down his fork with a loud clack. “I’m sorry, okay, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that we’re eating dinner with a millionaire.” 

Cas started to open his mouth and Dean quickly shook his head. Castiel did not need to add extra zeroes to that statement. Ruby, however, had no such qualms.

“Actually the oldest Shurleys are multi-billionaires.” She corrected, and Kate choked on her sip of wine.

“Billionaire,” John practically screeched. “If you have all of that money, what are you doing chasing after someone like Dean?”

Even though Dean asked himself the same question every day, it still hurt for his dad to bring it up. 

Castiel clenched his jaw so tight Dean could hear an audible click, “Firstly, I didn’t chase Dean. In fact, no one should ever 'chase' after another person unless it’s children in a game of tag. Dean isn’t some desirable prey or trophy and I a mighty hunter. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t the one to pursue after Dean first, but if he told me at any time that I made him uncomfortable, then I would have backed off, and he wanted me to go then I would be gone.”

Dean felt a spike of fear and adrenaline rush through his system at the thought of Cas walking out of his life forever. Even though he didn’t outwardly show it, Cas still somehow noticed and convertedly wrapped his leg around Dean’s under the dining room table. It shouldn’t have made things feel better, but it did.

“Secondly, I’m with Dean because I love him. Isn’t that why anyone is with someone? Why you are married to Kate, why Sam is married to Ruby? Or why…” Cas trailed off processing exactly what he said in his outbursts.

Dean himself was still reeling from the confession.

Cas _loved_ him. _Cas_ loved him. Cas loved_ him_. 

No matter how the phrase turned over in his head, it was something too awe inspiring and astonishing for Dean’s mind to process. But despite all of the mixed up feelings inside of Dean, there was one thing missing. Doubt. For some reason, Dean didn’t doubt Cas’ claims of love. 

During Dean’s musings, things must have gotten more heated because John, Sam, and Cas were all loudly talking over each other. 

“Look, just because you are his boyfriend now doesn’t mean you get to monopolize all of his time away from his family,” Sam complained, his face falling into one of his trademark scowls.

That dumbfounded Dean. “Wait who’s monopolizing what time?”

Sam’s scowl deepened, leading Dean to believe this was bitchface number three, also known as the “I’m being completely serious, I’m totally not pouting or having a tantrum" face. 

“I think your brother is insinuating that I have been pilfering your time and affection,” Cas grumbled.

“I’m just saying that it’s rare enough seeing Dean as it is, but it’s...disappointing that I haven’t had a chance to really speak with him since you two met in May,” Sam’s scowl morphed into a frown. “He’s my big brother and we’ve been through a lot together. I miss him, is all.”

Dean didn’t think it was possible but he was even more flabbergasted than before, “But you’re the one who left me.”

“What?” Sam asked, startled.

“You. You were the one that left me first. Ever since you learned how to take public transportation by yourself, you kept giving me the slip. You never even cared what would happen to me if you did that,” Dean still felt the bruises that John had left behind everytime he had lost his brother, and he unconsciously rubbed at the spot on his ribs where John had kicked him during one of his drunken rages. "Not once did you want me to come with you.”

“Dean I—look I was young, and so sick of Dad’s drunk ass pushing us—” Sam cut himself off, noticing something in Kate’s expression. Dean couldn’t tell what the expression was because he only had eyes on Sam.

“If you wanted to run away so bad you should have just told me. I would have done anything for you, Sammy, hell my whole life had always been about protecting you. Doing everything to make your life easier. Fuck, do you know how hard I had to work and pennypinch so that you even had money in your college savings?”

Sam started to pale, “I thought you said that was money Mom and Dad had put aside—” 

“Do you really think he wouldn’t have drank it all away at that point? He couldn’t even keep a roof over our heads!” Dean bellowed. He felt like he was having some sort of out of body experience, because he no longer had any control over his mouth.

“Listen here, Dean,” John growled. “I’ve about had it with all of this disrespect going on under my own roof.”

“Disrespect? Disrespect! You wanna know disrespect? The fact that I had to bust my ass to be both a mother and father to Sam, the perfect son and soldier for you, and a worker and student on top of that. And I have never once got a thank you from either one of you! Have none of you ever wondered how we were able to afford a motel that Dad had left us in a month prior with only two weeks worth of money? Or how I was able to cover other expenses? Because let me tell you, it’s expensive to feed two teenage boys for a month on just a twenty dollar bill.” 

“John, what is going on?” Kate demanded, but no one responded to her.

“Instead all I ever get is how I’m a loser and a mooch. How I can’t get anywhere in life because I dropped out of high school because there was no other way to pay for Sam’s high school expenses and his continuous growth spurts. That I dropped out of college because I got duped by a pretty girl and the son that I desperately wanted to be mine, and I thought they needed me. I thought they wanted me and I was wrong. How none of you let me live it down even though I had lost everything at the time.”

Dean couldn’t stop talking, even if he wanted to,“I threw away my one chance at a good education, I lost the son I always wanted, the woman I thought I'd marry, the home I helped put a downpayment on and two years worth of mortgage into, my fucking car, and my fucking purpose. But all you wanted to do was rub it in my face about how you knew it would end poorly. None of you cared how I was fucking devastated.”

“Dean**—**” Sam started but Dean didn’t have it in himself to listen to anyone’s excuses. It was his turn to make them listen for once.

“No! And don’t get me started on how Cas is 'monopolizing' my time from you when you told me you didn’t want me around anymore!”

“What?” Sam exclaimed in bewilderment, trying to catch a glance at Ruby who decided to take the opportunity to get out of her seat to go comfort the children. At some point during Dean’s monologue, Jesse started crying again, but Dean was too absorbed in his own anger to pinpoint when.

“Just listen to yourself, Dean,” John complained, rubbing a tired hand over his forehead. “You already got hoodwinked by one brunnette, we’re just worried that you’re being swept up by another. Not to mention it’s weird since you never were interested in guys before.”

“Not outwardly,” Sam mumbled, to Dean’s chagrin. 

“What?” John barked.

“Come on, Dad. Dean had a crush on Harrison Ford since he first saw him on a screen. Not to mention his obsession with Gunner Lawless, or any cowboy in any western.”

Dean was glad that Sam didn't know about his crush on Dr. Sexy. 

“Wait, so Dean’s been gay all along?” Adam piped up, eyeing Dean like he was some sort of specimen under a microscope.

“For the last time, I’m bi, not gay,” Dean said with a grimace. Was that really all they could focus on? 

Dean closed his eyes for a moment, and tried to calm himself before starting again, “ Look, I know I’m a mess with too much baggage. But you wanna know what the real crazy thing is? That man over there for some inexplicable reason knows all of that and still wants to be with me. The man you’ve done nothing but pick apart since we got here.”

“Come on, Dean. I know he’s rich and all, but wouldn’t your life be easier if you just settled down with a woman instead?” John groused.

Dean’s stomach sank and he finally had enough. There was still food left on his plate but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t be able to handle another bite at this point anyway. Carefully putting his utensils and napkin on his plate, Dean got up from his seat. 

“It was great seeing you all again, but I think it’s time to leave.”

“You haven’t finished eating. We haven’t even had pie yet!” Kate protested.

“Sorry, Kate, but I don’t really have the appetite anymore. And it seems pretty clear that me and my _boyfriend_,” Dean made sure to enunciate that last word, “aren’t welcome here.” 

Dean glanced over at Castiel, who was also standing. 

Cas turned to Kate with an apologetic smile,“Thank you for the meal. However, I also apologize for interrupting one last time.” 

Cas then turned to John, his face glowing with anger. “Well since you are now aware of my finances, there’s one thing left to ask of you. How much does Dean still owe on the Impala?”

“Cas—” Dean started but Cas shook his head.

“That car means more to Dean than any other worldly possession. It was his childhood home and for the longest time the only place he felt safe. You have no right to hold it over his head like he’s some irresponsible child when he has done nothing but try to be a good man.”

John stared at Cas, disbelievingly, “Did he even tell you how he wrecked the car in the first place.”

“No, but it isn’t my place to push him for details or to ask you for what you know. All I care about is making sure that he gets his Baby back.”

John made a face at the overly sentimental nickname for the car and muttered something that sounded a lot like fucking pansies. 

“If all you really care about is being compensated, then tell me how much he still owes you,” Castiel repeated. 

“Twelve grand,” John said, and Dean felt himself shake in anger.

“Three grand. I’ve been paying you almost a thousand dollars every month for five years. In three more months I pay you off.” Dean couldn’t believe that the man was trying to squeeze some extra money in. Actually, it was John Winchester. He really should have known better.

He also should’ve known that Cas was going to reach into his pocket and pulled out a bank envelope. He leafed through it and took out three stacks of bills, all giant and held together by bright white bands, “Here, you can count it if you want, each stack contains 1000 bills in it. Now I want those keys.”

“Cas—” Dean started again, but Castiel raised his hand to shush him.

“I’m not trying to buy your affection. If you don’t want to count it as a Christmas and birthday present combined, then you can feel free to treat this as a loan and continue your monthly payment plans and pay it to me instead. I just want you to have your car back in your possession first.” 

John eyed the bills suspiciously, “No. I’m not trusting just some stack of green. This can be counterfeit for all I know.”

“It’s not,” Castiel argued.

“Like I’m really going to trust what someone like you says ” John growled.

“I’ve had enough,” Kate shouted, startling another cry out of Jesse. “John you let them take those damn keys. That boat of a car has been taking too much space in the garage and I don’t care what you think, it is Dean’s. Hell, if Castiel’s money is counterfeit then I’ll pay off what Dean owes you. Anything to get this family back on a decent track.”

Kate then turned to Dean, frowning, “I don’t know what happened to you, but I’m sorry. I… God sometimes you look at me like I’ve failed you and I’m starting to see that maybe I did.”

She closed her eyes for a second, but when she opened them up again, they were still glossy looking, “But let me at least make this much right. Take the keys, they’re hanging up on the keyhook in the garage. Should be enough room for you to pull the car out as well. I'll also be sure to send you over the Bill of Sales and ownership titles later. And for the love of all that’s good, Dean, don’t give up on us just yet. You too, Cas.”

Dean robotically nodded his head, not believing what just transpired, “Uh...thanks?” 

He walked out of the dining room—with Castiel in step next to him—and went upstairs to the yellow room to get their bags and then headed back downstairs and into the hallway that would eventually lead to the garage. Dean had just reached the door when he paused. 

Castiel looked at him questioningly, but Dean simply put up a finger to let him know to wait, before he turned around and marched back into the dining room and towards the kitchen. He ignored the confused mutterings going on around the table, and instead focused on the three pies that were resting near the oven. After he studied all three, he picked up the pecan pie in the middle, cradled it to his chest, and stomped right back out into the dining room.

“Dean?” Sam asked questioningly.

“I did not slave over the oven to make three pies and not get to have any of it.” Dean loudly proclaimed as he continued to march on. Once he reunited with Cas, he lead the man straight through the garage door and loudly slammed the door behind them.

Dean knew it was a bit childish, but damn did it feel good. 


	20. You're Not Alone

Chapter 20: Not Alone

Dean had just pulled Baby out into the driveway—his body already thrumming with excitement to hear her familiar purr again and to feel her rumble underneath his feet—when he heard a shout. 

“Dean, wait!”

Groaning, Dean put his foot on the brake and waited for his knuckleheaded brother to catch up to him, and even rolled down the window so he could properly hear him. Within moments, the dirty blonde hair of his youngest brother popped into view.

“I need to talk to you,” Adam gasped, looking out of breath. 

Which was weird since it wasn’t that far of a jog from the house to the driveway, and Dean knew for a fact that Adam was also part of Team “Jogging is the greatest thing ever”. A jog that short shouldn’t have affected him like that. The kid was looking pretty pale and sweaty too.

“You okay, kid? You’re looking like you’re going to pass out at any minute.”

“Kinda feel like it too,” Adam said with a weak laugh, his hand combing nervously through his sweaty hair. “I… I, ugh, have something to ask you. And to tell you.”

“Okay, kid, shoot. But just letting you know that we don’t have all day. That and it won’t take too long for your mom and Dad to come out here looking for you.” 

“Yeah, I know. I gotta make this fast,” Adam took a moment to calm his breathing before continuing. “Dean, how did you know… that you liked guys?”

“Umm well, err,” Dean rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, not sure how to answer. “Umm, Cas, maybe you should answer him first?”

“Huh?” Cas looked over in confusion, finally noticing that Adam was there. The man was pretty quiet ever since they packed up. “What am I answering?”

“When did you know you liked men?”

“Oh. I might not be the best person to ask as I am completely indifferent to sexual orientation and gender. Honestly, Dean is the first person I’ve ever been attracted to.” 

Okay, maybe asking the newly realized demisexual wasn’t the best idea. 

“Please, Dean?” Adam asked, looking at Dean like a desperate man and that Dean had the key to solving his problems. 

“It’s kinda hard to put into words. I guess I always kinda did? But it wasn’t really until I was in my double digits that I realized it might be ‘wrong’. As I got older, I kept explaining it away,” Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat, not understanding why Adam wanted him to talk about this. “Kept telling myself that I wasn’t checking out a hot guy, I was just wishing I looked more like him, or could pull off a certain thing he did. Then overtime it slowly changed into wondering what it would feel like to kiss another guy. If the stubble would burn or feel good? If being against hard muscle was as nice as soft flesh? But those thoughts always freaked me out so I tried to bury them. Until…”

“Until you met, Cas. How… how did you know he was… worth breaking that mold for?” Adam asked hesitantly.

“Honestly? It was the thought of what would I do if he was no longer in my life, and I realized I was more afraid of losing Cas than I was of facing down Dad.”

Adam looked down and muttered something, but it was too low for Dean to catch it.

“What?” Dean asked.

Adam mumbled again, but this time all Dean caught was; “I think I’m...” 

“Listen kid, you need to speak up. I can’t hear you.” Dean complained.

“I said, I think I’m gay!” Adam announced, so loud that Dean almost hit his head on the ceiling. 

“What?”

“I’m gay. I… I’ve never liked girls. It’s one of the reasons I brought Becky along, She’s a friend and the vice president of the LGBTQIA+ club at school. She knew that, or at least guessed that… I’m… not really interested in girls, and she volunteered to be my fake girlfriend so that I could get the parents off my back for a little bit. I didn’t think they… I didn’t think Dad would be… I never expected you to be—” Whatever else Adam was about to say was cut off as the kid broke down in sobs, but Dean could already fill in the blanks.

_I didn’t think they would be okay with me being gay. I didn’t think Dad would ever be able to look at me the same again. I was afraid I would no longer be welcomed. I never expected you to be like me. _

Dean had never known how to interact with Adam. The boy was so much younger than Dean and they lived two very different lifestyles. Dean could admit that he was envious of the other man, and hated him for existing sometimes. Sometimes Adam was a reminder that Dean’s own mother died, because Adam never would’ve been born if Mary Winchester hadn’t perished. He was a reminder that John could move on from Mary’s death, despite Dean’s greatest excuse for John for so many years was that the man had never gotten over Mary. Clearly he did. 

It wasn’t fair that John didn’t know about Adam until he was nine years old, yet John still did everything in his power to become a good father to the young boy, but he was powerless to do anything when he was the widowed father of two young children who needed him.

In all honesty, Dean's problems with Adam had never been about Adam. Dean never even learned how to treat Adam as his own person, let alone his half-brother. Instead all he could see Adam as was the usurper that had replaced Dean in John’s affections.

Then again… did John ever love Dean? 

Either way, Dean had to stop viewing Adam as the enemy and accept him for what he was. His brother. 

Dean turned off the ignition, unbuckled his seatbelt, and was out of the car and engulfing Adam into a hug before either man had time to fully process it. 

“I’m sorry,” Adam sobbed into Dean’s shoulder. “I just… I just never thought that… I always felt like I was alone. Like I was a freak. All I ever wanted was to be normal.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Dean whispered. “There is nothing wrong with you. Being gay doesn’t mean you aren’t ‘normal’. Hell there’s really no such thing as normal, and that’s a good thing. But I know how tempting it is to pretend that you’re no different than the average schmo, and I know how intimidating it is to let John down. Hell, most of dinner I was moments away from throwing up because I thought I couldn’t handle his disappointment.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed,” Adam said with a weak laugh. “You looked so confident in there. Proudly showing off your boyfriend. Shit, you have no idea how jealous I was of you.”

“Hold up. Just so you know, Cas is off the market. You can appreciate from a distance, but he’s mine.”

“Ugh, not like that,” Adam groaned and shoved himself away from Dean in embarrassment. “I meant the showing off that you have a boyfriend part. Don’t get me wrong, Cas is very attractive and all, but I have someone else I like.”

“Oh?” Dean asked, intrigued.

Adam blushed, realizing what he had just admitted to, “Yeah… umm he’s a med student like me, only a little younger. Really interested in holistic medicine and… he’s kinda amazing, you know? He’s smart, handsome, kind, and charming as hell. He’s also out and proud, but I… just don’t have the guts to ask him out.”

“Why don’t you? I mean, you both play on the same team, so that’s one thing you don’t have to worry about,” Now that his co-worker, Aaron, knew Dean was bi as well, he had recounted many tales of times he accidentally hit on straight men. Some of those stories ended with a punch in the face for poor Aaron. “Plus, you have the Winchester handsome looks, so you don’t have to worry about him not liking your sorry mug. But even without your dashing features, you’re still a third year medical student who’s in the top ten of his class. I’m not really seeing how you don’t have a chance with him.”

“He’s just… He seems a little too cool for me.”

“Did you miss the part about how I’m dating a billionaire who is so far out of my league that he’s in a completely different galaxy? Because if I’m able to pull that off, then you can pull off asking this guy of yours on a date once the holiday is over.”

Adam gave him a shy smile, “I guess you’re right about that.”

“And think of it this way; I already broke the mold of bringing over the boyfriend for dinner. They’ll be in less shock when you do it.”

“There’s still room for some shock factor. The guy I’m interested in is a black Wiccan.”

Dean whistled, “Well I’m pretty sure Ruby is a demon witch, so I’m sure he’ll fit right in.”

Adam laughed, his breath coming out as cold, white puffs, reminding Dean that the poor guy wasn’t even wearing a jacket in this frigid weather. 

“You should get back in the house before you freeze. Can’t have a future doc getting sick just because he was a dumbass.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Adam said, but he still looked hesitant in leaving. 

“Hey, kid, you know you can call me anytime if you need to talk?” Dean mentioned, and Adam’s eyes widen in shock and happiness.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Look,” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed. “I know we’ve never been close… and I know that I might not have made it easy. But you are my brother, and don’t forget that. So if you ever need me, or even just wanna chat, give me a call or shoot me a text.”

Adam smiled wider, making Dean realize that maybe he had been a bigger dick to Adam than he had thought,“Thanks, Dean.”

“Also? Just because I came out of the closet now doesn’t mean you have to do it too. Do it when you want to do it, not because you feel like you have to. But I will admit, it is a lot more freeing being on the other side of those doors,” Dean looked over his shoulder and looked at Cas who was still sitting in the car, fidgeting nervously with his tie, and focusing firmly on the ground. “Even better when you have someone else there with you.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Adam promised before giving Dean another hug. “And thank you.”

“Hey, thanks for opening up to me. I know it ain’t easy, but you’re already braver than I ever was. Took me an extra eleven years to get to where you are right now.” 

Adam smiled, rubbing his neck in embarrassment the same way Dean did, “Helps that I have an awesome older brother to follow the lead of.”

Dean smiled back and messed the top of Adam’s hair. “Now get back inside before you freeze your balls off, and let me hit the road before it gets too dark.” 

“Alright. See ya, Dean. Oh and tell Castiel that it was really nice to meet him. Maybe someday I can stop by and visit you guys in Minneapolis?” Adam asked nervously, as if Dean would deny his request. Like they were only allowed this one touching moment.

“Sure, we’ll show you the sights. Plus, you’ll love the view from Cas’ balcony. You can see the Minnehaha Creek from there.”

“Awesome.” 

With one final hug, Adam returned inside of the Winchester house and Dean went back into his childhood home and started her up.


	21. Those Three Years

Chapter 21: Those Three Years

It took three Led Zeppelin songs to play through Dean’s tape deck before Dean realized that Cas still wasn’t talking. At first, Dean assumed the man was just exhausted from the mentally draining day and needed a couple of minutes to unwind, but this silence felt different. Sometimes Dean and Cas went hours without talking to each other, sometimes nestled up together on the couch and reading their own books; only breaking the quiet when they came across either a funny or poignant line. During those moments, the silence wrapped around them like a blanket; keeping all outside distractions away as they shared their own peace with each other. This was different though; this silence was constricting. Like a blanket that was thrown tightly over one’s face to try to suffocate and drown out any cries. 

Dean didn’t like it.

“Hey, Cas? Something wrong, buddy?” Dean asked, briefly taking his eyes off the road to check over Cas. Cas recoiled, as though Dean’s words punched him.

“Cas?” Dean repeated, more worried now.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas whispered dejectedly, confusing Dean further.

“Whoa, what are you sorry about?”

“I made a mess of dinner. Kate and your brothers had been cordial and welcoming, but I kept antagonizing your father and sister-in-law.”

“I’m pretty sure they were the ones antagonizing you.” 

“Yes, but I kept taking the bait and exacerbating the situation further. It was like throwing rocks at a pack of wolves, I was only making them angrier.” 

“Hey, don’t feel bad that they’re asshats. Hell, if anyone is to blame it’s me. I should’ve been more upfront about bringing home my boyfriend instead of letting them think I was bringing home another girl.”

Castiel didn’t reply, making Dean wonder what else he did wrong. Didn’t help that Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of the road for more than a couple of seconds at a time.

“Cas?”

“I didn’t mean to, but I accidentally went through your glove compartment,” Castiel began, confusing Dean more.

“Accidentally?”

“I hit it with my knee while you were talking to Adam and it popped open. I tried to close it, but some pictures fell out of it. I picked them up, but… I guess I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.”

Dean then remembered what exactly he had stuffed into his glove compartment all of those years ago. Every last picture that had ever been taken of Dean with the Braedens. Dean with his arms wrapped lovingly around Lisa. Dean proudly standing beside Ben, beaming like a proud father. Their family together at holidays, and vacations. Everything that he had lost when Lisa had permanently kicked him out of their lives.

Dean shifted uncomfortably, “I was with her for three years. Had to do something with all of the photos, but I didn’t have the heart to throw them away. But it also hurt to look at them. So I just tossed them in there and forgot about them.”

“Do you still love her?” Cas blurted out so fast that Dean accidentally slammed on his brakes.

After whispering a quick apology to Baby for being so rough on her, he turned to Cas in surprise, “What the hell, man!”

“It’s a valid question. You were deeply invested in your relationship with her, more than she was with you considering she was the one who ended things so unexpectedly. It’s only natural if you still have feelings for her, especially since you seem to be more heteroromantic than homoromantic.”

“What-o-mantic?” 

“Heteroromantic means you prefer being in serious relationships with the opposite gender, while homoromantic means you prefer that with the same gender. Some people who are bisexual also have a gender preference when it comes to lasting relationships, and considering you are more drawn to women than men, I wouldn’t be surprised if you are more heteroromantic than not.”

“You know, I kinda hate that they have a label for everything. What’s so hard about me being me? Fuck how it’s defined.”

“Some people like the multiple classifications. Lets them know that there is a word for how you feel and to know that there are others just like you.”

“Yeah, well, that might work for you, but I personally feel more and more like a weirdo.” Dean complained, though he didn’t argue that he was indeed more drawn to women than men. Though Dean wasn’t sure how much of that was from personal preference, or because he had too many bad experiences doing sexual favors for paying men that it made him more hesitant to pursue them romantically.

Dean sighed, knowing that he wasn’t doing Cas any favors by avoiding the topic, “And no, I don’t still love her. Honestly, I’m not sure if I ever really did. Romantically, that is. She was my best friend, and there was plenty of lust, but… there was always something missing.” 

“But you wanted to have a family with her?” Cas pressed on.

“Look if we’re going to have a heart to heart, let me at least pull onto the side of the road?” Dean begged and Cas whispered his apologies. Once Dean had got Baby to a more secure location, he turned back to Cas.

“Honestly, the whole relationship was Fifty Shades of Crazy, and none of it in the kinky way. We both got caught in a whirlwind of emotions, and confused it for love. The only reason we got together and stayed together was because of Ben.”

Castiel waited patiently and Dean decided it was only fair to tell Cas the whole story. Better Cas heard it from Dean than someone else.

“So I first met Lisa about… nineteen years ago. We were both young and looking for a night of fun with no strings attached. Flash forward to eight years ago and I’m in my second year of college when I get this phone call from her. Turned out she had an eleven year old son with Leukemia. It was pretty bad and he needed bone marrow replacement, but he didn’t have the same blood type as Lisa. So she was desperately hunting down the potential sperm donors that could be his biological dad and I fit the timeline. She begged me to go to the nearest hospital for a paternity and a blood typing test to see if I was a match. It sounded suspicious as hell, so I told her that I wanted to meet the boy first. No way was I going to get myself prick and prodded if the boy looked nothing like me—”

“You do know sometimes tha—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know genetics is funny. I mean, I have a shaggy haired moose for a younger brother. Hell, Adam looks closer related to me than Sam does. But I still wanted to investigate. Make sure this wasn’t some ploy to get money out of me. She told me the hospital he was at, which was a six hour drive from school, so I leave during the weekend. I go there, expecting this all to be a scam and… fuck...

"Ben was just this tiny thing. He was eleven, but he looked closer to seven. He was skinny, his hair had all fallen out, and he was so pale that you could make out every one of his veins. But the thing that really fucked me up was that he was still this happy, little kid. You should’ve seen the way his face lit up when he saw the ACDC shirt I was wearing. We spent a good half an hour talking about classic rock bands before I remembered why I had even shown up. I agreed to get the testing done, and then the craziest thing happened; I realize that I wanted the paternity tests to come back positive. I wanted to be his father.

“I wasn’t, but I was actually a perfect match to be a bone marrow donor. Lisa expected me to bail, because bone marrow taps are painful as hell and I had no obligation to this little boy. Only, I didn’t see it that way. I mean, I could either help save this boy’s life or possibly leave him to die. There really wasn’t any choice. So I got everything set up and I become the kid’s donor. But you know, after donating, I just couldn’t walk out of his life. I needed to see it through, make sure that they wouldn’t need me for anything else. 

“So I started visiting every weekend, but the twelve hour commute started to be a drain for just a weekend trip, so I started skipping classes. At first just one or two, and then to skipping all of them and only showing up to hand in assignments or take tests. Luckily, I was mostly taking Lit courses by then so I was able to stay on track, but by the time the school year ended, I didn’t have the heart to pursue the other two years. The medical bills were stacking up and Lisa was struggling to handle everything by herself, and Ben at this point already thought I was his biological dad.”

Dean saw Cas' confused expression and explained, “One of the nurses made a mistake; she knew I was the donor and there all the time so she thought I was the father and slipped in front of Ben. But Ben had been so excited about it, that none of us had the heart to tell him otherwise. So for all intents and purposes, Ben was my boy, and I wasn’t going to let him get stuck with shitty hospital care. Instead of enrolling for the next year, I got a good construction job nearby with good pay—two years of engineering class apparently made me impressive—and moved in with Ben and Lisa.”

“You did all of that for a child who wasn’t even yours?” Cas sounded awe.

“I mean, you were in the Peace Corps. You know better than anyone that sometimes you just have the need to do everything in your power to help out. Plus, I’m no saint, once the kid thought I was his dad and I didn’t tell him otherwise, I had to step up to the plate as one.”

“But… what happened? How did it all go wrong? That is, if you’re comfortable speaking about it.”

Dean sighed, because he really _didn’t_ want to talk about it, but he felt like he owed Cas. He didn’t want Cas to feel like he was living in Lisa’s shadow, afraid that Dean was just biding his time until Lisa took him back..

“Lisa and I were never really meant to be a couple. Yeah we had fun, but we were two very different people who had a hard time seeing eye to eye on almost everything. In Lisa’s mind, we were both wild youths when we first hooked up, but she was the one who grew up faster because she became a teenage mom. Don’t get me wrong, she straightened her life out awesomely, and she kicked ass at being a young, single mom. But she had it in her head that this made her the more responsible, and more tragic one. Meanwhile I… you know the schtick. What she took as me being a bad boy who spent too much time in bars getting drunk, was actually me scoping the place for a couple of extra bucks for Sammy. And I never really felt comfortable enough to explain exactly why things were the way they were.

“Anyway, when it was the three of us, things were great. We got to be doting parents to Ben, and Ben really was the greatest kid in the world. Hell, even when he hit thirteen and fourteen, he still loved being around us. But it was always awkward when it was just Lisa and I. Eventually we ended up changing our work shifts around so that we worked different hours, with one of us usually getting home while the other one was taking off. We pretended it was so Ben would always have one of us around, especially since leukemia treatment takes roughly two years. At some point I realized that if I lost Lisa then I would lose Ben too, so I tried to put in a little effort into the relationship, but it was the bare minimum. Like surprising her with flowers and chocolate—”

“How is that the bare minimum and not just a kind gesture?” Castiel asked, tilting his head in confusion.

Dean fiddled with his seatbelt as he answered, “It’s because I just got her generic flowers and chocolates that I thought she’d like, and never bothered to actually learn what she wanted. Like for you, I would know not get you a bouquet since you think that it’s sad to kill a plant just for its beauty, so instead I would get you a potted sunflower. Sunflower because you think its amusing how tall they get, and because bees enjoys pollinating them. They also makes some of your favorite honey. As for chocolates, I’d get those salted chocolate honey bars that _Cain’s Beesness_ sells that you love so much. It’s all still just a small gesture, but it counts more because I took the time to figure out what would make you happy.”

Castiel smiled shyly, “I guess it helps that I’m pretty predictable with my love of honey.”

“Nah, it’s adorable. Plus, I never have to think too hard about what you might like,” Dean teased, but then grew somber as he knew he had to continue his tale. “Anyway, the relationship with Lisa was dying fast, but neither one of us wanted to break it off when Ben wanted me in his life so bad. Honestly, I think we both just accepted that we would be together until Ben went off to college. But then I fucked up.”

Castiel tilted his head, and Dean could practically hear Cas question how Dean could fuck something up like that.

“Ben was fourteen and he was celebrating his one year in remission anniversary. Lisa got called in for an emergency shift—she was a medical assistant—so it was just the two of us. Ben was feeling down because the school year had started and all of his childhood friends were in high school now, while he was only in 8th grade. He had to be held back because of all of the doctor’s appointments and shit. I tried to cheer him up and told him that since today was a special day, that he could do whatever he wanted. He told me that he wanted to learn how to drive, so he could prove to his friends that he wasn’t a ‘baby’ even though he wasn’t in high school like they were.

“At first, I wanted to tell him no, especially since he wanted to drive the Impala. But then I thought it over and realized Dad taught me how to drive Baby when I was his age, and it would be something to stop his friends from making fun of him. So I took him to the parking lot of our nearby supermarket, since it was an off hour and no one was around, so he could drive around in circles. I let him take the wheel, but I warned him that he couldn’t hit the gas pedal until he got familiar with the feeling of the car. And even when he can hit the gas, he could only hit it once and then just ride with it until the car slowed down to a stop. Everything was going great, until some idiot left a shopping cart in the middle of the lot, and a gust of wind knocked it right into the driver’s side door of the Impala. Ben freaked out by the sudden collision, hit the gas, and accelerated straight into a dumpster before I could regain control of the situation. The airbags went off, and by the time I popped them, Ben was unconscious.”

Dean tried to continue on with the story, but the lump in his throat that was slowly growing as he told the story got too big and he felt like he was choking. Images of Ben, so tiny and frail, his face bleeding and covered in cuts and bruises, and his wrist twisted in an unnatural angle. Dean wasn't even sure if he was breathing at first. Dean remembered panicking, searching desperately for a pulse on Ben, and only once he found it did he have enough bearings to call 911.

“Lisa was on shift when the ambulance brought Ben in. She was so scared and so angry. You see, even though Ben was 'Leukemia free', he was still vulnerable. His body just couldn't heal things as well as someone else his age, so any injury he got could be life threatening. And coming into the hospital unconscious, with a likely brain injury and broken wrist was a nightmare for the both of us.”

“She blamed you for the accident,” Cas realized. “And you blame yourself as well.”

“Well yeah. Hell, there's a reason they don't let teens drive until they get a permit. I should've known better.”

“You were just doing what John—”

“That there was my first mistake,” Dean muttered darkly. “I should've known anything John allowed was bad parenting.”

Castiel's face spoke volumes about how much he disagreed with John's parenting methods, but he remained silent. 

“Seriously, I should’ve known better, and… and… fuck, Cas, I had never been so afraid. Even during Leukemia treatment I wasn’t as scared shitless as I was that day. The doctors were concerned that he could fall into a coma and not wake up. That entire time I was in that waiting room, I could feel Lisa judging me. Hating me more and more with each passing second. Hell, I was feeling the same way.”

“Dean, it wasn’t your—”

“Don’t, Cas,” Dean snapped. “Just… don’t. There are some things that I can see now are not my fault, but that boy being back in that hospital will always be on me.”

Cas stopped himself from commenting further, but after a moment of indecisiveness he put his hand down on Dean’s knee. Dean appreciated the act, even if he thought he didn’t deserve it at this moment.

“We were so relieved when Ben finally woke up. All his vital signs were looking good, but then… then he saw me… he saw me and he didn’t know who I was.” Dean had to stop there, and closed his eyes. Desperately, he tried not remember the confused look on Ben’s face when Dean entered his hospital room. How he asked Lisa who Dean was, or how Lisa’s eyes narrowed as she devised her best exit strategy.

“He had amnesia?”

“Yeah. Retrograde. Didn’t remember the past four years of his life. On one hand, he didn’t have to remember the leukemia treatments, but I also never existed to him. Once Lisa figured out what was going on, she took me aside and told me that she wanted to end things.”

“Just like that?” Cas said, sounding aghast.

“Yeah. Though I guess to her credit, she had been trying to figure out how to break up with me for a while. But she didn’t have the heart to do it because of Ben, and because she owed me her son’s life. That night I put his life in danger, so my debt was repaid. And since Ben couldn’t remember me anymore, he couldn’t miss me if Lisa kicked me out of his life. So she told me to pack my bags, take all of the pictures that had me in it, and hit the road.”

“Didn’t you say that the house was also in your name?” 

“She ended up selling it, and she did give me a decent cut. I can only assume that she was afraid of Ben remembering me if he stayed in our home together. Same reason why she wanted me to remove the pictures. She needed every last evidence of my existence there to be gone.”


	22. I Promised You

Chapter 22: I Promised You

“I’m so sorry, Dean. I didn’t realize… I had… I knew it was a bad breakup, but I never thought that it would be complete erasure as well.” Cas whispered, the hand on Dean’s knee clenching tighter.

Part of Dean wanted to tell Cas that it was okay, that it had been so long ago that he was over it. But he had promised Cas that he wouldn’t lie to him.

“Erasure is a good word for it. But you know what really sucked the most? Knowing that I threw away my life for nothing.”

“Nonsense! Dean, you saved that boy’s life!” 

“Yeah, and I should’ve just walked away then. I was so sure that they needed me in their life. I was so positive that I was exactly what their family needed, and that I didn’t need to finish college. So positive that Ben needed a father and that I could be that for him. I must’ve been some cosmic joke, considering how none of the years of playing Ben’s dad even matters now.”

“Dean,” Cas scolded, removing his hand from the knee to grip Dean’s face. Unlike other times where his hold was gentle, like holding a fragile egg, this time the hold was strong. Not enough to hurt, but enough to force Dean to pay attention only to Cas. “Listen to me. You gave that child an amazing three years. You were a father for him when he was at his most vulnerable. He needed _both_ of his parents during his treatment and recovery, and you were able to provide that for him. You and I both know the monumental impact that is felt with a missing father, and you were able to fill that hole. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t remember now, the important thing is you were there when he needed it the most.”

As hard as Dean tried to fight it, he could feel the tears prickling in the corners of his eyes, “It still hurts, Cas. No matter how hard I tell myself otherwise, I feel like my son died.”

“No matter what anyone tells you, you have the right to grieve. It might not have been in the traditional sense, but you did lose your son. It’s alright to be angry and sad about that,” Cas soothed, and gingerly raised one finger under Dean’s eye and wipe away a traitorous tear that had escaped. “It’s alright to cry.”

Dean wasn’t sure if it was Cas’ acceptance or if it was the stress of every little crappy thing that happened earlier that day, but he soon found himself sobbing into Cas hands. He expected at any moment for Cas to slowly withdraw his hands so he wouldn’t get gross and slimy, but he kept them in place despite the risks, and Dean eventually gave in and rested his own hands over Castiel’s, holding those incredible hands closer to his face. Hands that have always found him when he was falling to pieces, and through pure kindness and determination, prevented Dean from coming completely undone. 

“I love you too,” Dean whispered, and hated that this was the moment that he first uttered the words. While he was sobbing into Cas’ hands, red eyed and snotty. Pathetic.

Yet Castiel’s eyes glowed with utter joy, looking at Dean like he was the most important thing in the universe. There was also wonder in his eyes, as if he questioned how he had gotten so lucky to have Dean. Which really was ridiculous because Castiel was… well he was Cas. Out of the two of them, Dean was the one who hit the jackpot.

“I was afraid,” Cas breathed out slowly, before resting his head against Dean’s. “I was afraid that you would be upset that I said that at dinner. That you would think it impractical or too soon. Or worse, assume it was just in the heat of the moment. Because it isn’t. I love you. I love you from the moment I wake up, and from the moment I fall asleep. Even in my dreams, I know I love you.”

“How—” Dean had to swallow before continuing. “How did I get so lucky? How did I get you?”

“I’m just as amazed and in awe as you are. Despite what you may think, you are everything I have ever wanted.”

Dean laughed, self-deprecating, “Come on. You can do so much better that a high school drop out who’s been giving strangers blowjobs since he was sixteen.”

Castiel frowned, “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You are not the choices you were forced to make. What you did was survival and I can never judge you for that. Who I _can_ judge are the people who put you in that situation in the first place. Who I am disgusted by are those who made you believe you were so worthless.”

“I just… I don’t understand how I don’t disgust you. Especially since… you know. You aren’t really interested in… getting freaky with people. You really sure that you can handle sloppy seconds? And thirds? Maybe even fourths?”

Castiel sighed and moved away from Dean. Dean’s heart plummeted, instantaneously, as he cursed himself for foolishly pointing that out to Cas. What the fuck had he been thinking to mention that?

To his astonishment, as Cas sat up straight again he pulled Dean forward until Dean’s face was pressed against Castiel’s heart, “Shhh. I know there’s so many dark thoughts still swirling around your head, but I need you to ignore them. Pay attention to my heart instead. You might think it cliche, but I swear that it is only filled with love for you. There’s no judgement there, nor pity. Just empathy for your adversities, and admiration for the resilience you possess.”

Dean pressed his face closer to Cas’s chest and closed his eyes, “Sometimes you just seem too good to be true.”

“I feel the same way, Dean. But mark my words, even if it takes the rest of my life, I won’t stop finding ways to prove to you that we deserve each other.”

“The rest of your life?” Dean couldn’t help but chuckle. “If I didn’t know better, Cas, I’d say that it sounds like you’re trying to propose to me.” 

Castiel was suspiciously silent. 

“Cas?” Dean asked, as he slowly lifted his head up to look Cas in the eye. Which was hard to do because Castiel kept looking off to the side of Dean’s head.

“I promised you a year, Dean,” Cas whispered, choosing his words carefully. “A year to get used to the idea of us. I won’t break my word on that.”

Dean’s heart started to sink, but he tried to shove away the pessimism, “But if you said that in another seven-ish months?”

“It would all depend on what your answer would be.” Cas admitted, shyly.

“Would it be crazy if I said yes?” Dean asked.

Cas stared at him, wide eyed, “I hope you’re not just saying that because I got you Baby back.”

Dean chuckled, “Well Baby would be one hell of an engagement ring. Though, that reminds me. Are you always packing that much grand in your wallet?”

“Oh,” Cas shifted nervously, “No. Actually, I try not to carry too much cash on me. I mostly rely on debit and credit cards. However, I didn’t want to squander the opportunity to get your Impala back for you, and I figured cash was the quickest way to a transaction.” 

“Cas… how much cash do you have on you currently?”

“...There’s a good possibility that I have close to $20,000.”

“Holy shit, Cas! And it’s all in your wallet?” 

“Don’t be preposterous. I couldn’t fit that much into my wallet. The rest is in my suitcase.”

Dean felt the urge to bang his head. He was driving around with a mini fortune in his trunk. How was this even his life?

This eventually led to a little tiff about how Cas shouldn’t be carrying that much cash on his person, in which Cas argued that he was perfectly safe and only planned to use the money for the car and nothing else. Which led to Dean threatening to pay Cas back for the car, but Cas finagled his way into knocking an extra thousand off what Dean owed him in exchange that Cas wouldn’t buy him any Christmas or birthday gifts that year. They eventually ceased talking over the details of the car when Dean noticed that it was getting dark out and that he could see the stars.

“Hey, Cas, get out of the car. I wanna show you something.”

“If you plan to drive off without me, I’d like to point out that it's counterintuitive from your previous concerns for my safety.”

“Nah. I want to show you what made Baby the best home I ever had growing up.”

Dean guided Cas to the trunk of the car and pulled out the three thermal blankets that were a permanent fixture in there. He wrapped one blanket around Cas’ shoulders, another on himself, and the final he rested across Baby’s hood. Once they were dealt with, he went into the back of car and retrieved the pecan pie that he had pilfered from the Milligan-Winchester home. 

“Go ahead, make yourself comfy,” Dean encouraged, gently nudging Cas towards the hood. Cas gave the car a skeptical look. “It’s not like those cheap plastic things today. Baby can easily handle the weight of two adult men sitting on top of her without bending.”

Castiel still looked suspicious, but he cautiously sat down on her. Dean was at least impressed that the man treated Baby with the reverence and respect a classy lady like her deserved. Once the other man was settled, Dean climbed next to him, pressing close so that they could share body heat, before offering Cas a piece of pre-slice pie.

“Honey bourbon pecan pie?” Dean asked with a smile. He knew how much Cas had a weakness for his honey pie recipes.

“You know, I’m pretty sure we could make a fortune off of your pies alone,” Cas declared after helping himself to a generous slice and taking a gigantic bite.

“Really? Aren’t you rich enough, Mr. I-just-tossed-away-three-grand? Sounds to me like you just wanna turn me into a little housewife who spends all of their freetime baking.”

“Nonsense, Dean. There’s nothing little about you,” Dean was so startled by the retort that he barked out a laugh. “Also, I much prefer the imagery of you being a literature professor.”

“Oooh, teacher-kink? I can see it. It’s always the quiet, nerdy ones,” Dean teased and was promptly elbowed for his troubles. Dean stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend before taking an even bigger bite out of his pie than Castiel. 

Once it got dark enough, Dean pointed up towards the sky and Castiel sighed happily at the brilliant sight of all of the stars, “Hey, Cas? Do you know the star constellations?”

“In theory, yes, but I’ve never actually gotten to test it out first hand. It’s a lot easier to spot the constellations on paper than the infinite sky.”

“Well how about I give you a quick course,” Dean suggested, before sliding the pie tin out of the way and wrapping himself around Cas so that he could guide the man’s hand and trace the constellations with his fingers. “Let's start with my favorite, Orion’s belt. It’s the easiest to spot since it’s the three bright stars that are next together in a straight line.”

They stayed outside watching the stars for hours, until it got too cold for them to be comfortable, despite the thermal blankets. From there, Cas directed them to the hotel that he had booked in advance just in case they needed a place to crash if things went south during the feast. It was a little out of the way, but once Dean went through the front door he could see why.

“No friggin’ way! Cas, did you book us at an old Western theme hotel?” Dean asked excitedly, looking around the lobby which was designed like it was an old saloon. 

“I know how much you enjoy your cowboy movies, and I assumed that if we had to make different arrangements, then it should be somewhere fun that you would enjoy,” Castiel said with a shy smile. He didn’t need to voice that he wanted Dean to be someplace where he could forget whatever happened at John’s place.

“You’re amazing.” Dean said in awe. 

“It helps that I have someone equally as amazing in my life.” Castiel said with a blush. 

Not caring that he was in a public, Dean yanked Castiel closer so that he could give the man a proper kiss. Castiel’s lips were still cold from the brisk air outside, and he had a glorious sweet, salty and a bit fiery taste to him from the pie. A taste that quickly became addicting to Dean as he desperately tried to chase after it, accidentally making Castiel chuckle when he tickled the roof of the other man’s mouth. Dean could’ve done this for hours if the person manning the hotel desk didn’t clear his throat.

“Sorry to interrupt, but perhaps this should continue in your own _private_ rooms?” the clerk suggested. 

“Right, my apologies. I have a reservation under Winchester?” Castiel said, unweaving himself from Dean and approaching the front desk. Dean was a bit disappointed to lose his boyfriend, but he felt a thrill at hearing the reservation being under his surname.

Castiel Winchester. That had a nice ring to it. 

Maybe by next Thanksgiving, Cas would be a real Winchester. Dean just had to make sure that Cas wouldn't beat him to the official proposal when they decided to ask for real.


	23. O' Christmas Tree

Chapter 23: O’ Christmas Tree

“Come on, Cas. There’s gotta be something here that you like,” Dean complained, idly kicking up some dirt off of the ground, one piece coming up in a giant chunk. Wouldn’t be too much longer now until they started to see some snow. Heck, they might actually get a white Christmas this year.

“It’s a big decision,” Castiel bemoaned. “It has to be something sturdy so that it lasts the next couple of weeks, but not too wide that it won’t fit through the door, or too tall that it hits the ceiling. It also can’t have too many missing branches, or else it won’t look as nice when it is decorated. We also have to put into consideration—”

“Cas, it’s a Christmas tree. Not a financial investment.” 

Castiel huffed in annoyance, “This is your first real Christmas tree. I’m not going to mess this up for you.”

Dean shook his head in aggravation, but gave his boyfriend a loving smile, “Hon, it has nothing to do with having the perfect tree. What matters is that we get to pick one out and decorate it together. Now hurry up and pick a damn tree already before my ears fall off from frostbite.”

“It’s not nearly cold enough for those conditions,” Cas argued, before gently flicking Dean on the ears. “Need I remind you that I told you to wear earmuffs?”

“And I told you that only pansies and girls wear earmuffs!”

Castiel rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s theatrics before pointing at the black pair adorning his ears, “I guess I’m a pansy then.”

“Well you do like ice skating,” Dean teased, before getting a faceful of pine needles, courtesy of said boyfriend. “Hey!” 

Castiel chuckled before taking a better look at the tree. “You know, this is a fine specimen of pine. Has both flexibility and durability.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean grumbled, trying to dislodge any wayward pine needles that got too close to his nostrils. 

“Actually… it is a very impressive tree. Good size and weight, beautiful shade of emerald as well. Even the needles look stellar.”

“We’ve already been acquainted. I wasn’t that impressed,” Dean mumbled, but did stop to admire the tree. “But it would look damn good in your living room.” 

Castiel frowned, “Yes… it would look good in my… living room.”

“Great, so you finally found one you liked? Then let’s call over a worker and get to chopping.” About time too, considering they had been searching for what felt like hours. 

Castiel remained silent, glancing between Dean and the tree every couple of minutes. But he didn’t voice anything even when the employee brought over a rented axe to Dean, nor when Dean offered him the tool. 

“Cas, you okay buddy?” Dean asked, concerned. 

“Yes! I just… I think it’s better that you cut the tree down.”

Dean gave a one-shouldered shrug before taking back his offering, “Okay.” He adjusted his grip on the weapon, eyed right at the spot where the employee had instructed them to chop at. He got into position, angled the axe for the ultimate cut, but before he got to swing the axe forward he was startled by Cas’ yelp of horror.

“Stop,” Cas cried out. “Dean, I changed my mind!”

“What? Do you want to chop it yourself?”

“No! I mean, I don’t want to chop it down, but I don’t want you to do it either.” 

Dean stared at Cas in confusion, but slowly lowered the axe, “You’re not making much sense.”

Cas looked back and forth between the tree and Dean, before making a grand gesture at the tree. “This tree is magnificent. We can’t cut it down! We can’t let anybody cut it down.”

“Cas… this is a Christmas tree farm,” Dean said gently and slowly, as if he was explaining the concept to his niece. “It’s the reason people come here. To chop down trees like this.”

“I know that,” Cas growled, casting Dean a grumpy glare. “But I want this tree to be safe.”

“What’cha going to do, Cas? Pay the employees off so that no one can chop this tree down?” 

Dean really needed to remember that he was, in fact, dating a billionaire who could use his vast fortune to fulfill his every folly. Which meant his boyfriend had no qualms about spending a thousand dollars to ensure that his tree would be safe from any sort of axe or chainsaw harm. One of the employees even found some caution tape to rope off the tree, so that people knew to leave it alone. 

Castiel had brimmed with pride at first, seeing that his tree was safe from Christmas shoppers for the foreseeable future, before frowning. Probably realizing that they were also Christmas shoppers. 

“I… just threw away our chance at a perfect Christmas tree for you, didn’t I?” Castiel asked slowly. 

Dean paused, trying to think of a more eloquent way to say what he was thinking. Which was along the lines of: “You sure did.” 

Instead he opted for, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m almost 38, it’s not like I need a Christmas tree. And it’s not like I’ve never had a tree in my living room before. Though you wanna explain what that was about? I thought you were okay with us chopping down a tree if we planted two more in its place?”

“I thought I was okay with it too, but once I got here and saw it… I changed my mind.” Cas practically whispered the last part. 

Dean knew he shouldn’t, but he felt his stomach drop a little at the admission. Putting on a brave face, he stepped closer into Cas’ space and grabbed the man’s gloved hands, “Hey, it’s okay to change your mind.”

He meant to be talking about just the Christmas tree, but really he meant all of it. The bucket lists, the one year dating deal, the love yous, and the promises of not disappearing once the year was up. Castiel was a wonderful man and Dean loved him fiercely, but he wasn’t about to let Cas be miserable because of the obligations he made to Dean months before.

Castiel must have inferred what Dean really meant, because suddenly he removed one of his hands from Dean in order to grab Dean around the waist and yanked him in tight, “You mean everything to me, Dean. Please don’t doubt that, and please don’t excuse me for breaking an arrangement we had previously made.” 

“That’s just it, Cas,” Dean said, pulling away slightly. Not far enough to break Castiel’s hold on him, but enough that Dean could get a better look at those blue eyes. “I don’t need you to feel like you have to do something because of an ‘arrangement’. I want you to do it because it will make you happy. This bucket list isn’t just for me anymore; it’s for us. Hell, I never needed a Christmas tree before, and I don’t need to start getting prissy over one now. All that really matters is the fact that I get to spend the holiday with you.”

Castiel smiled before moving in closer and burying his face into Dean’s neck. Dean counted himself as a good boyfriend for not jolting or shuddering at the feel of Cas’ cold nose and lips against his warmer neck, “You don’t know how happy that makes me feel.”

“What? That I’m accepting your hippie ways and not butthurt that we aren’t getting a real tree?”

“Well, while I do immensely appreciate that, I was referring to something else. The fact that I get to spend these holidays with you.”

Dean smiled and rested his head on top of Cas’, “Trust me, Cas. It makes me real happy too.”

They stayed like that for a while, before a woman wolf whistled at them and they were reminded that they were in a public place, and in the way of real buyers. Dean tried to pull Cas back towards the entrance of the farm but Castiel stalled, “What’s up?”

“We still need a tree,” Castiel pointed out.

“Yeah, but you don’t want to chop down a tree, so there’s not really much of a market for us, here,” Dean reminded him.

“No, I wasn’t thinking about chopping down a tree. But I am curious if they can provide something else,” Cas wondered, before spinning around and stalking after the nearest employee.

“I don’t think they sell artificial trees here, Cas!” Dean called out, before racing off after his man. 

It turned out that what Castiel had in mind was if the farm had a nursery nearby with baby Christmas trees. The employee at first seemed puzzled over Cas’ questions, but once he realized that Cas was the crazy customer that paid a grand to protect a single tree, he decided to be very helpful. Which is how they ended up with their Christmas tree; a sapling blue spruce tree. Castiel looked overjoyed to have it—despite its small size—and Dean was excited that they would have a real tree.

“What’s more, we’ll have this tree for years to come,” Cas excitedly proclaimed. “It’ll take ten years for it to fully mature, so until then we can keep it indoors and then we can just plant it outside when it gets too big. We’ll have to get a little creative of how to decorate it until that point, but at least we have time to prepare.” 

As Cas prattled on, Dean couldn’t help but be struck by one sentence. _Ten years_ from now. Castiel made it sound like it was so simple and not in the least bit daunting that he thought that they could be together for over a decade. That there was no expiration date on this relationship. 

“Dean?” Cas asked, concerned, and Dean realized that he must have been staring into space for some time. “Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, Cas. I just… I just can’t wait to watch this derpy looking tree turn into a massive pine someday. Watching it grow with you,” Dean said, wincing at how awkward that had come out. Yet Castiel smiled wide, detecting the words Dean had been too pathetic to utter.

_I can’t wait to grow old beside you._

Because in reality, Dean couldn’t wait. It was a terrifying and exhilarating feeling, to know that he already loved this man so much that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, but it didn’t feel like he was jumping off a cliff or falling too fast. It was the same wild thrill he got whenever he was behind Baby’s wheel, free to go as fast as he could with nothing but miles of open road stretched out in front of him. 

“I love you,” Dean whispered, knowing that he could at least admit these words to the man of his dreams. 

Castiel’s smile grew so wide that his gums were now showing, the epitome of Castiel at his ultimate joy. “I love you as well. Are you positive you don’t want an adult tree? We could purchase a fine looking artificial one until our tree has finished maturing.”

“Nah, I like our baby tree. He’s got character to him.” 

“Him?” Cas asked, amused.

“What? Heard from Garth that talking to plants helps make them grow, and I’m not talking to an it.” 

“No, I suppose that would just be silly then,” Cas teased. “At that rate you should probably name _him _as well.” 

“Yeah, I guess I should.”


	24. Wrong Number

Chapter 24: Wrong Number

Groot the baby Christmas tree was flourishing at Castiel’s condo. He was a bit too small to decorate—at least not without the risk of bending his branches and stunting his growth— so instead they got creative with decorating the pot he resided. It ended up looking like Christmas threw up all over it, with the amount of tinsel, snowflakes and LED lights that for smooshed together to all fit on the tiny surface.

Castiel’s staff had looked at the monstrosity in horror before declaring that Cas was no longer allowed to decorate anything else without more rigid supervision. Dean thought that was a bit of an overkill, but the extra sets of hands did help them decorate the rest of the condo in record time. 

By extra hands, Dean meant Gadreel and Balthazar. Meg decided she would play foreman and watch them all from her cushy seat on Cas’ La-Z-boy recliner. Dean would've preferred it if she stayed in the hellhole she crawled out of instead. 

During the festivities, Dean noticed that Castiel’s phone kept going off to an unfamiliar ringtone. The melody that played was somber in nature, and Cas recoiled every time he heard it go off before quickly sending it to his voicemail, only for the cycle to start again in an hour. It was by the fifth time it rang, and the rest of the staff had long since gone to their respective units, that Dean finally lost his patience.

“Just answer the phone, Cas. They aren’t going to leave you alone until you do.”

Castiel grimaced, looking at the offending phone for a moment before turning his gaze back to Dean, “I’m with company, it would be rude to answer.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at Cas’ flimsy excuse, “I’m not company, I’m your boyfriend, and I practically live with you,” Which was true. Dean spent every other day at Cas’ condo, “You’ll have to answer them eventually.”

“I know, it’s just—” Cas shook his head, unable to continue on with his sentence. 

“What is it? A scam call? Wrong number?”

“I guess you can say it’s a wrong number. Or at least I’m not the person the caller really wants to talk to.”

Dean waited for a further elaboration, but instead Cas picked up his phone to call the number back. 

“Jimmy!” A voice happily proclaimed on the other side of the phone. 

Castiel’s face crumbled and he recoiled as if he got punched.

“No, Amelia,” Castiel said, somberly. “This isn’t Jimmy. This is Castiel, remember?”

Dean wasn’t sure what to expect next, but the last thing he anticipated was for the woman to break down into ugly sobs. It wasn’t just crying, it was the wails of a person that had lost everything.

“Shhh shhh, Amelia, it’s okay. It’s okay,” Castiel tried desperately to console her, slowly edging away from Dean and heading towards the stairs to his bedroom. “Amelia, are you sober? Did you drink too much? ...Please, Amelia, tell me you didn’t take anything. You swore you would stay clean this round. 

“Amelia, what did you take? ...How much? Where’s Claire? Is Claire okay? Shit, Amelia, do they even know where you are?” With a quick apologetic glance in Dean’s direction, Castiel quickly scampered up the steps and loudly shut his bedroom door behind him.

Dean stared up the staircase, dumbfounded over what had just occurred. Who was Amelia? Claire? And who the fuck was Jimmy, and why did Amelia think Cas was him?

It really shouldn’t irk Dean so much, but it did. It didn’t feel right that Castiel knew almost every embarrassingly intimate detail of Dean’s life, but much of Cas’ was still shrouded in mystery. 

Still, there was no point in stewing in front of Cas’ staircase all night. Dean was better off trying to find something to keep himself occupied with until Castiel returned. Turning to Cas’ fancy stocked kitchen, Dean looked around the cabinets to see if Balthazar had ingredients in there that could let Dean bake something good. By the time he reached the cinnamon, clover, and ginger section of the spice rack, Dean decided to make gingerbread men. 

Castiel didn’t come back down until the gingerbread dough was chilling in the fridge and Dean was already working on making some pie crust since he was in a baking frenzy mood.

“What are you making?” Castiel broached carefully.

“Gingerbread pie,” Dean said, kneading the dough a little rougher than necessary. 

“I didn’t know you could make a gingerbread pie.”

“Dollface, I can make a delicious tasting pie in any flavor I want,” Dean quipped. “Plus, I had the ingredients for gingerbread cookies already out, so I figured I should experiment.”

“May I help?” Cas asked so timidly that Dean didn’t have the heart to stay miffed at him. 

“Sure. You know how to press and line a pan at this point, so get to it.”

They worked in silence for a while, not the typical comfortable silence that they usually had, but it wasn’t as awkward as what Dean feared. Still, it didn’t feel right, and Dean knew he had to be the bigger person and address the elephant in the room.

“So, who’s Amelia?” Dean began. 

Cas paused for a moment, before continuing to press and fold his crust, “She’s my sister-in-law.” 

“Huh? Which one of your brothers is she married to?” Cas did have ten of them. 

“Jimmy,” Castiel said, blatantly refusing to met Dean’s eye.

“Is that short for Jimeriel or something like that?” 

“No, it’s short for James.” 

“Really? James? After having brothers like Lucifer and Samandriel, here I thought the only normal Shurley kids names were Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael.” 

“That’s because he’s not a Shurley,” Cas said squarely, before turning around and putting the pie crust in the oven. 

Heart beating faster, Dean took a guess on what that name would be, “Novak then?”

Castiel tensed before nodding, “Yes. He is… he was my biological brother. My twin.”

That was a big thing to hide, “I didn’t know you have a twin.”

“Had. I didn’t realize I had a twin either until he was already dead,” Cas said, slamming the oven door with a loud bang.

Dean closed his eyes, realizing how much of a dick he sounded like, “I’m sorry, Cas. Do you… wanna talk about it?”

“No,” Cas said, much more cross than he’s ever sounded to Dean. Cas must’ve realized this himself because he took a steadying breath before speaking calmly again. “But I feel that I owe it to you.”

“Cas, you don’t owe me anything.”

“No, you've always been honest and forthcoming for me, and I'm ashamed that I haven't always returned the favor,” Cas said with a shake of his head. “Honestly, I’m not really sure where to start, so I guess the best place is from the very beginning. 

“Jimmy and I were abandoned at a deserted barn as newborns. No one really knows who our biological mother is, let alone our sperm donor. It made the frontline news which is how we gained the attention of my adopted father, Chuck. At that point, he was inspired to adopt another son since his first four were getting older. He also swore he was having prophetic dreams where angels would whisper their names to him and it was his duty to go out and adopt an orphan boy and name them after the angel name he heard. That morning he couldn’t remember if the name he heard was Cassiel or Castiel, so when he read that there were orphan twin boys at a local hospital, he thought it was a sign from God that he was supposed to adopt the both of us.”

Dean had always known that Chuck had been fascinated with angels, but he didn’t realize he was a zealot, “So what happened?”

“Newborns aren’t meant to be left in barns, especially frigid ones. We both succumbed to colds from the experience, but since Jimmy was the tinier twin he was affected worse. It ended up turning into pneumonia. When Chuck came down to adopt us, Jimmy was still in ICU, and unfortunately for him Chuck was already debating if he really wanted to name his son something as effeminate as _Cassie_-L. Chuck saw it as a sign from God that Jimmy was the weaker twin—an _unfit_ heir—and returned home with only me.” 

“Wow…” Dean said, at a loss for words. “That was really shitty of him.”

“It was,” Cas said, finally looking Dean in the eye. His blue eyes were a mixture of fury and unshed tears. “Now do you understand why I feel so unworthy of all of the fortune that has been bestowed upon me? If I was the one who had gotten pneumonia, then Jimmy would be Castiel. He would’ve gotten to live in the lap of luxury, while I grew up in an orphanage. He never would’ve wanted for anything and he might even still be alive if it wasn’t for… if I hadn’t—” But whatever Cas was going to say was cut off by sobs. 

Discarding his mixing bowl, Dean rushed over to Castiel and engulfed him in a hug. It was always strange to be on the other side of this moment—more often than not it was Castiel who kept him together—but Dean hoped that he was able to offer the same amount of support and exude the love and comfort that Castiel did so easily. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I got’cha. I got’cha,” Dean said, gently pushing Cas’s face to the crook of his neck, since Cas enjoyed that spot so much. 

“I-I shouldn’t even be crying. I have no right to mourn someone I never even knew.”

“Bullshit, Cas. It doesn’t matter that you were separated so young, he was still your brother. He was your twin! You have every right to be upset.”

“Sometimes I wonder,” Cas started, before breathing heavily against Dean’s neck. “Sometimes I wonder what it would’ve been like if we were never separated. If Chuck never had his dream? What would life have been like for us?”

“I do that too,” Dean admitted. “I used to wonder what life would’ve been like if Mom was still alive and if our original home never burnt down with her. What life would be like. Sometimes I wonder if my parents would still be together. Don’t get me wrong, they loved each other but they also fought a lot. Sometimes I think Dad loved Mom more once she was gone. And honestly? He’s happier with Kate than he ever was with Mom. But at least in that daydream I would be able to keep both my mom and Adam.”

After Adam had come out to Dean, their relationship improved in great strides. They now texted frequently, and Dean even got Adam to start watching Dr. Sexy with him. True, Adam would bitch about the medical inaccuracies, but it was also entertaining to hear Adam drool over Dr. Sexy’s… well sexiness. 

“I suppose in daydreams you are allowed to have whatever you want,” Cas breathed.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed. “You know what else would be nice?”

“Hmm?”

“If we all got to grow up together.”

Cas laughed wetly into Dean’s neck, “That could’ve been a nightmare, especially once high school hit. I have no doubt that I would have developed a huge crush on you and been completely awkward around you. Well, even more awkward than usual.” 

“It’s okay, I’m sure I would be a pretty drooly mess myself. Especially in this world, my mom was so accepting of Sam and me, that I didn’t need to hide in the closet. Hell, she might’ve even known before me. You know what else would be good about us being in high school together?”

“High raging hormones?” Cas guessed, making Dean laugh and shake his head. 

“No. I would’ve gotten to take you to prom. Do all that cheesy shit that comes with it. The tuxes, the flowers, the countless photos, and the shitty music.”

“And I would have loved every second of it,” Cas said, twisting his head so that he could look up at Dean. 

“Yeah, me too.” 

“I’m sorry,” Cas suddenly proclaimed. “I know this must sound like I’ve been trying to hide things from you, or that I don’t trust you, but… talking about Jimmy is painful.”

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“But I do… or at least tell you enough. You must still have questions.”

“I guess I do, but don’t answer them unless you are feeling up to it, okay?” Dean pleaded. “So I’m curious as to how you did find out about being a twin?"

“Claire. I found out because of Claire, my twin's daughter. We were both in Washington, D.C. at the time, myself for work and she was on a school field trip, and she saw me in passing. She practically tackled me to the ground in her pursuit to hug me, and she was crying. It took me awhile to realize that she mistook me as her deceased father. At first I assumed she saw our similarities, and her grief convinced her we were the same person, but then she showed me pictures of her father and… it’s very disconcerting to see your own face on another person’s body. Eventually we did a DNA test and it confirmed that her father was my identical twin.”

Dean couldn’t imagine what it must be like to have a sibling that shared your face, but was now six feet underground. 

“At first I wanted to become an active member in Claire’s life; after all she was the only biological family I had, something that I had questioned whether or not I could ever have. However, my timing was poor. I… you see, I was unaware of how fragile Amelia’s mind had been. Jimmy’s death had been sudden and traumatic. It… It shattered her, but she was able to put on a brave facade until I came around. Seeing someone who looked indistinguishable from her dead husband was too much for her, and she… started to rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms.” 

Dean flinched, “What’s her poison?”

“It started as alcohol, but eventually she progressed to heroin. She swore that using it helped her see Jimmy,” Cas bit out angrily, slowly removing himself from Dean in favor of running his fingers through his own hair in frustration. “I tried so hard to get her clean and to stay clean, enrolled her into some of the best rehab clinics money can buy, but she never stays clean long before she goes back to her dealer.”

“What about Claire? What happens to her when her mom can’t even stay sober?”

“Amelia’s mother used to watch over Claire, but she sadly passed away a couple of years after Jimmy. She might’ve ended up in foster care, but I arranged for guardians to look after her and try to keep Amelia in line. Both of them are retired sheriffs and have a license to foster, so I trust them immensely with both Claire’s security as well as her upbringing.”

“So what, are they like live-in nannies with guns?” 

“Essentially. I didn’t want to uproot Claire every time Amelia went into rehab, instead I made arrangements so that Jody and Donna would live on the property with them, and bought them a bigger house to accommodate them. This way I also guaranteed that Claire was provided meals and had a safe environment to come home to.”

“You did good there,” Dean acknowledged, remembering what it was like when he was a kid. 

The rancid motels, made even more disgusting by John’s negligence. How dishes would pile up and trashbags left abandoned, attracted all sorts of flies and vermin. How John mostly stocked the house with cheap nonperishables and how most of their meals rotated between spaghetti-Os, mac and cheese, and Lucky Charms cereal. How despite everything, Dean and Sam both knew they couldn’t complain or else they’d be taken away from the only family they had left. It was what pushed Dean to take over doing the chores and be the parental figure Sam needed. It would’ve been nice, though, if they had a trusted adult that they could have relied on.

“Yes, but it never feels like it’s enough,” Cas shook his head and slowly untangled his fingers from his chocolate locks. “I alerted Jody that Amelia was… under the influence when she called me. She’s bringing Amelia back into rehab now, but it’s unfortunate timing with the holidays. Rehabilitation is a long process, it takes 4 to 10 days for detox, an additional 16 days for hospital treatment, and 90 days of inpatient care and counseling. All of that means that she will be at the rehabilitation center for a minimum of 110 days, in which case she will completely miss the holidays.” 

The fact that Cas knew the treatment outlined in that much detail told Dean how frequent Amelia’s destructive cycle was. 

“How old is Claire?”

“Seventeen now.”

At least she wasn’t a child, but she was also old enough to fully comprehend how scary the situation was, “Still, no kid should be alone for the holidays. Even if she does have the guard nannies.” 

“Yes, Jody had said something similar,” Cas admitted, shifting uncomfortably. “She suggested I spend Christmas with them.” 

Dean had a thought, “Why don’t you usually spend the holidays with them? Sounds better than hanging out with your douchey adopted family.”

“I would love to, but I’ve learnt that it’s hard on Amelia and Claire when I’m around. To them, I’m an imposter wearing the face of someone they lost too soon. It’s easier on us all to limit our interactions to sending cards and sporadic calls.”

“You two don’t sound alike?” 

Castiel laughed, “Not at all. I’ve seen videos of him and his voice is much higher pitched than mine. I suppose you can say he was a tenor to my bass range.”

“Huh, that is a big difference. Guess I’m lucky that I ended up with the twin with the deep, gravelly voice,” Dean flirted, trying to ease Cas back into his arms. It didn’t take much prodding until Cas complied, easily melting back into his favorite spot.

“You like my voice?”

“Cas, your voice sounds like it belongs in an X-rated movie. Hell, you make your figures for accounting sound sexy.”

Castiel chuckled, “I see. So does this mean you are only attracted to me for my voice?”

“Nah, I’m in it for the whole package, especially for that beautiful mind of yours. The voice is just a perk.”

“I feel the same. As much as I love your green eyes and freckles,” Cas smiled sweetly as he carefully traced some speckling down Dean's neck. “It’s really the radiance of your soul that has captured my heart.”

“You are such a sap,” Dean teased, unable to hear such sentimental things about himself without making a joke out of the situation.

“You’re the one who started it,” Cas simply stated, before pressing his face closer into Dean’s shoulder. “I am sorry, though.”

“Why?”

“Firstly, for… hiding a major part of my life from you, but in addition, it looks like I will have to spend the holidays in Pontiac, Illinois. Or at least Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.”

“What, do you not want me to tag along?” Dean asked, trying and failing to hold back the hurt. 

Was Castiel embarrassed of him? As far as Dean knew, none of Cas’ family was aware that he was dating, let alone dating a man. Dean knew this was partially because Cas didn’t keep in close contact with anyone, but a paranoid part of his brain wondered if Cas was too embarrassed to admit that he was dating the “wrong” gender. 

“I thought you’d want to spend the holiday with your family?” Cas asked, confused.

“After the disaster that was Thanksgiving? No thanks.”

Dean still hadn’t really talked to anyone besides Adam since that awful dinner. Kate had at least sent him a Christmas card and an invitation to come back to stay for the winter holidays, but Dean doubted it was more than a formality. Moreso, Dean didn't feel like putting up with John, Sam or his sister-in-law. Especially Sam, who stopped texting him again.

“Honestly, Cas,” Dean started. “I was really hoping to spend the holidays with you. And I mean, it’s only fair that since I dragged you along to see my family for Turkey Day, that you’d get to drag me along to spend Christmas with your family.”

“You really want to go?” Cas asked, moving so that he could search Dean’s eyes. Dean would tease that looking into his eyes didn’t mean Cas could read his mind, but more often than not, Cas could always tell exactly what Dean was thinking anyway.

“As long as you want me there. Hell, Cas, we’re a team. Where you go, I follow.”

Castiel smiled before planting a small, tender peck on Dean’s lips. Not heated like it usually was, but Dean could still feel the warmth and love through it. Though small, it conveyed exactly what Cas needed to say at that moment. His gratefulness, his satisfaction, and a gentle promise that he felt the same way. 

“Dean?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I think the pie crust is starting to burn.”

_Son of a bitch!_


	25. The Best Present

Chapter 25: The Best Present

“Do you really think she’s going to enjoy our gift?” Cas asked worriedly, fidgeting back and forth between his seatbelt and the gifts on his lap. “Are you sure I shouldn’t have just gotten her the car instead?”

“Cas, as much as a seventeen-year-old would love a brand new car, that’s the ultimate cop out gift for the rich. Come on, you wanna show Claire that you care about her, and you aren’t just there to throw money at her,” Dean explained while keeping his eyes focused on the road ahead, vigilant for any signs of black ice. “Plus, the bond between a person and their first car is a strong one. You gotta let her pick out her car, not just give her the newest thing on the market. That’ll just teach her to never respect it.”

Castiel sighed, “I guess you’re right. There's also the fact that if I get her a car now, then there’s no way I can top that for her graduation gift.”

Dean shook his head, wondering how his boyfriend was able to still have a fortune with the way he spent money on other people. Especially since Dean had seen what he gave his staff as a Christmas bonus. It was one of the reasons why Balthazar was off to Milan, while Meg was spending her holiday on a beach in Hawaii. As for Gadreel, well…

“These gingerbread cookies are quite enjoyable,” Gadreel observed, munching on one of the gingerbread men in the backseat of Dean’s Impala.

Yeah, Gadreel was joining them on their seven hour trip to Pontiac, Illinois. According to Meg, Cas had ditched his security too many times in the past year and especially needed to utilize them when he was crossing the city limits. Dean didn’t know why it was so important that Cas had security with him at all times, but he assumed it was a weird billionaire problem.

“Duh, I made them. And remember, Zeke, if you make a mess, you’re cleaning it up,” Dean grumbled.

“Of course,” Gadreel said solemnly. “Might I input that it is unnerving to be on this end of a car?”

“Hey, I warned you that the only way you were going to be babysitting us was if I got to drive my Baby. Now just lean back and enjoy the sweet tunes.”

Gadreel did just that, once again making Dean grateful that it was him that had volunteered to play security guard for the Christmas trip. Dean shuddered at the thought of either Balthazar or Meg in his place right now.

Hell, if Meg was on duty Dean might’ve actually had to cancel the trip. No way would he willingly spend so much time with the she-demon in a small, enclosed space. Plus, he’d never get the stench of evil and sulphur out of Baby’s seats.

“So, I gave you a quick rundown on my family during Thanksgiving. Think it’s only fair that you give me the same.”

“Well, Amelia won’t be present, so there isn’t much reason to talk about her. Claire is… well she’s a teenage girl and a little hard to get a clear reading on. She’s not really girly, but she does wear more eyeliner than is necessary, and she has great interest in martial arts and law enforcement. Jody has been encouraging her to look into the local colleges for criminal justice programs. Jody and Donna are actually married, however they were both single when I originally hired them. Both were sheriffs too, who needed to get away from their hometowns. Donna was married to another officer, who didn’t take kindly to the fact that she got the promotion to sheriff over him. They ended up getting a divorce, and he ended up driving her off from the job she loved.”

“Man, what a dick.”

“Yes, he was. He also gave her a body image complex, and it took years for her to overcome that.”

“Even more of a dick. So what’s Jody’s story?”

Castiel frowned, “Jody’s story is more traumatic and I’m not sure how much of it I can tell you. She lost both her son and husband in a flash flood. They were on a backroad when it went from rain to torrential downpours in a matter of minutes, and… well—” Cas shook his head and swallowed deeply, unable to say more on the matter. “Jody was on duty and was the one that discovered the bodies. After that, she stopped loving South Dakota and wanted an excuse to get far away.”

“Fuck,” Dean cursed, heart tightening in empathy over what that poor woman must’ve gone through. Losing Ben was hard enough, but at least he knew the boy was still alive, despite being out of reach. 

“Yes. Fortunately for me, that woman is remarkable and has a big heart. She’s looked after Claire as if she’s her own daughter. Donna as well. Oh, there’s also Alex, Jody’s and Donna’s adopted daughter. She’s a year younger than Claire, but they’ve become close friends.”

“She’s the shy bookworm, right?”

“Yes, which is why I hope the Kindle we got her will be acceptable,” Cas said, looking panicked once more.

“I’m sure she’ll like it just fine. Just like Claire is going to enjoy her mountain of gifts.” 

“I know, I’m fretting,” Cas said with a long exhale. “I just… want to make this perfect. For everyone.”

“Hey, you don’t need expensive things to make a Christmas good. Hell, being _present _is the best present of all.”

Dean tried not to think about all of the Christmases that he and Sam had; waiting forlornly by their motel door, hoping fervently that this year John would come home and stay home. They had long since stopped expecting any actual Christmas presents, except for the stuff that the brothers were able to give each other. Stuff that Sammy had made in his classes for Dean, and things that Dean had been able to swipe for Sam. All they wanted every year was their dad, until they grew too old to believe in such things as Christmas miracles.

“I suppose you have a point,” Cas resigned. “Though I wished you would’ve let me buy you a gift.”

“You got me Baby back,” Dean argued.

“You are slowly paying me back for the _loan_,” Cas bickered. 

“Still, you got me Baby back, and you prevented me from being unemployed, and even got me the promotion I always wanted. I don’t need you to buy me an expensive gift as well.”

“A new record player isn’t that expensive,” Cas grumbled, petulantly crossing his arms.

“Plus, if you bought me a gift then I would’ve had to have bought you one as well. And let me tell you, man, it’s fucking hard shopping for a billionaire. Doing a homemade gift exchange was the only way to even the odds.”

“Yes, but the max budget of $50 was overkill,” Cas grumbled.

“Oh really? Tell me you wouldn’t have bought me an expensive quality something or other if I didn’t put a cap on your spending.”

“It would have been better quality and better for the environment,” Cas lamented.

“Yeah, yeah, Captain Planet. We already have a pine tree growing in our living room. You’ve done your part in conservation.”

“Sorry to intrude,” Gadreel interjected. “But as an impartial third party member, I’d like to say that I agree with Dean. A gift from the heart is better than anything that can be purchased at a mall.”

“Hah!” Dean shouted victoriously.

“However, next year I say there shouldn’t be a price limit defined by dollars, since the value of a dollar is vastly different between the both of you. Instead, I suggest making the cap defined by the percentage of money you make in a week. Say, nothing over 10% of your weekly salary?”

“Deal!” Cas eagerly agreed.

“Really, Cas? Don’t you make hundreds a day? How much could you buy with 10%.” 

“Enough to make me happy. Isn’t my happiness important too?” 

“That’s bullshit and you know it, Cas.”

“Actually, it is a known fact that giving gifts releases endorphins and dopamine. So scientifically speaking, it does make him happier.” Gadreel inputted. 

“Nobody asked your opinion here, Zeke. Now shut up and go back to eating your damn cookies.” Dean bitched, before checking in his rearview mirror to make sure that Gadreel complied.

“Does it really bother you how much money I make?” Castiel pressed.

“Yes! No! I mean—” Dean felt the urge to hit his head against the steering wheel, but now wasn’t the time nor place. “It bothers me that I make so little in comparison. It’s not a ‘whoever’s the breadwinner is the real man of the house’ thing,” Although John Winchester would probably view it differently. “But more of a… shit, Cas, how am I ever going to compete? There’s very little I can do to provide for you. How can I ever get you anything that you already can’t buy yourself?”

“I’m not materialistic, Dean,” Cas said, sounding completely offended. “I might’ve grown up wealthy, but I also spent years in the Peace Corps. My life hasn’t just been mansions and limousines, it’s been back breaking labor and sleeping bags.” 

Dean flinched, “I’m not saying you’re shallow—”

“But aren’t you? I know I don’t help matters because I have no issues spending money, but the difference is I like spending money on others. I hate using my wealth on myself, and if I can use my good fortune to make others’ lives easier then so be it. My money is piling up in banks, gathering even more interest every day. It’s more money than I can spend in my lifetime, so at least let me feel useful and let me use it in whatever way I see fit.” 

“It’s not that I think you're shallow, or some rich prick. I just feel like… some kind of pauper in comparison. I don’t know why someone like you would ever want to be with me.”

“You’re doing it again.” Cas complained.

“Doing what?” 

“Stereotyping me. Yes, I admit some people in my position, namely my adopted brothers, would find fault in dating someone in a different economic class, but that’s not who I am. I don’t care about what you do for a living or how many zeroes are attached to your bank account. If I cared about things like that, I would’ve married April like my family wanted!” Although Cas hadn’t raised his voice, Dean flinched as if the man had screamed in his face. 

Castiel took in a deep lung full of air before continuing, “Dean, I have told you time and time again that I love you for you. In all honesty, I hate that despite everything you still treat me like you expect me to abandon you or trade you in for a ‘new and better model’. I know that’s what it felt like when John neglected you and Sam in favor of his new family, again when Sam ran away for college, then once more when Lisa kicked you out of Ben’s life. Even now you are afraid that your roommates will forget you when they start the next chapter of their lives. But I’m not them, Dean! I have no intentions of ever leaving you unless that’s what you want.”

Even though Dean's eyes were fixed on the road, he could still make out Cas turning to face him in his peripheral vision.

“Damn it, Dean, you’re everything to me! You are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I abhor the fact that you keep doubting me every single step of the way.”

Dean was stunned silent.

“Dean, I love you. I love you for the man you are, the person you were, and the man you still hope you’ll be. Your station in life and monetary value doesn’t affect that. Would you still love me if I made some bad investment decisions and lost my fortune?”

“Of course I would, Cas!”

“Really? Because you’ve only loved me as a rich man. It’s more likely that you would lose favor in me if I lost my wealth.” 

“I’m not a gold digger,” Dean hissed vehemently.

“Just like I’m not shallow,” Cas growled before turning away from Dean to look outside his window. “I don’t like arguing with you, Dean, but I can’t stand it when you talk poorly about someone I care so much about.” 

Dean sighed, “I’m sorry, Cas. That’s not… I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I’m just… shit, Cas, I’ve never wanted anything as bad as I wanted us. But I don’t get happy endings. It’s only a matter of time before the other shoe drops.”

“I don’t want a happy ending with you,” Cas griped, still refusing to look at Dean.

“Oh.”

“An ending,” Cas continued. “By the word alone means that it has a finality to it, no matter if there is joviality with it. I don’t want that. It might sound cliche, but I want the forever. I also don’t care if what we have isn’t always happy. Because if it was nothing but happiness, that means that our life has grown stagnant, that there is no change, and I don’t want that either.”

“Then what is it that you want, Cas?” Dean asked softly.

“You, Dean. It’s always been you,” Cas admitted. “From the moment you let down your guard around me, the moment you let me see you for all you feared most, I knew that I would do anything to stay by your side.” 

Once again, Dean was left speechless. Gadreel, however, was not.

“If you don’t make this turn straight ahead then you’ll end up with an additional twenty minute delay.” 

“What did I say about backseat driving, Zeke!”


	26. The Good, The Bad, and The Gaudy

Chapter 26: The Good, The Bad, and The Gaudy

Five hours later, they reached their destination at a quaint Victorian mansion at the end of a cul-de-sac. Without Dean needing directions from Zeke or getting lost, thank you very much. Luckily the awkwardness dissipated in the car the further into the journey they went, and it returned to its comfortable companionship for the majority of the trip. 

“I’m going to grab the presents and run ahead first,” Cas, explained as he buttoned up his trenchcoat. “Check in with Jody and Donna to make sure everything is going smooth and that… that Claire is not in a mood.”

Dean wasn’t sure why he couldn’t just accompany Cas, but he didn’t have the energy to start another dispute, “Okay, while you’re doing that I can go put a cover on Baby.”

Although the Victorian structure was beautiful, it lacked the modern luxury of a car garage, meaning poor Baby would be left out on the street, like some plebeian car. Like hell was Dean going to let her be completely exposed to the elements, especially in the middle of a Midwest winter. 

“I will go scout the perimeter,” Gadreel said, much more solemnly than a man putting on a penguin scarf had any right to. 

Cas nodded at their game plan before scooping up the load of presents and bolting to the front door. Once Cas was out of hearing distance, Dean grabbed Gadreel by his coat, preventing him from going off on his own.

“Can I have a quick word with you?”

Gadreel shot Dean an inquisitive look, but made no attempts to dislodge him, which Dean took as an invitation to start speaking. 

“Look, I understand that Cas is a pretty rich and impressive guy, but is there a reason that he needs security at all times? I mean, he’s with his family for fuck’s sake.”

Gadreel’s eyes narrowed, “My job is to keep Castiel safe at all costs.”

“Yeah, I get that. But what harm can he really get up to in the middle of Pontiac?”

Gadreel continued to glower at Dean before frowning, “You… you don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“How Jimmy perished.”

Dean slowly shook his head, “Cas said it was sudden and traumatic, but didn’t explain further.”

“Jimmy Novak didn’t just die, he was assassinated.”

Dean blanched, “Why would someone want to kill an average schmo like Jimmy?”

“Because the hitman thought their target was Castiel, and the killer and the party responsible for the hit was never caught. That’s why Castiel must be guarded at all times.”

Dean wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that. Maybe an answer that made it sound a little bit more routine; like keeping him safe from a robbery, or kidnappings. Not a straight up assassination attempt. 

Did it still count as an attempt when the target with the same face had been killed? 

No wonder Castiel felt that level of guilt and responsibility for Jimmy’s death, and the consequences it brought his twin’s family. Jimmy had taken Cas’ spot in an early grave, and knowing Cas, he was probably distressed by that notion. He’d probably even wished he could take Jimmy’s place since he wasn’t leaving behind a family like Jimmy was. At the time, he wasn’t even leaving behind a loved one.

Dean’s skin crawled at that thought. He came so close to having never met Cas, and couldn’t imagine what his life would be like if it wasn’t for the blue eyed angel. He’d probably be jobless, in the closet, and wasting all of his free time downing a bottle again. 

Dean also realized this was why Castiel had been so jumpy about telling people his true identity and why he went to great lengths to ensure that nobody knew what he looked like. Although, no one has ever really known what Castiel looked like, since he never cared for publicity. That meant they had to have known him personally.

“Zeke? The person who put a hit on Cas? You think it might’ve been another member of the Shurleys?”

“We… theorize it was Lucifer. Castiel had been investigating his embezzlement scandal, and had been rallying his brothers’ support in overthrowing Lucifer in favor of putting him as the next Chief Financial Officer. A couple of months later, Jimmy was killed, but no one was aware of his existence until years later. Because of this, Lucifer was never investigated or indicted for murder and conspiracy to commit murder. After all, there is nothing in the world that connects Lucifer Shurley to James Novak without knowing that Castiel was the link.” 

“Fuck. How long is Lucifer in prison for?”

“...Another three years,” Gadreel admitted bitterly. “We’ve been doing everything we can to gather the necessary evidence, but Lucifer and his associates knew how to hide their tracks well. It’s Castiel’s greatest fear that if we don’t do something soon, then his brother will walk free, and that he will seek vengeance on him.” 

“What's Cas going to do if his brother does get out of jail?”

Gadreel remained silent for a couple of moments, “We'll make the necessary arrangements when they come. Lucifer's accounts have been frozen since his incarceration, and it will be difficult for him to regain even a fraction of it. This should make it harder for him to hire anyone.”

“Should?”

“There's a reason we take as many precautions as we do. Best case, we can uncover another misdeed that will buy us more time. Worst case, we flee the country and go where no one can find us.”

Dean blanched at the idea, “You'd just uproot his life like that?”

“He has uprooted his life before for you,” Gadreel pointed out. “You should at least be willing to do it for him as well.”

“Hold up, I'm part of the plans too?”

“Of course you are,” Gadreel said, looking at Dean like he was dense. “You are the most precious thing in his life, and he would never be able to leave you behind. If we did, he would disregard his own safety in order to get back to you.”

Dean looked at Gadreel like he was crazy, “He'd put himself in danger for me?”

“There's very little that man wouldn't do for you,” Gadreel said, glancing off to the house Cas had disappeared into. “You don't see it since you don't know what he was like before, but he's changed significantly since he's been acquainted with you. Castiel has always been a kind and giving person, but… he did those things like it was his sworn duty and nothing else. But since meeting you, he's been passionate as well. For once he wants, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that gets to keep that.”

Dean chuckled nervously, “You make it sound like you'd personally kidnap me to make sure I'd always stay with Cas.”

Gadreel didn't laugh along. In fact, he remained silent as he watched Dean closely.

“Zeke?”

Instead of answering, Gadreel simply turned away and started patrolling the block as promised. 

Why the hell did Cas hire such creepy people?

Shaking his head, Dean surveyed the car to make sure that Cas had grabbed all of the gifts, locked up Baby, and made sure she was all nice and snug under her cover. No car of his was facing a brutal winter without protection. 

Dean wasn't sure what to expect when he walked into the old style home, but he didn’t expect to be accosted by the ugliest wallpaper known to man. 

It was a black background with gaudy, white floral designs, that clashed horribly with the beautiful maple flooring. Dean didn’t even know such an appalling print existed, and couldn’t fathom why someone would willingly put that on their wall. Sure, Dean was a fan of the color black, as it was usually a sleek and classy color, but walls were not meant to be that shade!

“Dean?” Castiel’s familiar voice called out somewhere down the hall.

“Yeah?” Dean croaked.

“We’re getting things set up in the kitchen if you want to join us. Just head straight down the hall and go left.”

“Okay, be right there,” Dean replied, bending down to take off his shoes and place them on the shoe rack by the front door before daring to venture further down the hall. 

The more he looked at the wallpaper, the worse it got. But there was no way the entire house was filled with such an ugly wallpaper, right? 

To his horror, the wallpaper in the kitchen was just as hideous, though at least this time the floral monstrosity was on a white background and the flowers were bright yellow. Once Dean’s eyes recovered from the onslaught of hideous patterns, he noticed Cas and a woman with a short, graying hair, standing by the counters. The woman took in Dean’s sickened appearance and laughed at his misfortune.

“Yeah, I know. The wallpaper is vile,” she said, her brown eyes glittering in humor.

“If you know that then why do you even have them?”

The woman shrugged, “Amelia went through an ‘interior design’ phase the last time she returned home. She wanted to redecorate the place herself and we didn’t have the heart to tell her that… well that she had no taste.”

Dean wondered if Amelia was high when she picked out the wallpaper, as it was hard to believe that someone sober picked out such hideous designs _on purpose_. 

“I’m Jody Mills, by the way,” she introduced, moving over and offering her hand to shake. Dean was impressed by the strong grip she had. “I’m Claire’s primary guardian.”

“Dean Winchester. Umm, Cas’s boyfriend?” 

Jody smirked,“Yeah, we assumed as much. Castiel doesn’t just bring anyone here with him, let alone on a major holiday.”

“I mean, he did bring Gadreel as well,” Dean pointed out. 

Jody rolled her eyes, “Well at least he didn’t bring the scary chick with him this time.”

Yeah, Dean was going to like Jody just fine.

“Meg isn't that bad, she's just… an acquired taste,” Castiel defended, weakly.

Both Dean and Jody shared an incredulous look. Dean wondered what Meg did to piss Jody off.

“I'll take your word on it,” Jody said, noncommittally. “But she's still not allowed around the girls until they're twenty-one.”

Castiel slumped, “That's fair.”

“Do you need help with anything, ma’am?” Dean offered, hoping to break some of the awkwardness in the room.

“I’m fine, thank you. If you want, you can help Castiel put the presents under the Christmas tree. The girls should at least have enough self control to wait until morning to open them.”

Dean nodded and grabbed some of the presents that Cas had left on the kitchen table, “Lead the way, Cas?”

He couldn’t decide if the wallpaper in the living room was better or worse than anything else he saw in the house thus far. On the one hand, it wasn’t coated in flowers, but on the other hand, it looked like somebody glued individual pieces of doilies onto the wall. 

Hell, Dean was disturbed that he even knew what a doily was. 

“Amelia should not be allowed to decorate anything ever again,” Dean decided, aloud. 

Dean heard a feminine giggle behind him, much higher pitched and sweeter sounding than Jody’s. Turning around, Dean saw a beautiful blonde with a giant smile, “It’s not so bad, ya know? Almost like living inside one of them old dollhouses.” Her voice had a very familiar accent.

“Great, just what I always wanted,” Dean deadpanned, causing the woman to giggle again.

“I’m Donna. You must be Dean,” Dean offered Donna his hand but she shook her head. “Oh I'm not much of a hand shaker. I'm more of a hugger.”

Before Dean could fully comprehend what was going on, he was suddenly engulfed into a tight bear hug. Despite Donna's tiny five foot something frame, she was pretty strong. It was actually a nice hug, filled with warmth and love that only a mom hug could provide. Dean admittedly never thought he would get one of those again, and was disappointed when Donna finally pulled away.

“Gotta say,” Donna said, smiling cheekily. “When I heard you were from my home state of Minnesota, that wasn't the accent I was expecting to hear.”

Dean smirked, “I’m actually Kansas born and bred, but my dad remarried a Minnesotan and I moved to Minneapolis to be closer to them. Have to say, your accent is a lot thicker than hers.” 

“Probably because she’s so close to such a big city. Us small towners have a thicker accent. Thicker accents and thicker skins, dontcha know?” Donna said with a wide smirk.

“I can appreciate that,” Dean said with a laugh, before finally taking account of the firewood that Donna had set down by her feet. “Need help starting up the fireplace?”

“I’ll never be opposed to a helping hand, but go ahead and drop off your gifts first. Just don’t go trying to sneak one of those presents away,” she added with a wink.

Smirking, Dean did just that, only to be startled when something sharp stabbed into his back while he was bent over. 

“Son of a bitch!” he yelped, trying to dislodge the heavy weight that was still on him. “What the hell is on me?”

“Doofus!” Donna cried out, appalled. 

“Do you really have to insult me right now?”

“Not you, the cat,” Donna explained, while Cas crept behind him and carefully extracted the clawed beast from Dean’s backside.

Turning around, Dean looked his assailant in his bright blue eyes. The cat looked like a Siamese, but one that someone had forgotten to fully paint in, as a giant section of its muzzle was stark white. His attacker had the nerve to look smug before slowly blinking at him. 

“Hey, it kinda looks like that Grumpy Cat meme,” Dean noted. 

“That’s because they’re both Snowshoe Siamese,” Cas explained, carefully putting the cat on the ground. “Claire seemed to enjoy the creature, so I decided to get her one of her own for Christmas last year.”

Dean stared at Cas incredulously before shaking his head. At least Cas didn’t decide to buy her a doge-looking dog for a present this year.

“What’s going on?” yet another new female voice asked, this one much younger than the rest.

Dean turned around and was shocked to see the same brilliant, sapphire eyes Cas had—albeit these were hidden behind a coat of thick black eyeliner and eyeshadow—glowering up at him, only this set belonged to a surly looking teenager. 

Seriously, did she get makeup lessons from a raccoon? Maybe Amelia wasn’t completely to blame for the black wallpaper in the hallway.

“Doof was hiding in the Christmas tree again. Decided Dean here would make the perfect landing spot,” Donna explained, eyeing the cat who was now licking itself innocently. 

“Seriously? Doof?" Dean asked incredulously.

“Claire's idea,” Donna explained, gesturing at the blonde with Cas' eyes.

“I wanted to name him in honor of the man who bought him,” Claire snubbed, scooping up the furry menace. “And you can't blame him for getting into trouble. It's not like there's much to do in this shithole.”

“Claire!” Donna gasped, before shooting Cas and apologetic look. Cas, however, looked nonplussed by the insult.

“What? It's true. You'd think Mr. Billionaire Extraordinaire would be able to fork over more money so we'd live somewhere less butt ugly.”

“This was the only place available within your school district that had enough room to accommodate everyone,” Cas tried to explain, but Claire just scoffed.

“Right, because I really wanted to stay in such a boring ass place, where everyone knows all about our dirty laundry.”

“Oh, I'm sure it's not that—” Donna tried to say but was cut off.

“But it fucking is,” Claired hissed, before lifting Doofus up to talk to him in a mocking tone. “Oh look, it's that poor Claire girl. You know the one with the dead father and the druggie mother? Better stay away from that Novak girl, I heard she's mentally unhinged. Oh that Claire, her mom couldn't handle her no more so she's living with those lesbians at the fugly house on the end of the cul-de-sac!”

Doofus meowed, as if insulted, and put a paw on Claire's forehead.

“What the hell is with all of the commotion?” Jody complained, coming around from the kitchen with a pair of Christmas oven mitts still on her hands. She looked absolutely appalled and embarrassed by her charge's behavior. 

“Claire, dear,” Donna started, eyeing Claire like she was a cornered, wild animal. “If you feel like you need to talk with someone then we can arrange a meeting with the school counsel—”

“No!” Claire shrieked, throwing her hands up in frustration. “I don't need one of those phonies or any other kind of head shrink to tell me I'm crazy. What I need is… is…” 

She looked around the room desperately, before spotting Cas and narrowed her eyes. “What I need is to have my dad back and this..._this_ alien wearing his face to go back to the freakazoid planet he came from!” 

“Claire!” both Jody and Donna scolded, but Claire ignored them. Cas seemed stunned silent.

Cat in tow, she stomped right past everyone in the room and loudly climbed the steps. A few moments later they heard and felt the loud vibrations of a door being slammed by the angsty teen. 

Jody groaned loudly before collapsing into an armchair, “Is it too early in the day to start drinking?”

“I won't judge if you do,” Dean said with a shrug, slowly tugging his shell-shocked boyfriend to his side.

“Is she always this… volatile?” Cas carefully broached. 

“She's a teenage girl who's been through the ringer, of course she's volatile,” Jody bemoaned.

“She's just… extra finicky this week,” Donna gently explained, going back over to the firewood she had abandoned when Dean first got attacked, and gingerly picking up each wooden log one at a time. “She was so hopeful that Amelia would stay clean this round, it had been two years since she last touched the hard stuff, and it really did look like things could go back to normal. But then something spooked Amelia like usual and she went chasing after Tamiel again.”

Dean cast a confused glance at Jody.

“Tamiel is Amelia's drug dealer. Or at least the name he told her. 'Angel of the unseen' my ass,” Jody cursed.

“Though he's good at covering his tracks. Jods and I have had a heck of a time trying to hunt him down. Everyone time we've tried, the trail goes cold,” Donna sighed before bringing the firewood over to the fireplace and starting to load it up.

Cas grimaced, “What set Amelia off this time?”

Donna froze for a second before resuming her work, “She found his wedding ring. At least, that's what we gathered since no one was around. Jods was at the market and I was doing laundry when she gave us the slip.”

“I swear, we need to put a tracker in that woman. Every time we think we can trust her, she goes and falls right off the wagon again,” Jody complained, angrily discarding her oven mitts so that she could rest her face in her hands. “Honestly, Castiel, we're at the end of our ropes, and… it's just not good for either of the girls to constantly be exposed to the ups and downs that is Amelia. I think it's time to put her in a long term treatment plan.”

Castiel tensed under Dean's grip, “You want us to get her committed?”

“Rehabilitation alone isn't working. It's not just the addiction that's the problem; that's only the symptom. She's never going to get control of herself if she can't get a handle on her own mental health.”

“But… Claire needs her mother?”

“Yes, Castiel,” Donna said slowly. “She needs a mother. Someone who will put Claire above everyone else, and who will take care of her and her needs. Amelia will never be a mother to Claire if she ends up dead in an alley. We can be mothers to Claire, but that's never going to happen if we're all too busy taking care of Amelia.”

Cas opened his mouth, looking ready to argue, but then frowned when he glanced at Dean. Whatever fight he had in him seemed to disappear, “You're right. Claire is so young and deserves to still be a child, not the caregiver to a negligent parent absorbed in their addictions.” 

Castiel gave Dean one last sad glance before turning back to Jody, “But for now, let's focus only on the holiday. Once Christmas is over, we can decide on a more permanent solution for Amelia. Until then let's be merry, berry, and bright.”


	27. Fading Whispers

Chapter 27: Fading Whispers

“Knowing what you know now; do you ever wish that an adult did spot the warning signs and stepped in to help you and your brother?” Castiel asked early the next morning, while still entangled with Dean in bed. 

Dean closed his eyes, wishing that Cas didn’t have to ask such thought provoking questions at the buttcrack of dawn. The man could have at least waited until Dean got some coffee in him. 

Then again, this was probably going to be the only point in time they were going to be alone today.

“I don’t know, depends on the day? Sometimes I’m grateful it never happened. Not because I didn’t want to be separated from John, but because I knew I was going to be separated from Sam. Siblings rarely stay together in foster care, especially the older they get. Plus, Sam was a dream kid. Kind, polite, loved school and actually enjoyed eating his veggies. Seriously, people would’ve fought over him. But me? Let’s be honest, Cas, no one would’ve wanted me.”

“I would’ve,” Cas mumbled. 

“Yeah, no offense, Cas, but despite the daddy issues, I don’t actually have a daddy kink.”

“Not like that,” Cas said, his face turning fire engine red. “I meant that… you are a wonderful person, and anyone who doesn’t see your true value is someone who doesn’t deserve to have you in their life.”

“Nice save. Anyway, that was the biggest fear, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like if…” 

“If?” Cas encouraged. 

“Did I ever tell you about Sonny’s home?” When Cas shook his head, Dean continued. “Anyway, when I was sixteen, I got caught stealing food and got arrested. Dad refused to bail me out from the station, so they sent me to a ‘troubled youth home’ for two months. At first I was miserable there, but then I had a blast. It was nice to just kick back and do normal kid things. Hell, I even got a gold medal from the wrestling team while I was there, because I could actually stay after school to do extracurricular activities. Even met my first girlfriend there.”

“What happened? If you were so happy, why didn’t you stay?”

Dean shrugged. Or at least did the best he could while laying in bed with Cas sprawled out over him, “Dad came back and said he needed me to come home. So I did. Plus, I could tell that Sammy had been miserable while I was away, and I realized that there was no one around to take care of him with me gone.”

“If you had told the truth, would Sonny have been able to take him in too?”

“I don’t think so. Sammy wasn’t exactly troubled, so I don’t think the courts would’ve handed him over to Sonny.”

“But if Sonny could?”

“Then yeah, I would’ve squealed like a pig.”

Cas was pensive, slowly tracing the pentagram tattoo that was over Dean’s heart. “Dean? Did you stop stealing food because you got caught? Is that when…?”

“Yeah,” Dean swallowed. “That’s when… Look, I couldn’t risk getting caught again and spending hard time in juvie for just a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter. At least a twenty dollar bill could’ve given us enough food to last a week. Good food too, and not just the canned or microwavable shit.” 

It really shouldn’t surprise Dean at this point that instead of turning away from Dean in disgust, Cas only clung to him tighter. Despite knowing how... _used _Dean’s body was, Castiel still treated him like he was pure and precious. 

“I wish I knew you back then. Even during my youth, twenties were pocket change to us. I wish I could’ve helped. Maybe make it so that you wouldn’t… that we wouldn’t have had to grow up feeling alone.”

“As nice as it is to pretend; it didn’t happen like that. Like it or not, I’m who I am now because of my shitty experience.”

“I understand,” Castiel whispered softly, carefully cupping Dean’s face and leaning over him. “And I in no way wish that you’d change. I love you exactly as you are. All your rough edges and scars included. However, for completely selfish reasons, I wish I could have had you to myself earlier. Just so that I could have the luxury of waking up in your arms sooner in life.”

Dean laughed, “You sap.”

“I can’t help it. You make me happy and feel at peace,” Cas sighed, rolling off Dean and onto his own back, before maneuvering Dean so that Dean was now draped over him.

Dean loved how easily Cas could manhandle him. 

But instead of outwardly acknowledging that, Dean chuckled, “What are you doing? Aren’t you usually out for a jog or doing yoga at this time?”

“It’s Christmas morning. I deserve to spoil myself by spending all day in bed with a beautiful man.”

“Well as long as that man is me, I guess I can’t complain too much,” Dean smiled, before leaning down to steal a kiss. He loved how relaxed Castiel was, willingly opening himself up to Dean, and Dean took great pleasure from every happy sigh or blissed out moan he was able to wrangle out of Cas. “You sure you had an issue with kissing before? Seems like you enjoy it now.”

“It’s more of the fact that I’m focused less on the actual saliva exchange portion and more on the sensation. Did you know that lips contain the most number of nerve bundles in the smallest surface area? Evolutionarily created to help us detect what foods might be safe to ingest, and yet we use them for intimate contact.”

Dean groaned and gently whacked his head against Cas’ shoulder, “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. Go on, talk nerdy to me.”

Cas laughed, lightly ruffling Dean’s hair, “What I am trying to say is that with you, I’m focused on more of the sensation and connection aspect. Of the happiness and pleasure that I feel when close to you. How soft your lips feel against mine, and the electricity that seems to zap through us. But mainly, I listen.”

“Listen? Kinky. What, do you enjoy making me moan?” Dean asked cheekily, lifting his head up in time to see the beautiful red dusting start to paint Cas’ face again.

“I didn’t mean like that. ...Although those noises are enjoyable. I was referring to the unspoken words you say with every kiss.”

Dean raised a brow, “Starting to sound like a chick flick there, Cas.”

“You forget that I know you immensely enjoy those. However, I can demonstrate if you want.”

Seeing as there was no way Dean could lose in this scenario, he quickly dived in for another kiss, at first devouring Cas’ lips, but then slowing it down so he could gently nibble at them, “Okay, Lip Whisperer, what was I trying to say there?”

“That you enjoy many of the carnal pleasures in life, but you also enjoy slowing down to fully appreciate them. And that you don’t value your satisfaction above my comfort. Though you _are_ a smartass.”

Dean smirked, slowly peppering kisses against the man's scruff before reclaiming his lips. 

“I love you too,” Cas sighed happily, sinking deeper into his pillow.

Dean laughed, “Okay that one was a cheat, because you can never really be wrong with that assumption.”

“Hmm. I guess you’re right,” Cas practically purred, lifting his head to meet Dean for another quick kiss. “Maybe that’s why kissing you is so different.”

“Because I love you?”

“Because we love each other. It’s not one sided, and there’s no power play or high expectations.When we’re together, it’s just about us, and nothing else.”

Dean carefully carded his fingers through Cas’ wavy hair, “You make it sound like April wasn’t the only one who used you.”

“She wasn’t. April, however, was the only person that… well managed to deceive herself all the way into my bed. No one else made it as far as she did, but she also was persistent for a great deal longer than anyone else.”

Dean frowned, slowly pulling back, “You haven’t even known me for a year. How do you know that I’m also not in it for a long hustle?”

Cas, however, followed after, even sitting up so that Dean couldn’t venture too far, “Well for one, you wouldn’t bring it to my attention.”

“Unless I really wanted to play mind games.”

Castiel laughed, “Fair, but that’s not really what you do. You like to be honest and sometimes abrasive. It’s one of the many things I would never change about you.”

“Still, I used to make a living by getting men—and some women—to follow me to bed. Doesn’t that ever bother you? Aren’t you ever afraid that I’m just… you know?”

“Using your sexual wiles to hoodwink me? To be fair, if you are, then you are doing a remarkable job at pretending you care for me.”

“I’m being serious!” Dean growled. 

“As am I,” Cas declared, before rolling Dean over off of him and carefully straddling his hips, keeping both of Dean’s arms pinned above his head. “I’m not a teenage boy anymore, Dean. I know the difference between fantasy and reality. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that none of this is real?”

Dean gulped, still processing how he ended up in this situation, “Come on, Cas—”

“Not until you answer me, and then we can put this ridiculous notion to rest.” 

Dean closed his eyes and sighed. Why did he even have to bring this up? What if Cas decided that there was something deceitful in Dean after all? Or what if reality would finally crash down and Cas would realize just how far he had fallen for the wrong person? 

“Please, Dean?”

Unable to deny Cas his request, Dean opened his eyes and looked straight into Cas’ blue ones. Bright, cerulean eyes that Dean swore were even more vivid than _Angel Grace_’s water. Eyes that almost seemed to glow when Cas was feeling deep emotion, and right now they seemed to be glowing with love, but there was some fear in there too. Fear, as if he were actually concerned that Dean didn’t love him. 

If Dean was a better person, he’d admit to Cas that Cas deserved better. But Dean was selfish and he could never do that and risk losing Cas, especially over a lie. He wanted to tell Castiel something romantic and suave, but instead he blurted out the thing that was always on the forethought of his mind.

“I love you and one day I’m going to marry you, because dammit I don’t wanna live without you ever again.”

Processing the word vomit that just came out of his mouth, Dean sank deeper into his pillow with a mortified groan, and closed his eyes tight. He refused to open them, even when Cas began to stroke his cheek. 

“I feel the same way, you know? After getting to know you and love you, I can’t imagine ever going back to the way it was before. Which is why I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for you to be comfortable enough to finally ask for my hand,” Castiel said softly, slowly sliding his hands down past Dean’s wrist so that they could settle on his abdomen instead. 

Dean opened his left eye to take a quick peek at Cas. “You’ll wait? Why don’t you just ask me yourself?”

“Because if I ask you, you’ll be too embarrassed to say yes to me because you are afraid that I see you as the ‘woman’ of the relationship. I don’t want your masculinity to feel questioned.” 

Dean reached for a pillow, and after a split second debate, decided to use it to cover his own face. “I do not have masculinity issues.”

Castiel decided not to address that statement. 

“If you agreed, you’d go back and forth over whether or not you should’ve accepted the engagement at that point in time, and be afraid of looking desperate,” Damn, Dean really hated how well Cas knew him. “Also, let’s be honest, my understanding of social norms is questionable at best, nonexistent at worst. You at least will know when is the most appropriate time and place for an engagement.”

Dean grunted in acknowledgment but then hissed when his pillow was removed and he was flooded by bright light again. 

“There is one other reason why I think you should propose.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because I already know that you are the one for me, and that no other person will compare to you. If you are the one to propose, it will because you can finally see that too.”

“Cas,” Dean whispered, carefully leaning up so that he was only inches away from Castiel’s face. “I already know you are the only one for me.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Cas said with a sad headshake. “When you propose it will be because you have finally realized that you are good enough for me. That we are equals and that none of us is getting ‘the short end of the stick’ or whatever.” 

“I can’t believe you just used finger quotes for that.”

“I was trying to put it in a perspective that you might understand.”

“But finger quotes?” 

Castiel sighed and used two of the fingers he used for his finger quotes to poke Dean on his forehead, and slowly push him back down onto his pillow. “You are focusing on the most irrelevant details.”

“Maybe I’m just waiting for my mind to fully process what you said? You did kinda throw me for a loop. Though I think you’re still wrong about something.”

“What’s that?” Cas asked carefully, tilting his head in confusion, but his eyes did regain a bit of that worried edge to them.

“Even when I do feel like we’re on equal footing, I’ll always been stunned and amazed over how someone so perfect ended up in my life, and be grateful that I ended up sitting next to you during that flight. Hell, fuck giving Fate a wine and chocolate basket. We need to give that to Anna for giving me the upgrade in the first place.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” Cas smirked, before carefully laying down on top of Dean once more. “I guess I also can’t fault you for that line of thinking, especially when I’m guilty of it myself. Sometimes I have nightmares where all of this—meeting you, dating you, and falling in love—has just been a dream. That I’m still all alone in Seattle.”

“But you’re not,” Dean reassured, wrapping his arms tightly around Cas, and pressing the man even closer to him. “Though it is nice to know that I’m also the man of your dreams.”

“Like there was ever any doubt?”

Dean hummed in acceptance and the two of them stayed curled up together in silence for awhile before Cas broke the peace again.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Technically you already did,” Dean responded cheekily, and he could admit that he deserved the poke in his ribs. 

“It’s about Claire. You saw how… hostile she was last night. And how she even refused to join us for dinner. What am I doing wrong?”

“I don’t really think you are doing anything wrong,” Dean admitted. “The only thing I can think of that she could be mad about is… well, you not being around sooner.”

Castiel’s brows furrowed in confusion. “But I was there as soon as I knew my relations—Oh. You mean like how you wish that Kate had been in your life earlier? Even though she didn’t know about your existence, the fact that she had the power to make your life better sooner made you resent her.”

“Yeah, it’s stupid, but what can I say? When you’ve been living at the bottom of the barrel, you start blaming everyone else around you. Well everyone but the real person at fault. I should’ve blamed my… I should’ve blamed John for what happened to me and the things I had to do because he couldn’t overcome his grief or addiction. Instead, I blamed Kate because she came too late. I was already broken.”

Castiel curled around Dean tighter, as if he could put Dean back together whole from will alone, “You aren’t broken, Dean.”

“I sure felt it at the time. Broken and unlovable, and… I think Claire feels the same way too. That she needed you in her life sooner and she feels like it’s just too little, too late.” 

“If I could’ve been there sooner I would’ve. God, if I could, I would’ve loved to have been there for all of her major moments in life. Jimmy’s too. I would’ve given anything to have been there with the both of them!”

“I know that, and deep down I think Claire knows that too. She’s just lost and feels… unlovable right now. At least if she pushes you away herself, then it won’t hurt as bad when you leave.” 

“I would never—”

“I know, Cas. But as far as she knows, everyone she loved has already left her in some way or another. She’s too afraid to let you be the next one to hurt her.”

“Then what can I do to prove to the both of you that I have no intention of ever leaving?” Cas growled in exasperation. 

Dean stiffened, not expecting the outburst to be directed partially at him, but knew that Cas had every right to be frustrated and overwhelmed, “You don’t need to do anything. You don’t need to make grand gestures or devout promises. All you have to do is be there, and stay there. Eventually—” 

Dean took a gulp, swallowed down the lump in his throat, and willed away tears that wanted to build behind his eyes, “Eventually the nasty voice in the back of our heads will disappear; the one that shouts about how useless we are and how no one could ever care about us. Soon it will reveal itself to be a liar because you _are_ always there, despite it saying you couldn’t care less. That’s when it will start getting quieter, slowly dulling to a whisper. And eventually it will be so quiet that we won’t be able to hear it.”

Castiel frowned, “Is it still loud for you?”

“Nah, it’s been a whisper for a while now. Most days it’s not even around.”

“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to make it better?” Cas begged, blue eyes deep with concern.

“You do make it better, Cas. Trust me, you make everything better. You’re undoing twenty plus years of damage in under a year. That’s kinda crazy when you think about it.”

“Still, I—”

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” Dean interrupted. 

Castiel blinked up at him in surprise, so Dean continued, “You are always there for me, and always comfort me. I just… you know? Feel like I don’t do as much for you.”

“You really don’t know, do you?” Cas asked, surprised.

“Know what?”

“Just how much you help,” Cas rested one hand back over Dean’s tattoo, while wrapping the other one around his waist. “I always had anxiety growing up; when you are constantly competing with your siblings, it’s hard not to. Especially when they use such dirty tactics to achieve success.” 

Dean flinched, remembering the story over how Cas broke his knee, and kissed Cas on the top of his head, silently urging him to continue.

“It only grew worse after finding out what happened to Jimmy. I was constantly jumping at every shadow and was moments away from a nervous breakdown. It’s why I started having the guards with me at all times.”

“The guards that you keep giving the slip now?” Dean pointed out.

“To be fair, I only did it once before I met you. I was a nervous wreck the entire time, but I knew my associate wouldn’t speak to me unless I came alone.”

One of these days Dean needed to ask who Cas’ mysterious associate in Boston was. But for now, he wanted to get one thing clarified. 

“Do you really think Lucifer tried to kill you?” Dean asked. Castiel gave him an astonished glance, so he continued. “Uh, I might have gotten Zeke to share some tidbits.”

“Huh, I never thought Gadreel would become such a gossip.”

“Zeke and I have a close connection. One born out of food bribes and fear, but a connection nonetheless. Now are you going to explain?” 

“I think my brothers are capable of a lot of things, and none of them have been above using violence before. Lucifer was particularly ruthless, and I can see him having great motivation for taking me out of the picture. Especially since I was a threat to everything he had ever wanted in life.”

“You make it sound like you think some of your other brothers might have been in on it?”

“I… wouldn’t be surprised if they were. Lucifer had close alliances with some of the younger ones. Those who knew they didn’t stand a chance at getting a decent cut of our father’s fortunes by themselves, so they needed to stay on an older brother’s good side in hopes that he could give them a position of power.”

“Wait, you think more of your brothers helped put a hit on you, but you still did holiday functions with them?” Dean stared at Cas like he was crazy.

“I couldn’t act too differently compared to usual, unless I wanted to tip them off that I suspected something.”

“Cas, that’s—that’s fucking insane, you know that? I don’t care how good your guards are, that’s willingly walking into a trap!”

“There’s still no evidence that anyone besides Lucifer was involved, and it could very well just be my paranoia. Either way, I do have my suspicions and that is why I never told them about you.”

Dean watched Cas carefully, trying to find the lie that had to be in there, “You mean you haven’t kept me secret because you were ashamed?”

“Of course not!” Cas exclaimed, before hungrily stealing a kiss from Dean.

Maybe Cas was onto something about the whole communicating with just kisses, because he could clearly hear Cas’ proclamation about how much he loved Dean and how proud he was to be with him. 

“I never told them about you because I was terrified about what they could do if they knew about you. Especially… they can be very narrow minded and overly conservative in their thoughts and actions. They would try to find some way to remove you from my life before my homosexuality could bring dishonor to the company and the family reputation.” Cas cupped both of Dean’s cheeks and looked fiercely and protectively into his eyes. “I will not let them hurt you in any way, especially if they decided to do so to get back at me. This is why we hide for now.”

“You won’t be able to keep me as a dirty secret forever,” Dean grumbled.

Cas looked heartbroken at that response. “No, Dean. You are not a secret, least of all a ‘dirty’ one. In fact, nothing makes me prouder than admitting the fact that I’m your boyfriend. That I am lucky to be dating Dean Winchester. It’s why everyone who matters in my life, except for a select few of my brothers, knows about you. Knows about you, and knows how much you mean to me.”

“You did never explain how I actually help you.” 

“Probably because somebody got me off topic,” Cas pointed out before playfully nipping Dean on the ear. “You’ve significantly reduced my amount of stress and anxiety. I used to have panic attacks frequently, and suffered from awful sleep terrors. In fact, even before Jimmy’s death I would usually be unable to sleep because of the awful nightmares I would get. Or at least, I wouldn’t be able to sleep without taking a quick hit of marijuana.”

“I didn’t take you to be the type to smoke weed,” Dean joked, though he did have a hard time picturing Cas with a joint.

“It has many medicinal benefits, and it was only one puff before bed. It was the only way that I could sleep through the night before I got to share a bed with you.”

Dean smiled softly, carefully stroking Cas’ jaw, “Well, glad I can help you get a full night's sleep.” 

“It’s more than that,” Cas sighed. “You make me feel safe and loved. You’ve never once seen me as a Shurley, only as Castiel. It’s refreshing that with you, there’s no expectations or judgement. That you don’t get embarrassed by my quirks, but embrace them. You don’t make fun of my awkwardness, and you try to remedy my lack of pop culture knowledge by making sure we have movie nights. You even don’t mind that sometimes I don’t feel like talking, and can understand what I want from you from just a look.”

“Oh, so we were talking with our eyes this whole time? Here I thought we were eyefucking,” Dean bantered. 

He also deserved the harsh nibble he got to the ear for that remark.

“Despite you sometimes being the most aggravating man alive, I love you, and I feel like I’m a better man when I’m with you. In fact, for the first time in my life, I actually like who I am when I’m with you.”

“You should be. You _are_ pretty awesome.”

Castiel gave his trademark gummy smile before burying his face deeper into Dean’s chest. His cheeks were burning so warm that Dean could actually feel the heat of them from the way Cas was pressed up against his skin. “I think you are pretty awesome too.”

Dean chuckled before squeezing Cas tighter. “And seriously, don’t let Claire get to you. She’s an angry teenager and she’s going to be hot headed. Just stay patient and wait out the worst of it. Eventually she’ll come around and realize that she’s not as alone as she feels.”

“How will I ever know if she wants me around?”

“I… don’t have a good answer for that. But can I suggest one thing? Try to be here in person more often. I know you try to stay away because it would mess with Amelia, but Claire deserves to have a blood relative out there supporting her. So let’s start showing up for the important things in her life. Everything from important club or sports events, holidays, and of course her graduation. We’ll make sure that she doesn’t feel like she’s missing out on anything ever again.”

Castiel nodded and gave a huge yawn, “That does sound reasonable. Though are you alright with going so far out of the way for Claire?”

“Hey, your family is mine and vice versa. Plus, I’ve already dealt with enough teenage melodrama. I can handle her attitude and constant looks of teen angst.”

“Just as long as she doesn’t scare you off.”

“Hell, if your creepy guards haven’t done that yet, then I doubt teenage Shirley Temple will.” 

“Good,” Cas yawned again. “Because I plan on keeping you.”

“I plan on keeping you too. Now let's be lazy and go back to sleep. Jody or Donna can wake us up later when there’s food.” 

Castiel agreed and it didn’t take long for both men to fall back asleep, tangled up together again and feeling loved. 


	28. Blankets and Blank Pages

Chapter 28: Blankets and Blank Pages

Dean woke up to the most delicious smell in the world. Actually two… no three, because the natural smell that was Cas was still one of Dean’s favorite smells in the world. But the other two were definitely the smell of cooking bacon and fresh brewed coffee. 

“Cas,” Dean complained, slowly poking Cas on the cheek. “This isn’t a drill, man. There’s bacon and coffee.”

“Dean, I have a professional chef. You can have bacon and coffee at your beck and call if you wanted,” Cas complained into Dean’s chest. 

“Yeah, but I never trust Balthazar not to spit in my food.” 

“Balthazar is too cultured to spit in your food,” Castiel argued, but slowly rolled off of Dean. “He’d be more likely to purposely season the dish with seasonings you don’t like. Like cilantro.”

“No wonder his food always tastes like armpits to me,” Dean complained, sticking his tongue out in disgust as he slowly sat up and stretched.

“To be fair, you did insult his cooking skills.”

“Yeah, well he insulted my face, so it was payback,” Dean grumbled, before forcing himself out of bed, and putting on his sweatpants over his boxers as well as a T-shirt.

Castiel laughed as he put on his own pants and shirt, “Well I personally enjoy the aesthetics of your face.”

“Gee, thanks. Now let’s head downstairs before the teenage vultures beat us. Trust me, Cas, teenagers are like a black hole when it comes to food, and we only have a small window of time before they are willing to get out of bed.”

Castiel shook his head at Dean’s eccentrics before following him downstairs, and had the nerve to chuckle at Dean when he cringed at the sight of the hideous hallway wallpaper again. 

It did not get any prettier the longer he was around it. 

The only good thing about walking down that museum of ugly was that the smell of breakfast was slowly getting stronger, to the point that Dean was practically drooling by the time he entered the kitchen.

“Good morning, fellows,” Donna greeted brightly, already looking festive in an ugly sweater and a reindeer antler headband. “Breakfast is all set up buffet style on the counters; just grab a plate and load ‘em up.”

“So I can take as much as I want?” Dean asked suspiciously. “Even if I want to come back for seconds?”

“We made enough for a small army,” Jody replied. Unlike her wife, she was still in pajamas, and didn’t look festive. “So go at it.”

“Just remember no take backs!” Dean exclaimed, before grabbing a plate and piling it high with hash browns, quiches, biscuits, omletes, and stacks of reindeer shaped pancakes that had bacon antlers. Even Dean could admit that those were cute, and a work of genius because of _bacon_. 

Castiel stared at Dean’s plate with a mixture of horror and incredulity. He own plate was just a small helping of eggs, hash browns, and a single pancake, “There’s no way you’ll be able to eat all of that and still have room for seconds. Not without getting sick.”

“Watch me,” Dean challenged, before putting his plate down on the table. 

Moments later Cas put his own plate and a cup of coffee down in the spot next to Dean, but instead of sitting down as well, Castiel went back to the counter and returned with a cup of coffee for Dean. With all of the excitement for food, Dean had completely forgotten to get his caffeine fix. Luckily, his boyfriend was amazing and knew exactly how Dean liked it.

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean said, mouth already full of delicious antler bacon. 

Castiel rolled his eyes at Dean, and kissed him on top of the head before sitting down, “One of these days you’ll learn to swallow your food first before talking.”

“Life’s too short to worry about table etiquette,” Dean complained before trying a bite of the pancake. Damn, they must’ve used buttermilk and maple in the actual batter. It was friggin’ delicious!

“Clearly,” Cas drawled, but a quick glance told Dean that Cas was at least amused.

Donna and Jody joined them at the table, each one sitting at the head of the table. Donna sat closest to Dean, while Jody sat closer to Cas. Donna took one look at Dean’s mutilated pancake reindeer and laughed, “You sure went after that quick.”

“Oh this was just the warm up. You haven’t seen anything yet,” Dean winked, and Donna laughed again.

“Stop flirting with my wife,” Jody teased.

“Hey, I can’t help it if she appreciates a man with a big appetite. But alas, my heart belongs to another,” Dean said dramatically, and gently elbowed Cas. 

Castiel rolled his eyes at Dean again before returning to his own coffee.

“You know, your name sounds pretty familiar,” Jody mused. “Have you ever been to South Dakota before?”

“I did take a couple of college classes in Sioux Falls,” Dean said with a shrug, before stabbing into his omelette. 

“That’s it! You were one of Bobby’s students!” Jody smiled wide, proud that she had finally solved the mystery.

Dean looked up at her in surprise, “You know Dr. Singer?”

“I was the sheriff of Sioux Falls and the two of us go way back. Now I know why your name sounded so familiar! You were one of his favorite students, the one who had to transfer out early. He always wondered what happened to you and what you were up to.”

Dean felt his stomach drop at that, and played around with his food while he was lost in thought. Of course the professor was too nice to admit that he was the loser who dropped out of college for a pretty face. And yeah, Dean was doing pretty good now, but for a while he wasn’t. There was a time where he was living on the Winchester couch, an inconsolable wreck who had no true job or prospects anymore, and was using the John Winchester method of coping. 

Dropping out of college still remained one of Dean’s deepest regrets.

“Dean actually had to take some time off for personal reasons, and eventually found himself as a Marketing Project leader for the Company. It’s actually part of the reason for how we met,” Cas explained, knowing that Dean really didn’t want to talk right now. “Though I’ve been trying to convince him to go back to take a couple more classes with Dr. Singer again, since he did enjoy them. Even was tempted to switch majors because of that man.”

Jody smiled wide, “Bobby would love to hear that! He used to complain that he had a stubborn ass in his class, but how he always looked forward to those lectures because of it. Helped keep him on his toes. I’m sure he’d be ecstatic to have you back in his classes, even if it’s just to have you on one of his online courses.”

Dean almost choked on his sip of coffee,“What? The technophobe does online classes now?”

“The department made him. Apparently his classes were so sought after by the continuing education students who didn’t have the time to physically be in his class, that they petitioned for him to host some of the classes online so that they could take them. Though it does give him an excuse to work from home most days now. Had a stroke a couple of years back and now he’s mostly in a wheelchair, so it does make it easier on him.”

Dean dropped his fork, “He had a stroke? Is he okay? I mean, yeah, I know you heard from him and he’s still teaching but… shit how bad was it?”

“Could’ve been a lot worse. Luckily, he was in the middle of a core lecture when it happened. There were a couple of nurses and pre-meds taking that course and they recognized the symptoms before he did, and were able to call an ambulance in time. He’s a bit weaker on the left side and his left leg is pretty much dead weight, but besides that he’s pretty good. Just a bit more grumpy than usual.”

Dean was still horrified that Bobby had a stroke, “Doesn’t he live alone?”

“He did, but his old pal Rufus moved in with him. Luckily, the doctors have cleared him, and they even think that a couple of years of physical therapy can help with the bad leg.”

Dean relaxed at that and finally was able to shovel more food in his mouth.

“You should go visit him sometime. I’m sure he’d love to know how you are,” Jody added.

“Sure that wouldn’t be too weird? I mean, I haven’t been in one of his classes in years.”

“Yeah, but you left an impression on him. I’m sure he’d be happy to see you again. You know, in his gruff, surly way.”

Dean laughed, “For a moment there I was wondering if we were thinking about the same Bobby Singer.”

They continued to exchange pleasantries and by the time Dean was on his second mighty helping—much to Castiel’s shock—the teenagers finally made an appearance. 

“Good morning, sunshines,” Dean quipped. “Was getting worried that there wouldn’t be enough food left when you guys made it down.”

Claire took one look at Dean’s plate, “I wonder whose fault that would be.”

“Hey, Jody said I could take as much as I wanted and I’m holding her to it.”

Claire looked over at Cas, “It’s a good thing you’re rich or else he’d eat you out of house and home.”

Alex, Claire’s surrogate sister, glanced back and forth between the piles of food on Dean’s plate and his flat stomach, “Does he only eat once a week? Like where does all of that food go?”

“That’s his second helping too. The first was actually larger,” Donna helpfully put in.

Alex gave him another incredulous look.

“What? I have an active lifestyle! I’m allowed to enjoy my calories!” 

Dean didn’t add how he had gone so many years where he was lucky to have a peanut butter sandwich as his lone meal of the day. It had always been more important that Sam got fed. As a result, Dean always loaded up on delicious food when it was available.

Castiel gently patted Dean’s knee under the table before turning his attention to the girls, “Merry Christmas.”

Alex cheerfully returned the greeting, taking the seat next to Jody and across from Cas, while Claire grudgingly took the seat across from Dean, blatantly ignoring Cas as she sat down. 

“Hey, where’s Zeke?” Dean asked, noticing that his favorite bodyguard wasn’t around.

“Poor dear was up until 4 AM keeping watch,” Donna explained, frowning. “We thought it was best if we let him sleep in. We saved enough batter and ingredients, though, so that we can make him a fresh serving by the time he wakes up.”

“Don’t even know why you all care,” Claire grunted. “He’s a silent weirdo anyway.”

“Claire,” Jody warned.

“I’m just stating a fact. You saw know how he is at dinner, he just looks around the whole time and I’m pretty sure he never blinks!”

Now that Dean thought of it, he never saw Zeke blink either. 

“I think he might be a robot or some kind of Cyborg,” Claire muttered, carefully cutting up her quiche.

Dean’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth, ready to support Claire’s theory, but Castiel poked him in the side, “Don’t encourage her.”

Dean gave him a betrayed glance before returning to his meal. Besides ignoring Cas’ existence, there was no other Claire drama during the meal. Dean was starting to have hope that the holiday spirits were enough to keep Claire from getting too bitchy. 

After breakfast, they all voted for opening presents, and made their way over to the doily covered living room. It soon became an unwrapping frenzy, as people started tossing gifts to other people. Dean was surprised that he actually got a gift from all of the girls; a pretty thoughtful car detailing kit. It wasn’t just any cheap stuff either, they got him a complete 12 piece set of Meguiar’s products, one of the best of the best. 

Hell, Baby might even forgive him for mistreating her this holiday by keeping her parked outside as if she was some crappy Honda. Though the present he was most excited to see was Cas’ and his handmade gift. 

“I still wish you let me go over budget,” Cas complained. “But I did the best I could with the materials I could work with.”

Dean rolled his eyes and elbowed Cas, “No one likes a sore loser, buddy.”

“You don’t understand, Dean! I had to shop at _Walmart_. And use _coupons_!” Cas lamented. 

“How’s it feel shopping like a mere mortal?” Dean teased.

“Not funny, Dean! I refuse to step foot in that evil establishment ever again. The employees were unhelpful, the lines were outrageously long, and the cashiers don’t appreciate it when you use multiple coupons.”

Dean gave Cas a quick kiss on the cheek, “Well I appreciate you going through all of that effort for me, and I’m sure I’m going to love it.”

Castiel looked doubtful, but Dean was pretty sure he already knew what Cas had been working on. Dean was aware that one of Cas’ favorite hobbies was crocheting, and only a blanket could create such a bulky but light gift. However, he wasn’t expecting the blanket to be patterned to look like one of his favorite green flannel shirts. Hell, he didn’t even know wool blankets could look like plaid!

“This is awesome, Cas!” Dean exclaimed, running a hand through the soft wool.

“It’s not even real sheep’s wool! It’s only cotton. I couldn’t even afford anything but synthetic yarn with the unreasonable restrictions you placed. Trust me, I tried. I spent hours trying to figure out how to budget what I wanted, and nothing worked even with sales and coupons.”

“Well it feels pretty soft to me.”

“That’s because you haven’t felt Merino sheep wool before,” Cas grumbled unhappily. “Couldn’t even afford Alpaca. I also was a spool short for getting a full King’s size blanket, so it’s going to be a little short on our bed.”

Dean’s heart gave a happy trill hearing it be called their bed, “Not like we use the whole bed anyway. Hell, you end up using me to sleep on more than the bed.”

“Eww,” Claire butted in, making a face.

“No one asked you to be an eavesdropper,” Dean retorted, earning a glare from the angry blonde. 

“You sure this will be satisfactory though?” Cas asked, still looking concerned.

“Trust me, angel, I love it. It’s the finest looking blanket I’ve ever seen and I’m happy with it, no matter what material it’s made from.”

Castiel smiled, relieved, and leaned in to give Dean a proper kiss on the lips. “Is it my turn to open your gift then?”

Dean blushed, suddenly nervous on how Cas was going to take his gift, “Oh sure. Yours is smaller and is technically two gifts since I was a little under budget, and I knew you would be matching the budget exactly.”

“It was exactly $50 before taxes, but I assumed taxes didn’t count so I ignored them.”

“Right, so umm, tried to add more to the gift. Hope you enjoy it,” Dean said bashfully before holding out the present box to Cas.

Castiel took it carefully, and opened it slowly. Cas was the type to leisurely unpeel the tape from the sides of the present instead of just tear the whole thing off. When he finally opened the box, he first pulled out a tiny cassette tape that was labelled “Dean’s top 13 Zepp Traxx”. 

“I figured you deserved to have some real tunes in your car, so I chose my favorite Led Zeppelin songs,” Dean shifted a little nervously. “Especially the ones that reminded me of you.”

Castiel smiled, “I’m sure I’ll be thinking of you when I listen to them. We can even listen to this on the way home.”

“While poor Gadreel has to be the awkward third wheel,” Jody broke in, squeezing between the two of them before Cas could open the second part of his gift. 

“Zeke’s used to it at this point, I think deep down he likes it,” Dean snarked. “Though speaking of third wheels…”

Jody poked Dean before throwing her arms around both men, “I just wanted to thank you guys for the lovely presents. I can’t thank you enough for the Alaskan cruise trip, and the spa trip.”

Dean blushed, “I only gave Cas suggestions, he’s the one that put out the money. Oh, though my part of the gift is offering our services to check in on the girls if you need it. I know they can take care of themselves, but the Alaskan cruise is at least two weeks, and they deserve to have a nice, home cooked meal everyday of the week instead of surviving on pizza alone.”

Jody smiled gratefully, “You sure that won’t be a problem?”

“Nah. I pretty much raised my younger brother by myself, so I’ve got plenty of experience dealing with obnoxious teenagers.”

Jody glanced at him curiously, her lips curving slightly downwards as she processed the meaning behind his words. Fortunately, she didn’t try to pry, and just nodded, “Seriously, thank you guys. It’s been so long since Donna and I had the chance to just relax and have some time to ourselves.”

“You two deserve it,” Castiel said. “It was the least I could do after everything you’ve done to help my family, and for loving them like your own.”

“Hey, I won’t lie and say it hasn’t had its rough points, but I wouldn’t have changed it for anything in the world. Hell, I wouldn’t have met my wife if it wasn’t for you,” Jody said, glancing over at Donna, who was excitedly holding up a fluffy house robe that on the back read _Motherhood: powered by love, fueled by coffee, sustained by wine._ “And boy did I really get lucky there.”

“I know how you feel,” Castiel said gently, but instead of looking at Jody, he was looking over her and at Dean. 

Dean winked at him and made a kissy face just to make the poor guy laugh, because that was the type of awesome boyfriend he was.

“Okay, I can see when I’m unwanted. I’ll let you two get back to… whatever this thing is,” Jody said, as she between the two, especially over the fact that Cas still hadn’t recovered from his laughing spell yet.

“Probably for the best. Cas still hasn’t opened his sappy gift yet, and I would rather there be no witnesses.”

“Messaged received,” Jody teased, before carefully slipping away to rejoin her wife.

“Sappy gift?” Cas huffed out, once he had enough oxygen in his lungs again.

“Well, yeah. Homemade gifts do end up getting pretty sappy,” Dean shifted nervously again. “Especially when I can’t really buy or make you something that you can already get for yourself. So had to do something that was close to the heart. God, it sounds even more lame out loud.”

Castiel gave him a comforting squeeze on the knee, “I’m sure I’ll love it.”

Dean could only nod and waited for Cas to carefully pull out the last gift. He bit his lip nervously as Cas stared at it, rubbing his hands gently across the wooden surface, and carefully tracing around the outlines of the star pentagram etching.

“Now before you get freaked out, the wood is made from the stumps of that Christmas tree place we got Groot from. They need to dig them out to plant new trees anyway, so figured it would be a good way to recycle.” 

“I’m glad to see you’ve become more environmentally conscious,” Castiel smiled, as he continued to trace the etching. “This is the same symbol as your tattoo? It’s supposed to ward you against evil and misfortune, right?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, awkwardly rubbing the spot where the tattoo was. “Sam and I used to both be into mythology and we always liked that symbol growing up, so we claimed it as the symbol of the Winchesters. You know, as much as little kids could claim anything. After all the bad luck we had been through, it felt like we deserved something to keep us safe, and something that was ours. And well, I thought maybe… you’d like to have claim to the symbol too. Since one day you’ll be a Winchester too? Shit, I mean, married into being a Winchester? Not like you’d have to change your name or anything, especially since Shurley is a much bigger name while Winchesters are a bunch of nobodies who—”

Before anymore drivel could fly out of Dean’s mouth, Cas placed a lone finger on Dean’s lips, immediately shushing him. 

“Thank you, Dean. It’s beautiful and I’m honored that I can be included in this tradition of yours. I also wouldn’t mind being a Winchester. If you haven’t noticed, I’m not a fan of my adopted surname and there’s no emotional connection to my adopted father,” Castiel said before face breaking into a wide grin. “Plus, I do like the way Castiel Winchester rolls off the tongue.”

Dean’s smile was just as wide as it was bright, “Yeah, I really like the way it sounds too. Oh! Though there’s more to the gift. That’s just the book cover.”

“Book?” Astonished, Castiel fully took his second gift out of the box and discovered that it was actually a book.

“It’s a photo album to be more exact,” Dean admitted, curiously watching Cas open up the book and stare at the first page. “I noticed you didn’t have any sort of pictures or memorabilia at your house and that bugged me. Everyone deserves to have some of their happiest moments preserved somewhere. So… umm, I decided to hunt down any pictures my stalker friends and family might’ve taken of us and put them in the photo album. There weren’t a lot so I also went through my phone and also found some pictures of the things we did and saw together. Even saved some mementos in there as well.” 

“You kept your boarding pass,” Cas said, looking at Dean in shock. “After all this time?”

“Well… at first I wanted to keep it as a reminder for why I’m never going on a fucking plane ever again. But then it became a reminder for the luckiest day of my life.”

Castiel stroked the pass reverently, “I feel the same way. I will always be grateful for this particular plane ticket. And to think, if your presentation had gone according to plan, then you never would have needed to take an early flight home.”

“Hell, or if Sam hadn’t been such a little bitch,” Dean realized. “I was originally going to stay the night at his place because my original plane ticket was scheduled for the next day anyway, but he told me that he was busy with his life and that I should get my own. I was so pissed off at him for that, but it ended up leading me to the airport sooner. Who knew it’d be a good thing?”

“Who knew,” Cas echoed, before turning the page of his present. 

Castiel smiled seeing a printed screenshot of the first conversation he and Dean ever had. Even if the conversation was a little bit awkward as they tried to come up with any interest they had, it was still special because it was the first time they had talked on equal footing. It even included some of the pictures Cas had sent to him, including the bumble bee attire for his charity event. Eventually they reached the 4th of July, where they had their first picture together. Dean was manning the grill, with Castiel close by, leaning in close to watch the proper technique in making one of Dean’s famous burgers. There was actually a lot of cute photos from that day, courtesy of Garth and Bess being persistent paparazzi. They also had a few pictures of hanging out in Minnehaha, as that’s where they’d spent the majority of the summer. Dean even took some pictures of the infamous striper fish since they’d always catch him at least once a week before returning him. Then there were pictures of Cas’ condo when he first moved in, and a gorgeous picture of a sunset from his balcony.

September showed them going apple picking, all of Cas’ crazy collection of honey based products, including the honeycomb shaped birthday cake that Dean made for Cas’ 42nd birthday. Cas had looked so flabbergasted to have a birthday cake and a small gathering of friends there to celebrate. Then there were a bunch of pictures for Halloween and from the party. There was an awkward photo of them gathered around for Thanksgiving dinner, the smiles clearly for show, but the next ones of them at the wild west themed hotel clearly weren’t. Dean had obsessively taken multiple pictures of them in their cowboy themed room, and even had one where he managed to find cowboy hats for them both to wear. And if the picture of them in cowboy gear happened to be a little bit bigger than the rest of the photos, then that was just a weird coincidence. The final picture in the album was of their Christmas tree, Groot.

“I love this,” Castiel said, his eyes growing glossy. “It’s absolutely perfect and I can’t wait to continue adding new memories into these pages.”


	29. The Ones You Lose

Chapter 29: The Ones You Lose

Dean smiled in relief, grateful that his sentimental gift wasn’t a disappointment. The smile quickly turned into a grimace as Claire made fake gagging noise in the background.

“Claire, don’t you have something to say to your uncle?” Donna asked. Although she was smiling, her teeth were obviously clenched.

“Like what?” Claire asked, not even bothering to look at Donna in favor of removing her new Beats headphones from out of their box.

“She wants you to show some manners,” Alex hissed as she slowly unwrapped her own present from Castiel. “A Kindle? This is amazing! Thank you so much, Castiel!” 

Although the thanks was sincere, Dean caught Alex shooting Claire a glare, as if to say ‘see, this is what you are supposed to do’. Dean also caught Claire flip Alex the bird, but decided it wasn’t his place to mention it.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks for the headphones and the tablet,” Claire said dismissively.

Castiel shot Dean a panicked looked and whispered low, “I knew we should’ve gotten her the car.”

“Not if she’s going to be a complete brat about it,” Dean hissed back.

“Claire,” Jody said slowly, clearly doing her best not to scold Claire this early in the day. “Don’t you think you should show a little more appreciation? Those gifts aren’t cheap.”

“Yeah, but he’s stinking rich. Not like this means anything to him. Though I guess this is a step up from a furbag for Christmas.” 

Castiel’s face immediately fell.

“Claire,” Jody warned. 

“She doesn’t mean that. She loves Doofus!” Donna assured Cas.

Sure, she just happened to name it after an insult. Cas looked just as convinced as Dean felt.

“I don’t know what the big deal is, it’s not like he even cares. This is all just loose change for someone like him,” Claire replied bored, playing with her headphones so that the bluetooth would link to her cellphone. “Anyway, when are we planning on stopping by at the clinic to wish Mom a merry Christmas?”

Jody and Donna shared a look, each one debating over who should break the news to her. After a silent conversation, Jody spoke up, “Claire, your mom is still in the phase of rehabilitation where she can’t have any outside contact.”

“But it’s Christmas,” Claire pointed out, stubbornly.

“Yes, I know, but rules are rules. It’s going to be at least another week before you can visit.”

“Can’t I at least call her on the phone?” Claire asked, starting to sound more desperate.

“I’m sorry, Claire, but that’s not how it works,” Donna said softly.

“Bullshit. This is fucking bullshit,” Claire whirled around and glared at Castiel. “Why can’t you go and throw some money around so that I can talk to her? We all fucking know that you could do anything you want with the amount of money you make!”

Cas’ shoulders slumped, “I’m sorry, Claire, but those rules are in place for a reason. If we break them, we’re only causing more harm than good.”

“Fucking can’t believe they won’t even let me talk to my own mom on Christmas. Jesus Christ, where the hell is the fairness in that,” Claire seethed before trying to calm herself down. “So when are they going to release her this time?”

This time Jody and Donna included Cas in their silent conversation, before he decided to speak up, “Claire, she might not be coming home this time. At least not right away.”

Claire stiffened before slowly getting to her feet, glowering as menacingly as a tiny blonde her age could, “What do you mean?”

“Your mo—your guardians and I have briefly touched upon the next steps for Amelia’s recovery. Despite Jody and Donna doing their best, your mother has continued to relapse under their care. Insanity is doing the same over and over again, so it’s time for us to try a different route.”

“Are you saying Mom’s crazy?” Claire growled.

“No! I mean… your mother is mentally unwell and it might be best if we heal her mind first before trying to heal her body.”

“What’s wrong with the councilors they have at rehab? She’s there for almost a hundred days doing fucking therapy. Are you saying that’s all worthless?” 

“Not worthless,” Cas disagreed. “But perhaps not as beneficial to her as we were led to believe.”

“So how long were you going to wait until someone told me anything? Or were you just waiting for the 110 days to pass and hope I wouldn’t notice my mom wasn’t home?” 

“I thought it would be better for us to wait until after the holiday.”

“Why,” Claire practically screamed. “So I wouldn’t ruin your precious holiday? None of you are even my family!” 

Before anyone could stop her, Claire took off for the staircase, and ran upstairs. Dean tensed, waiting to hear the door slam again, but was surprised when it didn’t come.

“Great, she’s on the roof deck again,” Jody groaned. 

“S-should,” Cas had to swallow and regain some control of himself before trying to speak again. “Should someone go after her?”

While Cas, Jody and Donna traded looks back and forth, trying to figure out who Claire would be less pissed at, Dean slowly packed away his presents and got up.

“Dean?”

“Look, she’s not going to want to talk to any of you right now. And yeah, she doesn’t really know me, but that means she hasn’t had enough time to form an opinion of me. She’s probably not going to want to listen to me, but I don’t think she’s going to have enough anger left in her to really want to fight with me either.”

“Are you sure?” Donna asked, fretting with her fingers.

“Yeah. Plus, me and Claire have a lot of things in common,” Dean admitted, and Cas nodded slowly in agreement. “I have the best bet of getting through to her because I actually _get_ what she’s going _through_.”

“Claire’s room is on the third floor,” Jody offered helpfully. “Her bedroom leads up to the roof top deck. She likes to go out there whenever she needs to calm down.”

Dean nodded and after a momentary debate, decided to quickly grab Cas’ blanket to wrap around himself. No way was he going to outstubborn a teenager in his thin, cotton PJs! He was later grateful for that decision because it was friggin’ frigid when he stepped outside.

“You sure know how to make an exit, kiddo,” Dean remarked, taking in the blonde as she leaned against the cold metal frames. He wouldn’t be surprised if she got stuck there.

“Leave me alone,” Claire grumbled, not even bothering to look up at him.

“Original. Though have to say, the brooding teenager on the roof look works better when you don’t have to worry about frostbite.”

“Can’t do much brooding if you’re being loud and obnoxious.”

“Look, kid, I get it. The holidays without your family sucks, especially when you are still young. Even more so when one of your parents should be around but isn’t.”

“Look, dick,” Claire growled, finally turning around to glare at Dean. “I don’t know who you think you are, but the last thing I need you to do is try to guess how I’m feeling!”

“I’m not guessing, I’m just telling you what I remember from my own childhood,” Dean stated calmly, walking right past Claire so that he could lean down at another spot on the railing. “Mom died when I was four. Freak electrical fire in my brother’s nursery. She went in to put on a nightlight, and never came out. House burnt down, and in all honesty a part of my dad died in the fire too.

“People don’t realize that if you lose one parent, you usually end up losing both. One to death and one to grief. After the fire, the only thing my dad loved was alcohol. He’d spend all day drinking and most of our cash on getting more. After awhile he couldn’t hold down a job for more than a couple of months at a time, and then he’d pack me and my brother up to move to a new place. Ended up traveling all across the country, jumping from one dingey motel to the next if we were lucky, or sleeping in the car if we weren't. And since Dad could barely take care of himself, it was up to me to take care of all of us.”

Dean paused to wrap himself further into his wool blanket. Dean didn’t care what Cas said, this thing was warm and comfortable the way it was, “You know, the one thing that bothers me the most? The fucker was never even home for Christmas. The holidays were always too painful for him, so he spent them at his local tavern, only coming home when the pub would call me to pick his drunk ass up. I remember one year the most, the year when my younger brother stopped believing in Dad. He was about six or so and he wanted to know if Dad was actually coming home and if we would actually have presents this year. I tried so hard to convince him that Dad was going to stick around for once, and we even stayed up all night, waiting for him to come back. Sam knew from then on not to trust him, but I still did. After all, Sam didn’t remember how Dad used to be like, but I did. I knew that if I just tried hard enough, I could reach past the angry alcoholic and get my dad back. But it never happened.”

“So what,” Claire said, trying to discreetly wipe away the tears in her eyes. “Are you saying that I should just give up on my mom? Just because your dad was a trainwreck?”

Dean refrained from pointing out how his father’s poison was at least legal. 

“Nah, I’m just saying that your mom getting better is not a weight that’s on your shoulders. Yes, I know she loves you and you love her, but sometimes that’s just not enough. Now, I’m not saying this means _you_ aren’t enough, because you are. Your mom just needs some serious intervention and at the end of the day, she's the only one that can decide if she wants to get better.”

“It’s just not fair,” Claire whimpered. “We were normal, we were happy! Everything just went to shit when Dad died. Fucking worst vacation ever. We were at Cape Cod, at the time, for a whale watching trip. Dad really loved whales for some reason. Loved how tiny he felt in the world compared to them. Anyway, one early morning he goes out for a jog like any other, only he doesn’t come back. At first we thought he got distracted talking to one of the locals; he was always a friendly guy and loved making small talk. But once it was the afternoon we started getting worried, but we were trying to stay positive. A couple of hours later, the police showed up to our hotel with the news that they found Dad’s body. Later on, after the funeral, I found out that it was a headshot that killed him. Dad didn’t even know what hit him, which in a morbid way I guess it’s nice knowing he didn’t suffer.”

Claire rubbed a hand along the railing and Dean could see that she was freezing enough that her fingers were turning scarlet, “But you know what the worst part is? Mom was fine for the first couple of years. Yeah we were both upset, but she stayed strong for the both of us. She handled things with the life insurance, she went from working part time to full time, and she even went on some dates and was seeing one guy seriously. But then everything fell apart when I found Castiel.” 

Claire finally turned fully to Dean, her blue eyes searching his own, “Do you know how freaky it is to bump into what looks like your dead father in the streets? And not just kinda looks like but exactly. Even aged past what he looked like in your memories. For a moment I thought it had all been a huge conspiracy. Maybe Dad was in the CIA, or in witness protection and they had to fake his own death? The funeral was closed casket so it could’ve been empty. That seemed more plausible than Dad having an identical twin no one knew about. So I rushed over to hug him and I just started bawling all over his expensive Armani suit. He just stood there awkwardly, and just let me cry it out. He didn’t even know where to put his hands so he just had them hover in the air above me. That’s when I finally realized that something wasn’t right and when I looked into his eyes… I just knew.

“Castiel’s eyes are brighter blue you know? More of an azure. Castiel theorizes it’s because he grew up with more nutritionally rich food during his ‘detrimental years’, while Dad had orphanage slop growing up. His hair is also thicker and wiry, Dad’s was thinner and easy to keep slicked down with just a brush. But it’s really their expressions and the way they hold themselves that is different. Castiel is awkward, he slouches a bit in the shoulders, like he has an extra weight there, but somehow he exudes this badass confidence. Dad had good posture and was always shy, soft smiles. Oh and the fact that Castiel sounds like what my dad would have if he was a chain smoker.”

Dean snickered, “Cas doesn’t smoke though.” 

Except for the occasional bit of weed in the past, which still surprised Dean.

“Yeah but he sounds it. Anyway, it was really clear to me that Castiel wasn’t Dad, but to Mom… it was a lot harder,” Claire admitted before turning away from Dean and staring out over the balcony again. “Introducing the two was the worst mistake I ever made. It was like we severed the last hold she had on reality and she just crumbled. She’d go back and forth, convinced Dad was still alive and was just stuck at work, to Castiel being Dad and purposely ignoring us, and then to realizing that Dad was dead and never coming back. It was a mess. She started drinking a lot because she said it was the only way she knew how to be happy, and then… well it just got worse.”

Claire was starting to shiver, whether it was from the cold alone or from the stress of having to relive everything, Dean wasn’t sure. Either way, Dean unwrapped his pseudo-king size blanket and placed some of it over Claire’s shoulders while still giving her space. She shot him a puzzled glance, but instead of removing the blanket, she wrapped it more firmly around herself.

“You know what Castiel did then? He hid like a coward. He swore he would be there for us, especially during the holidays, but then he just dropped off the face of the earth after being around for only a year. Soon it was just a five minute phone conversation every couple of months and Hallmark cards with cash stuffed inside.”

“Cas had his reasons for staying away,” Dean defended. “He knew he was hurting your mother by being around, and he was afraid he was hurting you too. Yeah, he should’ve talked to you first before making that decision, but what’s important is that he does love you and that he’s here now. Hell, there’s very little that guy wouldn’t do for you if you asked.”

“Yeah because he’s rich,” Claire scoffed.

“I didn’t say he’d buy you whatever you’d like. He buys you things because that’s the only way he knows how to help, but if you want him to be somewhere, he will do it. Hell, he dropped his plans to come out for this trip, didn’t he? He’s even nice to you when you’ve done nothing but belittle him this week. That ain’t cool, Claire.”

Claire flinched and Dean sighed, “I know you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to finally get a good look at you and see what everyone else sees. That you`re nothing but trouble, and not worth the aggravation. I know, because I struggle with that too. Too many years of being told that I’m just this punk with a bad attitude who would amount to nothing, and Cas… well Cas just acts like you’re perfect no matter what, but it’s only a matter of time before he takes those rose colored glasses off. But you know something?”

Dean placed a hand on Claire’s shoulder, and waited for her to look at him before he continued, “Cas doesn’t wear colored glasses. Hell, he doesn’t even have blinders. In fact, he has better vision than anyone else because he can see straight into the real you. Not the badass persona, or the thick skin; the person you really are, but are too afraid to be because you need to be scarier than the world around you.” 

“You don’t need to pretend like you know me,” Claire grumbled.

“I’m not, I’m still talking about myself. I’m just saying, if Cas can still love me despite my couple of decades of bad choices, then there’s no way he wouldn’t love you no matter what. Hell, Claire, you are the only biological family he has. You’re someone he’d never thought he’d have in this lifetime, and he’s so excited to be a part of your life, but has no idea how to do so. He didn’t really get to grow up with a loving family, so you gotta cut him some slack and show him the ropes. And I know you still blame him for a lot of things, but trust me, he blames himself just as much as you do. Fuck, maybe more.”

“So what do you want me to do?” Claire asked, defeated.

“Just… give him a chance. Give them all a chance. Claire, you have a whole second family downstairs who loves you and just wants you to be happy, but you refuse to let them in. Do you know how lucky you are? Yeah, you’ve been through a lot of shit too, and I’m so sorry for your losses, but you still have the chance to be happy. Why squander that to be miserable?”

Claire bit her lip, “If I went back downstairs and apologized, would everyone just act normal and pretend that I didn’t just ruin the holiday?”

“Family doesn’t hold grudges, kid. I bet you $50 that if you go back downstairs that not only will people forgive you, but that you all will have a great time.”

Claire eyed him suspiciously. “You’re serious?”

“As serious as tuberculosis.” Claire made a face at his poor taste in dark humor, but shook his hand to close the deal either way. 

They started to make their way back inside when Dean had a thought, “Hey, I have one question for you.”

“What?”

“Do you really hate that cat?”

Claire blushed and shook her head, “Of course not, I love Doofus! I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world.”

“Then why the name?” 

Claire laughed, “When he was a kitten, he kept trying to walk through the sliding glass doors out back. He never could figure out when they were opened or closed, and once a day we’d hear this giant thump because he went face first into it again. Castiel actually did the same thing the first time he was over. So they were both being doofuses, and the name just fit.”

Dean smiled, relieved that the cat’s name origin was an inside joke instead of something cruel. 

They went inside and Claire apologized to the family just as she promised, and even gave Castiel a hug in thanks for everything he did. Just as Dean predicted, nobody made a fuss about Claire storming off and everything ran smoothly after. There was even one point in the night where Claire was laughing so hard that she was crying happy tears. 

Dean would firmly deny that he didn’t start tearing up from joy himself. That was just those pesky cat allergies he had, no matter what Cas thought. 

He also didn’t make Claire fork over any cash, but instead made her promise to start texting Cas more and to be nicer to the rest of her family.

Dean and Cas ended up staying two additional days than originally planned and only left when they did because Cas had to go back to his multi-billion dollar company. Apparently the higher up you were, the less days off you could take before everything went to shit. As much as Dean was relieved to leave behind the ugly walls of the Pontiac mansion, he was going to miss its inhabitants. 

Luckily, they already made plans to be back up for Easter. 


	30. Fine Wine

Chapter 30: Fine Wine

When Dean thought about how he wanted to ring in the New Year he had a very different vision in mind. He pictured being at a local bar with his roommates and his boyfriend. He pictured them all gathered into a tight booth, trading jokes back and forth, and just excited to be all together again after spending so many holidays apart.

And this year, unlike any of the previous years, Dean would feel like he accomplished some significant things. He got the promotion he was eyeing, soon people would be enjoying a product that he had thought up, he came out of the closet multiple times, and he met the person of his dreams and the man he was going to marry. Life was starting to look up.

Dean ignored the fact that he heard very little from his family besides Adam. It wasn’t like they were around much before anyway.

What Dean didn’t expect was to be spending his New Year’s Eve night at a fucking work event. The big wigs at _Angel’s Grace_—minus Cas—decided to use the last day of the year as a big gimmick where they could have a fancy schmancy party and reveal their latest creation, _Angel Gel_. As a creator of the idea, Dean was required to attend, and as CFO, Castiel was also needed. However, since their relationship was a secret in the workplace, they wouldn’t be allowed to spend most of the night together.

Which is why Dean was in a tux and looking miserable across the room at an equally forlorn Castiel, who was stuck in a boring conversation between his brothers, Michael and Raphael.

Yeah, the other thing about tonight? All of the Shurleys—minus Lucifer of course—were present. Dean wouldn’t be surprised if they purposely arranged this at Cas’ primary firm so that he didn’t have an excuse to skip yet another major holiday with them. Though Dean didn’t know why the brothers tried so hard to make Castiel come to publicity things when Cas had an army of lawyers behind him ready to sue if anyone took his picture. 

Unless they wanted him nearby so it was easier to eliminate him?

Dean quickly shook that thought away and stalked over to the bar for a drink. Dean didn’t want to spend the rest of this night without some kind of buzz to get him through it. Thank fuck the Shurleys knew how to party and came stocked with an impressive collection of alcohol. Though Dean was a simple man and just asked for a shot of Jack Daniels and a can of beer from a brewery nearby. He quickly took the shot, but slowly nursed his beer, idly looking around for some way to entertain himself. What he didn’t expect was to see a short man and woman in a bright red and black saree walk towards him like people on a mission.

“Mind if we join you for a drink?” the short man asked, sliding up real close to Dean at the bar. The way the light caught the other man’s brown eyes made them look gold for a second. There was also something very familiar about him.

“It’s a free bar,” Dean said with a shrug before taking another sip of his drink.

“Of course. A sex on the beach, my good barkeep,” the man ordered before turning to his female companion, a beautiful Indian woman. “And what would you like, my dear?”

“I can speak for myself,” she said in a bored tone, slowly straightening her saree. “I’ll have your finest red wine, please.”

“I love it when you get all assertive like that,” The man practically drooled all over the woman.

The woman ignored him and instead turned her attention to Dean. “My name is Kali and the blundering idiot over there is my husband, Gabe.”

“Nice to meet you. Name’s Dean.”

“So what brings you here all by your lonesome?” Gabriel questioned. 

“This isn’t exactly my crowd of people. I’m only here because management told me I couldn’t skip,” Dean said with a shrug.

“Huh, couldn’t skip? You wouldn’t happen to be Dean Winchester, would you? The guy who made all of this happen?” Gabe asked. 

It was strange, despite his friendly tone and demeanor, there was something off putting about the man. Like he wanted to watch Dean under a microscope. 

Dean felt his cheeks warm as he shifted uncomfortably on his feet, “Yeah, I’m Dean Winchester, but I’m not exactly the guy who made it all happen. I just came up with the idea behind it.” 

“Don’t be so modest,” Kali said, swirling her wine around its glass. “They don’t just let anyone lead a project here. You must be something special.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” 

Gabe opened his mouth, looking ready to bother Dean with more questions, when he was interrupted by a familiar, gruff voice, “Gabriel, Kali. What a surprise to see you two here. I thought you would still be in Bengal for the holidays?” 

Dean didn’t see as much as felt Cas gracefully slip in between the newcomers to stand next to him. Dean was a little afraid of what he would do if he saw Cas and had to pretend they were acquaintances at best, and not dating. He wasn’t a good enough actor to hide the love he felt whenever he looked into those blue eyes.

“Not really New Year’s Eve for them right now, so we came here to party,” Gabriel explained.

“Though I wished we were in California or Florida instead. You know, someplace warm,” Kali said with a slight shiver.

Dean refrained from pointing out that maybe she shouldn’t be wearing something as cool and light as a saree in the middle of a Minnesotan winter. 

“Pardon me from being suspicious, Gabriel, but you never join the family for New Year’s. Or most holidays, really.” 

“Can you blame me, Cassie? I have nine siblings and you’re all either wet blankets or party poopers. If I’m going to party then it might as well be done right.”

Dean had been wondering if Gabe was _the_ Gabriel Shurley, the prodigal son of the company as he was the only one who walked away from it and did his own thing.

“All the more reason for why you shouldn’t be here now. So I’ll ask again, what’s the real reason you are here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Gabriel said with a shrug. “One minute you're happy in Seattle, and then the next minute you are cancelling on the Fourth of July—which you know is the only holiday I bother to show up at—and moving to Minneapolis. You can’t tell me that doesn’t sound fishy.”

“I have my reasons. At least when I up and left, I still stayed in the business and let you all know where I was going. You didn’t even give that much courtesy.”

“Oh don’t be like that, Cassie,” Gabriel complained. “Do you really blame me for leaving those asshats behind?”

“I blame you for leaving me behind with them,” Cas spat out. “You didn’t just cut ties with those...those assbutts, you also cut ties with me too! I was only a kid and I still needed you, but you just walked away! Do you know what the eldest ones did while you were gone? They tortured me! You have no right to suddenly try to act like my older brother now that I’m in my forties!”

Dean knew he shouldn’t be getting himself involved. Especially as an ‘outsider’ he should be slowly trying to back away from such an awkward encounter. But he couldn’t stand hearing Cas sound so furious and discomposed without at least trying to help him out. Without second guessing himself, Dean gently placed a hand against the small of Cas’ back, lending him whatever love and support he needed. Both Kali and Gabriel caught his movement and watched him curiously.

“Oh don’t be like that, Castiel. You know I’ve always showed up when I was needed, and I tried to help you out as you got older.”

“You mean like when you tried to set me up with April,” Cas growled, and Dean stiffened at the familiar name.

“Oh come on, Cassie! That’s ancient history. Yeah I teamed up with Michael and Lucifer, but I at least made sure April knew the way to your geeky heart.”

“That’s exactly the problem! You gave her inside information about my likes and interests; you helped craft her into someone I should’ve been attracted to, even though the two of us were incompatible.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes and took a deep swallow of his brightly colored drink,“It’s not like I was forcing you to marry her. Just wanted to help you get off some steam. How was I supposed to know that I was chasing after the wrong gender.”

Castiel looked moments away from smacking Gabe, “You don’t even understand what you did and why it was so wrong? And for your information, I’m completely indifferent to gender, so there’s no such thing about there being a wrong gender.”

“Then what did I do that was so awful?”

“You were one of the people who convinced me that there was something wrong with me!” Castiel all but screamed. 

Dean realized that Cas was moments away from having a loud, emotional breakdown, and was not the best thing for such a public event, “Hey, let’s move this somewhere else. We don’t want this to turn into a media circus.”

Gabriel smirked and winked at his wife,“Too late, the media is already here.”

“Don’t mind him, he’s being an ass because I’m an investigative reporter for the _Los Angeles Times_. But I agree, let’s move somewhere quieter,” Kali said with an added eyeroll at her spouse. Dean was grateful that she didn’t question why Dean cared so much about Castiel, or why he felt like he deserved to be part of the conversation. 

Once they all slipped away, Cas lead them to his private office and returned to his speech, “The problem was that April should’ve been the perfect girl for me, and everyone kept saying how we’d make such a perfect couple. I lost my virginity to her because I was told it was what I was supposed to do, and that my feelings for her should’ve been construed as attraction. I stayed with her even though I was miserable, but no one cared. Everyone was just so overjoyed that I was finally being ‘normal’, and didn’t have to worry about me being gay.”

“Cassie, I really don’t care what gender you fuck,” Gabe said, giving a quick glance at Dean. “Why do you think I brought it up as a possibility that you just weren’t interested in April’s equipment?”

“It has nothing to do with what equipment she had, Gabe. I told you I’m indifferent to gender. What I had an issue with was sex itself. I’m asexual! Or was, I think I might be closer to demisexual now,” Cas admitted with an embarrassed flush.

“Oh come on," Gabe scoffed. “You really expect me to believe that you aren’t tapping Mr. fine wine over there?”

Dean stiffened, wondering if Gabriel knew that they were secretly dating, or if he thought Dean was just a piece of hot ass. He had a feeling that Gabe was thinking more of the latter, and so did Cas by the way his boyfriend growled menacingly. 

“No, I’m not having sexual intercourse with Dean. He’s been extremely considerate about my own comfort and is letting me set the pace, no matter how slow, and has not once complained or tried to pressure me. You know why? Because he loves and accepts me, just like I love and accept him and I will not have you treating him like he’s nothing but a… a sexual outlet.”

Gabriel looked like his eyes were going to pop out of his head, “What?”

“Asexuality and demisexuality are a thing, Gabe,” Kali said, sounding bored before taking a sip from her wine glass. Unlike everyone else, she actually took her drink with her when they went upstairs. 

“No, I mean I sorta get that part, but I’m still reeling over the fact that Cassie is in love.”

“Not just in love,” Cas admitted, slowly moving closer to Dean so that he could take one of his hands and lay a kiss on the knuckles. “Dean is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth. Come on, Kali, give me some of that wine,” Gabe demanded, reaching for her glass, but she kept side stepping him.

“It’s not my fault you abandoned your brightly colored monstrosity downstairs,” she said coolly, purposely taking a loud swallow of her drink just to further antagonize her husband.

“Are you sure you don’t have an issue with Cas being with a man?” Dean challenged.

“Nah, it’s just weird and tooth rottingly sweet to see any of my brothers all lovey dovey. Actually, Cas might just be the first. None of them actually married for love.”

Huh, now that Dean thought about it, all of the brothers did end up marrying women from wealthy backgrounds. He wondered what that said about Gabe’s own marriage.

“I’m surprised it is too sweet for a man who owns a candy shop,” Kali deadpanned.

“Oh don’t you start on that again. Your country’s idea of dessert is nothing but pure sugar and butter!” 

Kali pursed her lips in thought before shrugging, “That is true, but still not the best euphemism in this context.”

“I’ll show you a euphemism— Gabe started but Cas interrupted. 

“Not in my office!” Cas yelped, his face already turning red.

“Look, how about you explain the real reason you’re here? And why you singled me out from the beginning?” Dean demanded, and Cas nodded in agreement.

“I was starting to get worried about Cassie. You’ve been acting even weirder than usual, and more antisocial. I was shocked when both Samandriel and Inias admitted that they hadn’t heard much from you and that you’ve missed even the major holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. I understand ignoring the rest of those assholes, but Ini and Alfie?” Gabriel shook his head in disappointment, and Cas’ face immediately turned guilty.

“I had made other arrangements and unlike the Fourth, I made sure to alert them ahead of time. They didn’t seem too distraught when they decided to use it as an excuse to spend the holidays together and get out of the country,” Cas stated simply, though it didn’t do much to expunge his own guilt. “You also have no right to cast judgement. I skipped a handful of holidays in one year. You’ve skipped how many decades worth?”

“Hey, I’m just trying to figure out what made you change! Luckily, I married someone smart enough to know how to do some digging,” Gabriel paused at this to turn around at his wife and blow her a kiss. “Love you, babe.”

Kali rolled her eyes and raised her wine glass as a silent cheer before taking another sip. 

Dean thought she seemed bored and done with everyone in this room, but on quicker glance he noticed that her eyes were practically dancing with mirth, and that the corners of her lips kept moving upwards into a smile before calmly schooling itself back into a professionally blank mask. This must be a game the two played in public; Gabriel being loud and obnoxious, while Kali was cool and collected. 

“Anyway, with Kali’s help I did some digging and noticed something interesting. We could pinpoint your erratic behavior to May 5th, when you took a nonbusiness trip out to Boston. Coincidentally the same day that Mr. Dean Winchester here was in the area. You even got on the same airplane, and somehow Winchester ended up getting an upgrade to First Class. Then that Monday, you fly out to Minneapolis, where Mr. Winchester works, despite you needing to be in Portland later that night and you just went out of your way. You end up staying only for a couple of hours, and the only department you interacted with was Marketing, which you don’t need to get involved with, and when you leave Winchester gets a mighty fine upgrade. Then you completely go nuclear on the Fourth, once again flying out to the lovely Twin Cities, and then have all of your shit moved here without stepping foot back home. And where do you transfer work locations to? The very firm that Winchester works at.”

Cas stiffened and slowly removed his hands from Dean in order to clench them into fists, “What are you insinuating?”

“I’m just trying to figure out what kind of hold Winchester has on you. I mean, yeah he’s a pretty face, but he’s not all that impressive on paper. High school dropout, some issues with the law, and daddy issues a mile high. Seriously, Cas, you’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel here with—”

Before Gabe could utter another word, Cas sprung forward and punched him straight in the cheek, almost knocking the shorter guy to the floor.


	31. Senselessness

Chapter 31: Senselessness

“What the fuck, Cassie?” Gabe screeched. 

Castiel was trembling with anger and looked like he was using all of his self restraint not to pummel further into the ground, “I have worked hard to convince Dean that we are equals and worthy of each other. I will not have your… your arrogance ruin that! Your investigation was correct in assuming that the reason for my sudden upheaval was because I met Dean, but your biases have skewed the reason why.”

Cas took a moment to glance back at Dean, his eyes wide and pleading at Dean, begging him not to let Gabriel’s callous accusations affect him. 

Surprisingly, they didn’t. Even though Gabriel declared Dean’s deepest insecurities, he didn’t take any of them to heart. 

Probably because his boyfriend just suckerpunched his own brother to the ground for saying that shit. Kinda hard to feel that hurt with that kind of protective display.

It was also pretty hot.

Castiel stopped looking at Dean in favor of returning his ire at Gabriel, “You theorized that Dean must be using his… physical attributes to lure me into giving him favors, but that doesn’t match up with me explaining that I am averse to sex and have no interest in that. I’m surprised you didn’t suggest the other option. What if I’m the one with the problem? What if I’m the one who became obsessive over Dean? In fact, it makes more sense if I was the problem.

“Afterall, I met this righteous man on a disastrous airplane flight; a man who I foolishly fell in love with as our plane fell from the sky. A man who bared his very soul to me as he thought we were dying, and who I was too afraid to say anything back to because I didn’t want to stop listening to the sound of his voice. I was the one who chased after him when the plane landed, and when he still walked away a second time I didn’t let him go. Instead I spent an entire weekend snooping into our company databases until I could find the identity of my obsession, as well as the exact firm Dean worked at, and in which department. I hired a team to do a cross reference to find the plagiarism reports that he mentioned before, and figured out a way to not only save his job, but give him the proper one he deserved. I was the one to change our plans for the Fourth, not even giving him an option and forcing him to cancel his previous arrangements when I jumped on the next available flight. I begged him to take a chance on me and date me for a year, and decided to transfer so I could be closer by. Tell me, which one of us sounds like the real madman?”

Gabriel let out a whistle, trying to play if off that he was cool, but Dean could see that Gabe was a little concerned that his brother might assault him again, “Wow, Cassie, didn’t think you have that in you. I’m not sure if you should be proud or disturbed.”

“I know I should feel disturbed. Or at least ashamed, but I can’t find it in myself to be so. I know my actions to get where I am was deplorable, but it brought me to Dean. Dean, who despite everything, was willing to give me a chance, and trusted me not to hurt or use him.”

Castiel turned to look at Dean, and smiled sadly. Dean recognized the smile, or at least he thought he did. It’s the smile you give someone you love when you know they’ve realized that you are only holding them back. 

It’s the same smile he gave Sam when he got accepted into Stanford, the one when John admitted he was marrying Kate, and the one he gave to Lisa when she broke up with him at the hospital. 

But never was Dean the recipient of the smile.

“Dean, I can understand now if your feelings have changed in light of this new information. I won’t—”

Before Cas could utter another blasphemous word, Dean yanked him by his tie and pulled him in for a deep kiss. Dean was usually gentle when he kissed Cas, usually letting the other man lead so that he was comfortable, but this time Dean took full control. He kept one hand wrapped around Cas’ ridiculous backward tie—a thing Dean knew Cas did on purpose just to piss off his prissy relatives—while the other tangled into his dark hair. He pressed his lips hard against Cas’, trying to convey exactly what he was feeling. Cas said he understood what Dean was saying with each kiss so now it was time to make good use of it.

Every pressure of their lips was Dean screaming at Cas that he didn’t care how bad their relationship sounded when spoken aloud. How Dean knew that Cas had only been pure in his intentions and didn’t want to take advantage of him. How he had absolute faith that Cas would have gracefully backed out if Dean didn’t feel the same crazy level of attraction and affection for the man. And Dean did. For some inexplicable reason, Dean fell in love with Castiel faster than any man should, but he was okay with that. Because from the depths of his being, he knew that Cas felt the same way and that for once in his life, he found someone who would never turn his back on him. 

Cas whimpered and Dean took advantage of it to gain further access into his mouth. Pleading for Cas to understand that Dean understood and didn’t give a fuck that they weren’t conventional, or even a rational couple. Hell, from the life they lead, neither one of them would have done well with conventional. What they did have was each other, and the happiest couple of months in Dean’s life. He would be the crazy one if he threw it all away.

Dean was in the process of pressing his body even further up against Cas’ when there was an ear piercing whistle.

“Down, boys,” Gabriel commanded, looking pretty red. “As happy as I am to see Cas getting any kind of action, I don’t want to be in the room when it happens. Right, Kali?”

“Hmm?” Kali was staring straight at Dean and Cas, her eyes slightly glazed and mouth parted.

“Kali!” Gabe shouted, scandalized.

“What, I let you still go to strip clubs. Let me enjoy some male on male action.”

“One of them is my brother!”

“Well I didn’t see you try to interrupt them sooner.”

Gabe shook his head in disgust, sticking out his tongue, wide, “Yuck.”

“What are you even still doing here,” Cas growled, his voice even raspier thanks to the heavy makeout session. “You made your point and I made mine.”

“Actually I think your boyfriend made a real point,” Kali smirked, knowingly. 

Dean felt the sudden urge to shift and remove himself from Kali’s view.

“Look, I was worried that you were bewitched by tall, freckled and handsome over there. Wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to swindle you out of your cash and home. Worse case, I was hoping I’d talk you into signing a prenup before you decided to jump the gun.”

“I don’t need a prenup,” Cas said, the same time as Dean said, “Fine, I’ll sign one.”

“What?” Cas looked over to Dean, confused.

“It makes sense. You’re worth billions and you deserve to have some peace of mind that I’m not in it for the money. Okay, correction, so that you don’t have to deal with asshats bitching at you that you should’ve made me sign one,” Dean amended when he saw the frustrated look on Cas’ face.

Gabriel looked back and forth between the two suspiciously, before letting out a groan,“Okay, okay, I believe it now. Seriously, you guys are so domestic, you make me want to puke.”

“Just make sure not to do it anywhere near me. Or the carpet. That looks like a real Persian rug,” Kali said, unenthusiastically.

“What do you plan to do now?” Cas demanded. 

“I don’t know. Probably drink my way through the liquor at the bar. Not like I have to be designated driver tonight. That’s what an uber is for.” Gabriel smirked while Kali rolled her eyes yet again.

“I meant with the knowledge you have about my relationship with Dean?”

“Honestly, nothing. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn’t care if he was a side piece or if you were serious about him, I just didn’t want you to be hurt.” 

Castiel looked like a weight had been lifted off of him, “Thank you, Gabe.”

“No problem, Cassie. Hell, you’re my favorite baby brother. Believe it or not, I don’t want to make your life more difficult.”

“I… appreciate it.”

“Though we do expect something in return for our silence,” Kali inputted. Gabe looked at her questioningly, but she just elbowed him in the side.

“Ow! Oh, that’s right! We expect to be invited when you two tie the knot,” Gabriel said, still rubbing the spot where his tiny, but scary wife whacked him.

“You’d really want to come?” Cas asked, flabbergasted.

“Duh. I don’t care that you’re marrying a guy, and clearly my horny wife doesn’t care either,” Gabriel saw his wife raise her elbow again, but this time he squirmed out of the way in time. “Plus, I do owe you.”

“You do?” Cas tilted his head in confusion.

“Yeah,” Gabe rubbed the back of his head, looking bashful for once. “You were the only one who supported Kali and me. You know how… Dad dearest reacted. He didn’t like the fact that I was marrying a non-Christian, let alone… well, you know.”

“A brown hedonist looking for a green card,” Kali deadpanned. Dean and Cas both shot her an astonished glance and she shrugged. “What? I clearly remember him shouting that at me the one and only time we met.”

“Anyway, you gave your support and even sent a card and wedding present, even though we eloped. Hell… that was the only wedding present we got and it was all sentimental and shit. So yeah, I’ll stand by you and loverboy. Even if you want to keep it secret from the rest of our dick relatives.”

“We even have a backup story for why we were here so long talking to both yourself and Dean,” Kali said.

“Really?” Cas asked, intrigued.

“Yeppers, Cassie. Since you heavily invested in this project and it was Dean’s brain child, I have a business proposal for you. How would you feel about giving me a first order shipment of _Angel Gel_ for my sweetshop, _Trick or Treat_. Might get the Susans and Karens of the neighborhood to buy something from my shop.”

Cas shot Dean a confused glance and he translated, “He means the white, suburban moms who only want to feed their kids gluten-free, nonfat, no flavor gunk.”

Gabriel laughed, “Actually, I think I might like your boytoy after all.”

“Not my boytoy,” Cas grumbled. “But yes, _Angel Gel_ is gluten-free, nonfat and its flavoring is all natural. And since you are family, we can discuss your shop being the first one to sell the gel.”

Cas and Gabe talked business for another couple of minutes, while Dean and Kali both looked around bored, both eyeing the other to try to figure out how the other one ended up with a Shurley. Eventually, Gabriel loudly proclaimed that this was boring and he didn’t want to spend his last day of the year stuck in Cas’ crummy office, and left with barely a backwards glance. 

“We should probably get back to the party,” Dean ruefully announced, once Gabe and Kali were long gone.

“We should,” Cas agreed. “But I don’t want to.”

“Oh?” 

“You see, I was really enjoying that kiss from before, but we were rudely interrupted by my brother. I’d like to try that again.”

Dean smirked, “Oh really?”

“Yes, though maybe one small difference,” Cas said, before slowly stalking his way towards Dean. Like a panther approaching prey. “I’d like to be the one kissing you senseless.”

Dean chuckled, “Wow, someone’s feeling a little frisky today.”

“I can’t help it,” Cas said, his eyes quickly switching from predatory to vulnerable. “For a moment there, I was afraid I lost you.”

“Hey,” Dean soothed, moving closer to Cas and crawling into his arms. “That ain’t going to happen. Hell, I actually feel better that we’re both messed up in our own ways.”

Castiel shook his head, whether it was him still reeling from shock, or disapproving of Dean’s last statement, Dean didn’t know. 

“Plus, I gotta say, it’s pretty sexy knowing that you went through all that trouble just to give me your number,” Dean teased.

“You know what else would be alluring?” Cas asked. 

Dean couldn’t help but snort at the fact that Cas refused to say sexy. “What?”

“You being pressed against my desk, while I savage your mouth.”

Dean almost choked, not expecting that to come out of his usually shy boyfriend’s mouth. “How about instead of just talking about it, why don’t you do something about it?”

Dean really needed to stop underestimating the power behind Cas, as it took the shorter man no time to have Dean cornered against the desk and slowly turning his brain to mush.

Maybe if he was left with more brain cells, he would have realized that maybe they should set an alarm or something so they wouldn’t spend the rest of the night making out on top of Cas’ ridiculously sturdy desk. Or at the very least lock the door. 

But they didn’t and somebody found them. 

Luckily the only layers that were missing was their tux jackets, and a couple of buttons of their dress shirts, but both clearly had “fooling around” hair and Cas was caught in a very compromising position of having Dean pinned down to said desk with his tongue practically down Dean’s throat. 

There was one other problem. The person who found them? That was Charlie.


	32. Revoke and Reinvent

Chapter 32: Revoke and Reinvent

“Dean? Mr. Shurley?” Charlie gasped in horror. 

They were both so startled by the sudden appearance of Charlie that Cas tripped and knocked down his chair in his pursuit of getting off Dean. Even in the dim lighting, Dean could see that Cas looked absolutely wrecked, his pupils dilated, and he sounded like he just ran a marathon. Dean had a feeling he looked just as bad if not worse, and was also sporting some interesting shaped bruises below his collarbone. 

Cas had a bit of a fetish with marking him where no one else could see.

“Hey, Charlie,” Dean wheezed. “Umm what brings you here?”

Charlie wasn't exactly dressed in black tie attire, but she was in a fancy pant suit. That told Dean that she hadn't been invited as a guest, but as a worker.

“They, uh, couldn't figure out how to make the presentation work in the great hall. They called me in about an hour ago and when they couldn't find either one of you they sent me to go search. Didn't expect to find you _together_,” Charlie said with a glare, her tone was filled with disappointment.

Dean groaned, “Look, Charlie, I can explain—”

“How could you do this to Cas? Both of you? Especially you, Fifth Shurley. Aren't you supposed to be his friend?” Charlie screeched at him in noble outrage.

Cas stared owlishly back at her, clearly forgetting what Dean's pathetic cover story for them was. “Um?”

“And you—” She whirled back to Dean. “I know you've had your doubts, but did you really need to be a self fulfilling prophecy that this relationship was going to end before it could really take off? Cheating on him with your boss and his best friend! How scummy can you get?”

Dean flinched, even though he hadn't really done anything wrong. Cas meanwhile was trying to sort out the information Charlie was saying.

“Dean, you're cheating on me… with me? Did I just get that right?”

Dean groaned again, knowing that there was no point in digging himself another hole, “Yeah, Cas, congratulations. I'm leaving you for you.”

“I don't think that's how cheating works,” Cas pointed out and Dean couldn't help but laugh.

Charlie was looking at them both like they were insane. 

“I know you only met him when he was in costume before, but this is Cas. Steve Casanova is just one of his dumb aliases so people don't harrass him for being a Shurley.”

Charlie's confusion morphed into fury, “So you've been lying to us this whole time? And _sleeping_ with one of the owners of the company! No wonder you got a promotion so fast.”

Cas' face quickly morphed from a confused owl to fierce predator. “I've had enough of people accusing Dean of sleeping his way into a position he worked hard for and earned on his own merit. Dean earned that project because it was his idea and he knows the properties and values of _A.G_. better than anyone in the Marketing Department combined. As his friend, you should know better!”

Charlie started to turn as red as her hair, and she angrily stomped on the ground. “As a friend, I shouldn't have been lied to for months. Me! I've been rooting for team CasDean since Dean first mentioned the name Cas. Do you really think I would have tried to get you into trouble with some sort of HR shitstorm? What kind of person do you think I am?”

“Hey, when this thing with Cas first happened, I didn’t think it would last. I mean, I thought a billionaire would get bored of me,” Dean said, seeing the hurt expression on Cas’ face. “_Thought_, Cas, past tense. You gotta admit, it did seem pretty strange that you were interested in me. But that’s why it wasn’t worth mentioning, and then so much time passed that I was worried about what you would think if you knew the truth. I mean, my roommates and my family didn’t take the news well.” 

Instead of being appeased, the new tidbit of information made Charlie even more irate. “So what, when I met Cas as Batman, you didn’t think that was a good time to let me know who he was? Hell, do you even see me as a real friend at all or just a coworker?”

“Charlie—” Dean started but Charlie angrily shook her head.

“No, Dean! I’ve told you that you’re my best friend and that you mean the world to me. I’ve told you stuff I never told anyone else and gah! I’m just so mad I don’t even have words! Do you know how miffed I have to be for that to happen? Really fucking miffed.”

“Charlie, just calm down.”

“No! You know what, I changed my mind, I do have words for you. You spent the last eight months lying to me. You’d make up details of how Cas and Shurley knew each other, made up another identity and a place he worked at. You said he was in Seattle and that’s why you didn’t get to see him often, and that’s why we only got to meet him for Halloween. You said you didn’t share pictures of him because he had a scar on his face that made him feel very self conscious and didn’t like pictures taken of himself. So many stupid, little details that had us completely fooled. If you could fabricate all of that, what else have you been lying about?”

Dean flinched. Shit, he knew someday those lies would catch up to him, but he never really thought of what to do when it did. 

“And were you ever going to tell me? Or were you just planning on getting hitched one day and only tell me when you decided to quit this job and wouldn’t have to see me anymore.”

For some reason, Dean couldn’t look at Charlie anymore, and found the floor more fascinating. “I don’t know? I thought you just hung out with me because I was one of the few non-assholes in this firm.”

“Well you got two things wrong there, Winchester. One: I hung out with you because I thought you were awesome and really liked you. Two: you’re just as much of an asshole as everyone else,” Charlie spat out, before angrily whirling around and stomping towards the door. “BTW, you guys need to be out on the floor within the next ten minutes before Adler finds you. Try to look less like you walked out of a porno shoot.”

“Charlie!” Dean jumped off the table and rushed after her, almost tripping over his feet in his mad dash. 

“What?” she demanded. “If you’re afraid of me being a snitch then don’t. See, I can respect your privacy.”

“No, not that. I just wanna make sure we’re alright.”

Charlie let out a strangled laugh, “We’re the furthest thing from alright. In fact, all we are now is coworkers, since that’s all you’ve ever seen me as. As of right now I revoke your friendship, as well as your membership to the Misfit Island Cubicles. It’s about time you joined the rest of your Marketing team of douchenozzles anyway.”

Stunned, this time he let Charlie walk out the door. He watched dumbly after her until the sound of her angry footsteps finally disappeared down the hall. He didn’t even react when Cas put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Dean, I’m so sorr—”

“Don’t, Cas,” Dean whispered. “Just don’t. I messed this up myself. Yeah you wanted to keep things secret from the office, but I didn’t have to go to such extremes to cover up the truth from even Charlie.” 

“Do you… do you want to talk about it?”

“No. All I want is this fucking night and this fucking year to finally end.”

Castiel recoiled from the words, like Dean slapped him, and it took Dean a second to realize what those words might have sounded like. 

“Shit, Cas, not like our year of dating! I meant just this year since at midnight we’ll be in the New Year and then we can leave and go back home.”

“Oh,” Cas relaxed and smiled gently. “Well in that case, I look forward to next year as well.”

“Come on, let’s take advantage of those chilled water bottles I know you keep in your office.”

“What do we need those for?”

“You heard Charlie, we need to look more presentable, and right now your lips are swollen enough to look like Angelina Jolie’s. The cold will stop the swelling.” 

Cas gave him a curious glance, but didn’t ask any questions, which Dean was grateful for. He didn’t want to have to explain the tricks he learned while trying to cover his side jobs from his little brother. 

By the time they arrived for the unveiling, they both looked professional again, but miserable as they weren’t allowed to stand as close to each other as they'd like. They both got to make a small speech, and miniature versions of the Gels were slowly passed around right before midnight so that people could “toast” and try them. They were pretty much virgin jello shots that were super hydrating, and still retain the brilliant blue color that their product was known for. 

“Cheers,” Cas said, gently touching his cup to Dean’s when the countdown reached zero.

“Happy New Year,” Dean said, licking his lips slightly before chugging the Gel. It actually tasted pretty good and went down easy. He’d rather be kissing Cas though, but that would just have to wait until they had privacy again.

“Any resolutions for the New Year?” Cas asked, purposely trying to make their interactions just seem like small talk.

Dean paused, thinking of his ridiculous bucket list and how there were still some items at the top of the list that never got crossed off.

“Yeah… you know, I actually think I do. One of the things I’m realizing is, that even with this awesome promotion, I still fucking hate my job. Not working under the Adlers made it better, but the only enjoyable part of my day was hanging out with Charlie and the Misfits. If I don’t have that anymore,” Castiel flinched at that remarked, guilt clear on his face. “Then what the hell am I still doing here?”

“What do you mean?” 

“I think it’s time that I start going back to school. Not going to completely quit work, but I think taking some of Bobby’s online classes would be a good way to ease myself back in.” Dean shifted a little uncomfortably. “So how long until I can start making good on the whole Angel Gel profits for tuition money thing?”

“Immediately. In fact, if you’re ready, we can make sure we can get you registered for the upcoming classes in January.”

“Shit, really, Cas? You don’t have to fork out money right now.”

“Dean, you’ve put your dreams on hold for years for the sake of everyone else. Let me help you reach them sooner.”

Dean smiled, once again wishing he could shorten the distance between them and pull Cas into a kiss. Or even a hug would do. Just an excuse to be close to him, to share in each other's body heat, “What about you? What’s your New Year’s resolution?”

Cas looked down, embarrassed, “Cain from the _Beesness _is planning on opening an apiary class. I’m very interested in learning, and maybe even starting my own hive.”

Dean smiled, endlessly amused about his boyfriend’s love and dedication to honeybees, “I think that sounds perfect. You deserve to do something that makes you happy too.”

“Do I?” Cas asked suddenly, popping his head up. “I’ve fought so hard to be in the position I’m in now, just because it was something I knew I could do well and would receive high prestige in the family. It’s made me a lot of money, but it’s never made me happy. Would I be crazy if I decided to just throw it all away someday?”

“Cas, is this your subtle way to say you don’t want to work here anymore either? Or is this admitting that you won’t be a billionaire anymore once you walk away?”

“There’s a good chance I might not even be a millionaire,” Cas admitted. “Not if I do fulfill my exit strategy.”

“Castiel, are you seriously worried that I’m not going to love you if you end up a regular schmo? Babe, we could both be homeless tomorrow and I would still love you the same. Your money doesn’t define you.”

Castiel smiled gratefully, “Then yeah. In a couple of years, I want to step down as CFO, and open up my own, tiny business.”

“You know I’ll support you 100%.”

Castiel smiled wider before taking a quick glance around, “It’s past midnight, so I’m going to say goodbye to my brothers. You should go back to Baby and get her ready to take off. Park her at our favorite spot. Also, I want you to know it’s extremely frustrating to be this close to you, but unable to do anything about it.”

“Careful, Cas, you sound like you plan to ravage me in my own car.”

“That’s not far off from what I was planning,” Cas said coyly. “I suggest you hurry.”

Dean practically sprinted to the garage, even though he knew it would take some time before Cas could rejoin him. He at least didn’t speed to their favorite spot, an area still on the workgrounds that had a decent view of the Mississippi River. Most people didn’t come near the spot since it was the opposite direction from the main road, and once people were done their shift they wanted to leave work as fast as possible. 

Their loss, especially right now, as it seemed like the city was shooting off fireworks on the riverfront to ring in the New Year. 

At first, Dean just watched them to pass some time, but he quickly became enamored by the colorful display. He was so distracted that he didn’t hear the door of Baby open, or someone climb into the passenger seat. He didn’t notice anything was different until a raspy voice whispered into his ear.

“Chrysanthemum,” Cas said, right as a blue and green chrysanthemum shot across the sky. Dean turned around and tried to tell Cas that he guessed right, but just as his lips parted Cas claimed them.

Despite all of the bullshit that they had to deal with today, it felt good knowing that they at least still had each other at the end of it. That despite all of the highs and the lows of the previous year, they managed to rise above their differences and fall in love at record speeds. 

Dean couldn’t help but be amused at the fact that once again the fireworks were a part of an intimate moment between the two, and knew in that moment that the next time they saw fireworks as spectacular as this, Dean was going to make this wonderful man his husband.


	33. No Happily Ever After

Chapter 33: No Happily Ever After

The next time the chrysanthemum fireworks went off, Dean and Cas were too busy bickering to fully appreciate it. It was also in broad daylight and was just a test run by the Minnehaha fireworks committee, but it would still have been an enjoyable sight. 

However, that would mean that eye contact would be broken during such a critical argument, leaving behind a clear victor and loser. Dean personally wasn’t willing to lose.

“Dean, you are being ridiculous,” Castiel complained, rubbing his fingers against his forehead before pinching his nose to try to stave off the tension headache Dean was probably giving to him.

“No, what you want to do is destroy the sanctity of the grill. Hell, what you are suggesting is just downright un-American, especially today of all days!”

“All I’m trying to do is grill up some vegetables so we have some healthy options as well as our burgers.”

“Exactly! How dare you try to make us eat healthy on a holiday meant for pigging out.”

“Every American holiday involves gorging oneself with copious amounts of unhealthy food. Especially when it comes to you.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“No. What I’m saying is that you need to eat something healthy, not for the sake of your waistline but for the sake of your arteries. I shudder to think about how clogged they must be.”

“You and me both, brother,” Benny called out from where he was sitting at the medical table. 

Or at least that was what Dean had been calling it as all the occupants sitting there were in the medical profession. Benny was the future phlebotomist, Adam and his boyfriend were med students, and his boyfriend’s twin sister, Alicia, was a nurse. Oh yeah and Samandriel, Castiel’s little brother, was in his last year in his pre-med program. 

Dean would be more surprised over how many people he knew in the medical field if he wasn’t trying so hard to out best Cas.

“Well you can’t use the grill I’m using. I don’t want your veggies to cross contaminate my meat!”

“If anything would be cross contaminated, it would be my veggies being contaminated with your raw meat!” Cas said, growing more and more aggravated by Dean’s childlike antics.

“See, all the more reasons why we shouldn’t cook on the same grill.”

“Dean, I love you dearly, but I swear you are one of the most exasperating individuals I have ever met!”

“I know what you are, but what am I?”

Cas ran both his hands through his hair and looked towards the heavens, as if praying for some sort of strength or guidance.

“How about this,” Garth started, jumping from over his own table which currently sat him, Bess, Gabriel, Kali, and Inias. “How about Cas grills the veggie shish kabobs and veggie burgers first, and then you can start grilling the meat.”

“Yeah, veggies first so you don’t accidentally kill my wife!” Gabe shouted, in defence for his vegetarian wife, who actually could get sick if there was accidental cross contamination of the food. 

“You sure we should trust Castiel making anything on a grill? I thought he could barely handle a kitchen,” Kali eyed Cas with suspicion. Dean couldn’t blame her since her blackbean burger was entirely reliant on his cooking prowess.

“He can’t,” Balthazar broke in, sliding in next to Inias after retrieving a cold beer from the cooler. “Or at least I didn’t teach him anything.”

“That’s because I have a boyfriend who is a good cook and prefers not to make meals by himself. I’ve picked up much harder tasks than grilling veggies,” Cas argued.

It was true, especially since Cas could now be trusted to make pies unsupervised, and pies were a treat that was easy to mess up. Not that Dean would say that out loud. Wouldn’t want to encourage Cas into thinking that Dean wanted him to grill veggies.

“Then stop talking the talk and prove something, Clarence,” Meg bitched, before taking a loud gulp of her own beer. Unlike everyone else, who had tried to squish onto the two picnic tables available, or at least linger nearby, she purposely stayed in the back, leaning against a pine tree, and looking absolutely bored. 

Dean didn’t even know why she bothered showing up. Unless she was hoping Dean would end up doing something humiliating and she could laugh at him. 

Seriously, there was a reason why he hated her, tolerated Balthazar, and liked Zeke.

Though it was a shame that Zeke wasn’t around for this while the other two guards were on holiday duty. Then again, Dean assumed Zeke must have his own life and he already sacrificed his other major holidays for them.

Castiel ignored Meg so that he could focus on Garth instead, “Thank you, Garth. I’m sorry you had to be caught in the middle of such an immature squabble.”

Dean made a face at Cas, like the immature man he was.

“Dean, will you at least give Cas the lighter?” Garth asked nicely, using the calm but commanding tone he had used on children before. 

Dean nonchalantly hid the lighter behind his back, “I don’t have any lighter.”

Castiel angrily gestured at Dean, “Really? You are being ridiculous!”

“Don’t worry, Cas, I know where he keeps the matchbox,” Garth assured.

“Garth, you traitor!” Dean called.

“We’re only doing this for your own good,brother,” Benny called over again. “You’ll thank us later.”

“Yes, I’m sure your intestines will enjoy having something that isn’t high in cholesterol or carbohydrates for once,” Castiel replied coolly.

“I’m just saying, holidays are cheat days.”

“That only works if everyday wasn’t a cheat day for you, Dean,” Cas grumbled, before slipping past Dean so that he could follow Garth and retrieve the matchbox. 

Dean skulked behind them, knowing when a battle was lost.

“See, was this really so hard?” Cas asked, tapping a finger to the top of the box.

“It’s you ruining my grill that is the hard part.”

“You don’t even own this grill, it’s park property!”

“All the more reason to preserve it with the delicious taste of meat.”

Castiel didn’t even bother giving Dean a response to that. Instead he opened up the grill and started to get the chimney piece inside set up. Dean was at least nice enough to help him load it up with new charcoal and stuff some newspaper at the bottom.

“See, this goes by much faster when you stop fighting me on every step of the way.”

“Is that really what you want? Me to just roll over and be complacent?” Dean asked, crossing his arms and raising a brow.

Cas sighed, stopping from opening the matchbox in favor of looking over at Dean. “Of course not. Even when you are being pig headed and childish, I don’t want you to change for me, especially not when it’s part of your core personality. I could no more force you to stop being stubborn or love food than I could be able convince a whale to go back to being a land dwelling creature.”

“There you go calling me fat again, Cas,” Dean cheekily replied.

“That’s what you got out of that?” Cas complained.

“You know, you can just return him back to the pound if he’s too obnoxious. The trial run is almost over,” Meg quipped.

“He’s not a pet, Meg,” Cas growled, fiddling with the matchbox but then paused as though some stray thoughts wandered by. “Wait, the trial run?”

Cas whirled around, looking at Dean with hurt eyes. “Are you purposely being annoying in hopes that I don’t want to stay with you?”

“Fuck no, Cas,” Dean said, his voice coming out more terrified than he meant it to, but didn’t make it any less true. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me! I’d never throw that away."

“Good. Just wanted to make sure.” Castiel visibly relaxed, and went back to setting up the grill.

“You know, it’s kinda the opposite. I know I can be dumb and obnoxious with you because I know you won’t go away.”

Cas paused, but didn’t look at Dean. However, Dean could make out the way his lips were trying not to twitch upwards into a grin, “Oh really?”

“Yeah, see I know the truth. You love me. Quirks and all.”

Dean could feel the resulting eye roll from where he was standing. 

“Is it really a quirk, if you are purposely trying to get a rise out of me?”

“It definitely counts because you still think I’m adorable.” 

“I don’t know why.” Cas teased back, as he added more newspaper to the bottom of the chimney, temporarily putting the matchbox back to the ground. 

“Oh yeah you do, it’s because you love me. I know you do,” Dean smirked proudly, watching as Cas picked up the matchbox. “In fact, there’s not a single doubt in my mind that you love me, and that you always will. No matter what.”

Dean could definitely feel the happiness and love radiating off of Cas now.

“I’ve never heard you sound so confident about that fact before,” Cas said cooly, and Dean could hear him fiddling with the box, to figure out how to slide the thing open.

“That’s because you told me that one of these days I am going to believe you when you say that we are perfect for each other and belong together,” Dean waited for the sound of the matchbox to fully open, and the sharp inhale of Cas’ breath when he finally spotted what else was inside before he descended onto one knee. “And you told me that when that day happened, I was going to ask you to marry me. So what do you say, Cas?”

Castiel slowly turned around, the matchbox clutched in one hand, and the ring in the other. A ring Dean had scoured long and hard for, desperate to find something perfect for Cas. 

He didn’t want something that was just gold or silver, since any material that he could afford would be vastly inferior to what Cas could get himself. That and Cas really wasn’t a silver or gold person. He deserved something that reflected himself, not just a price tag. He deserved something a little more homey and nature-y—since he was a bleeding heart for the planet—but something that was also going to a great cause. 

In the end, Dean decided on a breathtaking oak ring, with a gold base for a stronger support, and an inlay of bright green malachite. Cas had admitted once that green had become Cas’ favorite color since getting to know Dean. The sap. 

The best part, though, was that the ring was both environmentally friendly—the wood being harvested from branches that had naturally fallen off of the oak trees, or that had to be trimmed—and a good portion of the proceeds went to an organization that helped the African and South American communities where the malachite had been mined from. 

Castiel continued to stare at the ring in fascination, but instead of answering, Cas laughed. 

Really not the response Dean had been hoping on.

“Um, Cas?”

“Yes, Dean, there’s nothing in this world I want more than to be with you for the rest of my life,” Cas said eagerly, his signature gummy smile was present, and wider and happier than Dean had ever seen before. “But I have to admit I’m rather amused.” 

“Why’s that?” Dean asked, hoping that the issue wasn’t that Cas disliked the ring.

“I’m pretty sure I bought its twin,” Cas chuckled again, his cheeks turning a cheerful pink. “Only the inlay for yours is white gold, the wood is ebony, and the jewel is a blue turquoise.”

“You bought me a ring too?” Dean asked, shocked.

“I couldn’t resist,” Cas sheepishly admitted. “I hoped buying a ring and then locking it away would prevent me from spontaneously proposing to you.”

Dean was grateful that Cas was patient and let Dean do the proposal first, “I guess it must’ve worked.”

“It did, and I’m very excited for when I get to see you wear it, but first,” Cas put the matchbox down on the ground and moved over towards Dean before sinking to both of his knees and offered Dean the ring back as well as his left hand. “I think you should put mine on first.”

Dean carefully slid the ring on, grateful that it was a perfect fit, and ecstatic to finally see it where it belonged instead of just in a box. Dean was overwhelmed by happiness and couldn’t help but kiss Cas’ hand, starting first on the digit where the ring rested, and slowly working his way up until finally claiming his lips.

“Alright, enough of the PDA,” Gabriel complained, reminding both Dean and Castiel that there were other people there too. “Now get to work so my vegetarian wife can eat, and us men can eat some meat.”

“It would be nice to eat before the fireworks go off for real,” Benny added.

“Fine. Cas, you get to work on the veggies. I’m going to take the meat to the grill on the other side of this lot so we can get it done twice as fast. Also that area has more picnic tables so you might as well join me once the veggies are done.”

Cas stared at him incredulously, “There’s another grill close by? This whole time you were picking a stupid fight to—”

“Stall you and poke all of your buttons? Yep.”

Once again, Cas had to pinch the bridge of his nose, “You are going to give me gray hairs, Dean. I just know it.”

“Probably, but hey, you can rock the silver fox look,” Dean said with a wink, then scampered away before his fiance could slap him.

Man, he didn’t expect a single word to give him such a rush before. Dean had a _fiance_! 

Dean stopped at the cooler where all of the meat was stored, easily lifted it up and rested it against his shoulder. Though he almost dropped it when Adam suddenly appeared behind him.

“Need any help?”

“Yeesh, kid! Try to make a sound when you sneak up on people,” Dean gently chided as he readjusted his grip on the cooler. “If you want you can go grab me some charcoal and newspaper for setting up the grill?”

“Okay.” 

They were silent for the rest of the walk, even when Dean set up the chimney, but he waited until he was ready to start grilling before he addressed it. Dean had no idea why Adam wanted to walk with him when he kept looking around and checking his phone.

“You okay, kid? Is everything going okay with Max? With the folks?”

Adam’s eyes widened and he quickly put his phone into his back pocket, “Things have been good. Especially with Max.”

Dean gave a knowing smirk and Adam blushed. 

“It’s just… really nice to be dating someone I’m actually interested in, and to have them interested in me back. And it’s so much fun being around him, even if we’re just sitting around at home, studying or watching TV.”

“Have you introduced him to _Dr. Sexy_ yet?”

“Yeah, I use it as a study tool for him to try to predict what the real disease is, and to point out everything they do in the show that’s incorrect.”

“Oh come on—”

“Dean, they don’t even try to find a vein and they don’t use aseptic technique at all! That would be a malpractice suit waiting to happen if it was real.”

“You don’t watch for the medical accuracy, you watch for Dr. Sexy and the drama,” Dean countered as he put some patties onto the grill. 

“Speaking of, do you think that baby is really Dr. Sexy’s?”

“Did you see the kid’s eyes? Definitely his kid.”

They devolved into a heated discussion about the season finale, before Dean decided it was safe to broach the topic of their parents again.

“So, how did they take the news about you and Max?”

Adam shifted uncomfortably, and Dean wished that he had at least thought to bring some beer along while they were waiting for the meat to cook, “Mom was fine with it, and gave me this whole speech about how she loved me no matter what. Even sent me off with a dozen rainbow cupcakes to show her support. Dad… Well Dad didn’t really say anything. He just said ‘of course you are’, nodded at me, and then hid in his mancave.”

A year ago, Dean would have been ecstatic that “perfect, little Adam” finally got the John Winchester retreat of shame. Like Sam did when he decided to go to college, and Dean for… well for pretty much being Dean. But Dean hated the fact that Adam had to get his first taste of John Winchester’s rejection because of his gender preference.

“I think you’re old enough now to know that John Winchester is a grade A asshole. Your mom has helped him hide it better, but he’s still a dick. He has a very clear picture of what he expects of us and throws a tantrum whenever things don’t go the way he planned. Don’t let his opinion get to you,” Dean said, slowly flipping over a patty. “Trust me, you’ll only hurt yourself if you continue to contort yourself into the image that John wants you to be. I wished I learned that lesson sooner, probably wouldn’t have hated myself for so long.”

“Yeah, you’re right. And really, in the grand scheme of things, I only have Dad who’s being weird about this. I at least have my mom and my brothers on my side.”

That caught Dean’s attention, “You’ve heard from Sam recently?”

“Um, yeah,” Adam admitted sheepishly. “I called him after I told the folks. Figured he deserved to find out from me before the gossip mill came around.”

Dean’s not surprised that Sam took the news well, after all, he lived in liberal cities all of his adult life. Dean wouldn’t even be surprised if Sam went to Pride as an Ally supporter. He was just more shocked that Adam was able to get ahold of Sam when it had been static on his side of things for almost a year.

Admittedly, that stung a lot.

“Oh that reminds me, Mom and Dad said they were happy for you, and that there’s a congratulations card coming your way. Dad thought it was stupid to send it so that it came right after the Fourth. You know, just in case Cas didn’t accept. But then Mom called him an idiot because there was no way that someone who looked at you the way Cas did would say no.” 

Dean looked back down at his grill in embarrassment, but was also pleased that he did somewhat have his father’s support. Even if it was mostly due to Kate’s coercion, “That’s nice of them. They didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, they did. Oh, and I heard from Sam again too.”

“Really? What’s he want?” 

“Just wanted to give you the heads up that he was—”

“Finally here,” A deeper voice cut off, and Dean dropped his spatula on the grill in surprise. Turning around, he saw his taller sibling, nervously brushing back his long hair and looking around anxiously. 

“Sammy?” Dean croaked, confused as to what he was doing here and why he was all alone. Where were Ruby and the kids? Did he leave them back at the picnic tables? 

“Hey, Dean,” Sam said, and that’s when Dean got a good look at him. The way his long locks looked greasy, how he was growing a beard even though he hated facial hair, the dark shadows and broken blood vessels under his eyes, as well as the bloodshot eyes.

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean swallowed, deciding not to remark on his appearance. “How’d you get here? I didn’t think you’d come since you didn’t respond to the invitation we sent out.”

“I took a plane, like normal people do,” Sam gently teased, but he looked exhausted. “Then Zeke picked me up from the airport.”

“Zeke? My Zeke?” Okay, technically Gadreel was Cas’ employee, but he and Dean had bonded.

“Tall, silent and intimidating? Yeah, that was him. When Adam called me and asked if I was going to the party, I realized that was another thing Ruby hid from me. Oh, I have a new phone and number, don’t let me forget to give it to you.”

“Is everything okay?”

Sam’s face crumpled and it only took a couple of seconds for Dean to abandon his post at the grill and to grab Sam into a tight hug. Sam might be taller than Dean now, but he still managed to curl around Dean like he did when he was a little child. Back when Sam used to admire Dean and didn’t think he was a loser like everyone else did. When he was convinced that Dean could make everything better. Sam bawled into Dean’s shirt, but Dean didn’t mind, and instead just patted calming circles around his back.

“Hey, Sammy, I got’cha. It’s all going to be okay.”

“I know. Fuck, we’ve been through worse, b-but. Shit, I wasn’t expecting this.”

“Take your time,” Dean encouraged, seeing as Sam was having a hard time even admitting what was wrong.

Sam took a deep breath, “Ruby’s been cheating on me for years. With some bimbo named Lily or something like that. According to her, it's not cheating if the person is the same gender as you.”

Dean felt his blood boil, “Always knew she was a bitch.”

“Yeah, well you were right. Not only has she been cheating on me for years, but she’s been controlling me. Screening my text messages, emails and letters. I started realizing something wasn’t right when you said at Thanksgiving that I was ignoring you, when I always thought it was the other way around. I thought… Ruby told me you were jealous of my success, especially since you had to raise me, and that you were angry I wasn’t trying to help you out more. Then when I sent you money and you still didn’t reach out, Ruby said you were being an entitled ass who thought you deserved to be paid for what you did. So I got angry and stopped reaching out.”

“Wait, you gave me money?”

“Yeah? I’ve given you like… shit, at least $5,000 over the years before I stopped.”

Dean choked on his spit and had to carefully disentangle himself from Sam so he didn’t slobber on him, “What?”

Sam rubbed his head, looking even more dejected, “Please tell me you at least got some of that money?”

“Sam, I never got a dime from you, and I would never want to. You worked hard for your money.”

“Great,” Sam sighed. “Another thing to add to my list of grievances. That makes another $5,000 stolen from me on top of everything else. Money that I thought was going to the kids—like Maggie's speech therapy—and to different charities was actually going to Ruby’s own private account.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“Tell me about it. I mean… how could I ever believe her that you would try to use me like that,” Sam looked at Dean guiltily. “I guess you also don’t hate the kids either?” 

“Sammy, you know I love the shit out of regular people’s kids, of course I’d love yours even more. Yeah, I think Jesse is a bit colicky and Ruby is spoiling him, but I absolutely love him and Maggie. Seriously, if you ever need a babysitter for them, let me know.”

“Thanks, Dean. Damn, I just feel so stupid.”

“Hey, we’ve all been there. Fooled by a pretty face and a bright looking future. But it’s like you said, we’ve been through worse and we will get through this together. Now do you have a place to stay tonight?”

Sam shook his head. 

“No problem. Hell, you can stay at my old place with Garth and Benny if you don’t want to be in a hotel. Or if you don’t want to be alone, you can always sleep on the couch at Cas’ place. He’s got this expensive sofa-bed that has a memory foam mattress inside! It’s insane how comfortable it is.” 

“Dean, you do know I’m in my thirties, right? You don’t have to take care of me anymore.”

“I know, Sammy,” Dean sighed. “But it’s what you do for the people you love. When they fall, you either try to catch them, or help put them back on their feet.”

Sam flinched, before looking at the ground, “I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t do that for you.”

Dean wondered what instance Sam was thinking about, but decided it didn’t matter, instead he reached for Sam again and pulled him into another hug, “It’s okay. I’m marrying the person who did.”

It was this thought that followed Dean for the rest of the day and late into the evening. It was there when Sam and Zeke were welcomed to the rest of the party and Dean introduced Sam to Cas’ three favorite siblings, and even there when everyone settled down to eat. The sentence kept rotating in his head, even as the fireworks went off into the night sky and everyone else was distracted by them. Well, everyone else but Cas.

“Hey,” Cas said, gently nudging Dean. “Want to take a walk?”

Dean looked at him curiously, “But the fireworks?”

“You mean the ones you’re looking at but not seeing,” Cas teased gently, before getting up from his spot on the bench and tugging at Dean. “I promise we won’t go too far from the creek, so we can still see them.”

“Okay,” He let himself be pulled up, but instead of letting go of Cas’ hand, he interlocked their fingers together.

It wasn’t until they were out of earshot from the rest of the group that Cas finally spoke up. “It makes more sense now why you invited so many people. I admit, I was surprised that you wanted to invite my brothers up.”

“It felt wrong that they haven’t gotten to see you in a while, and I felt bad stealing you away for every holiday. Though I do wished the girls had been able to come up too.”

“I agree, but at least they are happy and enjoying the sun.” 

Jody, Donna, and the girls had decided to take a vacation to Disneyland to celebrate Claire’s graduation as well as her going away to college next month. It was just poor timing that their vacation coincided with the proposal. 

“Oh, Dean, before I forget, make sure that when I get home, I put your engagement ring on you. We need to send them a picture. Claire didn’t believe that we coincidentally bought a matching set.”

“I still can’t believe it either. Then again, you did always say we were similar.”

“I did,” Cas said with a nod. “Do you want to tell me what’s really on your mind? Are you still worried about Sam?”

Dean shook his head, “Nah, he’s a big boy and he can take care of himself. Honestly, divorcing Ruby is going to end up being one of the best things for him. I just hope he gets full custody of Maggie. I know the courts prefer the kids with their moms, but you can tell that Maggie is closer to Sam than Ruby. That and I think Sam would be devastated to be separated from her. Jesse too, but Jesse’s clearly a Momma’s Boy and Maggie is Daddy’s Little Princess.” 

“If he needs any help, I do have some good lawyers I can easily get a hold of. The child always deserves to be with the parent they feel the most comfortable with, and who puts their well being above all. Which is a feeling I never got from Ruby’s and Maggie’s relationship.”

“Thanks, Cas. We’d all really appreciate that.”

“Do you want to tell me what is on your mind then?”

Dean smiled, “It’s dumb, but… I just can’t get over how damn lucky I am. You know, most of my life I felt lost? Like someone had yanked the floor from underneath me and I was just hurtling from space, ready to crash and burn at any moment. Or like I was dropped in the middle of an ocean, with no way of knowing which way was up or which was down, and that I was going to drown before I could ever figure out which was which. Then I met you.”

Dean turned around to Cas and cupped his face with his free hand, while curling the hand that was interlocked in Cas’ tighter, “I met you and suddenly the ground was were it was supposed to be again and I could breathe.”

“To me,” Cas sighed, nuzzling close to Dean’s hands. “It felt like I was living my whole life in the shadows. I could make out shapes, and through trial and error I learned how to navigate my surroundings without tripping over things or hurting myself. But I could never stand still long, and always had to keep moving before the shadows completely swallowed me up. But meeting you brought light into my life. For the first time, I could finally stop and appreciate the world around me. Take in everything I had been missing.”

Dean smiled and braced his forehead against Cas’, enjoying sharing his space with him before reaching down for a light kiss. “You know what else I’ve been thinking?”

“What?”

“I agree with you. I don’t want the ‘Happily Ever After’. I don’t want there to be that clean cut ending where all of our problems are magically solved. That we just stay happy and unchanging for the rest of our lives; like a photograph. I want to experience everything with you. The good and the bad. I want to continue going through life and enjoying every second of it.”

“We do still have more pages of your bucket book to fill out,” Castiel pointed out, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“It’s a list, Cas.”

“It’s multiple pages at this point. It’s a book.” 

Dean couldn’t argue with that logic and laughed, “Okay, we’ll keep adding to the bucket _book _and once that’s finished—”

“We’ll start a new one,” Cas interrupted, returning his forehead to Dean’s. “And another and another, until neither one of us can write in its pages anymore.”

“What, don’t think we would have done enough by that point?” Dean jested.

“On the contrary, I think we’ll never get over wanting to do new things together. Or just to redo something with a different outlook.”

“Sounds like you want to live a life of adventure.”

“I want to live a life with you,” Cas amended, using his free hand to mirror Dean in cupping his cheek. “Though to be fair, by having you in my life, I’ll never be bored again.”

“You ol’ flirt,” Dean smirked before reaching down and kissing Cas.

Dean already knew that there were some complicated things that would need to be added to the bucket list. There were things that Dean was looking forward to, like being there for Garth’s and Bess’ wedding, visiting Benny in New Orleans, getting married themselves, finding somewhere special to honeymoon, and buying a house together. But there were bitter things like helping Sam through his divorce and custody battle, finally having a proper conversation with John Winchester, and having Cas and Dean both leave _Angel’s Grace_ behind them so they could pursue their passions.

Though Dean hoped he could at least patch things up with the Misfits before he left. Aaron and Kevin were clearly confused as to why there was a falling out, but Dean respectfully kept his distance, and in turn Charlie didn’t say anything about Cas. He hoped that it wasn’t too late to try to save the friendship, as he really did miss them. Even bratty Kevin. 

There was also the issue about Lucifer and possibly more of Cas’ brothers wanting to kill Cas, but Dean decided he didn’t want to think about it. Cas went eight years without incidents and they had another three years before they needed to worry about Lucifer getting out of jail. Hopefully, Cas contacts would eventually lead him to connecting Jimmy’s murder to Lucifer’s hands. 

Dean knew that Cas would never be able to rest until his twin’s killers got the justice he deserved, and Dean would do anything he could to help; even if it was just to lend a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on.

There were still so many things they had left to do, things to witness and experience for themselves, but that was okay. Even though they were getting married someday, their story was nowhere near over.

As for everything else, they just need to take it one checkbox at a time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many amazing people to thank for this fic getting where it is today. This fic wasn't really started until July of this year, so I effectively wrote about 120K in 3 months. All the more hilarious when my original goal for this story was only 60K, especially since Modern universes are not really my thing, and I did it as just a test to see if I could.
> 
> First, I want to thank Unforth for not only being an amazing artist, but for also helping me out with the first half of the book. It needed serious editing, and also taught me valuable skills as a writer. Honestly, working with her was a dream come true. 
> 
> Sconestextmrder helped me make my lump of words into a real summary, gave me useful tips, and kept me calm throughout claims. She is such an amazing human being, and really grateful she didn't block me on discord for all of the times I DMed her for help or to vent. 
> 
> My sprint team on PPB helped keep me motivated, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to write as much as I did without their support. In the last two weeks alone they helped pushed me to write 30K! You guys are incredible! Extra big thanks to Angela, Kit, Pie, Threshie, and Sol for always being there.
> 
> As always I have to thank my lovely roomie, for being my number one fan, and for quoting my fic back at me when I needed a pick me up. Also owe her a lot for being my inspiration behind Cas' sexuality. And I really really owe her for staying calm while I freaked out over the evils of technology. Love ya, sis. 
> 
> Last, but most important is my beta, darcerydelaney. The first person to really love this story. Words cannot describe how wonderful she is and how grateful I am that she answered my email ad for a beta. I knew she was a good writer and would be a good editor, but I did not realize that she would also become a friend on this journey. Honestly, I probably would have given up on this bang if it wasn't for her, and I can't thank her enough for everything she's done.  
__________  
(Since I forgot to add my note earlier, here's more background behind the inspiration for this fic and the elements I used)
> 
> The idea behind this came from the weirdest combination. I was washing dishes while jamming out to my Pandora station, when a song came on that was about love and some of the lines struck me deep.
> 
> "'Cause there are no secrets that I keep from you  
And there are no lies upon my tongue  
For you I am naked  
There's nothing to hide inside the dark  
My ego is wasted, as I let you open up my heart"
> 
> It reminded me of a book I read back about 8 years ago called "Can you keep a secret", about a woman who accidentally revealed her secrets to her boss, because she thought their plane was going crash and she just couldn't stop talking. It was a cute, fast read, but both heroine and hero where kinda shallow,amd so were theor problems. I started to think about how the story could have been improved...
> 
> Then I remembered Dean is terrified of planes and a fic idea was born.
> 
> The concept that I took was the beginning set up; having my hero have a disastrous business trip from the beverage company they worked for (but Dean was going to lose his job), they unknowingly sit next to a big huncho at their company (in the book it's the actual CEO and owner), and for secrets to actually be told. The hero also had some issues with never pleasing their parents and having a sibling figure that was a bitch to them. The hero also had two roommates (though was only friends with one of them).
> 
> But in this version, Cas actually believed the plane was going to crash too, and Cas purposely looked for Dean to try to improve his life, whereas the book was more coincidences that kept leading them back to each other. But I wanted a story of two broken men who help each other realize that there is nothing wrong with them. From there the story mutated to a long hurt/comfort with a side quest of completing a bucket list.
> 
> Hoped you guys enjoyed and thank you so much for reading!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Loose Lips and Bucket Lists (Art!)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21228485) by [Unforth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unforth/pseuds/Unforth)


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